Supervisor's Offensive Comment on My Hair

[candy1214]

i like the term wild, crazy and big to define well....big, wild and crazy hairstyles. I think that's much better than saying nappy. Also, I use this to define the hairstyle...not the texture itself. Therefore, the term wild and crazy could have been used to a white woman with thick hair and tons of coarse ringlets....my white roomate had hair like this.

Honestly, I think people are reading into this waay too much (that is, unless, I missed something). She was simply stating that you looked different with the slicked back hairstyle. Although she should have either left it there or not said anything at all, I don't think its right for you to pull the 'race card' on her. I honestly believe she would have said it to anyone with that particular hairstyle. But if she does make the comment again, do tell her that it offends you for your hair to be described in such a manner. Although this won't change her perception of how your hair looks, she'll know not to say it again....atleast not in your presence.

 

[Candygirl]

Should I cuss her out? I can't cuss her out because she is the head of my department. I had my hair pulled back in a tight bun. My natural hair is 4a/4b and you can get an idea how it usually looks when it is out by looking in my album.

I am walking and I see that my Senior VP is talking to her assistant. She looks me up and down . I have on a suit, makeup and my hair is pulled back cause I had an interview and it was Friday. I say hello and proceed to pass by. She turns around and says Is that (______ but for the board purposes Country gal). I didn't recognize you because your hair is not wild and the rest of it is kinda muffled to me because I paused briefly at the wild hair but proceeded to walk out of our offices because I had to get prepared for my interview.

After the interview and several hours later, I go to my co-worker and asked her what was wrong with our boss. She proceeds to tell me rest of her comments. Apparently she said I didn't recognize you without your wild and crazy hair and made hand gestures to symbolize the wildness. I really wished I had called her on it at that moment because I feel she was inappropriate. I feel if I bring it up this week at work it would be too old. What do you think?

Women can be so catty and jealous. It appears that she pays close attention to you..looking you up and down as you say. I would definitely bring this ***** to the side and talk it out and see what the dealio is. If you let her get away with this one,she may have some other ish in her bag that she may want to attack you with. Just do it with tact though.

 

[Candiss]

When I read this post I immediately assumed a few things:

1. She is comfortable talking to you like this
2. She is comfortable talking to you like this in front of other people
3. As a VP, she is part of a powerful circle of management you are not part of
4. THERFORE, it is pretty safe to assume she has said such things to this circle of people who ultimately have the power to promote you or keep you where you are or get rid of you.
5. She is a rude, ignorant person.

So, I think that by telling her how you feel, she will say what she thinks you want to hear and go right on being the true person she is. I would just let it slide and keep on interviewing for other opportunities.

 

[Country gal]

When I read this post I immediately assumed a few things:

1. She is comfortable talking to you like this
2. She is comfortable talking to you like this in front of other people
3. As a VP, she is part of a powerful circle of management you are not part of
4. THERFORE, it is pretty safe to assume she has said such things to this circle of people who ultimately have the power to promote you or keep you where you are or get rid of you.
5. She is a rude, ignorant person.

So, I think that by telling her how you feel, she will say what she thinks you want to hear and go right on being the true person she is. I would just let it slide and keep on interviewing for other opportunities.

Exactly. This is how I feel now.


I appreciate everyone's feedback. I came to the right place to get great feedback.

 

[AngiGirl]

First let me say I am sorry what was said to you it was totally out of line. You were disrespected and there is never an excuse for this. Next, let me say that you are gorgeous and your hair is off the hinges, keep it up! It’s been my experience that when people make those types of comments it’s meant to bring you down. Don’t let her. It seems to me that you make her uncomfortable by expressing your individuality and she is hoping her comments cause you to conform to what she’s use to. I read that often when our hair is not straightened people of all races consider it a sign of rebellion and strength. So stay strong my sista. It is also possible she is just a foolish person that doesn’t think before she runs her mouth and chose for whatever reason to demonstrate how immature she is with you. From this point on, I would keep a small notebook with things that are said and/or done to you at work in regard to you race. In your notebook you should include who, what, when, where, how’s. You never know you might come paid over her ignorant comment. God bless.

 

[Mahalialee4]

Do you really think that would be pulling the race card? Oh Lord, now they wanna (The Establishment) silence us from speaking up for ourselves at all by using the "race card-OJ thing". Are we now no longer free to voice our personal discomfort in a white world in a professional environment without "hurting their feelings or being guilty of "manipulation because of our "race"...by not letting everything slide? So when do you ladies feel or think that it is okay to let someone know that it is not okay when they are speaking negatively of your hair )it's texture, pouffe etc, your skin, ("you don't need sunscreen, your skin don't need it!" your body...like what if she had say..."You have a big ole ghetto booty! (instead of a big ...,or "You people sure like that fried chicken...or watermelon, do you eat it everyday?"....and only made these comments to you? I guess we have to look at the context and the environment,...are you the only AA there? Does this person single you out for "elaborate comment?" How important is it to the individual to speak up is major and yeah there could be backlash. But saying it to the person, woman to woman should be okay. By not running to her supervisor gives you the advantage of being perceived as "playing nice"and just being "open and honest and vulnerable".Appealing to her compassionate side.....maybe.....But I have noticed that the "race card" thing is reserved against for AA's. I have never heard of "the rape thing...the sexually inappropriate thing" the sexual harassment thing"....but that has become the battle cry of the 2000. A man can be anonymously accused of sexual harassment by telling a joke or using any sexual reference in his speech or be accused of gender discrimination....and folks aren't getting all defense and calling those things some kind of "card" when on the job....But do document and keep an eye on her in case your silence implies that she can get even more "familiar." I think all the ladies had excellent points worth considering...bonjour