To Be Content Alone

[kayte]

A Marriage Prayer for Singles

Father, I'm praying for (name one or more) and others in my circle of family and friends who are single...

Help them delight in You, for You have said when we do, You'll give us the desires of our heart. May their desires match Your desires, Your will and plan for their lives; then fulfill Your purpose for them. (Psalm 37:4; 57:2; 138:8)

As they wait, help them to keep Your ways, discerning what is best, keeping pure and blameless in Your sight. (Psalm 27:14; 37:34; Philippians 1:10)

I ask Your special touch on those who are single parents, because managing a home without a spouse can be difficult. May they put their hope in You, continuing night and day in prayer. May others in the body of Christ respond to their needs as they would want to be helped if they were alone. (1 Timothy 5:5; Matthew 7:12)

May they be fulfilled in Christ. In Jesus' name, amen.
- Jim & Kaye Johns

 

[kayte]

I had to post this! Two issues came up..big time

This came in today... ironically as today I joined the wondeful new forum belle's posted for us in the marriage prayer circle

#1
]It seems to me ...in my spiritual ..life just as I make a decision to do something
powerfully pro-active..
(I even dreamt of two hearts in emerald jeweled green entertwining into one big heart)

after I posted about my sister's miracles
ironically ...now...she's mad at me today
about something else...lol

in other words ....
I will get a message that sometimes completely contradicts a powerful action
or decision I have prayerfully made
I am open to hearing God in all ways ...
Does this happen to you....what do you do?


... issue #2
BIG FYI!
This prayer originated from co-authored by a MARRIED COUPLE
I do not understand prayers like this
I hate to use the word hypocritical....but ;(

Also I dont intend to keep the prayer up
after it's discussed I am going to edit to replace it with a postive
godly word of encouraging prayer..probably Shimmie's
and edit the title too!!!

I am heartened there is more and more of a proactive movement to expose
questionable ideals as this a disservice to godly people wishing partnership
and disservice to our God who said Himself

And God blessed them and said Be fruitful and mutiply

 

[Ms.Honey]

I'm confused. The prayer in the first post seems to be from a couple praying for those who are struggling with being single. It seems like a great prayer to me. Why does it need to be edited? Are you takling about the two points in post number 2 maybe?

 

[kayte]

I'm confused. The prayer in the first post seems to be from a couple praying for those who are struggling with being single. It seems like a great prayer to me. Why does it need to be edited? Are you takling about the two points in post number 2 maybe?

I'm troubled with the prayer because although I agree to it does target singles who are struggling with the issue....the main message I get from the content was that singles ought to be content being alone...
TO BE CONTENT TO BE ALONE that is the title of the prayer
....and as it's from a Christian married couple....
who clearly were not content to be alone and yet are advising other
singles to do so...I think that's duplicitous...it feels like a negative message rather than positive
although the second paragraph is a bit better

a God-inpsired desire to partner and procreate
is not the message they give to singles who want to pray for this

I think Shimmie's marriage prayer is a beautiful example
and response to singles rather than the posted prayer from the Johns~

and I do wonder about the issue of taking a strong powerful stance
spiritually only to receive a bibilcal messge that counters
this at times

 

[Ms.Honey]

I understand where you're coming from but it's not negative, it's true. A single has to be content being alone (not lonely) before the Lord will move them to the next state. If singles can't be content in the state that they are in the Lord can't use them to their fullest potential because they are distracted by getting married which I notice alot with the sisters in Christian forum.

Singles need to stop seeking to be married and let the Lord send someone their way when HE feels they are ready to handle it. Who can FIND a virtuous woman. We are to be sought not the other way around. Otherwise there will be fornicating and folks marrying the first thing that says Lord, Lord that comes their way. Then once they are married they WILL long for their single state again and seek to regain it.

The divorce rate among Christians is alarmingly high BECAUSE of our preoccupation with leaving the single state. I see more prayers for future DH's(which is not a promise of the Lord by the way) than prayers to be holy women of God and witnesses of Christ in the earth. Something is very wrong with our priorities.

The duty of a single woman is to care for the things of the Lord. It is not a step that can be skipped just because we are praying for or currently have boyfriends. If it is not obeyed without distraction of seeking a mate, He will not progress them to marriage. He changeth not. We can marry whomever we please whenever we please and usually do but God will not bless our mess.

 

[Bunny77]

I understand where you're coming from but it's not negative, it's true. A single has to be content being alone (not lonely) before the Lord will move them to the next state. If singles can't be content in the state that they are in the Lord can't use them to their fullest potential because they are distracted by getting married which I notice alot with the sisters in Christian forum.

