The Soulmate Experience?

[kinkicurlyfyne]

Okay.
My current "SO", [if you can call him that, that is another issue all together] and I have a mutual friend.
...I think he may be my soulmate.
The similarities between our lives (as in the course of events) are uncanny.
Our personalities are basically the same... he often says what is on my mind without me telling him... or expresses thoughts/answers to those thoughts that I have thought about in my spare time, but just felt too awkward to tell anyone.....

He is very well versed in the Bible(I kind of am, but haven't been to church in at least a year), and often shares scriptures with me, that seem to pertain specifically to my situation & life. Mind you, these things that he shares are things that I've never told him.

I feel like this is who I'm supposed to be with, but how do I know if I'm right or if I'm merely convincing myself that I am??

Ladies who've found your soulmates, how/when did you know?

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I think I've found mine. I couldnt stand him the first time we met but the second time a month later, it was like a whole new man! I knew when one afternoon a couple weeks into knowing each other, we were talking about my hair and I slipped and told him "you're going to have to learn how to do our daughter's hair" (for how I was when we met that is amazing). We've been able to finish each other's sentences and often it seems like we can read each others minds. I knew he was special after the second meeting and almost immediately I fell for him.

 

[juju]

Hope to meet mine soon though.

 

[Tee]

When you find him, you will know it!!

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

I met mine at 12yrs old. and I just realized that he IS the one and only one for me my SOUL mate for lack of a better word. I LOVE him wholeheartedly I thought I would never ever find a love like this but GOD has provided me with someone who can finish my sentences, feel what I feel on good and bad days, who when we make love it's like two souls intertwining into one. It's funny how he was my first boyfriend in HS we broke up then we reconnected again after 8 or so yrs started up a so-called adult relationship but I couldn't give him what he was looking for at the time (I had unresolved issues that I needed to work out within myself) broke up again now fast forward 10yrs later he found me on Facebooks sent me a friend request and we have been together ever since.

We have this connection that is undeniable after all our time apart it's like we spoke the day before and time had never passed. I feel so close too him and he does me. I can TRULY be myself with him he makes me that comfortable no facade, no pretenses just ME. We can talk about everything and then about nothing. Our time spent together is so special to me I treasure every second. I think about him my heart skips a beat and I smile inside and out. We can talk for hrs in person and over the phone. It's like time stands still when we're together one minute it's 6pm then we look up and it's 4am. We compliment each others shortcomings and never try too exploit them.

I can truly say he is my bestfriend, lover, confidante, the love of my life...He is MY SOULMATE

 

[syze6]

Okay.
My current "SO", [if you can call him that, that is another issue all together] and I have a mutual friend.
...I think he may be my soulmate.
The similarities between our lives (as in the course of events) are uncanny.
Our personalities are basically the same... he often says what is on my mind without me telling him... or expresses thoughts/answers to those thoughts that I have thought about in my spare time, but just felt too awkward to tell anyone.....

He is very well versed in the Bible(I kind of am, but haven't been to church in at least a year), and often shares scriptures with me, that seem to pertain specifically to my situation & life. Mind you, these things that he shares are things that I've never told him.

I feel like this is who I'm supposed to be with, but how do I know if I'm right or if I'm merely convincing myself that I am??

Ladies who've found your soulmates, how/when did you know?

Be careful with that...some times when things are not what they should be in one relationship, another seems like the ideal one! Especially when you aren't with that person. He or she seems like your dream mate and you start wishing you were with them. You start finding all the wrong things in your current mate and all the right in them.

 

[moonglowdiva]

Soulmate? Where would one go to find those?

 

[kinkicurlyfyne]

Be careful with that...some times when things are not what they should be in one relationship, another seems like the ideal one! Especially when you aren't with that person. He or she seems like your dream mate and you start wishing you were with them. You start finding all the wrong things in your current mate and all the right in them.

Thanks for that. I did consider that I was exaggerating the situation.... so I kind of shied away from him for a while. But in my defense, I realized a lot of the bad before this interaction...Realizing that makes me wonder why I am still even with my SO....

