This is a difficult question to ask. Engaged and Married women....

[LivingDoll]

do you come from a two parent household or a single-parent household? Single women may answer as well.

I recently began thinking of all the engaged and married women that I know and I found a common thread. Those who came from two parent households were more often than not in a committed relationship, engaged or married. Those who are single and still-looking are like me, from a single parent household.

Looking back at past relationships, I know that there were things that men did and tried to do, that they wouldn't have done had a father or older brother been in my life. I know that there is a correlation between absent fathers and their children having problems with dating and relationships for various reasons.

I would like to know if my observation is valid.

Disclaimer: If you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, are bitter at life in general, or are known to start e-fights then take it elsewhere.

I have already given myself one star. Taking away the power of the one-star bandit!

 

[nychaelasymone]

I think your observations is somewhat true but I'd like to offer up this opinion....although my parents have been married for almost 40 years, my dad did not play an extremely active role in my life until I was grown....25-30 years old. It was only then that I really began to understand the importance of having an 'active' male role in my life that helped me make better decisions in regards to relationships. So with that said and not selfishly speaking.....I think women who have active male role-models in their lives may have better and lasting relationships than those who don't.

To your first point, I'm over thirty and like I previously stated, I have parents who have been married for almost 40 years and I'm still unwed. I have friends who come from broken homes and they are in loving marriages.

 

[gone_fishing]

do you come from a two parent household or a single-parent household? Single women may answer as well.

I recently began thinking of all the engaged and married women that I know and I found a common thread. Those who came from two parent households were more often than not in a committed relationship, engaged or married. Those who are single and still-looking are like me, from a single parent household.

Looking back at past relationships, I know that there were things that men did and tried to do, that they wouldn't have done had a father or older brother been in my life. I know that there is a correlation between absent fathers and their children having problems with dating and relationships for various reasons.

I would like to know if my observation is valid.

Disclaimer: If you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, are bitter at life in general, or are known to start e-fights then take it elsewhere.

I have already given myself one star. Taking away the power of the one-star bandit!

I think your observation is somewhat true as well.

I think those who are raised in a two parent (happy) home have better relationship skills in general because they have an example to follow. They know what respect and love looks and acts like. They don't have "daddy issues" - looking for daddy because he wasn't there. Or "angry mama issues" - a mother who hates men and has thusly passed her hatred of men onto you if only subsconsciously.

This is not to say that someone who comes from a single parent home cannot grow up to have a wonderful marriage life, but generally those people must learn how relationships work from other examples in their lives: aunts/uncles; grandparents; etc.

Personally, I was raised by my father and my mother left the house when I was 3. My father dated a woman for a long time (from the time I was eight) but they didn't marry until I think I was almost a teenager.

I had a great example in them of a happy marital relationship.

I think they instilled in me the family values that are necessary to make a marriage successful.

My ex husband on the other hand was raised in a single parent home by a mother who coddled him just a little too much as a baby and then totally ignored him once she found a new husband who mistreated and abused him. Meanwhile his father was never around period until he turned 16.

Marriage with him was VERY difficult because he had no sense of affection, no closeness, no unity, just a kind of fend for himself attitude which is what, I assume, he grew up with.

He recognizes that now and has apologized for the way he acted during our marriage and I hope he works through his issues and can find a happy relationship later as I've moved on and found mine.

This is another reason why I do not think it's always good for a single mother not to date during her children's youth. I think she should choose WISELY who she ends up with but I think the example the mother's (happy) relationship can set for a child is a good thing.

I know a lot of my female friends who were raised by single mothers who worked their tales off and some struggled and some did very well. One of the things that many of these single mothers had in common is that they passed down to my friends that they don't need a man. They can do it by themselves and I've heard them repeat it to boyfriends, SO, etc. on a regular basis. The men, then flee. We know that we can survive, water, food, shelter, etc. are our NEEDS but it's gonna take them a few bumps on the head to realize that many good men need to "feel" needed even if that is not really the case and I think until they catch on to that, many of them will remain single.

