I literally just thought of mine last night at 3 AM. These are questions you ask to dates and if they answer incorrectly, you will block them during the date, after the date or change their ID to don’t answer.
I remember reading MDLWLY (Chapter 12 for those that have the book) and it mentioned having these types of questions to determine what type of man you are dealing with so you can get rid of him faster. Indirect questions to get him to expose himself/mindset regarding life, love and women. I am a very direct person so it is challenging to come up with indirect questions, but I figured out one last night.
Do you have any questions like these that you ask on dates? What are they? And what answers would turn you off?
I studied MDLWLY meticulously after my last break up and put my own twist on it when I started dating online and met SO.
As a note, what Lamber says about when it's the right time to have sex is on point.
What I like about the book is Lambert gives you a scenario but encourages you to put your own spin on things. Luckily SO likes to talk and was transparent early on so it wasn't real hard to get him to expose himself. The key is to butter them up so they feel emotionally safe with you to expose himself. I learned from the last man I dated, and from listening to my girlfriends about their dates that if a man doesn't feel emotionally safe with you, he won't reveal squat no matter how much you butter him up. And at that point it's not worth it. He either isn't invested in you enough and/or has issues that prevents him from communicating and being emotionally vulnerable. My youngest sister is 19 and since HS gets boys her age to bare all without even trying. Her problem is weeding out the duds.
Anyway, with SO buttering him up was easy and I figured out how to do it quickly. Once I did that, he started confiding in me and naturally questions came up that I needed answers to, based on what was going on in our lives if I was to let my guard down. One thing Lambert emphasizes in MDLWLY is how conversation needs to go deep, and pretty early on in dating. If you've been on 2-3 dates with a man and you haven't had at least one deep, substantial conversation it's off with his head.
Once deep conversations happen then you can really figure out if you fit together, if you share similar world views, if his actions match his words. My issue with SO was not whether I liked him. I knew I did, but it wasn't enough and I wouldn't let my guard down until I knew some things.
As for actual questions, many of them are going to be subjective to the man. With the last guy before my SO, he seemed to like the starving artist lifestyle and was iffy on kids. He also didn't understand my close family ties (at first I was intrigued by someone without complex family ties.) And he avoided situations where we could talk about these things. Think about what is important to you. Religion, love for traveling, political views, importance of family, whatever it is.
For example, I want a man with a commitment to personal growth and living a healthy lifestyle in both mind and body. SO and I established a rapport about this very quickly which helped me let my guard down. I still watched him, to see if his actions matched up with his words and I actively discussed concerns I had. By contrast on my last date with the last guy before SO, he said he is who he is and he's not about personal development or growth.
I feel like indirect questions are only necessary for the first 3 dates or so, until he's part of your rotation. If you're having deep conversations you should be able to ask him something directly.
Why would you do that?
