Did you already try braiding before washing your hair? Also, I am with the other ladies that do not detangle when the hair is dry (I comb it while it's damp). Here is what I do (I have two years of new growth and I have 4b-mostly hair):
1. Braid my hair in sections
2. Wash (when using the shampoo, I squeeze it down through the braids so my hair gets clean and I rub the scalp so my scalp gets clean).
3. Let the shampoo sit for about 3-5 minutes (longer if I am using a chelator to remove buildup).
4. Rinse really well
5. Place a towel over my head and gently wrap it around my hair to soak up the water. I do not rub it, just let it sit for about 3 minutes or so. ... this helps with the conditioner soaking through and not being diluted with water.
6. Slather the conditoner on (and gently massage it through the braids) and let sit for however long I need it to.
7. Rinse conditioner well.
8. Place the towel over my head (just like #5) - this soaks up any excess water. I used to just comb my hair dripping wet but it was causing unnecessary breakage (especially when dealing with different processing textures). So I've been doing it this way for about 8 months with no problems.
9. Take a braid down, comb it in the three sections (each braided part - left, middle, right - or even break it down smaller if I feel that the braid is too big) ... put my leave-in in and either rebraid it if I'm not going anywhere or bantu it just to keep it smooth and out of the way. Then I just do the rest the same way.
Did you try the Paul Mitchell Super Skinny products yet??? I'm telling you.girl ... all of your problems will be gone.
Also, I always touch the shedded hair after combing because that will give me a gauge as to how my hair will feel after it dries. I noticed that the shedded hair feels dry when I use products with mineral oils -- they always feel really good while my hair is wet but once it's dry it feels dry.
Another thing is that I never try to comb a huge section of hair. I always get a lot of breakage when I do this (especially if there is a tangle). I break the sections down even smaller if I have to.
Also, these are the things that work for me and I just felt that I would share as they may help you or anyone else. And keep in mind that I have over two years of new growth so I do these things to lessen any demarcation breakage.
I used to have serious tangles and would always just comb right through them (resulting in a big section of hair broken off). But now, with the products and methods that I use, the tangle just comes right out with no breakage.
It took me MANY years of trial and error and I have finally got. I am retaining length and my comb out process is not stressful any more. At any rate, I will be happy when you find what methods work for you because it will just be happy growing from there.