What can you do now to find love in the future?

[Lebiya]

First work on yourself- remove excess baggage. Get stable/secure with YOU first. Then work on your self esteem if need be.

Keep your options open- you never know your true likes/dislikes until experienced it..a lot of people end up marrying the opposite of their intentions, then in turn, preferring it.

Step out your comfort zone- Don’t be afraid to expose yourself to new environments, surroundings, friends etc…take a different jogging route, change your gym, see that “lame” side show (rather than stay at home).. Try to change it up now and then. This will also advance your social skills.

Don’t waste time or settle for loosers. Even if your gaining in return, it may damage you in more ways than you’d expect in the END. Your young, but a lot pf people take certain paths in their early days which may lead them astray in their older days. Set high standards - spend your time with potential eligible bachelors, make it habit from NOW.

Physical Appearance. Don’t neglect yourself physically. Pamper You. always try to keep yourself looking decent and clean no matter what event - Checking the mail/going for a jog is an “event” for me because, that could be the event which I meet my future husband/boyfriend in the elevator or sitting on a bench. You can meet anyone anywhere at anytime. Also, Keep your weight in tact, tone up (if need be) and experiment with different wardrobes, makeup’s and perfumes. Go for the elegant, appreciable look. Stand straight, walk gracefully and smile.

 

[LaidBak]

Awesome thread. Bumping for more advice.

 

[Bunny77]

Bump!

 

[Kiadodie]

You know I agree with ya!

Women get so much bad advice on this issue... "Focus on school and the boys later," blah blah blah... or then women assume that because they have the education, career, finances in place, then the men will come a' runnin'.

It's a rude awakening all of a sudden to have gotten those achievements everyone told you to get and to be a good person and then you notice how dateless you are and how a bunch of people dated and might have even gotten married AT THE SAME TIME they were getting their education and building their careers.

I know I've learned so much recently about dating... I'm pretty good at getting dates (wasn't always), but it's been hard trying to cross from buddy-buddy with men to girlfriend. I didn't even realize this was an issue, but just being out there has helped me be a better dater and deal with some of these things!

OK Bunny. So, what do you mean by "out there". What did you do to be "out there"??

 

[Bunny77]

OK Bunny. So, what do you mean by "out there". What did you do to be "out there"??

I think there are a few misconceptions about being "out there." I never really thought it about it much until this board, because I've lived on my own for a while and had to seek out new friends and experiences... which often led to meeting men.

Here are some things I've done.

-Join a running club. I like running anyway and did it for my own benefit, but there were LOTS of men there! Also, I made some good female friends that are still my girls today, and that expanded my circle. It doesn't have to be running... just any type of sporting event puts you in a very social and gender-mixed group.
-Volunteering at charity events
-Going to ethnic/outdoor festivals
-Travel groups
-Going out by yourself and not always with girlfriends. Other women repel men.
-Learn to play a sport like golf or something where a lot of men are.

It's funny, because most people think that "meeting men" involves going to more parties and clubs and bars, which are usually the WORST spots for meeting quality men. People have to think outside the box a little on this... do some searching on the board and there are many threads about good places/ways to increase your social circles.

 

[Kiadodie]

I think there are a few misconceptions about being "out there." I never really thought it about it much until this board, because I've lived on my own for a while and had to seek out new friends and experiences... which often led to meeting men.

Here are some things I've done.

-Join a running club. I like running anyway and did it for my own benefit, but there were LOTS of men there! Also, I made some good female friends that are still my girls today, and that expanded my circle. It doesn't have to be running... just any type of sporting event puts you in a very social and gender-mixed group.
-Volunteering at charity events
-Going to ethnic/outdoor festivals
-Travel groups
-Going out by yourself and not always with girlfriends. Other women repel men.
-Learn to play a sport like golf or something where a lot of men are.

It's funny, because most people think that "meeting men" involves going to more parties and clubs and bars, which are usually the WORST spots for meeting quality men. People have to think outside the box a little on this... do some searching on the board and there are many threads about good places/ways to increase your social circles.