I have been focused on just being in the 'friend zone' with this guy, as I can get ahead of myself... plus he is very respectful of my current relationship...but I can tell he's like at times. Its just a very unique feeling...........

Bumping for more responses.....

 

[aribell]

Well, figure out your current relationship first. If you're going to stay then forget about the soulmate stuff.. If you leave, don't base it at all on the new guy, but if you get out of your relationship just wait and see if he actually makes a move. If the connection is really there it'll be mutual.

 

[SugarBaby]

I heard Oprah (Yes, I am a fan) say yesterday, everytime she hears a woman call someone their "soulmate" it is a recipe for disaster.

I agree.

When you think this is the "one" it seems to fall apart instead of growing...I don't know the psychology behind it, but it just seems to blow up.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

I have found mine.
My SO and I are of the same mindset and we think alike, we don't agree just because we are in love. We have a relationship that goes beyond girlfriend and boyfriend, he knows my soul and I know his. We tell each other everything and there are times where he doesn't have to say anything because I know his heart.
it's strange and beautiful and it's hard to explain, but I have a connection with him that I have never felt with anyone else.
We say that our souls have always known each other, long before our physical bodies met. It is a overwhelming feeling and it is very reassuring and comforting to have someone in your life that totally "gets" you.

 

[Theo]

I heard Oprah (Yes, I am a fan) say yesterday, everytime she hears a woman call someone their "soulmate" it is a recipe for disaster.

I agree.

When you think this is the "one" it seems to fall apart instead of growing...I don't know the psychology behind it, but it just seems to blow up.

Heck yea... not that this has to be the case for any one else. The one relationship where I thought dude was my soulmate was the single worst relationship I've ever been in.

 

[SugarBaby]

Heck yea... not that this has to be the case for any one else. The one relationship where I thought dude was my soulmate was the single worst relationship I've ever been in.

There is some kind of "spell" you cast on a relationship when you call your SO your soulmate.

I dont know why but it seems like it just goes downward afterward.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

I thought that my ex-fiancee and I were soulmates.

The night that we met, I wasn't even supposed to be there. I was supposed to be on a date with someone else, and when he had to cancel, I said *** that, I'm going dancing.

And then there's the fact that I come from a Moroccan background, and he did too. What the hell are the odds of meeting someone from Morocco in the city, (and have him be fine as hell too)? Not very likely for me.

He was the first one to say the L word, and he treated me like such a QUEEN. Was the best thing to ever happen to me.

Fast forward to November of 2007, and he proposes. I know he's my soulmate, and I declare it to anyone who would listen.

Wellllppppp.... How did THAT end?

My breakup is somewhere here in the relationship archives. Worst relationship of my life, put me in the hospital sick for a month, fell into a depression, debt, and lost my complete sense of self.

Yeah...don't curse your relationship if you want it to last.

 

[Theo]

My breakup is somewhere here in the relationship archives. Worst relationship of my life, put me in the hospital sick for a month, fell into a depression, debt, and lost my complete sense of self.

Yeah...don't curse your relationship if you want it to last.

I have a VERY similar story.

 

[skatergurljubulee]

I heard Oprah (Yes, I am a fan) say yesterday, everytime she hears a woman call someone their "soulmate" it is a recipe for disaster.

I agree.

When you think this is the "one" it seems to fall apart instead of growing...I don't know the psychology behind it, but it just seems to blow up.

I think that sometimes the soulmate experience can backfire because the couple believes that no work needs or has to be done in the relationship, because it all just "flows" and "comes together" at the begining.

To me, soulmate and love at first sight are the same. I LOVE hearing stories about love at first sight and soul mates when they stay together. There's nothing wrong with having a soulmate or loving someone on sight per se, I think the problem lays in after it cools a little bit.