Singles need to stop seeking to be married and let the Lord send someone their way when HE feels they are ready to handle it. Who can FIND a virtuous woman. We are to be sought not the other way around. Otherwise there will be fornicating and folks marrying the first thing that says Lord, Lord that comes their way. Then once they are married they WILL long for their single state again and seek to regain it.

The divorce rate among Christians is alarmingly high BECAUSE of our preoccupation with leaving the single state. I see more prayers for future DH's(which is not a promise of the Lord by the way) than prayers to be holy women of God and witnesses of Christ in the earth. Something is very wrong with our priorities.

The duty of a single woman is to care for the things of the Lord. It is not a step that can be skipped just because we are praying for or currently have boyfriends. If it is not obeyed without distraction of seeking a mate, He will not progress them to marriage. He changeth not. We can marry whomever we please whenever we please and usually do but God will not bless our mess.

Y'all know I love discussing this topic.

I have to agree with Kayte though... I don't think the prayer is meant in a negative way at all, but I am one of those who believes that a main reason for many people's current state of singleness is NOT because it's God's will, but because we as a society are unfortunately suffering from the poor choices of those before us. Once we as a people (specifically the black community) began denigrating marriage and began normalizing out-of-wedlock parenting, not "needing" fathers in the home, etc., then those things trickled down to our generation.

So young Christian women who probably would have easily been married a generation or two ago are now remaining single for longer than necessary because men are choosing to "take their time" and play the field instead of behaving maturely and marrying and starting families. There is no encouragement -- in fact, there's discouragement many times -- by people's parents and family to focus on marriage over "having fun" and "enjoying the single life," which makes it even more difficult for marriages to occur.

I do not see how God is being glorified by high rates of singleness among black women today. I do not see how it is God's will for a large number of women to become barren because they waited for years to marry before having children (as they should have), but because they had to wait for so long, they were not able to bear children.

I absolutely encourage single women who desire to marry to pray for that God-given desire, in addition to praying to become holy women of God and witnesses for Christ. The two are not mutually exclusive.

And finally, I think there is a major danger in this statement... If it is not obeyed without distraction of seeking a mate, He will not progress them to marriage. This, to me, assumes that one is supposed to reach some set state of spiritual growth BEFORE he/she can be married and if he/she does not reach this point, he/she will remain single. God does not say this. God does not put a "spiritual readiness" qualification on marriage, but I find it interesting that this concept has become more popular in conjunction with the rising rate of singleness. Perhaps folks know something is dreadfully wrong and are trying to find some kind of spiritually correct explanation for it, even though it's not necessarily Biblical?

So, while a single woman should not live in pain and depression over her single status, it is absolutely normal for her to desire marriage for her life. It wasn't until this last generation that we've started putting all of these "qualifications" on it.

 

[Ms.Honey]

It is the word of God and it is biblical. Single women are to care for the things of the Lord 1 Cor.7:32. It's not a suggestion. If you can not be happy and content in your single state you WILL NOT be happy and content for long once you marry. The Christian divorce rate is a warning of that.

We are Christians. We are not subject to the things of this world but to the word of God unless we choose to follow the world's way of having a relationship which many still cling too (boyfriends, SO, my boo etc.). What effects the marriage stats of other black women does not dictate the reasons Christian women aren't married. Only in part.

If one has been praying for years and the Lord still has not sent that blessing their way......... then it is time to ask the Lord why. Instead of continuing to pray the same fruitless prayer a heart to heart needs to be established between the unmarried and the Lord.

Sometimes, MOST times it IS them. Black women get married everyday why not them. Black Christian women get married everyday why not them. Unless the Lord has them on a specific assignment where marriage would not be convenient at this time what else could it possibly be? It is something about their walk and relationship with Him.

Some of the sisters in my singles bootcamp have come to a breakthrough on their singleness and accepted the truth of why they are still single, made Jesus their main focus (caring for the things of the Lord) not marriage and are now fellowshipping with suitable potential mates. Some have even rejected men the world said was a good catch because they were open to the Lord when He rejected them and ended it immediately. It didn't take years for the Lord to send holy, godly men their way, this happened within weeks of them changing their ways and they no longer were a hinderance to the plan of God for their lives. The Lord's hands were untied from him being able to set godly men their paths.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

It is the word of God and it is biblical. Single women are to care for the things of the Lord 1 Cor.7:32. It's not a suggestion. If you can not be happy and content in your single state you WILL NOT be happy and content for long once you marry. The Christian divorce rate is a warning of that.

We are Christians. We are not subject to the things of this world but to the word of God unless we choose to follow the world's way of having a relationship which many still cling too (boyfriends, SO, my boo etc.). What effects the marriage stats of other black women does not dictate the reasons Christian women aren't married. Only in part.

If one has been praying for years and the Lord still has not sent that blessing their way......... then it is time to ask the Lord why. Instead of continuing to pray the same fruitless prayer a heart to heart needs to be established between the unmarried and the Lord.

