This might not be a politically correct question.

[silverbuttons]

Football players, NBA players, musicians, actors are all known to marry interracially. (At higher rates than regular people)

this is a purely hypothetical question… is there a way to get these men to reverse the trend and date/marry more black women?

let’s talk.

 

[Ivonnovi]

IMHO, as long as the idea of a trophy wife is a "White woman" or some other "Exoctic looking" from the blackman's perspective , I think this will be difficult. I find it hard to engage them on this directly without them, squirming, or trying to gaslight me into behaving like the ABW. Honestly, my belief is that it will take proper modeling ideal behaviors (by older men) to change the behaviors of the younger generations. If they are taught to see us raised seeing us as valuable assets instead of discardable assests; then perhaps they'd treat us as such

Because "we" often are the one's that raised them, sometimes w/o the help of their bio-fathers in the house; they seem to have developed an ... I want something other than the BW that raised me... ideation.

Also, ....and to my face I was told this (in the 90's)....the YT woman can open doors for them that a BW can't.

I had to walk away from the latter person least I behaved like the ABW that we can be accused of being.

.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Also, ....and to my face I was told this (in the 90's)....the YT woman can open doors for them that a BW can't.

This is interesting in the context of the original post as those men are already more successful than most. Even for regular men, this seems untrue as they often pair with regular degular white women who don’t contribute anything other than their whiteness. These “doors” feel like attaboys from other black men who aspire to do the same. I find it hard to believe that white men are giving them new opportunities because they brought Becky or Karen along. I’m more inclined to believe their white managers or agents are opening doors that their black counterparts don’t have access to.

 

[KenyafromCT]

Football players, NBA players, musicians, actors are all known to marry interracially. (At higher rates than regular people)

this is a purely hypothetical question… is there a way to get these men to reverse the trend and date/marry more black women?

let’s talk.

No. It begins at birth. I would literally sit my infant son on my lap as I browsed through my Essence, Jet and Ebony magazines. Pointing out all of the beautiful black women. I did it each and every month. As he got older! I would tell him that he wasn’t allowed to bring anyone home who…

-hadn’t grown up with a jar of Blue Magic under her bathroom sink.
-Couldn’t make me a pot of collards or a bowl of potato salad
-if she didn’t have a “Kitchen”
-if she only seasons with salt & pepper

I was not playing. Don’t bring her to me. Ever. He’s only dated black girls and wouldn’t dare. Only his sistas woukd understand his heart and struggle as a black man. He’d always be seen as a criminal in her family’s eyes. Love with them ain’t worth the shame and frustrations.

I think many of our people actually encourage mixing to put a fit on their features/hue.

 

[silverbuttons]

No. It begins at birth. I would literally sit my infant son on my lap as I browsed through my Essence, Jet and Ebony magazines. Pointing out all of the beautiful black women. I did it each and every month. As he got older! I would tell him that he wasn’t allowed to bring anyone home who…

-hadn’t grown up with a jar of Blue Magic under her bathroom sink.
-Couldn’t make me a pot of collards or a bowl of potato salad
-if she didn’t have a “Kitchen”
-if she only seasons with salt & pepper

I was not playing. Don’t bring her to me. Ever. He’s only dated black girls and wouldn’t dare. Only his sistas woukd understand his heart and struggle as a black man. He’d always be seen as a criminal in her family’s eyes. Love with them ain’t worth the shame and frustrations.

I think many of our people actually encourage mixing to put a fit on their features/hue.

thank you. This is such a great point we rarely discuss. Outside of “media influences”, you think there’s real endorsement from their parents to intermarry?

why??? have you seen moms in your age group do the same (or upset at you socializing your baby differently)? What’s their rationale?

 

[silverbuttons]

IMHO, as long as the idea of a trophy wife is a "White woman" or some other "Exoctic looking" from the blackman's perspective , I think this will be difficult. I find it hard to engage them on this directly without them, squirming, or trying to gaslight me into behaving like the ABW. Honestly, my belief is that it will take proper modeling ideal behaviors (by older men) to change the behaviors of the younger generations. If they are taught to see us raised seeing us as valuable assets instead of discardable assests; then perhaps they'd treat us as such

Because "we" often are the one's that raised them, sometimes w/o the help of their bio-fathers in the house; they seem to have developed an ... I want something other than the BW that raised me... ideation.