It's not always going to be unicorns and kittens, there are bumps in the road because, well, it's life and it's unavoidable. I think some people believe when it gets tough (and interestingly, when the relationship is going to go to a whole deeper level), that it wasn't really love or they aren't soulmates. All it really means is that your mate is human- and should be treated like so.
I know now that DH is my soulmate, but I didn't think that when we first met- nor the second or third times. We sorta finish each other's sentences now, but not all the time. Our first year of marriage was a little bumpy because we were trying to figure out one another's habits and whatnot.
What helped us get past the rough spots was the underlining love and devotion we had towards our marriage. Divorce is not an option for us. I'm sure DH is convinced we're soulmates (he's a hopeless romantic and I'm a realist, obviously lol), and slowly he's starting to convince me.

I hope this rambling mess is understandable and I hope this helps someone.

 

[Carolina18]

It's not always going to be unicorns and kittens, there are bumps in the road because, well, it's life and it's unavoidable. I think some people believe when it gets tough (and interestingly, when the relationship is going to go to a whole deeper level), that it wasn't really love or they aren't soulmates. All it really means is that your mate is human- and should be treated like so.

Good observation. Perhaps our currently high-paced lifestyles shape our attitudes towards relationships in that when we hit obstacles and relationship 'defects' start to show up, our first instinct is to chuck them out or replace them like disposable goods. I like how you pointed out your realisation that your DH is your soulmate years after you got married, even though you don't necessarily conform to popular ideas surrounding the 'soulmate experience' i.e. finishing each others sentences, etc. It probably goes far deeper than that, and probably is much less magical than it sounds.

 

[1QTPie]

I met mine at 12yrs old. and I just realized that he IS the one and only one for me my SOUL mate for lack of a better word. I LOVE him wholeheartedly I thought I would never ever find a love like this but GOD has provided me with someone who can finish my sentences, feel what I feel on good and bad days, who when we make love it's like two souls intertwining into one. It's funny how he was my first boyfriend in HS we broke up then we reconnected again after 8 or so yrs started up a so-called adult relationship but I couldn't give him what he was looking for at the time (I had unresolved issues that I needed to work out within myself) broke up again now fast forward 10yrs later he found me on Facebooks sent me a friend request and we have been together ever since.

We have this connection that is undeniable after all our time apart it's like we spoke the day before and time had never passed. I feel so close too him and he does me. I can TRULY be myself with him he makes me that comfortable no facade, no pretenses just ME. We can talk about everything and then about nothing. Our time spent together is so special to me I treasure every second. I think about him my heart skips a beat and I smile inside and out. We can talk for hrs in person and over the phone. It's like time stands still when we're together one minute it's 6pm then we look up and it's 4am. We compliment each others shortcomings and never try too exploit them.

I can truly say he is my bestfriend, lover, confidante, the love of my life...He is MY SOULMATE

OMG, are you me?? I'm trying to fight it.

 

[kinkicurlyfyne]

Thanks, ladies for all your realistic advice! Not just telling me what you think I want to hear.

 

[kinkicurlyfyne]

OMG, are you me?? I'm trying to fight it.

Why are you fighting it?

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Wow..Thanks ladies for bringing up the point of once you 'say it' DUNDUNDUNDUUUNN!! Lol..yes, the two relationships I had that had that "The ONE' overtone from the beginning turned out to be a disaster. The first one, we both felt that way, but I was more realistic in the fact that we aren't going to be happy all the time, that nicca never wanted to disagree on anything and if I even sounded like I wanted to have a discussion on our relationship NO LIE..His leg would start shaking uncontrollably.

With the last one, I knew better but HE didn't. He was a hopeless romantic too like the last one, but I was trying to be more real. I was the one taking the more realistic approach like, "we'll see" and "so far" when he'd bring up the long long term. I do believe Love at first site and Kismet relationships still happen, but in the world we live in today it's an unrealistic attitude if you believe that your relationship is going to be all candy and unicorns. And it's just a set-up for failure because like ya'll said, when conflict arises it's "THE END OF THE WORLD".