Sometimes, MOST times it IS them. Black women get married everyday why not them. Black Christian women get married everyday why not them. Unless the Lord has them on a specific assignment where marriage would not be convenient at this time what else could it possibly be? It is something about their walk and relationship with Him.

Some of the sisters in my singles bootcamp have come to a breakthrough on their singleness and accepted the truth of why they are still single, made Jesus their main focus (caring for the things of the Lord) not marriage and are now fellowshipping with suitable potential mates. Some have even rejected men the world said was a good catch because they were open to the Lord when He rejected them and ended it immediately. It didn't take years for the Lord to send holy, godly men their way, this happened within weeks of them changing their ways and they no longer were a hinderance to the plan of God for their lives. The Lord's hands were untied from him being able to set godly men their paths.

I agree wholeheartedly with the bold. As a single woman myself, I use to have such an intense urge to marry that it led me into some ungodly relationships with men in hopes that someone would marry me(because they promised they would right. . .) Since I've been single, I've learned so much about what my relationship with God is, is not, and should be.

 

[Bunny77]

It is the word of God and it is biblical. Single women are to care for the things of the Lord 1 Cor.7:32. It's not a suggestion. If you can not be happy and content in your single state you WILL NOT be happy and content for long once you marry. The Christian divorce rate is a warning of that.

1 Corinthians 7 is Paul's opinion on marriage and singleness. It can be interpreted many ways, but he is also speaking to a group of people who were dealing with famine in their lands and situations that made it unwise for them to marry at a certain time. Yes, Paul was divinely inspired, but he was giving his recommendations... God is the one who also said it was not good for man to be alone and commanded us to be fruitful and multiply.

We are Christians. We are not subject to the things of this world but to the word of God unless we choose to follow the world's way of having a relationship which many still cling too (boyfriends, SO, my boo etc.). What effects the marriage stats of other black women does not dictate the reasons Christian women aren't married. Only in part.

All the more reason to pray for a Godly marriage, and not a worldly relationship! If that means being single for a while, then that is fine, but there is nothing wrong with praying for a Godly marriage and then showing one's faith and belief in that through her actions.

If one has been praying for years and the Lord still has not sent that blessing their way......... then it is time to ask the Lord why. Instead of continuing to pray the same fruitless prayer a heart to heart needs to be established between the unmarried and the Lord.

Would one suggest that to someone who is sick, mentally ill, praying for a family member caught up in sin, etc.? Or would we keep praying faithfully in the belief that God can do all things, including provide husbands and wives for His children to carry out His will? Who said the prayer is fruitless just because it has not been answered... YET? My parents have also joined this prayer circle in recent months, which is something they have not done before, but having been married for close to 40 years, I believe they can see the blessings of a Godly marriage and want the same for their children.

Sometimes, MOST times it IS them. Black women get married everyday why not them. Black Christian women get married everyday why not them. Unless the Lord has them on a specific assignment where marriage would not be convenient at this time what else could it possibly be? It is something about their walk and relationship with Him.

Some of the sisters in my singles bootcamp have come to a breakthrough on their singleness and accepted the truth of why they are still single, made Jesus their main focus (caring for the things of the Lord) not marriage and are now fellowshipping with suitable potential mates. Some have even rejected men the world said was a good catch because they were open to the Lord when He rejected them and ended it immediately. It didn't take years for the Lord to send holy, godly men their way, this happened within weeks of them changing their ways and they no longer were a hinderance to the plan of God for their lives. The Lord's hands were untied from him being able to set godly men their paths.

Why are 70% of black women currently single then? More black women are NOT getting married than are... I am not saying that one should pray for marriage and then go about doing the same ole' same ole' worldly things (if she was doing them in the first place -- we don't know that) and hope for a different result. Part of the prayers for marriage are that we do so the right way, and not get caught up in the worldly ways of looking for "good catches." I can say that since I've been praying for marriage, I have seen changes in my decision making as well, and I am closer to having a Godly marriage today before I was when I was not praying for God's help and guidance in this matter.

Not everyone has the same story, and not every woman who is single is that way because there is something that SHE is doing wrong and that SHE alone is the one outside of God's will. I am also aware of women who started prayer circles for marriage and worked within their churches to promote marriage for single women and their marriage rates began to rise. They did not have to embrace their singleness for this to happen.

We are all sinners and have been since the Fall. I am sure that many of the "walks" of Christian men and women throughout history were filled with sin and strife, and yet, God blessed them with marriage because they lived in cultures in which marriage was valued and encouraged. If it was about "spiritual readiness," then the majority of those folks probably never would have married back then either.

So why should things suddenly be different now... God remains the same... it is OUR culture that has gotten it wrong!

