The loneliness has settled in and I think I may CRACK!

[Impresaria]

Sigh....

I do not even know where to begin. Waves of loneliness hit me today and I damn near had an anxiety attack. I work from home, so 99% of the time I am alone after I drop the kids off. Today, I was walking down my stairs and I was just paralyzed and burst into tears. I didn't stop crying for probably about 30 minutes. And when I stopped crying I mourned the loss of my life and marriage for the 17 years that we have been together. I don't know what it's like to be alone like this. Even when we were apart, doing our separate tours in Iraq, I never felt alone I knew that I "had" a husband. Now I am feeling the effects of what "divorce" really means. Wow. I wasn't prepared.

 

[locabouthair]

I don't know what to say because I have never been married. but (((HUGS))) to you. i know this is hard but this too will pass.

Have you thought about joining a forum or message board for divorced women? That may help.

 

[jrae]

SpicedTee, do you have friends or family nearby? If not, get out of the house anyway, maybe a nice walk will help. Do you journal at all?

 

[caltron]

((((SpicedTee))))) I can't imagine the pain you're going through right now. Please be strong, because you are doing the right thing. So many women stay in bad relationships because they can't deal with the feelings of loneliness.

Just stick this out and better days are ahead of you. You deserve SO much better. Things only get better from here.

 

[ryanshope]

Girl, I am so sorry for you right now...I have never been divorced, but i can imagine how painful it is to be "alone"....the lost memories, the routine, the familiarity...I am sure it hurts to your soul..we are hear for you...reach out girl, don't let it consume you.... much love and prayers for you..

 

[Stormy]

Awwww... (((((SpiceTee))))), that's a hug for you. I've been there so I know exactly how you feel! I mean I can only imagine. When I went through my divorce I felt so ashamed to even be seen at the grocery store with no ring on my finger anymore and two kids in tow. I used to sleep all the time, sit around the house doing nothing. I remember just getting out of bed to eat a bowl of soup, then going back to sleep. Crying all day! Then pulling myself together when the kids knocked on the bedroom door. This went on for 2 months! I was very depressed and lonely.

Prayer worked for me in addition to just getting out and learning to do things by myself. I joined Black Singles too because they always had little events going on around town. So, it wasn't only about meeting someone and finding love. I'm not saying you have to join a singles site, I'm just saying it helped me. You can get into the habit of doing things alone and you'll get used to it. Eventually you may even like being single because of all the benefits that come along with it. For example PEACE! That was the one thing I didn't have before.

So, just think about why you got divorced in the first place and your new found freedom. Maybe that'll help. But when all else fails PRAY! Don't worry you'll get through it.

I'll pray for you.

 

[Evolving78]

I guess this is what they call the grieving period. I will pray that you get through this. Give yourself a couple of days or a week to just cry and let it all out. And I mean a good cry. (snotty nose, puffy eyes, the works) And then get busy. Think about something big or simple that you wanted to try or do and get to it. My parents just went through a divorce after 31 years of marriage. My mother is doing really good. She stays active a lot and has a lot of friends and family around her. Plus she has grandchildren now so that is keeping her busy too. My dad on the other hand is slowly getting his life together. He depended on my mother for almost everything so he has a lot of learning and catching up to do. It will get better with time. I know that it is hard when you poured your life into something or someone and then it's gone. Do you have anyone that you could talk to or lean on?

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Spiced, Shortdub has a point...you are going throught the stages of loss and this is just one of the steps along to recovery. I remember crying on the subway {people pretended they saw nothing..New Yorkers!!!} coming home after I signed and paid for my divorce. I was so happy to be rid of that connection but feeling sad because I felt a failure and was feeling
D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D!!! No one in my family had ever divorced...they just left the ugly but kept the legal entanglement. One bright day you'll awaken..happy and feeling all is right with the world...you will...you really will!!

 

[Candy1978]

Wow, I am so sorry to hear that you feel like this I understand how it feels to be that lonely. When I lived in Miami, for 6 years, I had no friends or family, and it seemed as if everyone was having a life except for me. there were moments that I would just sit in the shower and cry for what seemed like hours. I would pray that god would send me just one decent friend. It was hard and I wouldn't wish that type of loneliness on anyone. I will have to remeber you in my prayers. Sometimes we think we are the only ones going through things and we aren't

 

[honeycomb719]

Aww ((((SpicedTee)))) I agree with the poster that said pray. Prayer is powerful. I know what loniness feels like. I have my bouts also, but I just keep in mind that something special is in store for me. You are definitely in moarning. This is natural. Find a friend you can talk to, even write your feelings down. You will look back on those writing in some time and get quite a kick out of yourself. I know I did, when my last LTR ended. You will be fine. It nothing else we are here for you sis. You just keep on keeping on.

 

[FlowerHair]

Breaking up hurts like h**ll and there is nothing but time and good friends to heal. One day you'll go to bed and realize that you haven't cried all day and that the excruciating pain in your chest will have gone away...

Give yourself time and don't spend too much time alone. Sleep over at a friend's house or a relative if you must. Work, work, work to take your mind off things. I know I've had to go to the bathroom and cry plenty of times at work after a break up, but I'd rather be at work than being alone.

