Surprised at my mother's comments

[diamond42377]

I am not quite brave enough to BC yet (although I am tempted). I have noticed that my bang is now 100% natural with no relaxed/texlaxed ends. When I cowash I LOVE my texture and now have begun to wear it out in it's natural state (only a little condish left in) and wear a beanie type cap over the rest ofmy hair.

Well, my mother came to visit Thursday and I showed her my newly natural hair outside of the beanie. Well she said "why does it look like that?" and then mentioned something about loosening it by braiding or pressing it.

The next day I had flat ironed my bang just to see how it would look and find out the length. I went to visit her with my same beanie only with the straight bangs. She then raved about how great my bangs looked and starts asking me what I did and everything.

This kind of bothered me because she was back in the days of Black Power and afros. I would think that she would be much more supportive and impressed with my naturally wavy/curly hair. She is also natural but ALWAYS presses her hair. I don't have anything against straightened hair but I find it funny how some of us put our own people down when their hair is not straightened.

I love my natural hair but it's hard to just care less about what your own mother says. erplexed

 

[Vashti]

Unfortunately a lot of women have to deal with this. Your mom has been conditioned like most of us, to believe that straighter is always better. Even being in the Black Power movement can't always get rid of centuries of racist conditioning but hang in there and do your own thing with your hair. It takes people refusing to give in to the "norm" for change to come about.

 

[arosieworld]

Yeah it's hard when your mom doesn't think it looks pretty. My mom used to talk about other peoples hair until one day I told her I was going natural. Now she does talk badly about natural hair but she will always say how pretty a relaxed head is or how nice my hair looks when its straight. I love that she tries with all of us, she may not agree but she will support you no matter what. She sent me a huge bottle of true Coconut oil last week with a note saying "I saw this and its the biggest I've ever seen so I knew you love it for your hair love ma". Give it time, I know my with my mother now, it's more a fear that her child is adding another obstacle to happiness in this world.

 

[BlkOnyx488]

your mother is way more subtle than mine. When my mother sees my hair she rolls her eyes and makes grunting noises. and calls me names. My favorite is when she called me "that thing" lately she calls me fluffy. I just roll my eyes and remind myself that I am a much better mother than she is a human being LOL

 

[diamond42377]

Thanks ladies for all your helpful responses. Arosieworld, it's good to hear your story and that your mother finally came around. BlkOnyx, I am sorry to hear that your mother is so rude but happy to see you thriving even without her support.

I am at the stage in my life where I could care less what other people think. I have learned to focus more on my happiness. The older I get the more I realize people's lives aren't always as perfect or glamorous as you imagine it to be (been talking to a lot of neighbors that I once thought were living perfect lives). I am happy with what I have. I just couldn't help but feel the twinge of pain when my mother acted the way she did.

 

[Southern Belle]

your mother is way more subtle than mine. When my mother sees my hair she rolls her eyes and makes grunting noises. and calls me names. My favorite is when she called me "that thing" lately she calls me fluffy. I just roll my eyes and remind myself that I am a much better mother than she is a human being LOL

I'm sorry, this is soooo OT, but I couldn't let this pass in silence.

My stomach leapt up to my throat when I read this. It almost made me cry just READING it, I can't imagine how it made you feel by HEARING it straight from her mouth. My God.

 

[BlkOnyx488]

thanks
it's ok fortunately I have a wonderful husband and incredible friends, and I don't lose sleep over the things that come out her mouth. Every 5 years I have to put her in check in a nice christian honor thy mother way.

But I let her know when she is trippin' and when I am done with it.

I'm sorry, this is soooo OT, but I couldn't let this pass in silence.

My stomach leapt up to my throat when I read this. It almost made me cry just READING it, I can't imagine how it made you feel by HEARING it straight from her mouth. My God.