"Water Breaks Her Hair Off"

[Quailbird]

That's what this lady said to me this weekend when she mentioned her DD's hair being dry and I asked her if she used water on it. That statement just about made my skin crawl. My FH's father and I were talking about using coconut oil on his hair (He started using it after his hair gets damp in the shower to help seal in moisture, which he stated when he was talking but who knows what she heard). I could tell she wasn't going to be receptive to anything I said so I asked her about trying a leave in conditioner and left it alone after she nodded her head in a I've-tried-everything-that-you-could-possibly-mention, not-that you-know-anything-anyway,-Little-Girl kind of way. But it 1) annoyed me that she acted like I don't know anything and 2) made me feel bad for her DD who probably won't have any hair for very much longer...if water breaks it off.erplexed Now, I know you can't fault someone for being ignorant (or not knowing), but when someone is willing to help you, ignorance is no longer excusable. What do you ladies think? Should I have said more? Should I feel the way I do? How would you have reacted in this situation?

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I used to laugh or shake my head at people like this, but after dealing with the water in this area, I think I can kind of understand why some people would think that water destroys hair. Truthfully..the water here...it does. My hair becomes extremely dry, brittle, impenetrable, and splits like no other if I use the tap. I know you can't force knowledge on someone who is only looking for confirmation of what they've already surmised, but maybe mention alternatives to her concerning the water after explaining that the water may have properties like chlorine and such in it that is hurting her daughter's hair.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I don't give hair advice for that very reason....unless people asks ME for it.

 

[kandiekj100]

I give my sister a little advice and my cousin if she asks, but other than that I don't. Just KMO.

sidenote - I think I would be a little more receptive to advice coming from someone with MBL going on WL hair. Obviously that individual is doing something right. I'm just sayin...

 

[halee_J]

Yeah it's sad, but I can kinda get where she is coming from. Where I am all of the water comes from underground. I live on an island that is mostly limestone so there is ALOT of calcium in the water here; so much so that some doctors say that a calcium supplement is not necessary for people who drink the water regularly.

If you are not aware of mineral build up and chelating, the more you wash your hair the worse it appears to get. Even more so for most people who don't DC their hair. No amount of mositurizer is going to fix that dry rough feeling and the dullness that comes from mineral buildup. There is some merit to what she's saying I have experienced breakage from minereal buildup before

I get what you're saying though, I would have persisted and made a recommendation also, for the sake of the little girl

On the ocassion I meet someone who really wants some real answers and is not acting all defensive, I tell them about the water. Strangely enough, people are more open to trying a new shampoo than a conditioner/moisturizer

 

[QBOE2001]

I would have let it go...sometimes you just have to wait to share until people are truly willing to embrace what you have to say. Otherwise....it's just like talking to a wall. The wall didn't "learn" anything and you just wind up frustrated by the whole process.

 

[silenttullip]

It seems she butted into YOUR convo SO you had the RIGHT to school her BUT keep in mind hard water can cause one's hair to break and thin. She may have hard water and not even know it which is one thing I would have said then suggested a filter or boiling the water putting it in a spray bottle and then fridging it, adding some coconut or jojoba oil to it and then a thicker butter like shealoe or mango. You weren't wrong for saying something and maybe you should have said more BUT it's over no use in you feeling bad about it. Use it as motivation to: make a positive youtube vid schooling people about hair, appreciate the knowledge you have, and maybe create an ezine in your community about hair.

 

[Tiye]

Yeah it's sad, but I can kinda get where she is coming from. Where I am all of the water comes from underground. I live on an island that is mostly limestone so there is ALOT of calcium in the water here; so much so that some doctors say that a calcium supplement is not necessary for people who drink the water regularly.

If you are not aware of mineral build up and chelating, the more you wash your hair the worse it appears to get. Even more so for most people who don't DC their hair. No amount of mositurizer is going to fix that dry rough feeling and the dullness that comes from mineral buildup. There is some merit to what she's saying I have experienced breakage from minereal buildup before

I get what you're saying though, I would have persisted and made a recommendation also, for the sake of the little girl

On the ocassion I meet someone who really wants some real answers and is not acting all defensive, I tell them about the water. Strangely enough, people are more open to trying a new shampoo than a conditioner/moisturizer

I was going to ask does she have hard water?

