He wants her to move to the hood

[MD_Lady]

Sounds like control issues to me.

Also sounds (relationship conspiracy theorist here) that someone may be trying to bring the princess down a peg.

Then again, no. This is a class/values issue and it will only get worse from here on in.

I wouldn't be surprised if it's a bit of both.

 

[Tylers-mom]

If he isn't concerned with making decisions with her, he is giving her a preview of their life together. 'nough said.

Exactly. This issue is far more important that her just moving into the hood. He clearly doesn't respect her feelings.

 

[Makenzie]

The biggest red flag is that he bought a house she is to live in without her input. If he does that now BEFORE they are married I know he will continue to do it afterward. Plus I am sure he knew she was not crazy about his neighborhood. If she wasn't used to the hood no doubt they have had many conversations on his life in the hood and why he is still in the hood. Him making huge life changing decisions for her and without her screams control issues. So not the way to start a marriage.

 

[JayAnn0513]

Nah, not me.

1) he made this decision for me, without me
2) she doesnt feel safe
3) it means a lifestyle downgrade (I'm assuming they can afford their current one)
4) already had a car break in
5) She doesnt feel safe
6) longer commute
7)it needs a lot of work
8) did I mention his decision making?

No, no. Esp at 40

She has so many reasons to cut and run....

 

[sylver2]

also.. so i guess the house is in his name only

 

[JayAnn0513]

and what does he mean he has gone too far to back out? If he hasnt closed, then it's not too late.

 

[Misseyl]

Insensitive... I would break it off..Marriage is about compromise and if he's not going to bend then it's better it ends before it begins. Why should she live where she doesn't feel safe. He should know better and respect her wishes. Break it off.

 

[VioletWylde]

also.. so i guess the house is in his name only

I didn't even think about that. No, no, no! This is a decision that should've been made TOGETHER about a place they would be living TOGETHER and making payments on/sacrifices for TOGETHER.

I bet he'd feel some kind of way about her refusing to help with the payments, remodeling and upkeep of HIS house. I understand that she is in love, but she's too grown for this childish, selfish mess.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Also she needs to understand that this is not her last chance at love. Maybe at 40 you compromise on a guy that has kids and an ex-wife vs. never married no kids.

You don't compromise on basic respect and consideration.

If she marries this guy she will regret it. Better alone than in bad company.

 

[Mai Tai]

Ok so...at first I was thinking..."Dang these LHCF women are some uppity broads" and I was going to have to disagree with you all buuuuuuuuut I got to really thinking.

I grew up in the hood, AND the house was a fixer-upper, and I will tell you that I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

I was blessed to have two parents that were highly invested and involved in me and my siblings success in life. They did not have a lot of money, but they fought tooth and nail to keep my sister, 2 older brothers and I out of the streets. Drive-bys were a daily occurence on my block.

There was a crackhead commune 3 doors down from my house, police were always raiding a house, we came home on multiple occasions to find our front door kicked in with our house ransacked and belongings missing, and if we bought expensive electronics, we had to sneek them in through the back door at 2am.

Now...it took my father over 16 years to renovate the whole house. With 4 kids and a wife, it was nearly impossible to do it any quicker. During this renovation, we had every animal/rodent/insect infestation known to man. I'm talking roach infestation, mouse infestation, an occasional rat would make an appearance, gnat infestation, waterbug infestation, centipede infestation, spider infestation, squirrel infestation, bird infestation, sometimes the neighborhood possums would drop by to hang out, fly infestation, moth infestation, bee infestation, ant infestation, and cat infestation. Yes! even random stray cats would find their way into the house and terrorize us.

So here I am, luckily, a well adjusted adult with a college degree and a career (as with my other siblings). My family and I are able to laugh about it now, and we have a good time reminiscing on the constant adventures, but would I have chosen that life if I could. HELL NO! When you are a child going through it, it was not fun at all.

