Weight Gain Grounds for Divorce?

[MissJ]

I was listening to a conversation the other day between two family members. They started talking about this lady, and the first person said, "As big as she is, I thought her husband would have divorced her by now!" Then the second person went on to say, "I told her her husband's going to leave her if she doesn't lose weight. She said, 'My husband isn't going anywhere.'"

I don't know how big the lady is or if she's trying to lose weight. I think that we all have the tendency to gain weight as we get older. They say that her husband is really handsome and slim, so that may be an issue. Anyway, do you think weight gain is grounds for divorce? Does that go back to looking good for your mate at all times?

 

[Ayeshia]

Sadly it happens sometimes. It depends on the situation as well.
Some men are so selfish. They want you to have their children (ten of them mofos at that) yet they still want you to remain a size 6

I mean not all men but the selfish ones. Then you have these jerks that constantly haggle the wife about her weight yet he's 3x bigger than her

. I never understood that concept.

On the other hand if I was really a health concious person (which I am) and my husband didnt give a rats ass about his health or his weight AFTER we got married, then we are going to have some problems. I dont see how you can love someone who refuses to take care of his health. And that questions his love for you. I dont think thats fair to either party

I think if you have gained more than 75 lbs (depending on the person and what their circumstances are its time to do something).

Sometimes the weight gain can be due to illness or that nature. If thats the case, then of course I wouldnt be upset.

 

[Supergirl]

I would think that when people stand up in front of God and say for better or for worse, in sickness and in health--that weight gain is not grounds for divorce.

 

[cherish]

I said it depends... did she gain 50lb from having 10 kids, or 300lb and now needs help getting out of bed?

 

[MizAvalon]

I also said it depends. I mean, personally I am not attracted to overweight men. So, what is a spouse to do if they find themselves no longer attracted to their spouse and the thought of *being* with them repulses them? I say, if you're married, try your best to HELP your spouse in a *constructive* way to lose the weight. If they refuse, then you've got bigger problems.

 

[Eiano]

It's not grounds for divorce, but I think you should try and at least keep a healthy body. It's nice to look at someone nice every morning. Love is supposed to blind you, but being realistic, it's hard ot see someone you love change so much!

 

[Ayeshia]

[ QUOTE ]
MizAvalon said:
I also said it depends. I mean, personally I am not attracted to overweight men. So, what is a spouse to do if they find themselves no longer attracted to their spouse and the thought of *being* with them repulses them? I say, if you're married, try your best to HELP your spouse in a *constructive* way to lose the weight. If they refuse, then you've got bigger problems.

[/ QUOTE ]

ITA

 

[options]

Hmm...

If a woman blows up and has little regard for her appearance or health, the man may very well think of leaving. Think, not do. It could very well be cheaper to keep her, and he could lose out on a lot more by leaving than by staying. If one spouse is really concerned in preserving their health and appearance and the other is not, that spells a divide in priorities and interests and core ideologies that guide each individual's life. In that sense, the weight gain would likely be the symptom of a larger problem.

Marriage is about compromise. And if one partner in the relationship started out one way and because of the marriage grew apathetic and ceased to care about certain health- and aesthetic-related issues, then I think that person has an obligation to try to compromise to make things right with his or her spouse. If someone started out big and not into health & fitness, it would not make sense to suddenly expect them to start working out and slim down.

And children DO have a lot to do with women's bodies changing. A man cannot realistically or reasonably expect his wife who has carried and born their children - be it one or six - to stay her original size. I am not saying it can't happen, but it can be an unrealistic expectation. Pregnancy changes SO much of women's bodies - the metabolism, the fat storage, the separation of bones - whereas men's bodies really have no reason to change much at all.

 

[asummertyme]

for better or worse...in my opnion..
it seems to me, these days everyone has an excuse to get divorced..no one wants to work things out anymore..times get rough..bail like a mutha...weight gain is not a reason to get divorced..

 

[Laginappe]

For better or worse does not mean if you refuse to care for yourself in a healthy manner. Sometimes weight gain is a natural part of growing older and just plain old life. Sometimes its just pure laziness and refusing to be concerned about your health or the way you appear to your loved one.

So yes, sometimes weight gain is a reason to divorce. IF its weight gain under the circumstance where the person refuses to even try to do anything about it. If I keep myself cute and fit all the way through our dating relationship and then once the wedding is over I sit back and proceed to chow down on everything in sight? And when my husband tries to encourage me to do something I want to whine and call him unsupportive? Um no? He'd be right to divorce me. And DITTO if he were the one to just come along one day and just give up on himself and his health.

Marriage doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want - even pack on the pounds. I am the biggest propronent on the anti-divorce issue but I've seen too many women hide behind the vows of marriage and use it as an excuse to just do whatever they want with their bodies and expect their husbands to just put up with it.

We really need to get over ourselves.

