We're getting a divorce but will remain the best of friends???????

[alexstin]

I've have never understood this statement, so maybe someone can help me out. Why get a divorce if you're still best friends? What can be so bad to get a divorce but still remain "best friends"?

Please enlighten me.

 

[sunnydaze]

Wow..I literally just posted something in the domestic violence thread that is applicable to this topic.

First off, I do not get the "best of friends" thing either, but things can happen that can end a marriage, but you still choose to be somewhat friends with each other, particularly if you share children.

 

[JFemme]

Should I ever divorce, I'd hope to remain friends with my ex. Maybe not best friends, but friends...

IMHO, people who decide to divorce do so for a host of reasons germane to them exclusively.....

The thing is, we all get to decide what our personal tolerance level is in relationship(s)...

Folks outside of said relationship dont have to accept nor understand....necessarily...

 

[*Happily Me*]

That's the relationship I have with my soon-to-be ex-husband.

He's an awesome guy but I really wasn't spiritually mature enough to be married.

I do consider him my best friend. He still helps me out and I help him as well. We will even hang out occassionally. I pray that if he ever finds someone, or if I find someone, we can remain friends.

I'm blessed to know him.

 

[alexstin]

I guess I'm looking at it as if there's a difference between being cordial or polite and "best friends". I can see being polite or friendly but "best friends". I just hear that so much in this day and time.

 

[alexstin]

That's the relationship I have with my soon-to-be ex-husband.

He's an awesome guy but I really wasn't spiritually mature enough to be married.

I do consider him my best friend. He still helps me out and I help him as well. We will even hang out occassionally. I pray that if he ever finds someone, or if I find someone, we can remain friends.

I'm blessed to know him.

Thanks for responding? I can understand that. At the same time, if you see someone as a BF then don't they have qualities that you admire and enjoy? I guess maybe hurts of the pass can make it hard to move forward as a couple.

 

[sunnydaze]

I guess I'm looking at it as if there's a difference between being cordial or polite and "best friends". I can see being polite or friendly but "best friends". I just hear that so much in this day and time.

I agree that is thrown around alot. He still calls me his best friend. I'm like friends...ok, I'll go with that..best friends....umm no.

 

[ThickHair]

Ex told me that. I ask him why. He said we can get along to be friends. I told him him if we could be so coridal divorce why should we divorce. I told him I don't want to be his friend because I know how he treats his wife. If he can treat his own wife like crap why would I expect him to treat a friend better. Negro give me a break. I was his wife I should have been the supreme best friend but he treated me like gutter trash. I will not turn the other way when I see him and I will speak but "Negro please, I do not want to be your friend, that is why I wanted a divorce". I think people say that to ease there own mind and make themselves feel better.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Does the best of friends mean best friends?


I thought that phrasing just mean that people would still be cordial, friendly, and not be bitter about the breakup. Ive never see anyone mean it literally. Although if they did I wouldnt see that as odd. Ive had male friends who had great qualities, but they werent for me. So I dont see it as an impossible feat for a couple to decide to part ways romantically and still be able to maintain a friendship, even if both people had great qualities. They could just not be meant for each other romantically.

 

[alexstin]

Ex told me that. I ask him why. He said we can get along to be friends. I told him him if we could be so coridal divorce why should we divorce. I told him I don't want to be his friend because I know how he treats his wife. If he can treat his own wife like crap why would I expect him to treat a friend better. Negro give me a break. I was his wife I should have been the supreme best friend but he treated me like gutter trash. I will not turn the other way when I see him and I will speak but "Negro please, I do not want to be your friend, that is why I wanted a divorce". I think people say that to ease there own mind and make themselves feel better.

I can understand your viewpoint.

 

[alexstin]

Does the best of friends mean best friends?


I thought that phrasing just mean that people would still be cordial, friendly, and not be bitter about the breakup. Ive never see anyone mean it literally. Although if they did I wouldnt see that as odd. Ive had male friends who had great qualities, but they werent for me. So I dont see it as an impossible feat for a couple to decide to part ways romantically and still be able to maintain a friendship, even if both people had great qualities. They could just not be meant for each other romantically.

Right, but they were just friends. That's the difference to me.



On the flip side, maybe they do mean "just friendly" towards each other. Maybe I've read too much into those declarations.

 

[sunnydaze]

Ex told me that. I ask him why. He said we can get along to be friends. I told him him if we could be so coridal divorce why should we divorce. I told him I don't want to be his friend because I know how he treats his wife. If he can treat his own wife like crap why would I expect him to treat a friend better. Negro give me a break. I was his wife I should have been the supreme best friend but he treated me like gutter trash. I will not turn the other way when I see him and I will speak but "Negro please, I do not want to be your friend, that is why I wanted a divorce". I think people say that to ease there own mind and make themselves feel better.

I can see that and understand it. But I actually want to be friends with my ex. We were friends before we got married, got married and all hell broke loose and now we are not married anymore and can hold a decent conversation once again. Bad things happened while we were married, after we split he has asked for forgiveness and I gave it to him (for my sake mostly) and am moving on with my life.

 

[*Happily Me*]

I have very few friends and my husband is someone I can count on when some of my girlfriends are nowhere to be found. So, I do consider him my best friend. I can tell him just about anything and he understands me. If I had a rough day, I can call him to vent. If I'm in a jam, he's there to save me.

I will admit that our relationship is MUCh better now that we are separated than when we were together.

It's complicated...

 

[sunnydaze]

I have very few friends and my husband is someone I can count on when some of my girlfriends are nowhere to be found. So, I do consider him my best friend. I can tell him just about anything and he understands me. If I had a rough day, I can call him to vent. If I'm in a jam, he's there to save me.

I will admit that our relationship is MUCh better now that we are separated than when we were together.

It's complicated...

Yup. I know for me (just me), I had different expectations being married than I did being a friend. We could not meet each others expectations as husband and wife and it blew up. Now we are back to the simplified expectations as friends.

 

[lexi08]

Civil yes best friend no I ex-husband tried to pull that crap with me. I was like you treated me like crap and now I'm your best friend, umm.... hell no!!!!

 

[Finesse]

Ex told me that. I ask him why. He said we can get along to be friends. I told him him if we could be so coridal divorce why should we divorce. I told him I don't want to be his friend because I know how he treats his wife. If he can treat his own wife like crap why would I expect him to treat a friend better. Negro give me a break. I was his wife I should have been the supreme best friend but he treated me like gutter trash. I will not turn the other way when I see him and I will speak but "Negro please, I do not want to be your friend, that is why I wanted a divorce". I think people say that to ease there own mind and make themselves feel better.

I would feel like this....I know ME!