Thinking about relaxing my natural 4b hair

[JudithO]

yep @ thickness like mdwezi.. I admire her so much for learning to deal with all that length with her texture.

 

[Nonie]

@Nonie I would give you my head to play with if my scalp doesn't hurt each time anything touches it... this hair gives me a headache.. lol... Your hair is lovely.. Your shrunken hair looks like mine, but I dont have any curls (like your shrunken strands) no matter the product and technique (except my nape)... Thanks for hopping in here and chiming in ... Appreciated!!!

judy4all I bet you do. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that and then down the road the tune changes. I never knew I had curls until 2004! And I was born in the '60s and have been natural for most of my life. You'll be surprised what internal moisture can do for hair. I remember someone on the forum who finally infused moisture in her hair using a product called Diva Smooth being shocked to see curls in her hair. The product was nothing more than a deep conditioning procedure but what a difference it made to the feel of hair. Dry hair is hard, while moisturized hair is very soft. And this is why I don't feel a need to put globs of product on my hair once I DC and condition my hair. A moisturizer would be smart as coating the strands would be a kind of protection for them, but I don't like the feel of product on my neck or face and on my scalp it makes me itch so I prefer the bare feeling of internally moisturized hair.

And I used to braid babies so I bet your scalp wouldn't hurt. When I'd braid adults they'd fuss that I wasn't doing it tight enough coz it didn't hurt. Then they'd be surprised when they felt them that they had been done very firmly against their scalp but they couldn't understand why they didn't feel it. I hate pain myself so I learned a long time ago to be gentle. So if I played with your hair, you'd probably go to sleep. I always tell people that when looking for a braider, find one who can put a baby to sleep while braiding her hair, then you know you don't risk traction alopecia having her do your hair.

@Nonie How do you stretch your hair?

I usually use braids to stretch my hair. In the pic I posted showing stretched hair after the shrunken 'fro, you can see the braids (to the left of the loose hair) that I used to stretch. The only reason they are so skinny is because I was only working on my bangs ie little hair so I could afford to do small braids. The rest of my hair was in braid extensions (I wore twisted bangs so I had decided to undo the twists, wash my hair in braids and airdry in braids then redo the twists afresh--so that's what was going on there). If I were working on my entire head, I'd have used larger braids to stretch my hair. The idea is just to be able to smooth and stretch the hair as you braid. Braiding wet hair and letting it airdry bare I find allows it to stretch better than if I have some water-based product in it first which will cause some shrinkage. If you wash your hair in braids as I shared in that thread I posted, you will find your hair will not get a chance to fully shrink as in the puff below--especially if you even let it airdry in braids as I explain in that thread.

The other pic showing a few strands of stretched hair was simply hair taken out of mini-twists. I twirl each strand of the two-strand twist before wrapping it around the other one so the hair is held in a stretched state. Braids do stretch my hair better than twists would though so they are my method of choice for stretching.

Here's a puff made with fully shrunken hair:

Here's a puff made with braid-stretched hair the same week:

 

[JudithO]

Ok guys... This is the part where I start gettin cold feet.... I don't know if I can go thru with this.. I've been trying to detatch my emotions from it... but the closer I get to my appointment... the more the chicken in me rears it's head out..

@Nonie Thanks for all your responses so far. From your other posts.. I see you like s-curl.. What do you use it for?

Also, what do you use to DC?

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

LOL!!!! Oh mannn why do I feel nervous with you??? LOL!! Its as if I'm there w/ you getting my 1st relaxer & I've been relaxed pratically all my life.

If your nervousness gets too bad, don't force it.

Sent from my LG-MS690 using LG-MS690

 

[Nonie]

Ok guys... This is the part where I start gettin cold feet.... I don't know if I can go thru with this.. I've been trying to detatch my emotions from it... but the closer I get to my appointment... the more the chicken in me rears it's head out..

@Nonie Thanks for all your responses so far. From your other posts.. I see you like s-curl.. What do you use it for?