Ok, so this is EXACTLY what I did 2 years ago. I went looking for them in bars/clubs. I had some real bad experiences . You live and learn.

Now, I'm out of those places but I'm not into "other" places yet.
I"m not that athletic so I dont know about sports and stuff.erplexed I'll look up some groups and see what my interests are. Thanks.

 

[Bunny77]

Ok, so this is EXACTLY what I did 2 years ago. I went looking for them in bars/clubs. I had some real bad experiences . You live and learn.

Now, I'm out of those places but I'm not into "other" places yet.
I"m not that athletic so I dont know about sports and stuff.erplexed I'll look up some groups and see what my interests are. Thanks.

Girl, don't get me started on the clubs/bars!

I've had some recent experiences that make me go like See, my career involves a lot of post-event bar trips/parties, so I will go to spend time with my co-workers, network, etc. Occassionally, I'll meet some men there (when I'm not looking), and they'll seem nice. They'll ask for my phone number and I have occassionally given it out.

BIG MISTAKE!!! The "nice" guys they were when they approach turn into CRAZY fools the next day... they ALWAYS call/text the next day and want to take me out... FOR MORE DRINKS! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

Or then they drunk dial you past 11 p.m. But hey, what do I expect? I DID meet them in a club and they're behaving accordingly.

(Before anyone talks about how they met their boyfriend/husband in the club, I'm not saying it's impossible to find a decent guy there, but your chances aren't very high. Go if you just want to have fun and hang out, but leave the dudes alone.)

 

[Kiadodie]

Girl, don't get me started on the clubs/bars!

I've had some recent experiences that make me go like See, my career involves a lot of post-event bar trips/parties, so I will go to spend time with my co-workers, network, etc. Occassionally, I'll meet some men there (when I'm not looking), and they'll seem nice. They'll ask for my phone number and I have occassionally given it out.

BIG MISTAKE!!! The "nice" guys they were when they approach turn into CRAZY fools the next day... they ALWAYS call/text the next day and want to take me out... FOR MORE DRINKS! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

Or then they drunk dial you past 11 p.m. But hey, what do I expect? I DID meet them in a club and they're behaving accordingly.

(Before anyone talks about how they met their boyfriend/husband in the club, I'm not saying it's impossible to find a decent guy there, but your chances aren't very high. Go if you just want to have fun and hang out, but leave the dudes alone.)

This has been my experience also with 99% of the men I've met in the clubs/bars. I am totally with you on that.

 

[inthepink]

BIG MISTAKE!!! The "nice" guys they were when they approach turn into CRAZY fools the next day... they ALWAYS call/text the next day and want to take me out... FOR MORE DRINKS! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

When I was extremely naive about dating (still a little but not nearly as much), I accepted a second date to go have drinks! And I don't drink! And then every date after that had to involve going to a bar!!! Oh, I was totally over it. The whole scene is not me. You live and you learn and I sure did learn! So, glad I know now. Dating (to me) is not hanging out at bars.

ETA: I met this jerk online.

 

[Bunny77]

This has been my experience also with 99% of the men I've met in the clubs/bars. I am totally with you on that.

When I was extremely naive about dating (still a little but not nearly as much), I accepted a second date to go have drinks! And I don't drink! And then every date after that had to involve going to a bar!!! Oh, I was totally over it. The whole scene is not me. You live and you learn and I sure did learn! So, glad I know now. Dating (to me) is not hanging out at bars.

ETA: I met this jerk online.

Yeah, what is with the more drinks thing??? Okay, just because I met you at a bar/went to a bar with you once doesn't mean I live there!

Plus, then I wonder about THEM that their lives revolve so much around bars and drinking. These aren't young men either... that is NOT cute at 30-something and older to be a barfly/party animal. Ugh.

Edited to add: You know, I've had a few decent first dates at a restaurant and then the guy would invite me out "for drinks" on the second date. To me, that's like a step backward... you can't have a good conversation at a bar and having alcohol in your systems totally changes the level of interaction.

If "drinks" are suggested as a second date, to me that's a "He's Just Not That Into You" sign... once I suggested coffee instead and the dude said, "Okay," but he never called to plan the date.