Taking Advantage of Your Feelings?

[SimpleKomplexity]

It's a guy that I like. He knows it. I think he uses me because of it. he know I will be nice to him since I like him. I let him "borrow" cds, help him with school, etc. He is really sweet but constantly flirts with my bff in front of my face. How do I kut back and stop being blinded by a crush and stop letting him run ova me?

**PS... I'm ready to graduate from this majorily women campus. I want a real dating life, and right not it's nonexistent.

 

[Syrah]

...folks will only do what you allow them to do...

How to cut back? It starts with recognizing your worth as an individual and as a woman and staying true to that (I know I know...so much easier said than done). Personally, any man that intentionally does things to make a woman feel insecure (i.e. flirting with your BFF in front of you while knowing the type of feelings that you have for him) isn't worth the time or the effort.

A man should uplift you. A man should contribute to your confidence, not gnaw away at it. And a man should reflect that which you are, not detract from it.

And brother man isn't doing these things.

The more you remind yourself of this, the more automatic "cutting back" will become.

ETA: And the ironic thing is, the more you recognize your worth and "cut back" the more brother-man will start to step forward.

 

[EbonyEyes]

You've recognized that he is taking advantage of you. That's a big step!

It's vital that you become confident in your beauty and your abilities. You will be spending your entire life with youself. You can never get away from you. So learn now how to love yourself, respect yourself, and like yourself.

It's not easy but I believe you can do it.

As you begin to master this, people taking advantage of you will become more and more unacceptable.

 

[hopeful]

It's a guy that I like. He knows it. I think he uses me because of it. he know I will be nice to him since I like him. I let him "borrow" cds, help him with school, etc. He is really sweet but constantly flirts with my bff in front of my face. How do I kut back and stop being blinded by a crush and stop letting him run ova me?

**PS... I'm ready to graduate from this majorily women campus. I want a real dating life, and right not it's nonexistent.

No, he is not "really sweet" if he is flirting with your bff right in front of you (and knows you like him). That is one of the rudest, most unkind things a man can do to a woman who likes him, helps him with school, lends him cd's etc. He can't find anyone else to flirt with but your best friend? He can't take advantage of you without your permission. Stop lending him cd's and helping him with homework and ignore him, even leave the room when he starts that flirting mess. Or keep doing what you are doing and accept that he does not like you that way and move on.

 

[MissLawyerLady]

Guys like this are everywhere and the best way to avoid them is to leave them alone the minute you know they are trying to take advantage of you. Don't bother trying to call them out, right of the bat, because they'll try to deny it or straigten up for a hot minute. Detach yourself from the situation as quickly as possible-put that man on "IGNORE"- and make a point not to go back.

Oh by the way, users come in all ages- not just college men. I just recently had an encounter with a user myself and he was late 30's, great job, educated, intellectual, no kids...some men are just made like that.

 

[Arcadian]

Next time he asks to borrow a cd tell him "you need to buy you own, stop moochin"


ITA with hopeful, since you know he's playing you, he will continue to do it as long as you let him. You can like somebody and tell them they a moochinassmuthaclucka.

-A

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Thanks you guys

 

[vpoetic]

You have to start saying No. Believe me some times it's hard because you like being around him or you like talking to him, but when you start saying no to stuff it gives you back power. You don't have to be mean or anything, but if you see him talking about how he doesn't understand something or needs something, then you just say good luck with that. If he has some real feeling for you then he will still want to talk to you without asking for stuff.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Dang I'm still dealing with this. I just *helped* him the other day....basically wrote half of his paper. Bought him some food the other day too.... Yeah, Kris is slippin.

I really have feelings for this guy. Strong feelings because he is a very sweet guy, but I'm pretty sure the feelings aren't mutual or he would have told me by now. He flirts with me and has great convo, but he flirts with many so I need to be wary.

I picked up on my actions after taking myself out of the situation and have decided to make myself less available. Less available to help, less available to be so flirtatious, and less nice. All that's going to happen is that my feelings are going to get hurt in the end. One of these days though, I'll find my Prince Charming. Too bad it's not him.

 

[daydreem2876]

Dang I'm still dealing with this. I just *helped* him the other day....basically wrote half of his paper. Bought him some food the other day too.... Yeah, Kris is slippin.

I really have feelings for this guy. Strong feelings because he is a very sweet guy, but I'm pretty sure the feelings aren't mutual or he would have told me by now. He flirts with me and has great convo, but he flirts with many so I need to be wary.

I picked up on my actions after taking myself out of the situation and have decided to make myself less available. Less available to help, less available to be so flirtatious, and less nice. All that's going to happen is that my feelings are going to get hurt in the end. One of these days though, I'll find my Prince Charming. Too bad it's not him.

It is okay to simply say no or cop out and simply not answer the phone (whichever works better for you ). You already know the deal. It all goes along with the whole female thing of needing to be liked and accepted. You just need to keep some space between you. Trust me, if you do not do things for him he will figure out a way to get them done.