Threesome About to Become a Twosome :(

[SelahOco]

I hear you, but I disagree. Catching feelings for a friend, not to mention one that is of the same sex, is a boundary-crossing deal breaker. Friends are platonic entities; you never dally with them (or the help). That's just how my friends, family and I roll. Still, I respect your view on the issue.

Can we help who we develop and attraction for though?

 

[SelahOco]

Maaaan, it shouldn't be this hard I have a bi best friend and I know she's looked at me some kind of way before (that emotional attraction), she never did anything, but I knew. Eventually, she moves on. We're still best friends. You may be the only mature one in the bunch.

I've been there too. She never tried the physical but the emotional was definitely more than friendly.

I was flattered I must be a terrible person.

 

[Arian]

Can we help who we develop and attraction for though?

Unfortunately, no.

 

[PJaye]

Can we help who we develop and attraction for though?

Unfortunately, no.

I disagree. I think we have more control than we may like to believe (e.g., an individual is attracted to a someone who is, for all intents and purposes, inappropriate or unobtainable. If the person sticks around and continues to engage the object of their attraction, albeit platonically, to the extent that the attraction evolves into deeper feelings = they allowed it to happen).

If you're drawn to someone that is off limits in some way, the proper thing to do, IMO, is to immediately shut things down and move on. However, people typically resist doing this because having a crush feels good and they're unwilling to let all of the cutesy back-and-forth go.

Further, if you ask a reasonable person why their mate isn't a so-called kang or quain, the response will most likely be "because I have standards." Exactly! They discovered that the cute individual they were attracted to was FOS, so the shut things down and hauled a**. If a person sticks around and allows things to progress, they made a conscious decision to do so. Simply put, they chose it.

 

[Mortons]

If you're drawn to someone that is off limits in some way, the proper thing to do, IMO, is to immediately shut things down and move on. However, people typically resist doing this because having a crush feels good and they're unwilling to let all of the cutesy back-and-forth go.

I wish life was as easy as this paragraph. Unfortunately, even for the most logical of persons, this is a difficult task when you have an emotional connection and good friendship.

I think that Jane should tell Karen, then Jane can decide how to proceed, for herself. Its likely most difficult for Jane because being in this situation sucks booty.

I have an emotional connection with a friend and its hard for the two of us to maintain that distance but it can be done. Eventually though one person might decide its too hard and walk away, and thats ok too.

 

[Enyo]

I wish life was as easy as this paragraph. Unfortunately, even for the most logical of persons, this is a difficult task when you have an emotional connection and good friendship.

For me it's like the frog in the boiling pot analogy. Luckily, I have only experienced Jane's situation once and it totally crept up on me. By the time I realized what was happening, I was in too deep. Luckily the guy moved away. But since Jane, Karen, and I go to school together it is a problem.

ETA: Lord, all things are about to come to light this weekend. I will update ASAP. I'm not gonna be there when it happens, but I'm sure I'll be getting a phone call for sure.

 

[Enyo]

UPDATE!!

OK, so apparently Jane arranged to meet up with Karen to discuss the situation. I have not spoken with Karen, but Jane called me right after and told me what happened. I try to keep in mind that this is Jane's version. She was a little emotional, so I don't know how reliable it is. Blow by blow according to Jane.

*Jane just came out told Karen that over the last few months that she had been feeling confused about her feelings for Karen. (She is very blunt, so this is probably accurate)
*Karen was confused
*Jane went on to say that her feelings of friendship had started to become romantic
*Karen was taken aback and even more confused
*Jane said that she didn't mean for it to happen, but it developed so slowly that she didn't realize what happened until she blew up over the last idiot Karen dated. Jane then goes on to say that she understands if Karen wants to keep her distance.
*Karen says she needs time to think and leaves (politely and kindly, but she still left)
*Jane calls me and tells me what happens, is shaken, but glad it's out there
*I tell her she did the right thing and then came here to tell ya'll

So, it's up in the air right now. I'm proud of Karen for taking it like a grown woman and proud of Jane for finally acting like one. I'm so thankful it didn't get ugly. Awkward, but not ugly! I really want all of us to be the Three Musketeers again, but I doubt that will happen. The dynamics have changed permanently.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

See, that was handled very well by all. Now everyone can make honest and informed decisions about their friendships/relationships.

 

[Enyo]

See, that was handled very well by all. Now everyone can make honest and informed decisions about their friendships/relationships.

Yeah, it went over way better than I thought. Now just waiting to see what Karen does.

 

[MixedBerry]

Yeah, it went over way better than I thought. Now just waiting to see what Karen does.

So, what do YOU think Karen will do?