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

OMG, are you me?? I'm trying to fight it.

LOL I was trying to fight it as well but then I realized I only have this one life.....why not try too live it without thinking everything through and making excuses as too why I shouldn't do something. Why not just do it and see how it turns out??? Life is WAAAAAYYYYYY too short so I plan to take full advantage of the one I have...

1QTPIE: IMO if you feel like he's someone you have a connection with and will be good to/for you see how it goes don't try to fight it embrace it.

 

[fmnnity]

I heard Oprah (Yes, I am a fan) say yesterday, everytime she hears a woman call someone their "soulmate" it is a recipe for disaster.

I agree.

When you think this is the "one" it seems to fall apart instead of growing...I don't know the psychology behind it, but it just seems to blow up.

Actually she said that when she hears someone say that they found "the one" . . . she didn't say soulmate. I have to point out the difference because in most cases "the one" isn't your soulmate. Most people meet their soulmate but never marry them. And furthermore most married people will not admit that they didn't marry their soulmate. AND your soulmate doesn't necessarily mean your romantic partner for life. That's just a romantic notion that we have.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Actually she said that when she hears someone say that they found "the one" . . . she didn't say soulmate. I have to point out the difference because in most cases "the one" isn't your soulmate. Most people meet their soulmate but never marry them. And furthermore most married people will not admit that they didn't marry their soulmate. AND your soulmate doesn't necessarily mean your romantic partner for life. That's just a romantic notion that we have.

True, I do believe I had a soulmate connection with those two men I mentioned. I just don't believe I would have been happy with either of them in the sense of getting married building a life together. It is more of a romantic notion that because we feel that we are, we are suppose to be together forever no matter what. It's great if it happens, but you can't let the 'soulmate' factor overrule unfulfilling circumstances. This is where the danger lies, truly giving into the idea that you were one half of a person and now your whole with them, and if something goes wrong it literally tears at your soul, like you can't imagine living without that person. That's dangerous.

 

[SugarBaby]

Actually she said that when she hears someone say that they found "the one" . . . she didn't say soulmate. I have to point out the difference because in most cases "the one" isn't your soulmate. Most people meet their soulmate but never marry them. And furthermore most married people will not admit that they didn't marry their soulmate. AND your soulmate doesn't necessarily mean your romantic partner for life. That's just a romantic notion that we have.

I guess we have to agree to disagree, I heard her say soulmate.

In the clip it was about the woman leaving her husband and deciding that the woman she met was "her soulmate". That is the reason, the woman on the clip was so devastated. Remember, Oprah said...I can tell you are still devastated from the break-up.

Remember?

 

[kinkicurlyfyne]

When I say 'soulmate', realistically I know that it's not going to be all gravy all the time. Relationships like that creep me out.
And I agree that your soulmate is not always/does not have to become 'the one'.
SOULMATE is what I mean, not 'the one'.

Also, I agree with what SvelteVelvet said about 'the one' attitude being a setup for failure. In my experience, when conflict does arise, its explosive, from holding back to maintain the "kittens and unicorns" feeling.....

 

[fmnnity]

I guess we have to agree to disagree, I heard her say soulmate.

In the clip it was about the woman leaving her husband and deciding that the woman she met was "her soulmate". That is the reason, the woman on the clip was so devastated. Remember, Oprah said...I can tell you are still devastated from the break-up.

Remember?

Yep, I remember it. . . just watched it a coupla days ago since I dvr it everyday. All I can recall is her saying was that she always cringes when she hears someone say "the one." I must have missed the part when she said soulmate. Someone one her discussion board also referenced this conversation and they mention her warning against calling another "the one." No mention of soulmate. We can agree to disagree.

 

[metro_qt]

I think that sometimes the soulmate experience can backfire because the couple believes that no work needs or has to be done in the relationship, because it all just "flows" and "comes together" at the begining.

To me, soulmate and love at first sight are the same. I LOVE hearing stories about love at first sight and soul mates when they stay together. There's nothing wrong with having a soulmate or loving someone on sight per se, I think the problem lays in after it cools a little bit.