Also, ....and to my face I was told this (in the 90's)....the YT woman can open doors for them that a BW can't.

I had to walk away from the latter person least I behaved like the ABW that we can be accused of being.

.

ive had a few conversations with black men about this and I agree that they assume that all BW are angry BW. While matching black men who said they were “open” (a thinly veiled, make sure there’s some white women in the queue), there was a character profile they would describe:

• carefree
• good family
• adventurous
• fun
• “takes care of themselves” = polished

in their minds, this is antithetical to black women:

• not carefree, sometimes careless but mostly sensitive
• broken home
• “girl, I’m not doing that.
• funny but not carefree enough to be fun
• unpolished etc etc

this is the interesting part. when they find a black woman who defies these stereotypes AND understands their culture.. they are immediately enamored.

 

[silverbuttons]

This is interesting in the context of the original post as those men are already more successful than most. Even for regular men, this seems untrue as they often pair with regular degular white women who don’t contribute anything other than their whiteness. These “doors” feel like attaboys from other black men who aspire to do the same. I find it hard to believe that white men are giving them new opportunities because they brought Becky or Karen along. I’m more inclined to believe their white managers or agents are opening doors that their black counterparts don’t have access to.

spot on. how can these white women truly open doors for you? you’re likely not marrying heiresses..

On one level, are you assuming that she can’t comport herself well enough at the partner’s retreat (therefore you won’t get the raise etc) ? And if that is the fundamental fear, BW can do something about that.

 

[KenyafromCT]

thank you. This is such a great point we rarely discuss. Outside of “media influences”, you think there’s real endorsement from their parents to intermarry?

why??? have you seen moms in your age group do the same (or upset at you socializing your baby differently)? What’s their rationale?

I’ve always marched to the beat of a different drum. As a light skinned black I didn’t play that colorism ish. Didn’t allow it with my daughter who is also pale. Colorism is such a painful legacy to this day. I was not going to be a part of it. As for my friends? They weren’t as militant as I was. Most were very churchy. Only saw God. One friend’s son was into white girls. She hated it. But she didn’t teach him to see the beauty in his own. What she did do was drag them to church 4-5 days per week. He needed up doing 6 years for armed robbery… with a water gun. He was 19.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

spot on. how can these white women truly open doors for you? you’re likely not marrying heiresses..

On one level, are you assuming that she can’t comport herself well enough at the partner’s retreat (therefore you won’t get the raise etc) ? And if that is the fundamental fear, BW can do something about that.

Honestly I can't take the ABW excuse seriously. The ABW they're referring to are most likely women they wronged and are rightfully angry. This gaslighting is out of control. The average woman, black or white, is on her best behavior when she meets a man she's interested in. Black women definitely tend to be more independent and less submissive but not angry. All women let a lot slide in the quest for the ring. The angry side tends to come out later when he's trying to get over.

 

[OmbreLune]

Besides parents indoctrinating their sons at a young age like @KenyafromCT, I don't think there is anything we can do. So many black men are a lost cause (not all obvi). They are so concerned with impressing other men and doing superficial things that they think makes them like white men. The only thing that can change their views is seeing other men valuing black women, they need to feel like they are missing out on something. So I don't think black women really need to do anything except to limit these men's access to our time and bodies until they've proven themselves worthy (as with all men). And we can't just ignore them in hopes that they'll notice, there really has to be a release of the attachment to them

 

[LivingInPeace]

Parents, communities have to make it clear that marrying white women is unacceptable. That's what other folks do. It starts at home. We're the only ones who think you're supposed to raise grown men. We're supposed to be raising boys into men.

 

[Ivonnovi]

This is interesting in the context of the original post as those men are already more successful than most. Even for regular men, this seems untrue as they often pair with regular degular white women who don’t contribute anything other than their whiteness. These “doors” feel like attaboys from other black men who aspire to do the same. I find it hard to believe that white men are giving them new opportunities because they brought Becky or Karen along. I’m more inclined to believe their white managers or agents are opening doors that their black counterparts don’t have access to.

