Weight Gain Grounds for Divorce?

[asummertyme]

no, if my future husband gains weight or if i gained weight ..i would hope that we could work things out..ie work out 2gether..take exercise classes ect..how the heck can u marry some one and divorce them b/c of weight gain issues..thats like saying if got in a accident and became paralyzed and my huband divorces me..like christopher reeves..his wife stood by his side, or mohammed ali..his wife did not dissapear on him either..u gotta be thier for each other in good times and bad...i gained alotta weight after i broke my ankle almost 2 yrs ago..and my SO never commented 1x on how much weight i gained..if anything he would comfort me, and we even worked out 2gether..now he even is on a water challenge with me..he never used to drink water..how about encouraging eachother...even in extreme cases..that sounds like some Jerry Springer crap to me..'YOUR FAT AND IM LEAVING!"

 

[MizAvalon]

So, what is a person to do if their spouse has gained weight and they are no longer physically attracted to them? This happens a lot. Obviously, what I said before still applies about trying to HELP your spouse in a *constructive* way to try and lose the weight But, let's say they don't lose it, lose some but are still heavy, or just flat-out refuse to try? If they flat out refuse to try, then you've got much bigger problems than weight gain, but what if the other 2 happen? What is the other spouse supposed to do if they no longer feel attracted to their spouse? I know people say you are supposed to love the person "no matter what", but I'm sorry, I'm not attracted to overweight men. Obviously if I were married and my husband gained weight I would still love him, but it would seriously affect our sex life.

 

[ms_kenesha]

[ QUOTE ]
I once told an overweight minister that I could never go out with him because he did not fit within my ideal-looking guy. He called me superficial and pointed me to the old testament where Jesse brought out all David's brothers who were not "ruddy in appearance" as David was and God said that he doesn't look at the outside only. I told him very matter-of-factly that I wasn't God and I looked at what I wanted.

[/ QUOTE ]

I love you GMMP, you have me /images/graemlins/rofl.gif ....can I be like you when I grow up? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Tracy]

Under no circumstances IMO should weight be an acceptable justification for divorce. If you loved someone enough to marry them, things like "attraction" are secondary to a whole host of other important things. You're DH or DW is not going to be "attractive" when they shyt on themselves and can't eat without drooling beecause they are too sick or too old. They aren't going to be "attractive" when they start balding, or your boobs start sagging.

What's marriage about if not permanence? Unconditional commitment? Yes there are exceptions - like abuse, lack of responsibility, adultery - but "you need to lose a few" isn't one of them in my book. Thick and thin - npi - literally....

Now that said I don't think a person should deliberately let themselves go. But if they do I STILL don't think it's grounds for divorce. DIVORCE? I mean come on, thhe person is JUST FAT. There are worse things a person can be....

You marry a person's character - not their hips.

 

[Falon]

I think both spouses should at attempt to make the other happy. If I gained more than a 100 pounds I would not be the same person I am right now. My level of mobility and energy would decline...I know that I would lose a lot of my self-confidence and would not want anyone to see me naked with the lights on ever.

I am not saying this is true for everyone...some people are happy being overweight and it doesn't affect them too much.

Now if I gained the weight for a reason then he would have to deal with it...but if I just stopped giving a damn...then I can't expect him to give a damn either.

 

[Laginappe]

[ QUOTE ]
But, let's say they don't lose it, lose some but are still heavy, or just flat-out refuse to try? If they flat out refuse to try, then you've got much bigger problems than weight gain…

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly. I’m not saying simple life and age related weight gain is grounds for divorce. Not at all. It’s the mentality that some men and women take about their marriage, themselves and their bodies that could be. The “flat out refusal” – that sends very powerful and destructive messages to your spouse. Basically “I don’t care what you think, feel, or want. Period.”

You cannot expect someone to stick around, love and be loving to you when you tell them by word and deed that you don’t care about them.

Another way to look at it. I heard this on a call in radio program once. A woman was calling to complain that her husband didn’t bathe regularly. In the early days of their marriage he was pretty meticulous about his grooming. But now, after 15 or so years, he’d gotten lazy about it. Didn’t shower everyday. Came to bed smelly. You get the idea. And then he was baffled that his wife didn’t want to have sex with him or even sit next to him on the sofa! She’d tried to get him to do better about his bathing habits – but his stance was that he wasn’t offending anybody. And it was his body so she just needed to get over it.

How long is she expected to put up with that? These situations are not the same as when your spouse is ill or infirm. These are issues totally under an individual’s control.

 

[Falon]

Laginappe...That is what I am talking about...not giving a damn. I WOULD divorce someone for not bathing...Not right away I would really try to talk with them...I would go to counseling...whatever...but if all else failed it would be time for the Divorce.

No way I could stay with and have to make love to someone who thought it was O.K to be funky. I guess we all have out limits and that is mine...I guess for some people weight is their's.

 

[simplertimes]

I would never marry someone I didn't love based on their inside alone. If I could not love that person if they looked like Shrek, I would never MARRY THEM!

Weight gain is the least of the problem, it can be changed over time, now personality problems like repeated infidelity /images/graemlins/naughty.gif is definetly grounds for divorce.....

P.S. The only way you should divorce someone for weight gain is if they gained so much weight that you can't fit on the bed next to them anymore. Where are you gonna sleep? /images/graemlins/sleeping.gif /images/graemlins/angry2.gif

 

[asummertyme]

[ QUOTE ]
Under no circumstances IMO should weight be an acceptable justification for divorce. If you loved someone enough to marry them, things like "attraction" are secondary to a whole host of other important things. You're DH or DW is not going to be "attractive" when they shyt on themselves and can't eat without drooling beecause they are too sick or too old. They aren't going to be "attractive" when they start balding, or your boobs start sagging.

