Three Years Later...

[Rastafarai]

...he's messaged me. An ex who broke my heart. Left me for another woman. It was a messy break up.

Now the tide has turned and the ball is in my court. He's sent me a message in what appears as an attempt to make amends. Some say respond. Others say leave it as is. How would you ladies handle?

You ladies are so right. They always come back crawling (or is it sniffing?)...question is, how do I play this? How would you have played this?

I must admit, karma sure is sweet...

 

[God_Favor]

Hi! What do you mean balls in your court? He wants you back because other chick he left u for is done with him? If that's the case, I would ignore his message, and keep it moving. I would accept apology, by saying, " thanks, glad u got to get this off your chest. I accept! Take care!" , don't entertain or go into te whys, or express the messiness or your hurt. You've moved on now

Don't boost his self esteem by being rebound chick .

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I would just text back and say:

"I accept your apology. Hope all is well. God bless"

And leave it just like that. There is a reason they say, the past is the past. Forgive and let go. Progress is moving forward, not backwards.

 

[ThickHair]

Act like you never received the message. I wouldn't repond. What could he possibly say to you?

You have 2 options. Do you want him back or something? If not, act like it never happened. If you want him then go for it.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

I'm curious: what did he say? I'm assuming he wants at least one of the following:
1. sex
2. to try to get back the relationship he screwed up
3. forgiveness and to soothe his guilty conscience

Whatever he wants, I suggest you offer a polite response, let him know you're doing fine (without him) and go on about your day/week/life. That should cover all three.

No do-overs.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

Act like you never received the message. I wouldn't repond. What could he possibly say to you?

You have 2 options. Do you want him back or something? If not, act like it never happened. If you want him then go for it.

Wow! It never crossed my mind that OP might actually want him back. Gosh I'm cold. Soooo cold.

 

[Rastafarai]

God_Favor, I have no intentions of ever getting back with this dude. I've moved on a long time ago.

However, according to some family members I am still in correspondence with, the new chica is a nutcase and he's dug himself a deep hole. He's also cheating on her with a number of women. His family still has deep love for me and considers me the best thing that's happened to him, but again, I am not going back there.

I guess I'm curious to know what triggered him to contact me after all this time? What humbled him??

 

[kweenameena]

OP what did he say?

 

[Rastafarai]

Lawd, I want to post his message but his current nutcase boo might be on this forum and figure it out, lol...

kweenameena, I'll PM you.

 

[jerseygurl]

@God_Favor, I have no intentions of ever getting back with this dude. I've moved on a long time ago.

However, according to some family members I am still in correspondence with, the new chica is a nutcase and he's dug himself a deep hole. He's also cheating on her with a number of women. His family still has deep love for me and considers me the best thing that's happened to him, but again, I am not going back there.

I guess I'm curious to know what triggered him to contact me after all this time? What humbled him??

Who knows maybe his family, or he could have stumbled on some old pictures of both of you and decided to try to rekindle the fires. If you open that door it might be difficult to close again. KIM

 

[Rastafarai]

Ladies, please know I am not opening any door...I actually wanted to use this opportunity to show him that he didn't break me and that I'm doing quite well. I want to see him beg and based on the response of a member who saw his message, it looks like that's precisely what he is after...another chance...

 

[Pat Mahurr]

Ok, I read the message and I want to change my answer. I think you should ignore him.

Any response by you will give him an opportunity to reply and pull you into an unneeded discussion. Delete the cheater and move on.

 

[jerseygurl]

I wouldn't even give him the chance to beg not because you might change your mind but because he's part of the past and that's where he belongs

But the ball's in your court rasta

 

[God_Favor]

Ladies, please know I am not opening any door...I actually wanted to use this opportunity to show him that he didn't break me and that I'm doing quite well. I want to see him beg and based on the response of a member who saw his message, it looks like that's precisely what he is after...another chance...

Good, This is what I wanted to know. Glad u ain't feeling him!

But, o still wouldn't even entertain his arse. If you text back and forth, or let him beg, he know he still git some type of hold on you cause u listening and accepting calls. If you can be strong enough to use the replies folks suggested above, this means, Uhhhh, boy that was years ago, I've moved on and I'm busy and be blessed.

 

[MzLady78]

@God_Favor, I have no intentions of ever getting back with this dude. I've moved on a long time ago.

However, according to some family members I am still in correspondence with, the new chica is a nutcase and he's dug himself a deep hole. He's also cheating on her with a number of women. His family still has deep love for me and considers me the best thing that's happened to him, but again, I am not going back there.

I guess I'm curious to know what triggered him to contact me after all this time? What humbled him??

You answered your own question with the bolded, my dear.

He wants that old thing back...

 

[hopeful]

Either respond politely (once) and tell him you are great and have moved, then proceed to ignore any future correspondence. Or just ignore him.

 

[frizzy]

I would just text back and say:

"I accept your apology. Hope all is well. God bless"

And leave it just like that. There is a reason they say, the past is the past. Forgive and let go. Progress is moving forward, not backwards.

I would respond like so ^, and not respond to any other texts or calls. That will let him know that you are aware of him and that you have no use for him.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I think ignoring is the best thing.

 

[ambergirl]

@God_Favor, I have no intentions of ever getting back with this dude. I've moved on a long time ago.

