What do I say to her???

naturalglory041490

naturalglory041490

New Member
:wallbash:Okay so first a bit of background:
I've been natural for about 1 1/2years now. But for the half of my senior year in hs I wore a curly weave. Ive gotten rid of the weave and now am wearing 2 strand twists. There was an incident in hs where my white friend didnt know it was a weave and she was playing in it, my other friend who is black mentioned it was a weave, which i really didn't mind. It kind of became a joke that my white friend didn't know.

Fast foward 3 years now the 3rd girl there who is my friend is indian. It seems like everytime the four of us get together that my indian friend keeps bringing up my weave. And it isnt like innocent chatting its like she does it to embarrass me. I try to laugh it off but she constantly talk about it. And she'll be the only one! its been getting to me and my white friend is now even a tad uncomfortable about it. What should I say to my friend? Its not like I say "your eye color is fake and you're balding prematurely!"

Please help me ladies...
 
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I'd set her straight. "Ok, honey that was forever ago. We've moved on you should too" If she doesn't stop I'd talk about her eye color and balding. I PROMISE she'll stop after that.

Apparently, she needs to try and pull you down for some reason. Set her behind straight.
 
Have you told her you are uncomfortable with her constantly bringing that up? She's been a friend since you were in HS. I would talk to her about it. Id she continues after that, then it's time to disengage.
 
I wouldn't bother telling her about herself. If she's doing it intentionally she knows what she is doing. I just wouldn't give her the time of day anymore. If she's trying to make you uncomfortable then she does not want your friendship. I would remain cordial but at arm's distance.
 
OP if she is your real friend you should be able to shut her up about it, and that would be the end of it. In high school one of my besties was Indian, and we joked about weave all the time. When I was going natural, I said that I was going to boycott her "family business" ( I was being stereotypical) and not buy hair from them anymore! lol in reply she was like "Nooo please we need the money, there is a credit crunch going on...oh well at least we still have to corner shops and chicken shop"
lol whenever I came in with a new weave she would be like, "oh, oh, oh, I see you're wearing my aunts hair again huh?" Lol It was really just fun and games, she would never say it to embarrass me intentionally that's just how we were.
On a side note, the first time I went in with my afro puff, she was in luv with it.
 
LMBO!!! Kimmy that is hilarious! I think I'm going to talk to her first. Hopefully we'll move past this I would hate to lose a friendship over hair.
 
Pull her to the side. Let her know that you're serious. Make sure she knows that you don't like it. It doesn't have to be deep or drawn out or volatile. We're grown ups.

I would just tell her that it stopped being funny the 2nd time she said it and that she needs to get some new material or expect this friendship to slow down. If that's not enough to make her stop, I wouldn't be around her. A real friend knows how to check themselves.

"you're eye color is fake and your balding prematurely!" <----- and fix that sentence! :wallbash:
 
GaiasDaughter24 said:
I'd set her straight. "Ok, honey that was forever ago. We've moved on you should too" If she doesn't stop I'd talk about her eye color and balding. I PROMISE she'll stop after that.

Apparently, she needs to try and pull you down for some reason. Set her behind straight.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I hear that Indian women have some sort of complex when it comes to eye color. Hit her on that, she'll get the friggin' message. Your hair is no one's business but your own.
 
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Its not like I say "you're eye color is fake and your balding prematurely!"

Maybe you should.....problem solved
 
Yes ma'am lol I'm sorry..." Your eye color is fake and you're balding prematurely"...thank you for the correction.

Ps- 1qtpie you're one of my top 5 hair role models!
 
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Okay ladies, thank you so much for the advice. I finally confronted her.
So we had a girls' night and I wore my hair out natural, it was in a curly/messy fro, and I was feeling free and fierce! lol I arrive at my friend's house (the white one) and she loved the look. My other black friend kept complimenting it so I figured my indian friend was mad because she wasn't getting attention, so when I walk over to say hi she blurts out "OH MY GOD, YOUR HAIR" it had a disgusted undertone to it so I replied "nice to see you too rudeness." The night went on and finally she started touching my hair, in a way you know that she's trying to find something wrong with it...but she couldn't because it was soft, fluffy, and moisturised (thank to the wonderful advice of you ladies at lhcf). So finally she says "i couldn't imagine having to deal with hair like this, it must be hard to manage" to which I reply "No it's not hard to manage and one of the many benefits of my hair is I dont have to worry about people seeing bald spots" my white friend smiled and said "i know thats right because when straight hair has a rough time...everyone knows it....I would know" my indian "friend" then did the hair shake thing girls do when they get nervous and shut her mouth up the rest of the night and I haven't heard a comment since.