 

[cherish]

[ QUOTE ]
Laginappe said:
For better or worse does not mean if you refuse to care for yourself in a healthy manner. Sometimes weight gain is a natural part of growing older and just plain old life. Sometimes its just pure laziness and refusing to be concerned about your health or the way you appear to your loved one.

So yes, sometimes weight gain is a reason to divorce. IF its weight gain under the circumstance where the person refuses to even try to do anything about it. If I keep myself cute and fit all the way through our dating relationship and then once the wedding is over I sit back and proceed to chow down on everything in sight? And when my husband tries to encourage me to do something I want to whine and call him unsupportive? Um no? He'd be right to divorce me. And DITTO if he were the one to just come along one day and just give up on himself and his health.

Marriage doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want - even pack on the pounds. I am the biggest propronent on the anti-divorce issue but I've seen too many women hide behind the vows of marriage and use it as an excuse to just do whatever they want with their bodies and expect their husbands to just put up with it.

We really need to get over ourselves.

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[UmSumayyah]

Personally I don't believe in "for better or for worse". Why should the marriage be worse for the people involved than singlehood? I would love to know who wrote that and what they meant when they wrote it. In sickness and in health? Sure. For richer or for poorer? Fine. But WORSE? Nuh-uh. A whole lotta things could fit under "worse" including abuse.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I wouldn't divorce my hubby but he would lose all physical privilges until he got his butt in shape.

 

[FlowerHair]

I agree with Laginappe 100%

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

I wrote a reply yesterday but it wouldn't let me post. Basically I feel that it isn't grounds for divorce except under extreme cases.

I think that more overweight married people would lose the weight if they really had a supportive partner. Supportive does not mean hounding the partner about their weight or going to the gym while you eat chips and watch tv. Supportive means you would be willing to run with your partner, to encourage them when they feel like they can't do it.

And I believe that in the vast majority, the partner isn't being as supportive as they would like to believe.

It is something to think about before getting married. Would I still want to be with this person if they gained 30 or 40 lbs. which is an amount that could be gained just from childbirths, age and slowing metabolism.

For it be even close to grounds for divorce, I believe both parties should be working equally to get the overweight partners weight back down to close to what it was. If your partner is trying to eat healthy and cooks most the meals in the house, don't tell them you have to have your fried chicken and then want to cry about divorce when the person gets tempted. Don't roll over in bed and tell your partner they need to get up and go excercise and then roll back around and go back to sleep.

So in general, no, I don't think weight gain is grounds for divorce.

 

[Country gal]

I think it's the double standard. As women you are expected to be superwomen and look like wonder woman in the process. I noticed for me personally no matter how much I accomplish in life sometimes it boils down to the way I look. Especialluy we I was much heavier, people loved to talk about how fat I had become.

 

[Tami]

I don't think it is grounds for divorce, because you married this person for what is on the inside not just how they looked. Some weight gain is to be expected but it is very important to keep yourself healthy and fit for you and your spouse, not only does it make you feel better but you will lead a longer life because of it.

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

No, for better or worse...as the marital vows state.

 

[JFemme]

[ QUOTE ]
I think it's the double standard. As women you are expected to be superwomen and look like wonder woman in the process. I noticed for me personally no matter how much I accomplish in life sometimes it boils down to the way I look. Especialluy we I was much heavier, people loved to talk about how fat I had become.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/smile.gifIts all bout them hips ladies ! /images/graemlins/kiss2.gif
*slight hijack* would we consider divorcing over a prolonged period on impotence ? /images/graemlins/blush.gif

 

[Laginappe]

So are you guys saying that marriage means you can get in there and just do whatever you want - and your spouse is obligated to put up with it because of the "for better or worse" portion of the marriage vows?

 

[ms_kenesha]

Dr. Phil said something that stuck with me about this issue. A woman had gained weight and her husband was upset by it and she kept saying "I'm still the same woman you married" and Dr. Phil was like, but are you and then he listed all these emotional/attitudinal changes that had changed with her weight gain and basically got her to understand that she wasn't still the same person and maybe it wasn't the weight at all, but everything behind the weight.

I wouldn't just haul off and divorce my husband because of weight gain, but I would want his health to be important to him and I would want to be attracted to him.

 

[Laginappe]

[ QUOTE ]
Dr. Phil said something that stuck with me about this issue. A woman had gained weight and her husband was upset by it and she kept saying "I'm still the same woman you married" and Dr. Phil was like, but are you and then he listed all these emotional/attitudinal changes that had changed with her weight gain and basically got her to understand that she wasn't still the same person and maybe it wasn't the weight at all, but everything behind the weight.

I wouldn't just haul off and divorce my husband because of weight gain, but I would want his health to be important to him and I would want to be attracted to him.

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly. Remember the saying that went something like "Whatever it took to get your man hooked, it'll take the same to keep him" ??(I know I have the wording wrong but you get the point).