Great update by the way. I'll need you come back with weekly updates about the 3 of y'all, m'k? This is getting good!

 

[Enyo]

So, what do YOU think Karen will do? Great update by the way. I'll need you come back with weekly updates about the 3 of y'all, m'k? This is getting good!

I have no idea what Karen will do. I'm hoping that she will set some rules for Jane and see how it works out.

It is a little like a TV show when I think about it. I will certainly update beacuse everyone's input was great.

 

[caltron]

So glad Jane told Karen! I hope all three of you can remain friends.

 

[Arian]

I wish life was as easy as this paragraph. Unfortunately, even for the most logical of persons, this is a difficult task when you have an emotional connection and good friendship.

I think that Jane should tell Karen, then Jane can decide how to proceed, for herself. Its likely most difficult for Jane because being in this situation sucks booty.

I have an emotional connection with a friend and its hard for the two of us to maintain that distance but it can be done. Eventually though one person might decide its too hard and walk away, and thats ok too.

And this is what I had to do....just say no...even though I have let the situation go, I still think about it...and even hope that I get a chance to re-visit the situation in some weird, roundabout way...

 

[Honey Bee]

Enyo, So what happened?

 

[Enyo]

@Enyo, So what happened?

Honey Bee It seems we have just drifted apart. I see on FB that Karen is working a lot, but she never calls or texts either of us. Even when Jane talks to me, it's seems like we don't have much to say to either other. We just kind of sit quietly and sigh a lot.

 

[Urban]

Enyo, I heard this saying some years ago and have never forgotten it because it's so true "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Not everyone you know will always be there, some will take you/or you take them/or you take each other so far in life ... and that's all it was ever meant to be. So I've learnt to let go of relationships that "aren't there" anymore, because if I keep pushing it, it eventually comes back to bite me in the bum.

 

[Fine 4s]

Enyo, I heard this saying some years ago and have never forgotten it because it's so true "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Not everyone you know will always be there, some will take you/or you take them/or you take each other so far in life ... and that's all it was ever meant to be. So I've learnt to let go of relationships that "aren't there" anymore, because if I keep pushing it, it eventually comes back to bite me in the bum.

Sad but true. Do you think that people shouldn't invest their all in any friendship? This makes me want to retreat in my shell lol

 

[preciouslove0x]

Enyo, I heard this saying some years ago and have never forgotten it because it's so true "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Not everyone you know will always be there, some will take you/or you take them/or you take each other so far in life ... and that's all it was ever meant to be. So I've learnt to let go of relationships that "aren't there" anymore, because if I keep pushing it, it eventually comes back to bite me in the bum.

I love this comment. It's one of the lessons in life I needed to learn. Glad I did and have come to accept it.

 

[Enyo]

Sad but true. Do you think that people shouldn't invest their all in any friendship? This makes me want to retreat in my shell lol

Fine 4s That's part of the reason I rarely connect with people on a deep level. They are like leaves in the wind. No need to try and do anything other than watch them swirl.

 

[Mortons]

Sad but true. Do you think that people shouldn't invest their all in any friendship? This makes me want to retreat in my shell lol

I only invest in friendships I intend to be lifelong. I am a major believer in a quality over quantity.

 

[Evolving78]

I do believe Karen should be told, and the decision should be up to her.

If Jane wants to distance herself, she let's karen know what's going on and why she won't be around, because of the conflict of interest.

Karen can now make up her own mind about how she wants to proceed, instead of y'all doing it for her.

It was also not jane's place to put you in the middle.

I think Jane needs to get over having feelings for Karen. Karen is off limits. Was Jane ever really a friend to begin with? It seems the friendship isn't special or important enough to substain. Jane thought she could handle being attracted to Karen, but keep her in the friend zone. Well it didn't work. I will read more to see how this played out.

 

[Evolving78]

I think Jane needs to get over having feelings for Karen. Karen is off limits. Was Jane ever really a friend to begin with? It seems the friendship isn't special or important enough to substain. Jane thought she could handle being attracted to Karen, but keep her in the friend zone. Well it didn't work. I will read more to see how this played out.

Sucks it didn't work out. She should have never said anything and let that mess die down. Guess it was for the best.

 

[Enyo]

I think Jane needs to get over having feelings for Karen. Karen is off limits. Was Jane ever really a friend to begin with? It seems the friendship isn't special or important enough to substain. Jane thought she could handle being attracted to Karen, but keep her in the friend zone. Well it didn't work. I will read more to see how this played out.

There is nothing else to read. What's going to happen has already happened.

 

[Evolving78]

There is nothing else to read. What's going to happen has already happened.

When I posted that I wasn't done reading the thread. See post above. Sorry about the friendship ending like that.