Supervisor's Offensive Comment on My Hair

[Country gal]

Should I cuss her out? I can't cuss her out because she is the head of my department. I had my hair pulled back in a tight bun. My natural hair is 4a/4b and you can get an idea how it usually looks when it is out by looking in my album.

I am walking and I see that my Senior VP is talking to her assistant. She looks me up and down . I have on a suit, makeup and my hair is pulled back cause I had an interview and it was Friday. I say hello and proceed to pass by. She turns around and says Is that (______ but for the board purposes Country gal). I didn't recognize you because your hair is not wild and the rest of it is kinda muffled to me because I paused briefly at the wild hair but proceeded to walk out of our offices because I had to get prepared for my interview.

After the interview and several hours later, I go to my co-worker and asked her what was wrong with our boss. She proceeds to tell me rest of her comments. Apparently she said I didn't recognize you without your wild and crazy hair and made hand gestures to symbolize the wildness. I really wished I had called her on it at that moment because I feel she was inappropriate. I feel if I bring it up this week at work it would be too old. What do you think?

 

[PaperClip]

I say you missed this window so wait for the next one to address it vs. just going up to her on heresay from another person.... And the fact that she would continue to discuss you to somebody else says that the level of professionalism is not at an optimal level.

 

[Country gal]

I say you missed this window so wait for the next one to address it vs. just going up to her on heresay from another person.... And the fact that she would continue to discuss you to somebody else says that the level of professionalism is not at an optimal level.

Apparently she was saying it to me but I was walking out not standing around listening to her full comment. You know how you walk pass someone and ask how are they doing but you don't stand around to here their answer.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I say it's never too late, because if you attack it this time it might not BE a next time. She needs to know that it isn't okay to make statements like that, so she won't even DARE come at you with that mess again.

Write her up. Go to someone higher than her and get this documented. Please. THEN tell her you wrote her up, tell her you found the comment she made intensely offensive and that's why you wrote her up, and she need not dare think to even come at you that way again.

Boy....

 

[StrawberryQueen]

I woulda called her on it and asked what "wild" hair and then broke her down as to what natural black hair looks like. I probably woulda been outta control too-so I may have cussed her out as well.

 

[PaperClip]

Apparently she was saying it to me but I was walking out not standing around listening to her full comment. You know how you walk pass someone and ask how are they doing but you don't stand around to here their answer.

Yes, but what's that going to look like if you just roll up on her and say (with full neck roll) "whatchu say about my hair?

Seriously, though... you've got the job. You've proven your capability and just because she has different perspectives about what hair should look like doesn't mean that you have to go in and explain yourself or check her on her perspective.

 

[Country gal]

I woulda called her on it and asked what "wild" hair and then broke her down as to what natural black hair looks like. I probably woulda been outta control too-so I may have cussed her out as well.

My co-worker was so pressed to find me on Friday but of course I was out on a two hour interview because she wanted to see my reaction.

 

[patient1]

Haven't read the other posts, but I say address it with grace and use it as a teachable moment.

Know that we are breaking new ground by wearing our hair natural in ANY environment (eta: as opposed to weekends, casual environments). In her eyes, it's wild and crazy...in our eye's it's stylish and natural. Don't take it personal. 9 out of 10 she wouldn't have said it out loud and to you if she thought it was rude and offensive.

Clearly, her vocabulary is limited as pertains to natural, highly textured hair. You might talk to her under the topic of protecting her from unknowingly insulting other naturals (or the folks that love them) in the future. Point out to her that many people are in marriages that produce bi-racial children. One never knows when they are offending the white mother of a child with "wild and crazy" hair and a nappy husband/Daddy to boot.

p1

 

[firecracker]

CG I don't know if I would address this issue after the fact. If you simply must get it off your chest you may want to say "I was not comfortable with your comments about my hair the other day it made me feel funny but I know you didn't have any ill intent. I guess I was looking super professional which is always good for interviews.

 

[*Frisky*]

Haven't read the other posts, but I say address it with grace and use it as a teachable moment.