 

[LivingDoll]

I think your observations is somewhat true but I'd like to offer up this opinion....although my parents have been married for almost 40 years, my dad did not play an extremely active role in my life until I was grown....25-30 years old. It was only then that I really began to understand the importance of having an 'active' male role in my life that helped me make better decisions in regards to relationships. So with that said and not selfishly speaking.....I think women who have active male role-models in their lives may have better and lasting relationships than those who don't.

To your first point, I'm over thirty and like I previously stated, I have parents who have been married for almost 40 years and I'm still unwed. I have friends who come from broken homes and they are in loving marriages.

Thanks for this. I decided to post about it because it's been on my mind, then today I saw a post about high expectations in dating. I thought back on times when I was dating and the things I accepted. As one poster said, I accepted the treatment because I wasn't taught what the proper treatment was or what my expectations should have been.

My mother was single yet very careful not to bring men around me and my sister so I never really got to see her in a healthy relationship. She was always alone. I don't fault her because she did what was best...I just feel like I started out with a great disadvantage than girls who had their fathers around to teach them about men.

 

[LivingDoll]

I think your observation is somewhat true as well.

I think those who are raised in a two parent (happy) home have better relationship skills in general because they have an example to follow. They know what respect and love looks and acts like. They don't have "daddy issues" - looking for daddy because he wasn't there. Or "angry mama issues" - a mother who hates men and has thusly passed her hatred of men onto you if only subsconsciously.

This is not to say that someone who comes from a single parent home cannot grow up to have a wonderful marriage life, but generally those people must learn how relationships work from other examples in their lives: aunts/uncles; grandparents; etc.

Personally, I was raised by my father and my mother left the house when I was 3. My father dated a woman for a long time (from the time I was eight) but they didn't marry until I think I was almost a teenager.

I had a great example in them of a happy marital relationship.

I think they instilled in me the family values that are necessary to make a marriage successful.

My ex husband on the other hand was raised in a single parent home by a mother who coddled him just a little too much as a baby and then totally ignored him once she found a new husband who mistreated and abused him. Meanwhile his father was never around period until he turned 16.

Marriage with him was VERY difficult because he had no sense of affection, no closeness, no unity, just a kind of fend for himself attitude which is what, I assume, he grew up with.

He recognizes that now and has apologized for the way he acted during our marriage and I hope he works through his issues and can find a happy relationship later as I've moved on and found mine.

This is another reason why I do not think it's always good for a single mother not to date during her children's youth. I think she should choose WISELY who she ends up with but I think the example the mother's (happy) relationship can set for a child is a good thing.

I know a lot of my female friends who were raised by single mothers who worked their tales off and some struggled and some did very well. One of the things that many of these single mothers had in common is that they passed down to my friends that they don't need a man. They can do it by themselves and I've heard them repeat it to boyfriends, SO, etc. on a regular basis. The men, then flee. We know that we can survive, water, food, shelter, etc. are our NEEDS but it's gonna take them a few bumps on the head to realize that many good men need to "feel" needed even if that is not really the case and I think until they catch on to that, many of them will remain single.

You bring a different perspective. Thanks. I've dated someone like your ex-husband before...he was a latchkey kid at 5 and basically raised himself. He was very withdrawn and introverted. It took me a long time to recognize that the problem was him, not me.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I think your observation is somewhat true as well.

I think those who are raised in a two parent (happy) home have better relationship skills in general because they have an example to follow.

I agree. In the end its all about what type of relationship skills you've been observing and practicing. In fact, that's why childhood behaviors are so crucial and deep: you've had years to practice them and it takes alot to break/flip bad ones.

 

[Farida]

I come from a single-parent home, my mom was widowed a long time ago.
Some guys have been so bold as to tell me they are glad I don't have a dad so that they don't have to face one.

