I lived with one such person for a year. She jumped from relationship to relationship. When we met, she'd just started grad school, and 2 months in got a new BF. Before starting grad school, she'd been in a 2-year relationship. After year 1 of grad school, the BF messed up, and so she broke up with him. Told me/us that that summer, she connected with a guy she'd more or less had a crush on, but the distance thing never made it possible for them. Fast forward to the fall that we lived together, just a few months later, this summer guy was planning to come visit for a few days, but oh, wait, the first day that we move in, some random group happens to be hanging out near our apartment. They invite all of us to a party a week later, and bam, she and one of the guys of that group go on a date less than a week later, and now it is a little over 1 year later, she's moved to a new city, and he's making plans to relocate there as well. They've traveled together, met parents, friends, etc. It appeared so effortless.
She said she's never had anything this easy, and that maybe it is because he's 30. I don't know. I'd never seen anything like it.
She's a serial monogamist without overt issues (people love to pit them as having low self-esteem, I don't know why). She says she falls in love very easily. In fact, before date 1, she was like: squeal! I
him! And the rest of us were looking like:
, pretty much expecting disaster to ensue. Imagine our surprise. He used to travel a lot for work, and supposedly he'd send frequent emails reminding her why he thinks she's awesome.
Oh, meanwhile, the previous boyfriend was in the picture, actively trying to get back with her. Somehow I began to wonder if it is the competition... as she literally has left most boyfriends for others. Men are competitive creatures, and to know that the lady you've had your sights on is actively being pursued by another person trying to re-win her affections, that'll make you put in work, no?
As for her personality, she's super bubbly and very laid back. She's also a bit entitled, and that used to annoy the heck out of me. She's careless in a living situation, but actually quite meticulous about her presentation to said boyfriend. She'd put a lot of effort into looking charmingly casual. She might be described as a girl next door... not super fashionable, but always well-dressed (as in, in well-fitting clothes), maintains a particular look, is fun around guys (can hold her liquor and is athletic) but is also quite girly (giggling tendencies).
I also think, on surface, she presented herself as a source of joy for this BF. In fact, she sometimes acted as though she put him on a pedestal. Evidently, he did too, so that's great. He's a big social person and organizes LOTS of get-togethers, and she'd always be there, dressed for his countless costume parties (a 30-year old, Ivy-league educated social butterfly), and would participate in some of his athletic competitions (he did a LOT of those).
I'd seen her be really annoyed with him, and she'll have a string of curses before opening the door, and he'd walk in, and she'd be like: "Hi babe!!" I don't know how they manage conflict, but I thought those instances were interesting.
On some occasions, friends have asked me how I date so much, but these periods ebb and flow. Right now they are ebbbiiiinng. And even when my dating life is on point, I've never been a serial monogamist.
I have another friend who might fit the same boat, and I'd say she too is super laid back. The kind of person you enjoy being around, who makes people feel good around them.
My synthesis of all this has been: do men enjoy being around you for conversation? like, undisturbed conversation, not shadowed by glittery activities and expenses? But do they enjoy having you in their life as an actual friend, and not as just the girl they're dating? The guys who stick around in my life for year after year, we have that.
She had the time of her life being single for a few weeks before she met her most recent boyfriend. They were mutual friends and the rest is history. She never looks for a boyfriend but always has one.
look:
arsebackwards, men are supposed to help women smh