Know that we are breaking new ground by wearing our hair natural in ANY environment (eta: as opposed to weekends, casual environments). In her eyes, it's wild and crazy...in our eye's it's stylish and natural. Don't take it personal. 9 out of 10 she wouldn't have said it out loud and to you if she thought it was rude and offensive.

Clearly, her vocabulary is limited as pertains to natural, highly textured hair. You might talk to her under the topic of protecting her from unknowingly insulting other naturals (or the folks that love them) in the future. Point out to her that many people are in marriages that produce bi-racial children. One never knows when they are offending the white mother of a child with "wild and crazy" hair and a nappy husband/Daddy to boot.

p1

I agree with this post...I'm sorry your feelings were hurt but the reality is some people don't understand our hair...I am assuming that she is a caucasion lady. And you may point out to her that there are white people with hair textures close to our natural hair. All white peoples hair isn't straight, bouncy, tame and manageable....I am speaking from my own experiences of knowing people and seeing people with these hair types...knowing you, you will handle the situation appropriately

 

[PaperClip]

CG I don't know if I would address this issue after the fact. If you simply must get it off your chest you may want to say "I was not comfortable with your comments about my hair the other day it made me feel funny but I know you didn't have any ill intent. I guess I was looking super professional which is always good for interviews.

This is a positive approach....

 

[PretteePlease]

i personally like WILD HAIR but its the context that she said wild in
i mean you can have wild hair or you can have crazy unkept looks
like you never seen a comb or brush hair. but judging from the way
it made you feel i'm sure she wasn't saying wild in a good way.

i like firecrackers response. there is something about telling a person
FU without saying FU and your funky a$% comment. and remember say
it with a

 

[Country gal]

Thanks for the feedback ladies. Yes, she was white.

 

[hopeful]

Personally I would just let it slide.

 

[Isis]

Personally I would just let it slide.

I agree with with Hopeful and with RelaxerRehab's first post. She probably already forgot and addressing this to her now (or Monday) only opens up a new can of worms. If she says this again in the future, you'll have another opportunity to confront her and find out what her intentions really are.

I suggest writing this out in your personal journal (to get it out of your system) and focusing on the great results of your interview!

 

[Country gal]

I am basically venting here. I just wish folks would realize I am not my hair. I wish people were more sensitive to the comments that they make. Maybe I am breaking natural hair barriers. I just wished I had dealt with at the time. If she brings it up again. I am going to set her straight as professionally as I can.

 

[neonbright]

Right now I am not in a professional mood, I will come back and post a more professional answer to your question.

I don't work for your supervisor and never will, I will smack the person for you and ask them what the heck are they talking about and proceed to let them know that that comment was raciest, and a EEO offense.

 

[Country gal]

If she was just some silly coworker than I wouldn't be hung up on it. She is a supervisor with the power to make or break my career at my current employment.

 

[Shimmerwink]

I would say something to her, just let her know that the comment is offensive. So what it was last week you have not forgotten about it all the more she will know that the comment really bothered you....I would definately not let it go.

 

[Mahalialee4]

Personally, I would make a mental note of it and document the time and the place and date when it occurred and keep if for future reference. Now the next time she brings it up, you can quietly point out, " When you made that comment last week as I was going past you, I chose to believe that you were not thinking when you blurted out that comment. Now that you have said it again (something so negative about my hair). I would like to inform you that I personally find the comment to be offensive to me as an African American, even though you may not have meant it that way. I thought it would be fair to inform you and ask that you not do it again." bonjour

 

[PatTodd]

Personally I would just let it slide.

Ditto. Not worth pursuing IMHO. Just put it in your mental rolodex and keep it movin'.

 

[zora]

If you find out that you got hired for the new position within a week, confront her. This is a teachable moment.

 

[esoterica]

Ditto. Not worth pursuing IMHO. Just put it in your mental rolodex and keep it movin'.

i agree. if it happens again, hang around to hear the full comment and then decide on a response. then you'll have the added advantage of it being a repeat offense so to speak. it will also look as if you gave her the benefit of the doubt first time around.