 

[Bunny77]

I agree wholeheartedly with the bold. As a single woman myself, I use to have such an intense urge to marry that it led me into some ungodly relationships with men in hopes that someone would marry me(because they promised they would right. . .) Since I've been single, I've learned so much about what my relationship with God is, is not, and should be.

I agree with this too. While I want to marry, I am going to listen more closely to God on about this because I don't want to enter ungodly relationships. But I think that by having faith in God's will for marriage and to go to Him in prayer about it, that has made it easier for me, at least, to avoid ungodly relationships with the wrong men.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

I agree with this too. While I want to marry, I am going to listen more closely to God on about this because I don't want to enter ungodly relationships. But I think that by having faith in God's will for marriage and to go to Him in prayer about it, that has made it easier for me, at least, to avoid ungodly relationships with the wrong men.

TELL IT!!! it feels good to not settle anymore because you have to be some kind of man to compare with what God has to offer.

 

[Ms.Honey]

To pray is one thing, to pray and not ask God why is another. It's avoidance.

I didn't say sinless but one should not be living a sinful lifestyle and their IS a difference. We can obey God and do it successfully. Like I said, black Christian women get married everyday and they marry black Christian men. If what you are doing (not you specifically) isn't working after years of praying, ask the Lord for some insight as to the reason why.

God needs a woman He can trust and one who is in obedience to His word. Some of us are still fornicating and expecting God to send someone holy our way. Why would He send a man to someone who does not have their flesh under control. Many a good potential mate have passed some by because they are still entangled in foolishness. Some of us are still emotional wrecks and will kill a relationship if the Lord sent someone our way. Why would we think God we do that to a man that He loves JUST as much as He loves us? Many of the singles could have BEEN married if they had just humbled themselves before the Lord and asked HIM why

It is far easier to blame society and the world for our state than to look within for the true cause. God can not help us if we are in denial.

 

[Bunny77]

To pray is one thing, to pray and not ask God why is another. It's avoidance.

Okay, I agree with this!

I didn't say sinless but one should not be living a sinful lifestyle and their IS a difference. We can obey God and do it successfully. Like I said, black Christian women get married everyday and they marry black Christian men. If what you are doing (not you specifically) isn't working after years of praying, ask the Lord for some insight as to the reason why.


God needs a woman He can trust and one who is in obedience to His word. Some of us are still fornicating and expecting God to send someone holy our way. Why would He send a man to someone who does not have their flesh under control. Many a good potential mate have passed some by because they are still entangled in foolishness. Some of us are still emotional wrecks and will kill a relationship if the Lord sent someone our way. Why would we think God we do that to a man that He loves JUST as much as He loves us? Many of the singles could have BEEN married if they had just humbled themselves before the Lord and asked HIM why

It is far easier to blame society and the world for our state than to look within for the true cause. God can not help us if we are in denial.

Agree with this too for the most part... but I still think though that the fact that singleness rates among black men are also pretty high (65% last time I checked) plays a role. If men aren't asking, then women aren't marrying. I know since we're women, we can only focus on ourselves, but if men are living in ungodly ways and avoiding marriage, then the women can do everything they're supposed to be doing and still have trouble marrying.

My problem with a lot of this talk is that the assumption is that all of these quality men walking in God's word are out there just a-waitin', and we women who are stumbling are preventing them from entering our paths. The men's role in this issue is never explored, which is why I say the problem is often bigger than women alone who are stumbling. I dare say that the men are the ones struggling more with keeping their flesh under control than most women, and many of the men are out of God's will because they are NOT seeking wives. If they are not seeking wives as they are commanded, then women will not marry.

ALL of us are falling outside of God's will, and that's created the problem here.

This verse seems to fit the situation...Psalms 78:63 Fire devoured their young men. Their virgins had no wedding song.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Okay, I agree with this!



Agree with this too for the most part... but I still think though that the fact that singleness rates among black men are also pretty high (65% last time I checked) plays a role. If men aren't asking, then women aren't marrying. I know since we're women, we can only focus on ourselves, but if men are living in ungodly ways and avoiding marriage, then the women can do everything they're supposed to be doing and still have trouble marrying.

My problem with a lot of this talk is that the assumption is that all of these quality men walking in God's word are out there just a-waitin', and we women who are stumbling are preventing them from entering our paths. The men's role in this issue is never explored, which is why I say the problem is often bigger than women alone who are stumbling. I dare say that the men are the ones struggling more with keeping their flesh under control than most women, and many of the men are out of God's will because they are NOT seeking wives. If they are not seeking wives as they are commanded, then women will not marry.

ALL of us are falling outside of God's will, and that's created the problem here.