I decided that you all are not uppity (LOL), and are dead on with the advice given. Homegirl needs to run for the hills, and let this man find someone who will love that hood life.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Ok so...at first I was thinking..."Dang these LHCF women are some uppity broads" and I was going to have to disagree with you all buuuuuuuuut I got to really thinking.

I grew up in the hood, AND the house was a fixer-upper, and I will tell you that I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

I was blessed to have two parents that were highly invested and involved in me and my siblings success in life. They did not have a lot of money, but they fought tooth and nail to keep my sister, 2 older brothers and I out of the streets. Drive-bys were a daily occurence on my block.

There was a crackhead commune 3 doors down from my house, police were always raiding a house, we came home on multiple occasions to find our front door kicked in with our house ransacked and belongings missing, and if we bought expensive electronics, we had to sneek them in through the back door at 2am.

Now...it took my father over 16 years to renovate the whole house. With 4 kids and a wife, it was nearly impossible to do it any quicker. During this renovation, we had every animal/rodent/insect infestation known to man. I'm talking roach infestation, mouse infestation, an occasional rat would make an appearance, gnat infestation, waterbug infestation, centipede infestation, spider infestation, squirrel infestation, bird infestation, sometimes the neighborhood possums would drop by to hang out, fly infestation, moth infestation, bee infestation, ant infestation, and cat infestation. Yes! even random stray cats would find their way into the house and terrorize us.

So here I am, luckily, a well adjusted adult with a college degree and a career (as with my other siblings). My family and I are able to laugh about it now, and we have a good time reminiscing on the constant adventures, but would I have chosen that life if I could. HELL NO! When you are a child going through it, it was not fun at all.

I decided that you all are not uppity (LOL), and are dead on with the advice given. Homegirl needs to run for the hills, and let this man find someone who will love that hood life.

He also needs to find someone who doesn't mind having life-altering decisions made without her consent and without consideration for what she needs/wants.

 

[Makenzie]

He also needs to find someone who doesn't mind having life-altering decisions made without her consent and without consideration for what she needs/wants.

This is what really stands out to me. Nothing is wrong with buying a fixer upper in the hood. But he bought it without talking to her about it. Getting her thoughts on it. Then want to look at her like she's the crazy one.

 

[lavaflow99]

Complete deal breaker...he had a huge life decision without talking to her. I don't understand how someone could buy a HOUSE without discussing it with his future WIFE!! It's not like he was buying a loaf of bread and didn't ask her if she wanted wheat or white. This is crazy and her response is obvious!!

 

[qchelle]

Well....maybe he wants them to have "that hood love, it's good love, that's me and you"



I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I have nothing substanital to add

We got hood love, I be cussin, I be screamin like it's ovaaaa....cause that's how we do...

I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm done.

 

[Theo]

oh my

you think you heard it all

is this a conversation that i'm going to need to have early on in the rlp?

you think some things are common sense lol

 

[SleekandBouncy]

At 40 do they not have some money saved up?

Besides the obvious problems with his behavior (making decision without her, etc. etc.) what is his rationale for why they have to live there? I'm not understanding.

I'm assuming she has the income to live in a better environment ??

 

[UmSumayyah]

OP what is your friend going to do? You know you can't leave us hanging like that.

 

[s_terry]

Hey ya'll, sorry for not getting back sooner. Well it went like this. I said many of the sentiments you all expressed here. She kinda caught attitude because she said it couldn't be so black and white especially since they are engaged, and he has never shown this lack of lucidness in the 2 years they have been dating. Which in my mind is not true, she's forgetting all the little pissed tirades I've listened to.

I told her I wasn't tripping and was concerned, and sometimes folks on the outside can see things those in love can't. I brought it to ya'll to see if I was being to hard. After showing her some of the posts here, she didn't have too much to say for the rest of the conversation. Our last conversation, where I showed her the posts, was 4 days ago. Haven't heard from her, and she hasn't returned 2 phone calls and a text. I'm like dayyumm dog!! I thought we were better than that! We have been through multiple relationships on both oUr parts and shared the good, bad and downright ugly!! I am sure I will hear back from her. I hope she makes the right decision.