to make or not to make the 1st move...have u tried it?

[Lucia]

ok ladies post your success or crash and burns and in betweens?

Ive heard from almost every guy I know family, friends, etc... that they are on the whole clueless with little subtle hints and they need a BIG kind of obvious Hint or we girls should just make the first move b/c alot of times they never even knew we were intersted, they all say they love it when we women make the first move cause it takes the pressure off them too.

 

[TokyoReina]

It may have been the environment or it may have been my "Bubbly and Happy" personality that I have sometimes...but I'll never make the first move again unless I REALLY can't bear the "what if". I was out with some friends and I saw this guy that caught my eye. A friend recommended I try something new and try approaching a guy for once (I'd argued her earlier that guys are the chasers). So I asked him to dance. We did for a few songs. Then we sat down and made small talk.

I kid you not, it took him all of one second to make a grab at me that was way too private. And I mean a full "I think I need a Cop" kind of grab. I've never been so offended in my life. I had to push him off and head off to think about my life. Since then I don't really want to approach guys all bold-like. Although for once I don't think it was me. I think he was just the crap of the nation.

 

[Bunny77]

ok ladies post your success or crash and burns and in betweens?

Ive heard from almost every guy I know family, friends, etc... that they are on the whole clueless with little subtle hints and they need a BIG kind of obvious Hint or we girls should just make the first move b/c alot of times they never even knew we were intersted, they all say they love it when we women make the first move cause it takes the pressure off them too.

NO NO NO NO NO!!!

While I know there are exceptions to this rule, for the most part, the part I put in bold is simply a BIG FAT EXCUSE.

Men make moves when they want to and they don't need hints. Any man who is looking for a woman to make a move is, in my mind, flat out lazy.

The funny thing is, all of the women that I know who are in successful relationships NEVER had to make the first move and their SOs said that when a man wants you, he'll stop at nothing to get you... as men SHOULD do!

Forget all this crap that they say about taking the pressure off them... and men have nerve to then say that women these days don't "let a man be a man" SMH

I have no good stories to tell about me making the first move, but PLENTY of situations in which I did nothing at all, gave NO hints, NOTHING, and the dude made the first move.

That's how it should be. Don't let these punk-butt men take the easy way out!

 

[Ms Red]

I am not a believer in making the first move. BUT... a couple of months ago I was at a sorority/fraternity mixer and was standing in line for a drink. I knew the bar was open but couldn't remember what time it ended... so I tapped the guy's shoulder in front of me *could not see his face, only knew he had on a velvet blazer and red tie lol* and asked "Do you know, are the drinks free?"

He looked at me with a little smile/smirk and said "They were from 6 to 9" and turned around again. So I kind of just stood there and waited for him to get out of the way so I could get my drink But he stayed, and bought my drink and he initiated a conversation. Turns out we clicked and moved the conversation onto the patio. Then by the pool. Finally, he asked for my number and it's been about 7 dates later.. so...

I guess I did make the first move, but not intentionally. I wouldn't recommend pursuing a guy although my situation is a little different.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

^^^That wasn't a first move... LMAO... that was a general question... AND, you got a free drink out of it...

 

[Lucia]

NO NO NO NO NO!!!

While I know there are exceptions to this rule, for the most part, the part I put in bold is simply a BIG FAT EXCUSE.

Men make moves when they want to and they don't need hints. Any man who is looking for a woman to make a move is, in my mind, flat out lazy.

The funny thing is, all of the women that I know who are in successful relationships NEVER had to make the first move and their SOs said that when a man wants you, he'll stop at nothing to get you... as men SHOULD do!

Forget all this crap that they say about taking the pressure off them... and men have nerve to then say that women these days don't "let a man be a man" SMH

I have no good stories to tell about me making the first move, but PLENTY of situations in which I did nothing at all, gave NO hints, NOTHING, and the dude made the first move.

That's how it should be. Don't let these punk-butt men take the easy way out!

so you think even a little move is a big nono then?
well I do know someone who made the first move and shes married to that guy right now.

 

[Bunny77]

^^^That wasn't a first move... LMAO... that was a general question... AND, you got a free drink out of it...

Agreed!

I think Loveroflife both asked a question and inadvertently flirted. That's cool.

But notice, the guy had only the slightest hint that she "might" be interested -- and it wasn't really even that -- and HE made a move!

That's why I say that any man who says he doesn't see the hints and doesn't know a woman is interested is just making excuses. Men make moves when they don't get hardly any hints at all from a woman (like in Loveroflife's story)... plus, if you're interested, why do you even need a hint? Man up and ask the girl out for crying out loud!!!

 

[Bunny77]

so you think even a little move is a big nono then?
well I do know someone who made the first move and shes married to that guy right now.

As I said, there are exceptions to everything.

I'm glad it worked for the person you know. Read the threads on this board about making the first move and it only created hassle for 90% of everyone else.

What do you consider a first move, I guess? I'm totally in favor of flirting, for example, but I don't consider that a "first move."

 

[Lucia]

initiating convos, asking about stuff he mentioned before, and maybe hinting at hanging out

 

[Bunny77]

initiating convos, asking about stuff he mentioned before, and maybe hinting at hanging out

Oh, I think that's fine! I do all of that all the time! Regarding the hanging out, I might even say, "Well hey, it was nice to meet you/talk to you/whatever. Let's get together in the future."