IMO, men aren't asking because God wont let them, because we(as a whole, not you and I because we are single and happy, but willing to be married too) are more focused on the men than we are on God. God is a jealous God and he aint having it. He is the blocker extraodinaire and wont have just anyone stepping to his girls

 

[Bunny77]

IMO, men aren't asking because God wont let them, because we(as a whole, not you and I because we are single and happy, but willing to be married too) are more focused on the men than we are on God. God is a jealous God and he aint having it. He is the blocker extraodinaire and wont have just anyone stepping to his girls

Or are the men ALSO not focused on God? Because if they were, I'm sure they would find a Godly woman to marry and not have a problem asking.

If they are also operating outside of God's will because they are focused on worldly things and not God, then they too will engage in sin and avoid of Godly courtship and marriage.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Or are the men ALSO not focused on God? Because if they were, I'm sure they would find a Godly woman to marry and not have a problem asking.

If they are also operating outside of God's will because they are focused on worldly things and not God, then they too will engage in sin and avoid of Godly courtship and marriage.

And WHOOMP there it is. Marriage is God's and we have tampered with it, abused it, neglected it, and all sorts of things in order to make it what we want, and not what he ordained it to be.

 

[Bunny77]

And WHOOMP there it is. Marriage is God's and we have tampered with it, abused it, neglected it, and all sorts of things in order to make it what we want, and not what he ordained it to be.

You know, as with a lot of topics on this board, I think there's more agreement than disagreement, even if we might say things a little differently!

 

[Sasha Fierce]

To pray is one thing, to pray and not ask God why is another. It's avoidance.

Can y'all break this down for me?

Does it mean that when we pray and don't receive an answer we should ask God to show us why?

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Can y'all break this down for me?

Does it mean that when we pray and don't receive an answer we should ask God to show us why?

more like when you keep pestering God about something and not getting any answer at all, but you are just hoping that it will come to pass rather than asking more specifically if, when, why, where, how you can direct your prayers on the issue. By asking him his input rather than placing your order for what you want you submit to his will.

 

[Ms.Honey]

We HAVE to stop limiting God. He is not subject to stats. If you are in position to marry and it is His will for you to marry then He will have NO problem finding an appropriate mate. Those questions need to be asked of Him. "Lord is it YOUR will for me to marry and if so what do I need to do to get prepared?" Many are called but few are chosen because they are not aligned with God in other areas of their lives.

 

[Bunny77]

We HAVE to stop limiting God. He is not subject to stats. If you are in position to marry and it is His will for you to marry then He will have NO problem finding an appropriate mate. Those questions need to be asked of Him. "Lord is it YOUR will for me to marry and if so what do I need to do to get prepared?" Many are called but few are chosen because they are not aligned with God in other areas of their lives.

Well... a few Christian ministers might say that God already stated that its His will for all of us to get married unless we are specifically called to a life of celibacy/singleness, so one does not have to ask if it is His will, because it's already been determined to be so.

Now, this doesn't mean that it will happen for all, but just because it doesn't happen doesn't mean that it wasn't His will.

Like you, I believe that God can do ALL things... but we perhaps differ in that I believe that God also offers free will to all, and because of that, some of us will suffer as the result of others' free will (i.e. the answer to the proverbial, "Why does God let bad things happen to good people" question.)

So, while God may not be subject to stats, I can definitely believe that low marriage rates are the result of the trickle-down effect of sin... when people chose to do things outside of God's will, this was His response.

I don't remember any situations in the Bible in which anyone was instructed that they had to "prepare" for marriage. Folks just got married because that was what you were supposed to do. Once we decided over the past few decades that we wanted to do otherwise, well, this is the inevitable result.

And all the more need for prayer that God restores us back to his original design, which is marriage for the overwhelming majority of his children.

 

[tgrowe]

A book that I highly recommend, as it helped me a great deal when I was single, is called "A Lady in Waiting: Developing your Love Relationships!" It's not what one would think if you become engulfed in the title but rather gives Godly insight on becoming a lady of character, wisdom, virtue, etc. in your singleness whether you are want to get married, planning to get married, or never get married. It taught me to focus on developing my love relationship with the Lord and desire a closer walk with him before desiring a mate. The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:6- to "be careful (anxious) for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses understanding will gaurd you heart and mind through Christ Jesus."

 

[Sasha Fierce]

more like when you keep pestering God about something and not getting any answer at all, but you are just hoping that it will come to pass rather than asking more specifically if, when, why, where, how you can direct your prayers on the issue. By asking him his input rather than placing your order for what you want you submit to his will.

Thanks, SuperNova.

 

[Ms.Honey]

more like when you keep pestering God about something and not getting any answer at all, but you are just hoping that it will come to pass rather than asking more specifically if, when, why, where, how you can direct your prayers on the issue. By asking him his input rather than placing your order for what you want you submit to his will.