Today's climate is quite different from the period I was referencing....specifically the early 90's. AND, note that I am not saying I agree with the ninja's; I will point out that at that time, the even a common Becky could advance what we now call YT privilage to her baby'daddy.

So for the sake of argument, I'll say that I took his statement to mean that He could cash in on her YT Privalage some how.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Today's climate is quite different from the period I was referencing....specifically the early 90's. AND, note that I am not saying I agree with the ninja's; I will point out that at that time, the even a common Becky could advance what we now call YT privilage to her baby'daddy.

So for the sake of argument, I'll say that I took his statement to mean that He could cash in on her YT Privalage some how.

What privilege was extended to them?

 

[Black Ambrosia]

No. It begins at birth. I would literally sit my infant son on my lap as I browsed through my Essence, Jet and Ebony magazines. Pointing out all of the beautiful black women. I did it each and every month. As he got older! I would tell him that he wasn’t allowed to bring anyone home who…

-hadn’t grown up with a jar of Blue Magic under her bathroom sink.
-Couldn’t make me a pot of collards or a bowl of potato salad
-if she didn’t have a “Kitchen”
-if she only seasons with salt & pepper

I was not playing. Don’t bring her to me. Ever. He’s only dated black girls and wouldn’t dare. Only his sistas woukd understand his heart and struggle as a black man. He’d always be seen as a criminal in her family’s eyes. Love with them ain’t worth the shame and frustrations.

I think many of our people actually encourage mixing to put a fit on their features/hue.

I get that he knows better than to bring a white woman home but do you know if he desires a black woman?

 

[PeaceFlow]

I get that he knows better than to bring a white woman home but do you know if he desires a black woman?

Hmm yeah. Kanye said his Mom did the same, but it made him more curious about the forbidden. Also reminds me of Lebron James naming all-white women crushes -_- Some of them put on the front then sample what they like on the DL like MLK.

I don't believe it's a sure-fire way. Western culture is too individualistic and independent in 2021. Especially when young people go off to university and live away from their family's gaze and realize they can spend time with whomever they like (even if in secret lol).

ETA:
I think more attention needs to be paid to the way black boys feel about themselves. I feel mental health and self-esteem support is often missed there.

Teasing about features and skin tone happens to black boys also, but it's often assumed they will be alright. Partially because they are boys and partially because as adults dark men with broad features tend to get more appreciation. That's all well and good but that doesn't mean they are healed from it and we can see that from the number of men who can't fathom dating someone who looks like them. That includes when they stay mainly dating within the race.

 

[larry3344]

I think that black girls need to be raised to be self centered and self serving in relationship and stop worshipping at the black male tower. I didn’t say that BW or girls, should be discouraged to be with black boys but they shouldn’t feel that Black men are the only men that exist.
I don’t think anything can be done to be honest…If BW single rates weren’t so high and we dated and/or married men regardless of race would we worry about this. I personally transitioned from looking at BM as a collective and more so as individuals. Who they date and or marry collectively I don’t care. I am looking for 1 man that will treat me right. I think that is the energy that more and more BW should move.

Because even as we are having this conversation are BM asking themselves how to be better men to raise sons to be better partners? BW have been doing the heavy lifting for too long and we keep blaming ourselves for what we cannot truly control. BM will make their romantic
choices regardless of how you raise them. There are plenty of BM raised to appreciate BW who still choose other. This energy is better served to equip women and girls to choose better and exercise their options.

Mother of sons should raise their boys to be better life partners and it should end there. The rest, it’s up to the universe. If you have daughters equip them with better discernment about men not black men and their responsibilities lie in finding a capable partner and a good father for her kids. The community building should rest on the shoulders of men not women. There is too much of a role reversal in the black community and we infantilize BM too much.

 

[Theresamonet]

Hmm yeah. Kanye said his Mom did the same, but it made him more curious about the forbidden. Also reminds me of Lebron James naming all-white women crushes -_- Some of them put on the front then sample what they like on the DL like MLK.

I don't believe it's a sure-fire way. Western culture is too individualistic and independent in 2021. Especially when young people go off to university and live away from their family's gaze and realize they can spend time with whomever they like (even if in secret lol).

ETA:
I think more attention needs to be paid to the way black boys feel about themselves. I feel mental health and self-esteem support is often missed there.