Plus think of how disrespectful it is for a spouse – to be in love with this person, and want him/her to be their best, AND want to be attracted to them – and their spouse is basically telling them by word and (lack of) action that “I don’t care what you think or what you want. But you better still love and want me.”

In what relationship could that possibly work?

 

[butterfly7]

I don't think it's grounds for divorce. However, I believe it's important that you take good care of yourself. Also, if one spouse wants the other to lose weight, they will need to realize that they contribute to the other's weight gain and/or weight loss. What type of lifestyle does the household lead? Is it an active one or a sedentary one? What type of foods are prepared for the family? How often does the family eat out? When two people marry, they become one and if I have a problem, then we have a problem. It needs to be worked out together, not one person working on their weight gain.

By the way, "for better or for worse" just means when times are at their best and when times are at their worst. For example if one person becomes sick or loses their job or if the family loses a child or loses their home or whatever situation could be considered the worst that could happen. It means that the two should stay together and work through the worst of situations. It doesn't necessarily mean when one person is at their worst, but it could include that too. This is why marriage should not be entered into lightly. It's a HUGE commitment and a great responsibility.

 

[Tami]

personally I think to many women use having kids as an excuse for being overweight. It's as if giving birth gives you a pass for nor keeping yourself up. I know the effects pregnancy has on your body firsthand, but eating cheeseburgers and shakes every day isn't helping the situation either. and when your husband says he has a problem with it, you shouldn't be offended, but it should be an indicator that maybe you should change your lifestyle. because if you don't feel attractive you are less likely to have sex with your husband which causes other problems.

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

This is where you lay out the groundrules before you get married. I told my husband that he better not get fat. I said it to him jokingly, but he knew that I was serious. My take on the weight is that the way a person treats themselves is some indication of how they are going to treat me. If you abuse your body by overeating, what are you going to do to me. I know there is not 100% correlation there, but that's stuck in my mind.

I once told an overweight minister that I could never go out with him because he did not fit within my ideal-looking guy. He called me superficial and pointed me to the old testament where Jesse brought out all David's brothers who were not "ruddy in appearance" as David was and God said that he doesn't look at the outside only. I told him very matter-of-factly that I wasn't God and I looked at what I wanted. I did tell him that it was a matter of what he ate and what I would be expected to cook and if he expected to get full fat, deep-fried, chitterlings, ham, and something other than water to drink, then he didn't want to be with me anyway because I refused to cook or buy it.

My husband was health-conscious just like me and if he changed, then he wouldn't be the man that I married and we would have some serious problems. Would it amount to divorce? I don't know. It would depend on how his weight-gain affected his treatment of me.

 

[options]

Tami,

I agree that many women use pregnancy as an excuse. But I think it is important not to downplay how drastically pregnancy can change women's bodies. I mean, not just cosmetically - physiologically, there are some changes that can be almost insurmountable to conquer or that can be permanent. The book Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell After Pregnancy is a great resource for examining this. But the reality is that women's actual fat cell size and their fat storing propensities, as well as metabolism, are altered after pregnancy and can be for years (yes, years) if she does not capitalize on a window of time (after 3 months post-partum) to begin making efforts to lose the weight.

On the other hand, men really have no excuse for letting themselves go.

 

[AceH]

<font color="blue"> I voted for better or for worse. Now, if DH didn't want to do a damn thing to change this situation, then yeah divorce court it is. Can't stay with somebody who you're not attracted to and they don't care. My .02. </font>

 

[Country gal]

But there is an upsoken rule regarding for better or worse. People say that but subconsiously weight gain does change things.

Did anyone watch "how do I look this weekend". It had this beautiful dark skin sister that wore black all the time. She had a beautiful complextion. Well her signficant other said he wanted the sexy woman that turn heads again. He felt like people were wondering is he with a girl or a boy. She was really hurt by it becasue she thought he really got her. Her dark clothes were a reflection of her inner problems and it caused her relationship to suffer.

 

[AnnDriena_]

There is this huge double standard and unrealistic expectation in the media. Look at how many potbellied men are on television with their svelte significant others. These men can be overweight, bald and stupid but the women are a size 4 at the most.

I don't believe weight gain is grounds for divorce but I do believe the thinner partner has every right to expect the person they married or reasonable facsimile of the person.

 

[skegeesmb]

In my case, weight gain is not a cause for divorce, but it does make a difference in the relationship.

For example, I have gained weight since I met my husband. It has been a constant battle for me because I was always naturally thin up until I hit 22 years old. That's when I started gaining weight. I am still trying to lose weight, and it is an issue for me.

I don't like very big men. It's just not my preference. My husband is a big guy but he wasn't always that way. I want him to lose his potbelly. It's tough because he sees himself as fine.

I have to lose 20 more lbs, before I am satisfied with my weight (I've lost 20 lbs already), I want him to lose 65 lbs. Love is blind, but the poster is right, I can see that belly a mile away.