AMEN!!!!!

Can y'all break this down for me?

Does it mean that when we pray and don't receive an answer we should ask God to show us why?

The Lord says in His word, "Let us reason this thing together", let's talk about what's going on with you. We need to constantly seek Him and His counsel. What we do instead is give Him our desires (wishlist basically) without asking Him to order our steps, adjust our plans. We want to, "name and claim" everything and tell Him what He owes us. You owe me a husband, a house, a car, a job etc. without being in a position to receive anything because of our arrogance. What if He doesn't want you to have the house you've been praying for but wants you to live in a bigger and better one because someone is going to need shelter and He knows you won't harm them? What if He wants you to drive a minivan instead of that sports car you've been "claiming" because He needs you to get some folks to church. What if He doesn't want you to marry because He needs you to travel to exotic places all over the world, preaching the gospel? We need to ask," What is your will Lord? This is what I want but what do YOU want?". Jesus is our first example, " Nevertheless Lord, I want YOUR will to be done in my life!". Peace comes when we seek His will for our lives instead of our own.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

I just wanted to add that this single contentment is VERY new to me. What is helping me to rationalize it all has been to switch my focus. I started to be honest with myself about the reasons I felt like I should get married and the reality that my reasons were . . .selfish. I didn't really want to marry for companionship and . . .love. I wanted someone to go half on the rent, half on childcare, half on the dishes and love and companionship would be a bonus. Sort of like I had been treating God. I was placing my order with God to the point that I had neglected the relationship with him. Sure I was content with his giving and keeping things in order, but I didn't take the time to just commune with God and be in relationship with him.

I still want to get married but for different reasons now and I have accepted the fact that it is up to God whether or not I have a marriage that he wants me to have. I no longer want marriage unless it is directed and ordered by him. We could all get married(illegal aliens would love to oblidge) but we have to get honest about our reasons for wanting marriage and spend time being content with God being our husband while we hash it all out. just my opinion though, it works for me.

 

[yodie]

AMEN!!!!!!!!

Y'all know I love discussing this topic.

I have to agree with Kayte though... I don't think the prayer is meant in a negative way at all, but I am one of those who believes that a main reason for many people's current state of singleness is NOT because it's God's will, but because we as a society are unfortunately suffering from the poor choices of those before us. Once we as a people (specifically the black community) began denigrating marriage and began normalizing out-of-wedlock parenting, not "needing" fathers in the home, etc., then those things trickled down to our generation.

So young Christian women who probably would have easily been married a generation or two ago are now remaining single for longer than necessary because men are choosing to "take their time" and play the field instead of behaving maturely and marrying and starting families. There is no encouragement -- in fact, there's discouragement many times -- by people's parents and family to focus on marriage over "having fun" and "enjoying the single life," which makes it even more difficult for marriages to occur.

I do not see how God is being glorified by high rates of singleness among black women today. I do not see how it is God's will for a large number of women to become barren because they waited for years to marry before having children (as they should have), but because they had to wait for so long, they were not able to bear children.

I absolutely encourage single women who desire to marry to pray for that God-given desire, in addition to praying to become holy women of God and witnesses for Christ. The two are not mutually exclusive.

And finally, I think there is a major danger in this statement... If it is not obeyed without distraction of seeking a mate, He will not progress them to marriage. This, to me, assumes that one is supposed to reach some set state of spiritual growth BEFORE he/she can be married and if he/she does not reach this point, he/she will remain single. God does not say this. God does not put a "spiritual readiness" qualification on marriage, but I find it interesting that this concept has become more popular in conjunction with the rising rate of singleness. Perhaps folks know something is dreadfully wrong and are trying to find some kind of spiritually correct explanation for it, even though it's not necessarily Biblical?

So, while a single woman should not live in pain and depression over her single status, it is absolutely normal for her to desire marriage for her life. It wasn't until this last generation that we've started putting all of these "qualifications" on it.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Well... a few Christian ministers might say that God already stated that its His will for all of us to get married unless we are specifically called to a life of celibacy/singleness, so one does not have to ask if it is His will, because it's already been determined to be so.

Now, this doesn't mean that it will happen for all, but just because it doesn't happen doesn't mean that it wasn't His will.

Like you, I believe that God can do ALL things... but we perhaps differ in that I believe that God also offers free will to all, and because of that, some of us will suffer as the result of others' free will (i.e. the answer to the proverbial, "Why does God let bad things happen to good people" question.)

So, while God may not be subject to stats, I can definitely believe that low marriage rates are the result of the trickle-down effect of sin... when people chose to do things outside of God's will, this was His response.