 

[ms*x]

guuuuurl, don't you know she was trying to throw you off of your square? did she succeed?

like mahalialee4 said, document it for future reference and keep keepin' on...but let her know (if there is a next time) that it was/is offensive to you without bringing up your ethnicity or sex. Let her know that you knwo she would never address her superior in such a manner.

 

[neonbright]

Ok I said my prayers and I am a professional today... Just like some other said but just not only make it a mental note but document this, and ask the supervisor was that ment to be a joke, because you didn't take it as a joke?

I had to do this in the past your supervisor crossed a line that is not ment to be crossed.

 

[MzOptimistic]

I say you missed this window so wait for the next one to address it vs. just going up to her on heresay from another person.... And the fact that she would continue to discuss you to somebody else says that the level of professionalism is not at an optimal level.

I agree with RR, BUT the next time jump on it and stop it in the door. You can always tell someone off in a PROFESSIONAL way....I do it all the time...But once I had to show out to the boss and bounced I was only there for 3 weeks and it was a bus down, ghetto neighborhood hospital and I have to much talent to tolerate that BS

 

[cicilypayne]

I say it's never too late, because if you attack it this time it might not BE a next time. She needs to know that it isn't okay to make statements like that, so she won't even DARE come at you with that mess again.

Write her up. Go to someone higher than her and get this documented. Please. THEN tell her you wrote her up, tell her you found the comment she made intensely offensive and that's why you wrote her up, and she need not dare think to even come at you that way again.

Boy....

PLEASE Do not do this. This is your job and your supervisor is human like any of us, so stupid comments will come out of her mouth just as easy as it does ours. Women are vengeful so don't start nothing you can't finish. This is your career, so in this case act like a man, and not take it too personal.Times are tough keep your job!!! She went to far, your right if it continues than maybe you should re-weigh your options. If there is anything I learned from the board, is loving my hair inspite of what the people say.

 

[XXXtacy]

you have a lot of good advice from these ladies. my thoughts are along the line of Firecracker & Neonbirght's advice.

If you feel better venting here and letting it slide, I still would document it with the human resources that it was an uncomfortable situation since you did not hear exactly what she said. They can tell you how to approach it. i don't play when it comes to my job. That comment may show some sort of biasness on her part for your growth and development at said company.

If you did address her, i would ask her to explain herself and tell her its offensive to you.

Honestly, We know you are a superstar even if she doesn't see it. F&#* her..

 

[pistachio]

HAHAHAHAH!

Go up to her and say, "So when you were referring to my natural African hair texture the other day, as 'wild'( and do the hand gestures too when you say the word), what exactly were you trying to say?" And be sure to look her straight in the eye when saying this, and I GUARANTEE you that she'll be so quick to cover up that non-PC comment, and to keep you from going to the HR office you'll have a hard time trying to keep a straight face from laughing!!!

 

[antoine]

I think it should certainly be addressed. I believe as women (or people) of color, we are too concerned with how our replies would be perceived and not concerned enough with how we are affected by the comments that offended us in the first place. In doing so we continue to feel less empowered. Its not simply about responding late, its about understanding your right to respond at all - which means a year from now if you so choose. Given her role in your organization, she should know to steer clear of such commentary. She opened the door, now you close it. The last thing you want it have her getting more and more comfortable with these types of remarks.

I am 4A4B with some 3c mixed in and I've been in corporate America for more than a decade (natural for four years). The comments Ive heard are from whites and blacks alike are ignorant and i've found they all need to be addressed and educated on natural hair. While you dont want to come accross as the "angry black woman" you do want to set the record straight and can do this professionally in a number of ways. I find addressing it as it was said works best. I have also found that in the workplace, women have a habit of saying things publically with a touch of humor to get their point accross (truth in jest). She said it lighthearted and in passing and so, the next available opportunity you can do the same (without turning it into a joke, of course). She'll get the message.

Sorry this is so long.