Sometimes hair needs training and I don't necessarily mean heat. Even using conditioner is a training process that's why you have to use a product for a while to get results. So if she's not using a good conditioner then it can feel hard, tangly and dry so plain water isn't necessarily gonna be the magical solution for her. Also if you put oil on hair that has not been conditioned that might not yield instant results either.

There's an assumption that keeps cropping up on this board that anytime someone off the board says something about their hair they must not know what they're talking about. Ppl shouldn't assume that.

 

[newbeginnings2010]

You know OP, even if you were wrong about the advice you tried to give (which you are not), she seems very set in her ways. But you would think that if everything else she is trying is not working then there is a problem. With the internet, you can always research things that people tell you before trying them. I would think that she would at least think about what you said (even if she didn't believe you) and research it on her own time later. That's how I ended up finding LHCF. I asked other girls with long hair about what they did, and when they told me, I was like until I researched and found the site!

With that said, maybe advising people to search on the internet for good hair practices is a better idea! With any luck, they'll stumble upon LHCF!

 

[ms.blue]

You tried and she is not receptive to the information so just keep it moving. I understand that you feel sorry for the child but its really up to the mother what she can do to her child's hair.
If she is really frustrated with the condition of her daughter's hair she would have gone online and researched like we did for our hair and children's hair.

 

[GoingNatural]

I just always tell people that they associate water with shampoo, and that shampoo works like laundry detergent--cleaning by stripping layers. Conditioner and water do not provide the same results.

 

[lilsparkle825]

I give my sister a little advice and my cousin if she asks, but other than that I don't. Just KMO.

sidenote - I think I would be a little more receptive to advice coming from someone with MBL going on WL hair. Obviously that individual is doing something right. I'm just sayin...

Girrrrrllllll you know they either got a weave or got that "good hair". Err'body can't grow hair like that, so why listen to them?

I love talking hair, but if someone strikes up a conversation about it, I always let them go first....I "test the waters", if you will, to see what they already know and how receptive they will be to hearing me out. I know that "I've tried everything and nothing works" head shake all too well.

 

[Quailbird]

Well, based on that map that's always going around, there isn't hard water where she lives. In fact based on the map, most parts of the United States don't have water that's extremely hard on hair. Or hard to the point that you'll notice something. That said, I have a hard time believing people when they blame the water for their hair problems. (And certain places around the world don't have water filters or whatever and the people that live their have beautiful skin...Just saying.)
However, if water is the culprit, her hair would also be dry, as would anyone else in their household, and she made no complaints about her own hair being dry. But yet and still it's the stuff in the water that is causing the dryness, not the water itself.

 

[silenttullip]

Well, based on that map that's always going around, there isn't hard water where she lives. In fact based on the map, most parts of the United States don't have water that's extremely hard on hair. Or hard to the point that you'll notice something. That said, I have a hard time believing people when they blame the water for their hair problems. (And certain places around the world don't have water filters or whatever and the people that live their have beautiful skin...Just saying.)
However, if water is the culprit, her hair would also be dry, as would anyone else in their household, and she made no complaints about her own hair being dry. But yet and still it's the stuff in the water that is causing the dryness, not the water itself.

I'm not sure of how old the map is (I've seen it) but there's also a list that was posted on here of the worst water areas http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=472686&highlight=hard+water also another one that goes into detail about hard water's effects http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=253727&highlight=hard+water last but not least a video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3fuPxHoP28&playnext=1&videos=zOMk3Ib1YbE
Now I totally get your point about everyone else's hair being dry like hers but things effect different people differently. Hard water makes me break out in red welps and soars verses my friends and family aren't bothered by it besides a little ashyness.

 

[Quailbird]

Girrrrrllllll you know they either got a weave or got that "good hair". Err'body can't grow hair like that, so why listen to them?

I love talking hair, but if someone strikes up a conversation about it, I always let them go first....I "test the waters", if you will, to see what they already know and how receptive they will be to hearing me out. I know that "I've tried everything and nothing works" head shake all too well.

My hair is natural, in twist, and curled so the length isn't too apparent.

I too love talking hair but because I don't want people to think I'm a hair crazed freak I keep my mouth shut unless somebody else says something too. Especially since people aren't always receptive, especially about hair stuff....