I don't remember any situations in the Bible in which anyone was instructed that they had to "prepare" for marriage. Folks just got married because that was what you were supposed to do. Once we decided over the past few decades that we wanted to do otherwise, well, this is the inevitable result.

And all the more need for prayer that God restores us back to his original design, which is marriage for the overwhelming majority of his children.

The stats are not going to get better because the world is going to wax worse and worse (biblical). So where is God going to find these men since He's limited to this pool?
They were prepared for marriage in biblical times because they were raised to marry. The man also sought the wife not the other way around. He was presented to her family and a decision was made whether or not the man was worthy not the woman. There is also no examples that I can think of of the Lord having women pray for husbands.

If we can just marry whoever we want and God is cool with it, no preparing for marriage necessary please explain the divorce rate of over 50% for Christian marriages, let's forget the world. It seems to me that somebody was NOT prepared, somebody did NOT heed the warnings of the Lord, did NOT ask if that person was the one HE wanted them with and married someone that was not blessed by God for them. Asking the Lord is simple, saves a ton of time and loads of grief. Any minister who would suggest that we don't need to ask the Lord if it's His will for us to marry is a fool. What harm will it cause to ask Him? I see none but I see a lot of harm caused by not asking.

 

[kayte]

If one has been praying for years and the Lord still has not sent that blessing their way......... then it is time to ask the Lord why. Instead of continuing to pray the same fruitless prayer a heart to heart needs to be established between the unmarried and the Lord.

thanks for your thoughts ...
love discussing this....

I don't believe this,though. about fruitless praying ...
fruitless..to whom?
who can determine what is in the private
relationship between a person and their God
that one can deem that idea fruitless...that is between the prayer-er and God
I can't make that assesment... it's not my business or my right
neither is it the Johns to say ....
there are ways to say ..be at love in your own self
without saying and titling their prayer
be content to be alone
it's insensitive and not meaningful without expanding on why
or even what it means
especially from the pen of a married couple

they can say
we are praying for those who are struggling
give them peace that surpasses human understanding as
they turn to you with thier request of loving godly partnership
give your love when they need it most and open theway to
prepare for them to be in right realtionship

but to say let them feel content with being
alone .....I don't agree
I'd love to edit to Shimmie's prayer which addresses
the issue beautifully
with love and with sensitivity

and heart to heart?....that is a Christian given ..for every Chritian
and not as a holy default for the unmarried
who has yet to realize heart desire ...and certainly not just for marriage requests
it's a way of the holy life..being umarried with a desire to be married
does not eliminate or even disqualify that intimacy

Hannah prayed for years and with such passion a priest thought she was drunk!
the CF woman of this month prayed for years....
It does not say in the bible to give up or that years of prayers are considered fruitless ..respectfully ...that is human judgement...not spiritual design
rather Jesus tells of the parable of the widow who knocked on the door of the judge and would not stop unitl he helped her and there are more where HE insists
to keep praying in request and in HIS NAME

If you are in position to marry and it is His will for you to marry then He will have NO problem finding an appropriate mate

respectfully disagree
Once again human doctrine and human judgement based on
the natural instead of superGod-natural would mandate...focus on what is seen

though in Hebrews it states
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for..the evidence not seen

human logic would have us think anything God wants us to have comes easily or it is not of God ..and if a struggle .. ..well then God does not mean for us to have it
anyway!

all we have to do,however is open the bible
most of the people the heroes in the bible struggled mightily
The psalms are filled with David's cries who initially easly killed a giant
was crowned king and spent the beginning of His kingship fleeing Saul
Joseph the prime govenor of Egypt was sold in to slavery as a boy by his brothers
Sarah..gave birth at almost 100 years
look at Barack Obama...why should he be president with his humble start
Joel Osteen's father and grandfather were dirt poor...
Oprah Winfey was abused..Maya Angeou assaulted ..etc
JKRowling on welfare

do understand what I'm saying?
once you accept that premise that it must come easily to be of God
..you by pass the right and blessing of Christ to make what we as humans
experience as miracles
via the proces of faith
which is the fulcrum of the miracle
when all hope is lost God is our HOPE
so our God show us how He does not ascribe to our equations
there is no such thing as fruitless prayer or prayers
unless one is a pharisee..and I mean in ethic..not a literal

but not everyone will agree...I dislike the prayer!!!
but I respect the feeling of those who feel it speaks to the single
for this single it most emphatically..lol..does not

 

[Ms.Honey]

thanks for your thoughts ...
love discussing this....