What I found helpful was also to take extra good care of my body at the time. They say exercise helps a lot, so I tried to walk for 30 mins a day. I also bought lots of good food like fruit and vegetables.
(((Hugs)))

 

[Impresaria]

Ladies I am here. I have been here the whole time reading your messages, trying to gather up some energy. It's been hard, I thought I was doing fine, and them BAM--out of nowhere I was blindsided with emotion. And I realized that slowly, over the last few weeks, that I have been withdrawing. I joined a gym and haven't been, I connected with friends but don't return their calls, I have been slacking at my job, I almost (I said ALMOST) considered reconciling. But I don't want to be in that place anymore, where I forgive him (but not really, because I stay bitter) and then I wait to for the "other shoe to drop", and it ALWAYS does. I realized that I have stayed with him (even when I really can't stand him, and we have nothing in common) because I didn't want to be alone. Funny, because I was ALONE even within the marriage.

I really do need to get out of the house. I start school on the 20th, finally going to get that BA that I have been stopping and starting for 15 years. I live far away from my friends and family. But for some reason I don't want to deal with any of them. Some people are taking a morbid fascination in the details, and I am sick of being asked "What happened" and pried for information. Some people are quite happy to see me "cut" down to size, so to speak. After their curiosity is piqued, they disappear back into the woodwork. I really don't want to be the side show, know what I mean?

Posting this thread has helped me tremendously. I really appreciate the love and support. I have a long road ahead, the paperwork was filed recently and we haven't had a court date yet. I have seen my husband twice in the last year, once in January and once in June. I guess the next place I see him will be in court.

 

[cocoberry10]

Sorry about your situation. I pray things get better!

 

[lana]

Well I've been where you are. I can only suggest that you take comfort in your children and remember who you are: A woman that deserves to be loved and honored.

I don't have any family either, but I've branched out and made new friends, the old ones were stuck on the "why did he cheat on YOU" wagon and they wouldn't give it a rest. I was tired of the questions and morbid fascination. So I feel your pain. Try your best to pray and believe that your prayers are being heard. Do your best to stay busy and focused on other things. Pretend that you are your own mother and how would you feel if your daughter was in this situation, wouldn't you tell her to be strong, move on, life will get better.

PM me please if you ever want to talk. Don't let go of hope. It's okay to grieve, divorce is like a death, but it's not okay to give up or stop living.

 

[ThickHair]

Oh, I understand you. I had crying bouts all the time. Each day the crying times will be shorter and you will feel better but allow yourself to mourn but do not shut yourself off from the world. You have children to take care of. When I divorced we didn't have children and I didn't want to bother others with my strife. It is so hard to see the end of the tunnel when you just walked in. Good luck.

 

[poetist]

You are definitely in my prayers. One thing that you said struck me...about being alone. In my SUnday school class the pastors wife was talking to singles and she said that it is hard to be alone at times, but its even harder to be married and still feel alone.

This place that you are at now is lonely, but its where God wants you to be. He wants you to feel like the only personthat you can turn to and feel COMPLETELY safe, is with Him. Don't be ashamed of what you are going through, because there is purpose in it. There are better days ahead, but the most immediate ones will be rough. Just pray and pray and pray that God gives you peace during this difficult time.

 

[Kiadodie]

Awww, so sorry to hear that.

I’ve never been thru a divorce but I’ve been thru loneliness and it sucks. This is probably a grieving period for you. Stay in prayer. God will see u thru.

 

[donna894]

Sigh....

I do not even know where to begin. Waves of loneliness hit me today and I damn near had an anxiety attack. I work from home, so 99% of the time I am alone after I drop the kids off. Today, I was walking down my stairs and I was just paralyzed and burst into tears. I didn't stop crying for probably about 30 minutes. And when I stopped crying I mourned the loss of my life and marriage for the 17 years that we have been together. I don't know what it's like to be alone like this. Even when we were apart, doing our separate tours in Iraq, I never felt alone I knew that I "had" a husband. Now I am feeling the effects of what "divorce" really means. Wow. I wasn't prepared.

First of all, these waves of sadness and loneliness is to be expected. Remember all this is pretty recent. So take your time to work through your feelings. And recognize that however painful this may be, remember that you are doing what's best for you and your children. Also remember why you chose this route. God is taking this relationship out of your life for a reason. He doesn't want you to be lied to, cheated on and disrespected! He also doesn't want your children to bare the burden of "keeping Daddy's dirty secrets." God loves you and wants so much better for you and your kids. The first step on this new path is to remove that which is hurtful and destructive, so that beautiful things can take their place. So be extra kind to yourself during this difficult time. Pamper yourself. With one less jerk to worry about, find something to do to fill that void - make yourself go to the gym, get more involved in your kids activities, take a class, anything to help take your mind off things.

You will get through this, for yourself and your children. The best is truly yet to come.

 

[Bint Yusef]

...........

 

[Allandra]

Hun, here's a cyber (((((hug))))). I've never been married, but I know loneliness.

 

[indigodiva]

Hey Spiced...I know what loneliness feels like...I know you are hurting honey, so I am just going to pray for you and ask God to send his angels of comfort to you right now

Know that you WILL overcome this! God will take care of you and your children. He has your best interest at heart, and he will never put more on you than he knows you can bear. Be strong!!!

We are all here for you!