Relationships have been a learning curve, because it is different seeing my aunts and others than watching parents 24/7 interact.

Fortunately, I'm engaged now, and FH and I spend a lot of time with this one married couple who we babysit for. Over the years we have really learned a lot from them, it's like they are our mentors). I also did a lot of reading, I especially like Dr. Laura's show and her books. I don't usually agree with every thing she says, but she has solid advice.

 

[gone_fishing]

BTW, I think this is a great thread. I bumped it up to 4 stars. I'm not sure who on earth one starred you but they really need to get their bad attitude under control.

 

[LivingDoll]

I agree. In the end its all about what type of relationship skills you've been observing and practicing. In fact, that's why childhood behaviors are so crucial and deep: you've had years to practice them and it takes alot to break/flip bad ones.

That's a great observation. DD is 9 years old and although me and her dad are not together, I reinforce to both of them that they maintain a close loving relationship. I don't want to create the same situation I was in.

I come from a single-parent home, my mom was widowed a long time ago.
Some guys have been so bold as to tell me they are glad I don't have a dad so that they don't have to face one.

Relationships have been a learning curve, because it is different seeing my aunts and others than watching parents 24/7 interact.

Fortunately, I'm engaged now, and FH and I spend a lot of time with this one married couple who we babysit for. Over the years we have really learned a lot from them, it's like they are our mentors). I also did a lot of reading, I especially like Dr. Laura's show and her books. I don't usually agree with every thing she says, but she has solid advice.

That's so bold and ignorant! I can't believe someone would part their lips to say that. It's nice that you and FH have a couple to model yourselves after. Yeah, Dr. Laura can be a tad bit cold at times but she makes many valid points about lots of things.

BTW, I think this is a great thread. I bumped it up to 4 stars. I'm not sure who on earth one starred you but they really need to get their bad attitude under control.

I know it sounds but...I started it with one star...taking the power away from the one-star bandit. People do stupid things because it makes them feel empowered although its cowardly...I think the stars are a bunch of foolishness personally but I didn't want the drama of someone giving it one star to be mean...so I took the power away and did it myself.

I knew it would pick up more stars along the way. Thanks!

 

[Queen V]

I think you definitely have a good point, OP. When healthy, stable, loving relationships are modeled in front of you, you're definitely more capable to replicate that in your own life.

I came from a two-parent household, and my parents had (and continue to have) an excellent marriage. I recently married my husband, and having seen my parents weather the ups and downs of life, I know that things won't always be easy, but that marriage is not a temporary arrangement, it's forever, through thick and thin.

 

[LivingDoll]

I think you definitely have a good point, OP. When healthy, stable, loving relationships are modeled in front of you, you're definitely more capable to replicate that in your own life.

I came from a two-parent household, and my parents had (and continue to have) an excellent marriage. I recently married my husband, and having seen my parents weather the ups and downs of life, I know that things won't always be easy, but that marriage is not a temporary arrangement, it's forever, through thick and thin.

You know what? I guess some things are apparent. I just never really gave it good thought. It makes me sad because it seems cyclical and I'm repeating the cycle, as much as I hate to admit it.

 

[victorious]

Maybe (I'm a single mom raised by a single mom), but I don't feel I'm doomed.

Growing up I wished I had a father like my friends' dad. He was strict but he surely loved his girls. Their parents have been married almost 40 years.

But one daughter's marriage lasted three years (ex habitually cheated), and the other daughter's lasted almost two years. Their son doesn't have marriage on his mind right now.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

I grew up with my dad until grade 9. Then single mother life started. I'm single never been married. I think it does play a part. I have 4 sisters and I am the only one tht has never been married. Imagine that!perplexed My oldest sister has been married 24years! Right out of high school. Not easy but they are making it.

I hope to get my DH soon. Need my kids to see this.