However, according to some family members I am still in correspondence with, the new chica is a nutcase and he's dug himself a deep hole. He's also cheating on her with a number of women. His family still has deep love for me and considers me the best thing that's happened to him, but again, I am not going back there.

I guess I'm curious to know what triggered him to contact me after all this time? What humbled him??

Ladies, please know I am not opening any door...I actually wanted to use this opportunity to show him that he didn't break me and that I'm doing quite well. I want to see him beg and based on the response of a member who saw his message, it looks like that's precisely what he is after...another chance...

I would delete his messages and just KIM.

Sounds like you want to humble him and teach him a lesson. If he knows he screwed up and is now trying to get you back he's already learned that.

The only reason to respond is if you want some kind of relationship with him (friendship or something else). Otherwise I don't see the point.

 

[Prudent1]

Ladies, please know I am not opening any door...I actually wanted to use this opportunity to show him that he didn't break me and that I'm doing quite well. I want to see him beg and based on the response of a member who saw his message, it looks like that's precisely what he is after...another chance...

Uh, uh just let him know you accept his apology and KIM as others have said. IMHO, when you have truly moved on, you know you have nothing to 'show' him and you do not care one way or the other to see him beg. When you're really done you just don't care anymore- period because your heart has changed. I wouldn't even allow a real dialogue to begin with him.

 

[frizzy]

Not responding the one time seems like the OP still has residual feelings that she's trying to avoid and would give him an excuse to still try to make contact from time to time.

I would respond and make it clear that I wish you well but that there is nothing I can or will do for you, and please leave me out of the crazy life you created for yourself. BYE!

 

[Theo]

if he cheated he doesn't even a deserve a response. plus it sounds like he's back to his old cheating ways showing that he hasn't learned or changed.

i wouldn't say anything. let him sit and worry about whether you're ignoring him, or changed your number, or still mad, or really just didn't care that much. let him sweat.

 

[Rastafarai]

Ladies, his message doesn't indicate an attempt to apologize...it's more along the lines of "if you're curious to know why X and Y happened feel free to reach out to me and talk about it...I truly hope all is well with you....send me a response...let us see where it goes from there..."

.................. ????

 

[Rastafarai]

if he cheated he doesn't even a deserve a response. plus it sounds like he's back to his old cheating ways showing that he hasn't learned or changed.

i wouldn't say anything. let him sit and worry about whether you're ignoring him, or changed your number, or still mad, or really just didn't care that much. let him sweat.

@ bolded. Precisely.

And it was a message sent via FB. I thought I removed the option for outsiders to message me!

 

[Rastafarai]

Not responding the one time seems like the OP still has residual feelings that she's trying to avoid and would give him an excuse to still try to make contact from time to time.

I would respond and make it clear that I wish you well but that there is nothing I can or will do for you, and please leave me out of the crazy life you created for yourself. BYE!

Frizzy, I've got no feelings (other than revenge, maybe, and to see him attempt to crawl back)...I just want to see what he has to say...after all these years. Not that it matters...but still...I could have some fun with this...I know, I shouldn't!

 

[God_Favor]

Ladies, his message doesn't indicate an attempt to apologize...it's more along the lines of "if you're curious to know why X and Y happened feel free to reach out to me and talk about it...I truly hope all is well with you....send me a response...let us see where it goes from there..."

.................. ????

Oh no! Girl, thanks for clearing thus up. I wouldn't even acknowledge or reply to that mess. Hopefully, after 3 years you don't care about x, y, or z with him.

Let.us know how you handle it.

 

[hopeful]

Okay, so no apology? Just if you want more info, YOU can contact him? Girl please ignore this fool. He sounds like a big, fat, hot mess. Don't give him one more minute of your time or energy.

 

[Carrie A]

Ladies, his message doesn't indicate an attempt to apologize...it's more along the lines of "if you're curious to know why X and Y happened feel free to reach out to me and talk about it...I truly hope all is well with you....send me a response...let us see where it goes from there..."

.................. ????

Curiosity killed the cat.

 

[Rastafarai]

Oh no! Girl, thanks for clearing thus up. I wouldn't even acknowledge or reply to that mess. Hopefully, after 3 years you don't care about x, y, or z with him.

Let.us know how you handle it.

Yeah, I'm giving it a couple of days.

I think he is trying to make amends (ie, let's talk about it) but isn't sure if I'm willing to hear anything (ie if you're curious to know why X, Y and Z, contact me)...while trying to see if there is a possibility of a friendship or more ( ie let's see where it goes from there)...

I've put too much time in analyzing this mess, lol. Thanks for your responses ladies. I think I will respond, though. Just not anytime soon.

 

[LiftedUp]

Ladies, his message doesn't indicate an attempt to apologize...it's more along the lines of "if you're curious to know why X and Y happened feel free to reach out to me and talk about it...I truly hope all is well with you....send me a response...let us see where it goes from there..."

.................. ????

Reply about 3 days later letting him know that you've been too busy to respond earlier and that you wish him the best in life, thank him for reaching out however there's nothing to discuss because it's not something you think about.

Keep it short and sweet.

If you decide to respond I think you should do it after 3 days. Longer seems as if you've been thinking about it, shorter seems as if you have time on your hands lol.

GL