 

[Tiye]

Well, based on that map that's always going around, there isn't hard water where she lives. In fact based on the map, most parts of the United States don't have water that's extremely hard on hair. Or hard to the point that you'll notice something. That said, I have a hard time believing people when they blame the water for their hair problems. (And certain places around the world don't have water filters or whatever and the people that live their have beautiful skin...Just saying.)
However, if water is the culprit, her hair would also be dry, as would anyone else in their household, and she made no complaints about her own hair being dry. But yet and still it's the stuff in the water that is causing the dryness, not the water itself.

Maybe "hard water" is not the correct chemical term. But all water is not equal - it depends on how it's processed. I know someone who's in school for water treatment but I don't know diddly about the process - only how it feels and tastes. Example - Potomac water - was horrible on my hair (DC) until I started using bottled spring water for a final rinse. When I travel I know if I wash my hair then results will vary depending on the water quality.

Anyway I agree that she needs to figure out a good conditioning regimen for her daughter and of course that's gonna involve learning how to use water.

 

[Quailbird]

I'm not sure of how old the map is (I've seen it) but there's also a list that was posted on here of the worst water areas http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=472686&highlight=hard+water also another one that goes into detail about hard water's effects http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=253727&highlight=hard+water last but not least a video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3fuPxHoP28&playnext=1&videos=zOMk3Ib1YbE
Now I totally get your point about everyone else's hair being dry like hers but things effect different people differently. Hard water makes me break out in red welps and soars verses my friends and family aren't bothered by it besides a little ashyness.

I get the bolded, but it's the stuff in the water that is causing the reaction right? Example: My family has a history of an allergy to sulfur. I was using some hair vitamins with sulfur in them and my skin itched. I wouldn't say hair vitamins make my skin itch. I'd say I can't take hair vitamins with sulfur in them. Does that make sense?

 

[Deluxe]

She should buy a filter for her sink or shower head, or where she washes her DD's hair. They put tons of chlorine in the water where I live, and that what I do. It made a huge difference in my skin and hair.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

I get the bolded, but it's the stuff in the water that is causing the reaction right? Example: My family has a history of an allergy to sulfur. I was using some hair vitamins with sulfur in them and my skin itched. I wouldn't say hair vitamins make my skin itch. I'd say I can't take hair vitamins with sulfur in them. Does that make sense?

Well, that's what we're saying. Not that water itself is bad, but the stuff in it is what is causing the problem, and perhaps it would help to explain that to her. Then again, at the same time, she doesn't really seem like the type to want to listen anyways.

 

[Quailbird]

Well, that's what we're saying. Not that water itself is bad, but the stuff in it is what is causing the problem, and perhaps it would help to explain that to her. Then again, at the same time, she doesn't really seem like the type to want to listen anyways.

I see.
I don't think I'll ever see her again, but she was not receptive at all.

 

[Missjae09]

Unfortunately everyone will not be receptive to the advice or knowlege that you have to offer. When I sense that a person isn't really interested or feels they already have all the answers I just let it the conversation fizzle out. It's pointless to go back and forth when it's apparent they don't know what they are talking about.

Similarly, I had a coworker who tried to tell me that her mom had cut her hair sooo much that it would "no longer grow"... now considering hair grows from your scalp and a hair cut requires you cut the ENDS I don't know how she could reason or rationalize that hair cuts could lead to hair that would no longer grow! I just let it go... some people can't be helped and for those who can, they are members of LHCF!

 

[silenttullip]

yep I get u she shouldn't blame water in general ur totally right because if she researched and tried other things to purify the water it would have a different effect.

I get the bolded, but it's the stuff in the water that is causing the reaction right? Example: My family has a history of an allergy to sulfur. I was using some hair vitamins with sulfur in them and my skin itched. I wouldn't say hair vitamins make my skin itch. I'd say I can't take hair vitamins with sulfur in them. Does that make sense?

 

[Bublin]

Maybe she means when her DD's hair is left to airdry it doesn't dry smooth and is very dry.

I know that i can't airdry at all. Even if i spritz my hair with water and then seal, the dried result will not be moisturised hair but dry brittle hair.

 

[Carisa]

i would have told her to get a water filter and use different producs and she can take that advice and do whatever with it.

 

[lolascurls]

Sure, people can have adverse reactions to things in water but not to actual water. We (humans) are 70% water and our hair does the same! How can water break her hair off unless her daughter is in moisture overload! Maybe she needs to stop doing the bare minimum of research and actually read up on what she needs to do.
You're right not to say anything more to her..... let your hair do the talking from now on! lol!