Also, what do you use to DC?

@judy4all, when I'm wearing my hair out, it's the ONLY leave-in product I use on my hair. In the shrunken puff you saw, I applied it to damp hair so I'd have slip to comb and style for work. Otherwise I normally would airdry in braids fully and THEN apply it. S Curl applied to damp hair will dry up hard; but once hair is fully dry (albeit hard), if it is now applied to the hair w/o any water on it, it softens the hair like nothing else I know. What makes it my staple is it KEEPS the hair soft, doesn't feel greasy so no fear of rubbing onto furniture or walls, but your hair stays cool (moist). My hair before I discovered S Curl would be soft as soon as a I applied a moisturizer (cream, butter, grease, oil) but it'd dry up hard and feel rough. You could create static electricity with it. With S Curl, my hair stays soft like cotton and never feels dry. I think these pics really give an idea of the fluffiness and softness I get from S Curl:

​

Close up of another S Curled puff:

And maybe the pics of my mom's hair before I introduced her to S Curl, when she'd use just whatever (grease, oil, butter, etc) to moisturize her hair and when it'd dry up to some rough shapeless strands will give you an idea of what I mean about the difference in how the moisture content of hair from S Curl vs other products is so great that it even shows:

Mom's hair before S Curl:

Mom's hair after S Curl:

I had her shampoo with Elucence Moisture Benefits Shampoo and condition with Elucence Moisture Balancing Condish (I don't know if this was the time I DC'd her hair with heat or not--something she'd never done before but which she now added to her regimen); but instead of tying a scarf for the night after plaiting her hair, she baggied them with S Curl on--same thing I do--and she couldn't believe how easy her hair was to style the next day. Also she was floored that it combed easily w/o her needing to add anything to it or that she could go for days w/o reapplying moisturizer and hair felt the same as the first day she moisturized, thanks to nightly baggying.

When I'd see her comb the previous hair, I'd fear a fire might start. It was so dry and crackled as she combed much to my cringing and her looking at me like I was crazy LOL. This "new" hair combed like a baby's. No resistance, no cracking or sparks and as if that wasn't good enough, there was no patting into shape necessary. The coils just seemed to fall into shape so that styling her afro took no time. My mom is very impatient and cannot stand spending more than 5 minutes in front of a mirror (vanity is so not her thang ) so she LOVED the new regimen I gave her.

I DC with reconstructors Aubrey Organics GPB or Nexxus Emergencée. I have DC'd with moisturizing conditioners too (AO Honeysuckle Rose, Aussie Deep, Neutrogena Triple Moisture Masque (Mask?), Humectress Deep Treatment...) but I seem able to get away with just the reconstructors on the weekend and just a regular conditioning with any moisturizing conditioner (Organix, Aussie, Herbal Essence, AO HSR, Trader Joe's Nourish Spa...) mid-week. I think the baggying nightly recycles the simple conditioning I do for moisture and infuses the moisture so that I really don't need a moisturizing DC.

ETA I'm sorry you're getting nervous. Pray perhaps? Then PM other relaxed ladies @Your Cheeziness, @Supergirl, @divachyk, @sunnieb...to name a few, if only to get some pep talk and assurance.

Sorry I might've missed where you shared but do you know your stylist's work? Do you know if she'll do a good job? I wish you could go to Reniece in MD. I'd even tell you myself that if you were going to her, there'd be nothing to worry about; that I'm sure you'd be OK. (I respect Reniece and think of her as some error-proof goddess of sorts so forgive my obvious bias here.) But don't mind me. You'd have to have thought of this a few years back to be able to get an appointment this week with Reniece, I think. Hey, maybe you could just take a number and wait for your turn? That will give you more time to play some more with your natural hair and try S Curl! oke: Exciting, isn't it?
​

 

[JudithO]

@pre_medicalrulz ... I just did a braidout on my hair... and as I was working thru the hair, I just started to shake.. lol... coming up with all sorts of reasons to stay natural "especially now since my natural reggie is in cruise control"... "why leave something I know and dive into the unknown"... "what if my entire nape falls out" ... "since im already BSB, give it one more yr to get to MBL (my goal) before I relax) lol.. Ultimately, Ive been pretty unhappy with my hair for a while, so while I'm getting sentimental about it, I'm still convinced it's time for a change. My appointment still holds...

