That out of the blue twinge....

[angenoir]

Just a question…

Is it normal to sometimes feel a small twinge of pain about something someone did to you in relationship long after its over..
And if you do does that mean that you are not totally over the incident?
And does that mean you should not get into or be in another relationship yet?

Clarification – its not like you’re walking around in pain and hurt. Its just that sometimes, out of the blue, something reminds you of the incident and you feel a twinge of that pain. But you can easily get your mind straight and not even pause and keep it moving and carry on with your life happily.

 

[envybeauty]

Yeah but that happens with family, friends, and ex men. Out of the blue, I thought about something family did/said that bothered me. Out of the blue, I thought about something an ex did. Both this morning.

Sometimes that happens so that you can reflect on WHAT exactly about the situation bothered you. Sometimes you have to grow up a bit and experience more before a past situation will make sense to you.

It's not about not moving on or being stuck in the past. It is about wanting to understand your past for what it was so that you can understand it.

 

[Duchesse]

I thinks it quite normal and human. I don't think it means you haven't "gotten over" the situation, but every experience in life carries something emotional with it. Just like you can get nostalgic over the smell of cotton candy and remember going to the circus as a child, you can be reminded of someone hurting you and feel that twinge.

Whenever I hear the name of a certain city, I can't help but feel momentary bitterness because it's where this guy I dated was from. Now I haven't seen nor spoken to him in a year, and don't dwell on him, but I can't help but feel some kind of way when I hear about his hometown.

 

[angenoir]

Thanks for your reposnses.... Great to know that I am normal and well-adjusted

 

[Bunny77]

It's happened to me too. And yeah, there can be certain "triggers" -- a city, a restaurant, a car, an old hang out spot -- that can suddenly bring a wave of sadness over you because the memories come up.

But those are normal, and they do go away... and NO, these should not automatically mean that you should avoid relationships until they go away permanently. While I believe that there is a time that we all need to heal before getting involved again, I think women stay out of the relationship world for TOO long sometimes after a breakup. Lingering aloneness can cause those triggers to happen more than if you were back out there dating and meeting new people. You don't have to get right back into another relationship immediately, but you can start dating again to lessen those "twinges."

 

[daydreem2876]

It's happened to me too. And yeah, there can be certain "triggers" -- a city, a restaurant, a car, an old hang out spot -- that can suddenly bring a wave of sadness over you because the memories come up.

But those are normal, and they do go away... and NO, these should not automatically mean that you should avoid relationships until they go away permanently. While I believe that there is a time that we all need to heal before getting involved again, I think women stay out of the relationship world for TOO long sometimes after a breakup. Lingering aloneness can cause those triggers to happen more than if you were back out there dating and meeting new people. You don't have to get right back into another relationship immediately, but you can start dating again to lessen those "twinges."

*Sigh*.... Thank you Bunny because you are right. Just recently my "out of the blue monent" came in the form of a dream. Lately I have been plotting to actually begin dating again and than I had this dream. After some thought, I realized that my reality is that I will not be over that relationship for a good long while but that does not mean I should wait until than not to get out and pursue other relationships. And possibly that may be what I need. Not necesarrily a new relationship but at least getting out and about.

 

[angenoir]

Ladies

Thanks so much for your responses and for the honesty. It helps so much and even may help someone who is just reading the posts and is going through the same thing.