What's marriage about if not permanence? Unconditional commitment? Yes there are exceptions - like abuse, lack of responsibility, adultery - but "you need to lose a few" isn't one of them in my book. Thick and thin - npi - literally....

Now that said I don't think a person should deliberately let themselves go. But if they do I STILL don't think it's grounds for divorce. DIVORCE? I mean come on, thhe person is JUST FAT. There are worse things a person can be....

You marry a person's character - not their hips.

[/ QUOTE ]

ITA tracy,myself, i dont like fat men..therefore ive never gotten with one, but if my SO gained weight and lost his moblity..i cant see myself leaving him..just cant...and we wonder why the divorce rate it up..up...up...

 

[Kengne]

[ QUOTE ]
I once told an overweight minister that I could never go out with him because he did not fit within my ideal-looking guy. He called me superficial and pointed me to the old testament where Jesse brought out all David's brothers who were not "ruddy in appearance" as David was and God said that he doesn't look at the outside only. I told him very matter-of-factly that I wasn't God and I looked at what I wanted.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL

K.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

personally I think to many women use having kids as an excuse for being overweight. It's as if giving birth gives you a pass for nor keeping yourself up. I know the effects pregnancy has on your body firsthand, but eating cheeseburgers and shakes every day isn't helping the situation either. and when your husband says he has a problem with it, you shouldn't be offended, but it should be an indicator that maybe you should change your lifestyle. because if you don't feel attractive you are less likely to have sex with your husband which causes other problems.

Amen, preach on sister! People shouldn't worry that much about weight as far as appearance goes but should instead think about their health also. If I married a guy and he gained abotu fifty pounds, I think my love for him wouldn't diminish but I would become concerned for his health and therefore try to work with him to help him shape up. But since we live in a image conscious society, some people probably will become disugusted with a mate whom gains an astounding amount of weight. I really think couples should establish guidelines and understandings beforehand. So each person will know each other expectations. I also think some women blame excessive weight gain on kids and I think thats just not the issue and some men like to blame it on drinking when its clearly their eating habits. My cousin had a baby and blew up. She would go to work, eat, sleep, and repeat the routine. A few months ago she mended her eating habits, workout, and the weight started to melt away. I don't know this just my two cents.

 

[BklynHeart]

I have a girlfriend that lost her weight after having twins back to a size 10. eight years later she had another baby and just blew up to a size 16. The youngest is 6 years old, and she's been battling with her weight all those six years. She's active, she teaches gym at an elementary school, works out and eats right. Her husband knows she works hard at it and he doesn't give her a hard time. She still feels sexy, dresses nice and gives him what he wants! Sometimes we can't equate heavy weight with being unhealthy.

My cousin had six boys and hasn't lost her weight. Her husband loves as much as the day he met her.

 

[jainygirl]

On the other hand if I was really a health concious person (which I am) and my husband didnt give a rats ass about his health or his weight AFTER we got married, then we are going to have some problems. I dont see how you can love someone who refuses to take care of his health. And that questions his love for

4 words -- Big Life Insurance Policy..buy one before he gets so big that he's uninsureable for other possible health reasons. Keep up the payments on the policy too....But you didnt hear that from me . -- jainygirl

 

[sugaplum]

I would think that when people stand up in front of God and say for better or for worse, in sickness and in health--that weight gain is not grounds for divorce.

You took the words right out my mouth supergirl. I agree. I'm not married but I take wedding vows very seriously. It's a sacred bond between you, your spouse and God. Weight should not even be an issue.

 

[AnnDriena_]

I agree about the sanctity of marriage. I also think it's very selfish of someone to present themselves as a fit and attractive person to their spouse and do the old bait and switch once they get married. Marriage is about pleasing each other and most of us know that certain physical traits are not attractive to most people (I said most, don't jump on me). And even though the weight itself is not a reason to cause trouble in a relationship the consequences and lack of thought behind it are. I know my sex life would suffer If I got married and my husband blew up while I'm rockin' some La Perla and trying to enjoy our bedroom time. I don't want some big blubbery man on top of me and I certainly don't find it attractive and if he was fit when I married him I'd would be heated that he stopped working out and gained weight. That just tells me he doesn't give a rats arse about pleasing me.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I know a couple like this. When they were "courting" and engaged, they would take walks, etc. The husband was slender and so was the wife. The SECOND they got married he stopped working out, wouldn't walk anywhere. He steadily got heavier until he became obese, and remains obese to this day.

 

[jellynote]

for better or worse...in my opnion..
it seems to me, these days everyone has an excuse to get divorced..no one wants to work things out anymore..times get rough..bail like a mutha...weight gain is not a reason to get divorced..

I agree with u 100%! I was talking to my mother in law about this the other day about how people give up on marriage so easily nowadays. Now that doesn't mean be stupid about it though. I married my husband for better or worse. I know for me I've gained weight, but I also just had a baby 5 months ago and I'm losing my weight and my DH said that he'll love me regardless of how much I weighed, but he also knows that I won't let myself get too big because of health issues. diabetes runs in my family and I'm not trying to end up with that. I don't think that weight gain is a issue for divorce i think that it's a health issue.

 

[Natty_Virgo]

I haven't read the thread yet but I don't agree with letting yourself go after you're married. I can understand some weight gain or if ur sick or something but outside of that there are very few reasons to be all of a sudden big af after u get married.

 

[PeaceFlow]

If it was obesity with no health issues surrounding it other than being comfortable, yes. Obviously there would have to be talks and a lot of encouragement WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before considering divorcing though.