I don't believe this,though. about fruitless praying ...
fruitless..to whom?
who can determine what is in the private
relationship between a person and their God
that one can deem that idea fruitless...that is between the prayer-er and God
I can't make that assesment... it's not my business or my right
neither is it the Johns to say ....
there are ways to say ..be at love in your own self
without saying and titling their prayer
be content to be alone
it's insensitive and not meaningful without expanding on why
or even what it means
especially from the pen of a married couple

they can say
we are praying for those who are struggling
give them peace that surpasses human understanding as
they turn to you with thier request of loving godly partnership
give your love when they need it most and open theway to
prepare for them to be in right realtionship

but to say let them feel content with being
alone .....I don't agree
I'd love to edit to Shimmie's prayer which addresses
the issue beautifully
with love and with sensitivity

and heart to heart?....that is a Christian given ..for every Chritian
and not as a holy default for the unmarried
who has yet to realize heart desire ...and certainly not just for marriage requests
it's a way of the holy life..being umarried with a desire to be married
does not eliminate or even disqualify that intimacy

Hannah prayed for years and with such passion a priest thought she was drunk!
the CF woman of this month prayed for years....
It does not say in the bible to give up or that years of prayers are considered fruitless ..respectfully ...that is human judgement...not spiritual design
rather Jesus tells of the parable of the widow who knocked on the door of the judge and would not stop unitl he helped her and there are more where HE insists
to keep praying in request and in HIS NAME




respectfully disagree
Once again human doctrine and human judgement based on
the natural instead of superGod-natural would mandate...focus on what is seen

though in Hebrews it states
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for..the evidence not seen

human logic would have us think anything God wants us to have comes easily or it is not of God ..and if a struggle .. ..well then God does not mean for us to have it
anyway!

all we have to do,however is open the bible
most of the people the heroes in the bible struggled mightily
The psalms are filled with David's cries who initially easly killed a giant
was crowned king and spent the beginning of His kingship fleeing Saul
Joseph the prime govenor of Egypt was sold in to slavery as a boy by his brothers
Sarah..gave birth at almost 100 years
look at Barack Obama...why should he be president with his humble start
Joel Osteen's father and grandfather were dirt poor...
Oprah Winfey was abused..Maya Angeou assaulted ..etc
JKRowling on welfare

do understand what I'm saying?
once you accept that premise that it must come easily to be of God
..you by pass the right and blessing of Christ to make what we as humans
experience as miracles
via the proces of faith
which is the fulcrum of the miracle
when all hope is lost God is our HOPE
so our God show us how He does not ascribe to our equations
there is no such thing as fruitless prayer or prayers
unless one is a pharisee..and I mean in ethic..not a literal

but not everyone will agree...I dislike the prayer!!!
but I respect the feeling of those who feel it speaks to the single
for this single it most emphatically..lol..does not

Do not limit God. Ask Him why. He is all knowing.

 

[Bunny77]

The stats are not going to get better because the world is going to wax worse and worse (biblical). So where is God going to find these men since He's limited to this pool?
They were prepared for marriage in biblical times because they were raised to marry. The man also sought the wife not the other way around. He was presented to her family and a decision was made whether or not the man was worthy not the woman. There is also no examples that I can think of of the Lord having women pray for husbands.

The bold is exactly my point. Men and women are NOT being raised to marry today, and that's why marriages aren't taking place. Women in the Bible did not have the need to pray for husbands because getting married was not an issue. Since people today have dropped the ball on fulfilling God's intended will for marriage, many women have felt compelled to pray that God will break through this current sinful state of relationships so that they are able to marry. They are praying for a Godly man to seek them.

If we can just marry whoever we want and God is cool with it, no preparing for marriage necessary please explain the divorce rate of over 50% for Christian marriages, let's forget the world. It seems to me that somebody was NOT prepared, somebody did NOT heed the warnings of the Lord, did NOT ask if that person was the one HE wanted them with and married someone that was not blessed by God for them. Asking the Lord is simple, saves a ton of time and loads of grief. Any minister who would suggest that we don't need to ask the Lord if it's His will for us to marry is a fool. What harm will it cause to ask Him? I see none but I see a lot of harm caused by not asking.

Again, all the more reason to pray for God to lead you toward a marriage of His will and NOT marry whomever we want. Also, once marriage takes place, a whole different set of temptations and situations take place, and even a Godly couple that "prepared" beforehand could be in danger of divorce if they don't continue to pray for their marriage and put God first. Job loss, miscarriages, depression, family illnesses, etc... all those can tear even the most faithful Christians asunder and unfortunately, the world will encourage divorce before encouraging them to turn to God. We live in a "me first" society, so it unfortunately would result in more divorces.

This does NOT mean that all of those couples shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Some shouldn't have, but others probably could save their marriage if they are given the guidance and encouragement that they need. That's where a lot of churches can -- and do -- step in to help. But again, when we live in a culture where marriage is NOT encouraged, OF COURSE divorce would be more common.

I won't say whether those ministers are fools or not... maybe they see Godly marriage as a ministry just as much as anything else.