@Nonie .. I do not know her work, but she seems nice, knowledgeable, and will listen to what I want her to do. she owns her shop, and works alone.. been doing hair for almost 10 yrs. The first thing she asked me when I went there was why I went natural in the first place, to make sure I wasn't rushing into a perm... I told her I wanted to relax every 8 weeks, and she said she usually recommends her clients wait 12 weeks.. Those are good things right? + she is the only listed on the Mizani website as a "Mizani Specialist" in the Pittsburgh area.. so that should count for something? She told me it's okay to chicken out though.. lol... so no pressure from her... I'm asking God to lead me... lololol.... This aint no joke.. I'm sure after I'm done, I'll be like whatever... I just need to make it in one piece to saturday @ 2... The hubby says lets go away tomorrow and friday to take my mind off it... First thing I asked is "do they have internet there?"... lol.. so I can keep researching and y'all can know when I start hyperventilating..

Thanks guys.. Will keep y'all posted.

ETA: I'll happily drive 4 hours to Reniece if I could get on her calendar.. I signed for her mailing list a while ago.. but have heard nothing back as expected lol @ playing with s-curl. I thot about it too. "maybe give it 1 more month to play with s-curl".. The problem lies with the styling, and not the softness... so s-curl can't help me... lol

 

[beloved1bx]

your stylist sounds pretty patient and knowledgeable - i noticed she included a mid-protein step before neutralizing which is great. I might need to hint to my stylist to step up her game and do the same. Let us know if you go through with your appointment. I hope you like it. Be sure to keep asking questions, get her thoughts on how you can maintain/care for your hair yourself between touch-ups.

 

[JudithO]

As of this morning, i don't have d balls to go thru with it.. ill just save myself the heartache, put it in twists and give myself 4 weeks to rest and and think about this without any drama.. thanks for all the input ladies and sorry for getting y'll excited that i was pulling d trigger.

In the battle of chicken vs man today..... let's just say chicken won!!

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2

 

[bebezazueta]

judy4all yay! I'm so glad you chickened out! LOL! You've come so far on your natural journey and still have MBL natural to achieve here soon! Yes I'm happily relaxed but I wholeheartedly support natural hair journeys. So great JOB!

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I've been lurking in your threads and I just wanted to say that I think you're right to wait a bit longer, even if you do decide later on to relax. If you're feeling that much anxiety about it, I'm glad you waited.

 

[Danewshe]

I'm glad you didn't do it!!! You didn't sound like you were really sure about relaxing it anyway. Just braid it up and go buy yourself a nice lacefront is what I say!

 

[JudithO]

Put my hair in 2 strand twists... This will carry me one month and give me time to think... lol.. Thanks so much ladies...

 

[Pompous Blue]

judy4all Thanks for posting......We'll be waiting to hear what you'll do when you take the twists down.

Good Luck! and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Don't do it until you are ready! You know you have a support system here.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

judy4all please don't look so sad when your twists are so beautiful

 

[rwanda]

Judy I feel you on this. I too have been struggling with my 4b natural hair after being natural for 4 years. My hair doesn't seem to be thriving and I have broken pieces at my new growth. I keep my hair in twists also for protective styling. I even do the GHE method nightly to maintain moisture, condition with protein and moisture weekly, and just try to keep it simple. It seems that every time I touch my hair it seems to break. When I was relaxed I seemed to be able to retain length more easily and from this hair board learned a lot. I have been thinking about tex-laxing for some months now. I went natural for the health, strength, and thickness of my hair but I feel as though its not working me. Good luck Judy, I am going to try to think on it some more before making my decision.