 

[LivingDoll]

I grew up with my dad until grade 9. Then single mother life started. I'm single never been married. I think it does play a part. I have 4 sisters and I am the only one tht has never been married. Imagine that!perplexed My oldest sister has been married 24years! Right out of high school. Not easy but they are making it.

I hope to get my DH soon. Need my kids to see this.

Me too. Let's pray for one another.

 

[LivingDoll]

Maybe (I'm a single mom raised by a single mom), but I don't feel I'm doomed.

Growing up I wished I had a father like my friends' dad. He was strict but he surely loved his girls. Their parents have been married almost 40 years.

But one daughter's marriage lasted three years (ex habitually cheated), and the other daughter's lasted almost two years. Their son doesn't have marriage on his mind right now.

I guess the grass isn't always greener.

 

[sunnydaze]

I think generally speaking there is truth in what you are talking about, but there are plently of exceptions.

I grew up in a stable, two-parent household, with a father who went to work every day to provide for his family. I ended up marrying an unstable dreamer who eventually became somewhat abusive...this man was very emotional, pie in the sky type..nothing like my father.

Looking back, my dad was distant emotionally, so maybe I was looking for the opposite of him in that regards..dunno.

 

[LivingDoll]

I think generally speaking there is truth in what you are talking about, but there are plently of exceptions.

I grew up in a stable, two-parent household, with a father who went to work every day to provide for his family. I ended up marrying an unstable dreamer who eventually became somewhat abusive...this man was very emotional, pie in the sky type..nothing like my father.

Looking back, my dad was distant emotionally, so maybe I was looking for the opposite of him in that regards..dunno.

That's really interesting. So maybe we find a mate to overcompensate whatever emotion we were lacking?

 

[Determined22]

I grew up in a 2-parent home, but it was not a happy home at all. My siblings and I grew up wishing our parents would divorce so that the arguments and physical fights would stop. Even though my parents were together, they did not show me a good example of a healthy relationship, and when I began to have relationships of my own I saw myself repeating all those bad things I had seen. I had to learn to resist what I had seen and try to do things differently. I'm not married but in a relationship, and I hope that I don't repeat the mistakes that my parents made in their marriage.

 

[Evolving78]

fathers do make a difference. when my dad played an active role in my life, it made a difference and when he didn't it made a big difference (not good either) i also grew up in a two parent home.

 

[Bunny77]

I grew up in a happy 2-parent home and am single (as in, not married or engaged). However, I have recently begun a committed relationship with a nice young man (I sound like my mother, lol), but it's still early.

I'm also 30 years old.


I say all this to state that I have a different perspective on this topic. I STRONGLY believe in marriage, as some of y'all probably know , and do not plan to marry until I find someone who's husband material.

My parents (and my dad) set my standards for men quite high, so I probably turned down quite a few men in my 20s because I didn't see them as marriage material. Thus, I stayed single and most of the time, I wasn't in a relationship. I dated a lot, but rarely got serious with any of those guys.

Now if I had met a potential husband, then yes, I would have married him years ago! But I think that my upbringing in a 2-parent home has indirectly kept me single, simply because I value marriage so much and don't want to rush into an exclusive relationship with any ole' dude.

We'll see about this current guy though!

 

[saved06]

Yes, growing up without a father has made my relationships hard. I had so many insercurities with men and even anger...until I met my current boyfriend, he was willing to wait on God to work out these issues. I had to stop using my past as a crutch and really rely on christ to teach me what I was never exposed to, the love of a father. It has been a hard process but I don't want this to continue in my family as in all the women are not married in my family, which is a curse I want to break. I've learned your current circumstance does not determine your future. More than anything women in single parent household have an issue of fear when it comes to men. I would say let Christ fix that because only he can and you will be surprised at learning who you are in HIM

 

[MissScarlett]

I think you definitely have a good point, OP. When healthy, stable, loving relationships are modeled in front of you, you're definitely more capable to replicate that in your own life.