Teasing about features and skin tone happens to black boys also, but it's often assumed they will be alright. Partially because they are boys and partially because as adults dark men with broad features tend to get more appreciation. That's all well and good but that doesn't mean they are healed from it and we can see that from the number of men who can't fathom dating someone who looks like them. That includes when they stay mainly dating within the race.

ITA. So many black men who are forced to marry black because of familial pressure, just end up with black wives and white mistresses. That’s not what we want for black women either—men marrying us because they have to.

IME, for men in general, but especially black men, what society dictates and what their peers value, holds much more weight than what their mama wants.

 

[larry3344]

Besides parents indoctrinating their sons at a young age like @KenyafromCT, I don't think there is anything we can do. So many black men are a lost cause (not all obvi). They are so concerned with impressing other men and doing superficial things that they think makes them like white men. The only thing that can change their views is seeing other men valuing black women, they need to feel like they are missing out on something. So I don't think black women really need to do anything except to limit these men's access to our time and bodies until they've proven themselves worthy (as with all men). And we can't just ignore them in hopes that they'll notice, there really has to be a release of the attachment to them

This. Black women are way too accessible to Black men, we really don’t make them earn their place in our lives as opposed to the other way around. We excuse their behaviour a lot due to discrimination and a myriad of other factors and in the process it’s just made many egotistical and take many BW for granted and expect the most for the least amount of effort.
My advice may be hard pill to swallow for some but it is this… let BM go and release the attachment. I never assume because a BM is a room he would prefer me nor do I have any expectation romantically off of us being black.
I am not pro-IR, I have just gotten more pragmatic, if we change the future of black girls and women, our relationship quality will improve, some BW will have successfull black relationships and other BW will be better served by men of other races/cultures…the BWE movement in my way opinion is doing the lords work in teaching the girls and women what they should have been taught long ago.

 

[Iwander]

I don't think there is a way especially now that as a society we are forced fed interracial relationships. Now I can't really name a commercial that doesn’t have a white woman with a black man. In TV shows the couples are usually black man white woman, or black man other woman, the dating shows black man who professes race doesn't matter then elimates all but one black woman who he doesn't pick, images showing black women in a negative light (10 kids they can't take care of, loud, gold diggers, non submissive, drama filled, nasty attitude erc), the idea that mixed babies/light skin is more desirable. I can't remember the username but I was on tiktok livestream where I saw this and a Black man was talking to a black woman and he said, " you're so pretty. You rarely see black girls like this in everyday life." and he had so many black men cosigners.
All this narrative would have to change and I don't see that happening.

 

[Iwander]

And apparently not enough of us are qualified to have that type of man.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I tried watching one of his videos before. He spent at least 30 minutes giving shout outs to people sending him money. If I hear the term "men of value" or "high value men" one more time...

 

[JudithO]

Here are some of my theories about why this happens among celebrity black men...

1. Poverty: Most grew up in poor neighborhoods with lots of struggling black women.. when they come up, they move out of those neighborhoods and into circles with mostly white women who will worship their new wealthy status. Those white women become evidence of their come up... a physical manifestation of the new life they have attained. My working theory is that this fascination wont be the same for black boys who grew up in middle class+ mixed race neighborhoods OR if they have plenty access to successful black women growing up

2. Access and timing: Most athletes go to D1 PWI schools. That's the age that kids start falling in love and making serious relationship choices.... at this point, they are mostly surrounded by white women

I think black women need to just ignore the stats, be as successful as we can and marry from everywhere. It is what it is.

 

[larry3344]

Here are some of my theories about why this happens among celebrity black men...

1. Poverty: Most grew up in poor neighborhoods with lots of struggling black women.. when they come up, they move out of those neighborhoods and into circles with mostly white women who will worship their new wealthy status. Those white women become evidence of their come up... a physical manifestation of the new life they have attained. My working theory is that this fascination wont be the same for black boys who grew up in middle class+ mixed race neighborhoods OR if they have plenty access to successful black women growing up

2. Access and timing: Most athletes go to D1 PWI schools. That's the age that kids start falling in love and making serious relationship choices.... at this point, they are mostly surrounded by white women

I think black women need to just ignore the stats, be as successful as we can and marry from everywhere. It is what it is.