Picture is when I was relaxed my hair isn't even this long now. Right now I am shoulder length from a much needed trim (had split ends).

 

[yuhlovevybz]

Somebody should start a natural to relaxed support thread. That way naturals who want to relax who are lurkers or are too shy to say it can get some help. I think the scariest thing is going back to chemicals because they seem so complicated suddenly. I ruined my hair from taking relaxers into my own hands, and even stylists couldnt' relax right. Only person I could trust with my hair was my mom, so going back to the relaxer can be very very difficult for some person. A thread like that could have experienced relaxed heads walk people through it who have been jaded by relaxers in the past. I wanted to post it when I saw (I think krissynicks) similar thread a couple weeks ago but I only recently subscribed and I only know what NOT to do with a relaxer

Good luck and hope someone does that for everyone

 

[JudithO]

rwanda Given your description, I would advice that you try to figure out the problem first.. What is your reggie? Do you have a fotki with pictures?? My hair used to break off in pieces too, but doing a coconut oil pre-poo night before my wash, or a yogurt and olive oil pre-poo 2 hours before wash solved my breakage problems. I don't recommend that you go relaxed (or texlaxed) yet, cos the problem will continue, except your hair will be weaker from the relaxer.

KCcurly haha... actually I wasn't sad... I just wasn't sure the face to make.. lol..

yuhlovevybz I agree ... I think the biggest hurdle is for naturals to admit that they have other styling preferences and would like to revert to a relaxer (especially if you have a blog or youtube channel - that was the hardest part for me)... A central location on the pros and cons of relaxing, regimens, people's stories etc would be nice..

Thanks for all the support guys... I'm so relieved that I didn't do it.. lol... Kinda like I was *this* close to losing my natural hair, and I fell in love all over again... lol...

I've definitely opened myself up to the possibility of relaxing my hair again, but I will take it one month at a time and see how things work out...

 

[Nonie]

I've been lurking in your threads and I just wanted to say that I think you're right to wait a bit longer, even if you do decide later on to relax. If you're feeling that much anxiety about it, I'm glad you waited.

I couldn't agree more! I think I started to feel your anxiety judy4all when I asked if you know your stylist's work...coz I just felt that there was some uncertainty somewhere...about something going wrong...and was trying to find out if you'd be in safe hands. Talk doesn't mean walk...so I was a bit nervous but hoping for the best. So I'm glad you're waiting.

Now WOMAN, after seeing your twist, I'm mad you're even considering relaxing. Your twists are beautiful and so chunky. You make me want to go back to extensions coz my twists look anorexic compared to yours. Do you realize how good that looks? No, do you REALLY see what I see?

I hope you will give yourself time to think further each time you get that feeling coz honestly, I'll be sad if you change that hair. I thought you were at some awkward length but you're not. I think I need to go to the OP to read again what the problem was...coz I can't think of anything that'd make me want to change what you have. I it!!!

 

[yaya24]

I did not get the original alert that I was mentioned in your OP..

Well I am glad you decided not to make a drastic move and relax/texlax.

Your twists look really nice.

I have my days (really weeks) when I just need a break from styling my hair. From Oct - Dec Senegalese twists were a Godsend. Wigs and blown out twistouts have always been great too.


Congrats on making 4 years as a natural. You've made it this far, no need to mess a good thing up.

If you do decide to go back to chemicals, just remember that its just hair. Your happiness is what matters above all.

 

[JudithO]

Nonie yaya24 Thanks ladies ... I was just craving a change aesthetically... I'm grateful for my hair.. so grateful... but just so bored... Anyway, I feel great about my decision to hold off on relaxing ( I would have been in tears by now.. lol) .. On that note.. I'm going to give a couple more techniques a try like stretching my hair.. and DC'ing even (my hair doesn't really care for DC's but I can try)...