Pat Mahurr
Pun intended
This is about making her postpone her retirement by an entire year. I don’t know about @Transformer , but Most people I know don’t love their jobs enough to WORK an additional YEAR if they don’t have to.
Ticked At Spouse - Asked To Continue Working
- Thread starter Transformer
- Start date
Transformer
Well-Known Member
You know it is never the work....just the people surrounding the work.
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
that's one of her points. he doesnt know how to/doesnt do/doesnt plan to do any of those things.I don’t see the big deal personally. Yall are all the tail end of retirement and very well off if your posts are any indication. Idk how long y’all have been together but I don’t see the problem in indulging what is likely to be a one off request. I would play along, but make it very clear you expect sheets to be washed and changed, clothes to be washed, dried, ironed and folded, breakfast, lunch, and dinner prepared along with every other household item that needs to be completed, in addition to being ready to feed and sex me by the time I got home. See how long his fantasy will persist then. I don’t see the issue with role reversal/roleplay but alas I am young and unmarried and therefore my opinion counts for naught in this space.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
I don’t see the big deal personally. Yall are all the tail end of retirement and very well off if your posts are any indication. Idk how long y’all have been together but I don’t see the problem in indulging what is likely to be a one off request. I would play along, but make it very clear you expect sheets to be washed and changed, clothes to be washed, dried, ironed and folded, breakfast, lunch, and dinner prepared along with every other household item that needs to be completed, in addition to being ready to feed and sex me by the time I got home. See how long his fantasy will persist then. I don’t see the issue with role reversal/roleplay but alas I am young and unmarried and therefore my opinion counts for naught in this space.
This sounds like a list of demands that he will reject upon receipt. First things he will ask...."but when do I get in my racket ball/ tennis games, my 25 mile bike ride, and my league bowling that he does 3 times a week? I will also DEMAND that he perform all the lawn work himself.
I think this will put an end to his FANTASY.
LeftRightRepeat
Well-Known Member
Maybe like my dh he's afraid that he will suddenly have a long "honey do " list if you're home and he won't have as much freedom
(my honey do list revolves around the pets and the kids and he has more vacation time so he's stuck with it)
(my honey do list revolves around the pets and the kids and he has more vacation time so he's stuck with it)
hunnychile
Well-Known Member
Oh nah, he’s tripping.
we should change SAH to WAH (work at home). Running a household is a job.But nothing. He can do what he wants when he’s off the clock. My original thought was maybe you were a SAHW/M and he wanted to earnestly see what it was like. I see now that he’s trying to get over.
I also think a year is unrealistic. A month or two at most for the experience but sounds like he got intentions to kickback while you do all the work. Yeah, that’s not okay.
Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
You don have to keep working for him to be a house husband though. He can cultivate home making skills if he wants to with you enjoying retirement at the same time. I didn't hear anything in the plan that would require you to keep working.
I'd let him be a house husband during my first year of retirement and to to show him how much I support him even give him a list of household chores to complete each day
I'd let him be a house husband during my first year of retirement and to to show him how much I support him even give him a list of household chores to complete each day
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Transformer
Well-Known Member
He has been off the entire month of December. Doesn't go back to work until January.
Today, he's babysitting our sick grandson to give DIL a break. She has been up with him 24 hrs for 3 days. GS is the only person that can stop his usual "gym appointments."
Transformer
Well-Known Member
He wants me away from the house so that I don't interfere in his leisure time plan. Once he returns from his tennis or bowling matches the only person he wants to see is Ben Gay....therefore no prepared evening meals. I can hear his cunning and laughing already.
It will start off ..."It's funny that you mentioned dinner....well I had every intent on fixing blueberry muffins, collards, and porkchops....but you see I did this overhead slam....."
It will start off ..."It's funny that you mentioned dinner....well I had every intent on fixing blueberry muffins, collards, and porkchops....but you see I did this overhead slam....."
Transformer
Well-Known Member
I think this is it exactly. He doesn't want daily supervision. Thank you for pointing me down the right road.
faithVA
Well-Known Member
I will agree to it if he starts cooking and cleaning now starting with 3 days a week and adding a day every quarter. He must cook meals that meet my dietar requirements. With thought i may have more conditions. Upon his retirement must cook and clean per some arrangement. If he fails to meet the arrangement twice outside of some exclusions then the contract ends at that point and I am free to retire when I want.
