MaryJane3000
New Member
So, I began reading this book that the well-being coordinator at my school gave me and I now realize that I'm in a verbally abusive relationship. There's been times when I've remained calm and tried to keep the disagreement from blowing up by talking sweetly, and he'll start cussing and cut me off and tell me that he doesn't want to hear what I'm saying because I'm not answering his question and its bull****.
For example, I've called him on the phone one time because we had a disagreement over a text, i started rambling about something and i said i know you don't care but it's all good. And he went off and was like I was giving him a lot of attitude and *****ing at him. And i was like what are you talking about i didnt mean it like that. So i just decided to call him instead of repeatedly texting that I didnt meant it like that. And when he picked up the phone he said "what" with a lot of attitude and I said to him, *his name*, don't talk to me like that. I've just called you theres no reason for you to be rude off top. And his response was you're not gonna tell me how to talk on my f**** phone that I pay the bill for. So what do you want? And I tried to debate it with him but it was such a smaller point on the bigger scale that I just gave up.
So then we get into the conversation and basically he asks me why did I say that he didnt care, and I said it's like any other time i've said it, it didnt mean anything i was just talking. Its not really something for you to care about because I was rambling and venting about something that had nothing to do with you. And me personally I ramble, and I'll drag something out until i catch myself and then I laugh it off, and often times when we've hung out I'll ramble n catch myself and say I know you don't care but I'm just saying, and he'll say you're right baby but its ok. and we'll laugh it off. And he goes on to say that he never found it funny and its always bothered him which i find hard to believe. But then he keeps yelling and cussing and I'm trying to talk and he keeps cutting me off saying that it's bulls***, and that he's not going to listen because what I'm saying isn't answering his question and i called him so I have to answer his question.
So in an effort to keep this concise, I got upset, hung up the phone and started crying. I sent him a text telling him he was acting like a jerk over a simple misunderstanding and that he made me cry and he told me to cut the theatrics and that hes not dealing with my dramatics (just because I do theater, everytime I get upset and cry its a scene or something). So basically after that I decided i wasnt going to talk to him and I went to my internship and school and work the next day and turned my phone off and deactivated my fb account and sure enough when i turn my phone on by the late afternoon. I find that he's texted me because he wanted to take me out to lunch before he went to work. And he left me two voicemails and was saying how he couldnt find me on fb.
I always have the problem of when he gets upset he thinks he can talk any type of way and plenty of times his temper catches me offguard. A simple misunderstanding where I apologize numerous times just for hurting his feelings even if I dont think I did anything wrong( like me going to the club with a group of my girlfriends) he still holds onto his anger and escalates everything. NO ONE has ever talked to me the way that he has. I'm not a passive person and I've never let anyone walk over me or take advantage of me. I'm the girl that'll slap or curse a guy out in the club for grabbing my butt. But for some reason with him I'm always letting him get away with stuff and I just tell myself its not worth the fighting because I know he loves me and he's just angry. He always invalidates my feelings and it makes me feel like Im going crazy. So I know these are all signs of verbal abuse and i can name plenty more instances, but how do you stop a guy from talking to you like that? Like do you hang up on him when he starts talking reckless? But if you do that how do you actually talk out the problem and solve it? Idk how I got to this point where I feel like he doesnt respect me and I find myself sometimes talking to him in a way I normally wouldnt just to try and remain relevant in the conversation because it seems that talking like normal people doesnt work for him. I've been with him for about 3 years and it wasn't always this bad, but he always made me feel like I did things that were wrong that normal gfs know not to do. So it was my fault for him getting upset. Any advice?
For example, I've called him on the phone one time because we had a disagreement over a text, i started rambling about something and i said i know you don't care but it's all good. And he went off and was like I was giving him a lot of attitude and *****ing at him. And i was like what are you talking about i didnt mean it like that. So i just decided to call him instead of repeatedly texting that I didnt meant it like that. And when he picked up the phone he said "what" with a lot of attitude and I said to him, *his name*, don't talk to me like that. I've just called you theres no reason for you to be rude off top. And his response was you're not gonna tell me how to talk on my f**** phone that I pay the bill for. So what do you want? And I tried to debate it with him but it was such a smaller point on the bigger scale that I just gave up.
So then we get into the conversation and basically he asks me why did I say that he didnt care, and I said it's like any other time i've said it, it didnt mean anything i was just talking. Its not really something for you to care about because I was rambling and venting about something that had nothing to do with you. And me personally I ramble, and I'll drag something out until i catch myself and then I laugh it off, and often times when we've hung out I'll ramble n catch myself and say I know you don't care but I'm just saying, and he'll say you're right baby but its ok. and we'll laugh it off. And he goes on to say that he never found it funny and its always bothered him which i find hard to believe. But then he keeps yelling and cussing and I'm trying to talk and he keeps cutting me off saying that it's bulls***, and that he's not going to listen because what I'm saying isn't answering his question and i called him so I have to answer his question.
So in an effort to keep this concise, I got upset, hung up the phone and started crying. I sent him a text telling him he was acting like a jerk over a simple misunderstanding and that he made me cry and he told me to cut the theatrics and that hes not dealing with my dramatics (just because I do theater, everytime I get upset and cry its a scene or something). So basically after that I decided i wasnt going to talk to him and I went to my internship and school and work the next day and turned my phone off and deactivated my fb account and sure enough when i turn my phone on by the late afternoon. I find that he's texted me because he wanted to take me out to lunch before he went to work. And he left me two voicemails and was saying how he couldnt find me on fb.
I always have the problem of when he gets upset he thinks he can talk any type of way and plenty of times his temper catches me offguard. A simple misunderstanding where I apologize numerous times just for hurting his feelings even if I dont think I did anything wrong( like me going to the club with a group of my girlfriends) he still holds onto his anger and escalates everything. NO ONE has ever talked to me the way that he has. I'm not a passive person and I've never let anyone walk over me or take advantage of me. I'm the girl that'll slap or curse a guy out in the club for grabbing my butt. But for some reason with him I'm always letting him get away with stuff and I just tell myself its not worth the fighting because I know he loves me and he's just angry. He always invalidates my feelings and it makes me feel like Im going crazy. So I know these are all signs of verbal abuse and i can name plenty more instances, but how do you stop a guy from talking to you like that? Like do you hang up on him when he starts talking reckless? But if you do that how do you actually talk out the problem and solve it? Idk how I got to this point where I feel like he doesnt respect me and I find myself sometimes talking to him in a way I normally wouldnt just to try and remain relevant in the conversation because it seems that talking like normal people doesnt work for him. I've been with him for about 3 years and it wasn't always this bad, but he always made me feel like I did things that were wrong that normal gfs know not to do. So it was my fault for him getting upset. Any advice?