I came from a two-parent household, and my parents had (and continue to have) an excellent marriage. I recently married my husband, and having seen my parents weather the ups and downs of life, I know that things won't always be easy, but that marriage is not a temporary arrangement, it's forever, through thick and thin.

ITA. My dh was raised in a single parent household and I was raised with two parents. He and I were on two totally different pages when we got married, I think it was a big adjustment for him not having had that growing up.

 

[LivingDoll]

Yes, growing up without a father has made my relationships hard. I had so many insercurities with men and even anger...until I met my current boyfriend, he was willing to wait on God to work out these issues. I had to stop using my past as a crutch and really rely on christ to teach me what I was never exposed to, the love of a father. It has been a hard process but I don't want this to continue in my family as in all the women are not married in my family, which is a curse I want to break. I've learned your current circumstance does not determine your future. More than anything women in single parent household have an issue of fear when it comes to men. I would say let Christ fix that because only he can and you will be surprised at learning who you are in HIM

Wow. Its funny that you mentioned this because I just recently realized that I have fear when it comes to men. It's masked as fear of sharing my space and giving up my freedom. When I think of getting married, living with another person 24/7 and answering to someone it frightens me so bad. I need to pray on that.

 

[LivingDoll]

ITA. My dh was raised in a single parent household and I was raised with two parents. He and I were on two totally different pages when we got married, I think it was a big adjustment for him not having had that growing up.

I can imagine.

 

[Country gal]

My mother was single yet very careful not to bring men around me and my sister so I never really got to see her in a healthy relationship. She was always alone. I don't fault her because she did what was best...I just feel like I started out with a great disadvantage than girls who had their fathers around to teach them about men.

I don't subscribe to the don't date or bring men around your children philosphy. I date men to eventually settle down with the one. Once I have a guy I want to be in a relationship with, he needs to meet my son. We are a package deal. If a man can't deal with my son, than I don't want to be bothered.

 

[LivingDoll]

I don't subscribe to the don't date or bring men around your children philosphy. I date men to eventually settle down with the one. Once I have a guy I want to be in a relationship with, he needs to meet my son. We are a package deal. If a man can't deal with my son, than I don't want to be bothered.

I understand that. I'm the same way. I don't know if my mother did this to protect us or if it was coincidence that she just never really dated much....I should've said, she did what she thought was best.

 

[Country gal]

I think generally speaking there is truth in what you are talking about, but there are plently of exceptions.

I grew up in a stable, two-parent household, with a father who went to work every day to provide for his family. I ended up marrying an unstable dreamer who eventually became somewhat abusive...this man was very emotional, pie in the sky type..nothing like my father.

Looking back, my dad was distant emotionally, so maybe I was looking for the opposite of him in that regards..dunno.

I always grew up with my dad. I always felt he was emotionally unavailable. He was a good provider but he never talked to me about the birds and the bees.

 

[LivingDoll]

I always grew up with my dad. I always felt he was emotionally unavailable. He was a good provider but he never talked to me about the birds and the bees.

I hear this alot...I guess they're alot of fathers who are "present" but nothing else. Do you find that you are attracted to emotionally unavailable men? I am and I always attributed it to my father being out of the picture.

 

[godzooki]

I'm from a single parent household. I dunno but watching my mom struggle and go thru relationships just made me want to work on keeping my marriage strong. Then again, out of the 3 daughters that she had (all out of wedlock and two as a teenager) I am the only one still married. Both my sisters did wed but it dissolved at the very first trial. Both of their marriages lasted 2 or 3 yrs.

 

[Farida]

I will say that growing up I had a problem distinguishing romantic love and paternal love. I would often find myself crushing on older men who were 'fatherly' towards me.

I believe it is because the only "love" I knew was fraternal and romantic, having had no dad. So any time I felt a semblance of affection for a man/male I assumed it must be romantic. I'd find myself daydreaming and all about a man/male but the moment he tried to kiss me or anything else I wanted to throw up and run to the hills...