It's not always going to be unicorns and kittens, there are bumps in the road because, well, it's life and it's unavoidable. I think some people believe when it gets tough (and interestingly, when the relationship is going to go to a whole deeper level), that it wasn't really love or they aren't soulmates. All it really means is that your mate is human- and should be treated like so.
I know now that DH is my soulmate, but I didn't think that when we first met- nor the second or third times. We sorta finish each other's sentences now, but not all the time. Our first year of marriage was a little bumpy because we were trying to figure out one another's habits and whatnot.
What helped us get past the rough spots was the underlining love and devotion we had towards our marriage. Divorce is not an option for us. I'm sure DH is convinced we're soulmates (he's a hopeless romantic and I'm a realist, obviously lol), and slowly he's starting to convince me.

I hope this rambling mess is understandable and I hope this helps someone.

I wish i could thank you one million times.

For all you who think the word 'soulmate' is a curse, it's as ridiculous as thinking the words Sand, and Sugar are curses...

For those people who have met their soulmates and have had their relationships end badly..... did you know that just because you meet your soulmate in this lifetime DOES NOT mean that you are supposed to be with him/her in this lifetime?

Also, most people have more than one soulmate... you actually have a soul group... and whenever you meet up with those people, you experience powerful emotions.... BUT it doesn't mean that you're supposed to be together at this point in time... maybe it'll happen, maybe it wont....

That is all

 

[EbonyYoungin517]

Just strollin on in to drop my philosophy.


Soul-mates in my opinion is NOT limited to your romantic partner. Your spouse. I believe a soul mate is what it is. A partner for my soul. I believe my best friend (female) is my soul-mate. She is there for me. She and I have an incredible connection and always have had a great spirtual connection with God. We can almost predict each other lives I mean it goes on and on. I have no sexual or romantic feelings towards her but I truly do feel this soul was suppose to be my best friend. I feel the same for my SO and his best friend. People nick name the hubby and wifey. My SO was stabbed and his bff held him in his arms and saved his lives. They think alike and see life the same. They're names goes with the Ying and Yang and it goes on and on. They are not attracted to one another.

Like another poster suggested. Perhaps we have a soul group. I do feel my SO could be my soulmate...we have a great connection. We will see though. But I just want to say that soulmates do not have to be limited to a romantic partner. Everyone in their lifetime has atleast ONE true friend...COULDNT THAT BE YOUR SOUL MATE? HE/SHE IS THERE THROUGH THICK AND THIN..BLOOD AND WATER.....could even be your moms..I'm just sayin..

 

[ART11]

It's one of those things you just kind of know. When it IS, you won't wonder or question it. I met my "soulmate" online. We were just really cool friends online but when we finally met we could not stand to let a day pass without being together. He lived a little over an hour away and sold his home and moved to an apt close to where I lived so he would not need to drive to see me everyday. We were engaged in six weeks and married a year later. NONE of this seemed odd to us although folks thought we had lost our minds and some even boycotted our wedding as a "waste of a gift". Our marriage was mostly like the 12 year date that never ended (well, it did but that is a story for another day). In short, we had a major ball!

Now about your situation...here is the thing... You have a SO. This person is a FRIEND of the SO. That , in itself, is a problem. I truly believe had this been the REAL DEAL, the SO would have been long kicked to the curb. It is like a snowball rolling downhill once you meet the right person - things naturally progress of their own accord. I'm not saying you two aren't really feeling each other - but you will dig a lot of people in your lifetime and unfortunately MOST of them will NOT be THE ONE. My advice to you is to evaluate your current relationship and decide where you want to go with that FIRST. Do this without factoring the "soulmate" in the situation at all. Once you are free and clear, if that is where you decide to be, you may definitely want to consider exploring a friendship with the soulmate. At any rate, you have not ONCE even speculated about calling your current SO soulmate so chances are you just may be ready to move along from him to greener pastures.