Sorry it's so long ladies...but thank you for everything!
 
naturalglory041490 said:
Okay ladies, thank you so much for the advice. I finally confronted her.
So we had a girls' night and I wore my hair out natural, it was in a curly/messy fro, and I was feeling free and fierce! lol I arrive at my friend's house (the white one) and she loved the look. My other black friend kept complimenting it so I figured my indian friend was mad because she wasn't getting attention, so when I walk over to say hi she blurts out "OH MY GOD, YOUR HAIR" it had a disgusted undertone to it so I replied "nice to see you too rudeness." The night went on and finally she started touching my hair, in a way you know that she's trying to find something wrong with it...but she couldn't because it was soft, fluffy, and moisturised (thank to the wonderful advice of you ladies at lhcf). So finally she says "i couldn't imagine having to deal with hair like this, it must be hard to manage" to which I reply "No it's not hard to manage and one of the many benefits of my hair is I dont have to worry about people seeing bald spots" my white friend smiled and said "i know thats right because when straight hair has a rough time...everyone knows it....I would know" my indian "friend" then did the hair shake thing girls do when they get nervous and shut her mouth up the rest of the night and I haven't heard a comment since.

Sorry it's so long ladies...but thank you for everything!
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Nice to see you stand up for yourself...

Damn, she's *indian friend* officially a hater :yep:
 
BOOM goes the dynamite! Way to go, OP. Whatever her problem, maybe she'll keep it to herself. And yay for your friend backing you up. Nothing like ganging up on someone!
 
wowwww. i had to go hard on a friend once who was acting like that. after embarrassing her she curtailed her mouth and we never had a problem since.
 
Yoshi3329 said:
Yeah, I hear that Indian women have some sort of complex when it comes to eye color. Hit her on that, she'll get the friggin' message. Your hair is no one's business but your own.
Click to expand...

Why try and hurt someone, what ever happened to take the high road? Disassociate yourself from her if you must, but why do the tit for tat route and sink to her level?
 
CocoBunny said:
Why try and hurt someone, what ever happened to take the high road? Disassociate yourself from her if you must, but why do the tit for tat route and sink to her level?
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I disagree. In some cases it is necessary to do what the OP did. Her friend now knows how she felt and gets the point to back down.

On another note, (MY OPINION ONLY!!) people should 'take the high road' when they don't know the person personally because they do not know how they will respond. She knows her friend's personality. She knows how she will respond. OP wanted it to be a quick and easy thing and now she won't have to deal with it again. :yep: However, if the friend persists with making those rude comments, THEN she can de-friend her ('take the high road')

ETA: I also think OP did it 'tastefully', if you will. She didn't make a big deal about it and embarrass her in front of a lot of people. She just gave her a taste of her own medicine.
 
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CocoBunny said:
Why try and hurt someone, what ever happened to take the high road? Disassociate yourself from her if you must, but why do the tit for tat route and sink to her level?
Click to expand...

I don't feel it was a tit for tat route. She's one of those people that doesn't know how to deal with rejection in any form because she's always been the "exotic one." I feel that lately her self esteem has hit an all time low and she has been projecting her insecurities on others and I am honestly tired of it. She has never really been put in check by anyone the more I reflect on our relationship and everyone is starting to realize that...

I hate becoming an adult...it forces you to mature and grow up! lol. But I completely understand what you mean.
 
preciouslove0x said:
I disagree. In some cases it is necessary to do what the OP did. Her friend now knows how she felt and gets the point to back down.

On another note, (MY OPINION ONLY!!) people should 'take the high road' when they don't know the person personally because they do not know how they will respond. She knows her friend's personality. She knows how she will respond. OP wanted it to be a quick and easy thing and now she won't have to deal with it again. :yep: However, if the friend persists with making those rude comments, THEN she can de-friend her ('take the high road')

ETA: I also think OP did it 'tastefully', if you will. She didn't make a big deal about it and embarrass her in front of a lot of people. She just gave her a taste of her own medicine.
Click to expand...


I hadn't read the part where OP confronted her friend. I am glad it worked out and their friendship is back on track. I am a big believer that I can't control what others do, but I can control how I react to it. Which means I'd like to think/hope I'd never respond to someones verbal cruelty, with verbal cruelty.

YMMV
 
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