But then I leave it at that. They have my number or e-mail address, so then they can call and set up something.

(Example: There was a dude I met somewhere and he's been texting me off and on over the last few months. Twice he has said, "We should get together sometime." I've said, "Sure, give me some dates and times and we'll make it happen." Did he ever contact me after that? Nope. Now, some people said I should have just set up the date, but I say no, simply because it was very clear that I was interested in seeing him, but he didn't want to do the work. That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about!)

I just don't ask men out or make dates... to me, that's what I consider the first move. But what you're saying sounds cool to me.

 

[Casarela]

damn thats a big HELL NAW

 

[lkg4healthyhair]

I have been debating this in my head for a couple months now.

Although I would not ask a guy out on a date I would initiate conversation, say hello, smile etc. but nothing. My male hair dresser suggested I should approach a guy and start a conversation but I have tried this and it didnt work.
Example: At the gym there was a cutie I used to see often. He would stare at me from across the room and I would do the same but no move was made. When I was sure he was interested I said hello etc..nothing came of it and he gives me the craziest looks there after. I would never make a move unless I was SURE he was interested so I was left confused.

After that I felt that if a guy is interested he better say something, smile wave, drop a hankercheif or something .

Now that being said, a couple weeks ago I was on the train sitting shoulder to shoulder to a cutie, and he was very polite. We were both playing games on our iphones and I wanted to say something like "what game is that" or "how do you like your phone" and see what happens but then I started to think...He can do the same. I am not wearing a ring...why do I have to make the first move. Well here it is a couple weeks later and I am still thinking what if.

I'm still trying to find a happy medium but I won't be approaching any more guys any time soon. What I will do is smile, say hello or small talk but the rest is up to them.

 

[CarLiTa]

I agree... first moves are a no-no.

My first year in college, I made a comment about a guy that i thought was attractive, said he was cute (not to him though, to one of my friends). He found out about the comment (long story) and messaged me saying hello, blah blah (we'd met a couple of times before). I know that at the time I was like oh nooooo he's going to think I'm trying to pursue him. I acted as uninterested as possible (wasn't that interested either), and let him do the pursuing thereafter. And he pursued for a long time

I don't know about some women, but I'd generally feel like uncomfortable if *I* am pursuing someone. You don't want to second-guess yourself and wonder whether he is out on a date with you ONLY beacause you asked him and he was afraid to say no to a girl.
Also, when a woman initiates the first move, it tends to give some guys the impression that "anything goes"... he's already got you in the bag

You can be make sure to look approachable, but as far as to do the approaching

 

[Bunny77]

I'm still trying to find a happy medium but I won't be approaching any more guys any time soon. What I will do is smile, say hello or small talk but the rest is up to them.

I say just go with your gut instinct. If you feel like saying hi and initiating small talk, then go for it. If not, don't worry... I find that trusting the gut instinct really works well!

But your approach is good. Do the small stuff, but then let it go... if he's interested, he'll make a move.

(Also, in general, if a man doesn't make a move it, it isn't necessarily about you... maybe he's married, taken, etc. He just simply sees a beautiful woman and wants to acknowledge that, but he's not going to do anything about it!)

 

[CarLiTa]

Two summers ago, I was living on another campus because of an internship.

I remember this guy I had gone on a couple of dates with (but nothing had come out of it) texted me and he's like "hey, im back on campus"
uhrm... ok? I was like "oh that's cool, welcome back" i don't know if i was supposed to be dropping invites to my dorm or something

so, i was in my cooking stage at the time and was all excited and telling everyone about it. I'd chat with this guy online (just casually) and sometimes i'd tell him about the dishes i had made that day. well, wouldn't you know? he basically was like "so when are you going to invite me over?" again... uhrm??
He said this many times, and I never invited him

I thought to myself: what the heck kind of self-invitation is that?! If he's interested in me, I don't know why he just doesn't ask me out on a date.
Eventually toward the end of the summer, he came by on his own. (we lived less than a 5-minute walk away from each other all summer). He was very polite and very nice, even shy to an extent.

Months later, we spoke and I brought up the whole summer thing. I told him that I wasn't sure what his motives were and that I thought, well why doesn't he suggest we go somewhere? He said he was too shy to ask and was hoping that I would initiate it but would have liked for us to go out on a date.

I doubt that all the women he has dated had to be the ones asking him out though...

 

[cutiebe2]

damn thats a big HELL NAW

OT: you siggy pic is gawwwwgeous!!!!!!!

I agree... first moves are a no-no.

I don't know about some women, but I'd generally feel like uncomfortable if *I* am pursuing someone. You don't want to second-guess yourself and wonder whether he is out on a date with you ONLY beacause you asked him and he was afraid to say no to a girl.
Also, when a woman initiates the first move, it tends to give some guys the impression that "anything goes"... he's already got you in the bag

You can be make sure to look approachable, but as far as to do the approaching

This is so true. I have a crush right now that I am trying to move past. I realize it is better to move on that to put yourself in a situation to be used, hurt, embarrassed, etc. I will make it clear that if you want to pursue me you can, but I will not do the leg work!

 

[gn1g]

I think eye contact and a smile is sufficient. So I guess that would be a subtle move