If he doesn' get it together in the next 12 months I'm not out of anything and over the next few months I may have less cooking and cleaning to do.
If he doesn' get it together in the next 12 months I'm not out of anything and over the next few months I may have less cooking and cleaning to do.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
It’s a strange request. How ‘bout you go first. You retire and he work an additional year. Tell him you always wanted to be a kept woman. Tell him you’d love to have a full year of doing whatever you wanted uninterrupted, lunch with girlfriends, mid-day grocery shopping, watch your shows eating bon bons. (I know that isn’t the normal life of a sah person — but hey we’re indulging fantasies here. But also you can do those things especially since you don’t have children to care for, why not?)
Then tell him you will get a job for exactly one year doing something fun while he stays at home. Tell him this is also a fantasy of yours, you’ve always fantasized about coming home from work to a clean home, a home cooked meal, and a foot massage.
I will tell you that I would be livid as well at such a request. It’s feels like a betrayal. Retiring together is sweet and signifies partnership. Him attempting to change directions mid-course and put a burden on you is the opposite of partnership. It’s selfish and honestly unmasculine. It’s a turn off.
Then tell him you will get a job for exactly one year doing something fun while he stays at home. Tell him this is also a fantasy of yours, you’ve always fantasized about coming home from work to a clean home, a home cooked meal, and a foot massage.
I will tell you that I would be livid as well at such a request. It’s feels like a betrayal. Retiring together is sweet and signifies partnership. Him attempting to change directions mid-course and put a burden on you is the opposite of partnership. It’s selfish and honestly unmasculine. It’s a turn off.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Yes, I felt it was a turn off and unmasculine. However, I do have my concerns about us retiring at the same time..... I think we will just nag at each other.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Welp then my plan gives you guys two additional years to prepare for joint retirement. Just ladies first.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
hopeful
Well-Known Member
lol - how good of a provider has he been before this? Does he have his retirement coins stacked already and just wants to live this dream of his?
If he has been financially great, and will be okay even if you make $0, I'll do it for him for 3 - 6 months (if I dont hate the job) so he gets his dream... lol....
If he has been financially great, and will be okay even if you make $0, I'll do it for him for 3 - 6 months (if I dont hate the job) so he gets his dream... lol....
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
All the (happy) retired couples I know have arranged a setup where they either repurpose the basement or the garage for dude to go off and have his alone time in so they aren't in each others faces all day. Put in a shower, couch/easy chair, tv,etc. so it's completely his space.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
We’re good financially.....this is really about not knowing how to coexist in retirement.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
He has entire man-cave floor, that includes bar, pool table, exercise room, movie room, a separate mini kitchen, bathroom, bedroom..but he won’t go there....he doesn’t use it now.
But, if we are going to retire together we must come up with a game plan where we ignore each other for the first eight hours of the day.
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IronButterfly
Well-Known Member
Have you told him about YOUR fantasy? The one where the husband gets up and cooks breakfast for you before you wake in the morning and has all dishes washed before you come home? The one that can throw down in the kitchen cooking full course meals, do the the laundry on time without prompting, keep the bathroom and kitchen spotless and washes the car at least twice a week by hand? Takes out the trash and does the shopping without requiring assistance from you? How about the husband that not only does the yard work, but the one who rubs your feet, shoulders and back when work has got you tired and drained?
Instead of getting mad, reassess your fantasy, lay it on the table and see if he's man enough to fulfill it.
Instead of getting mad, reassess your fantasy, lay it on the table and see if he's man enough to fulfill it.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Well, damn!!
OhTall1
Well-Known Member
Not funny, but I'm just imaging y'all living on love, coffee and spaghetti like
I agree with whoever suggested that you share your fantasy with him and see how he feels about it.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Sounds like he has it pretty good already. TF else does he want?
I reiterate:
Me....not interfering with his groove. The squirrels are back in the outdoor Sofitt. I told him to set traps last week...tomorrow I will call the trappers who was suppose to evict and relocate thoes damn squirels this spring. They are back...finding the food they stored up there.
The biggest problem I’m going to have is that I like silence in the mornings....until after lunch. he tunes on Sports Talk and Political Talk shows at 6am.
We really need separate houses.
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