stay or leave

[IMFOCSD]

i have a friend who i feel so bad for. She is in a relationship with a guy & although they love each other she has found out that he is not over his ex (and babymother) she actually feels he is still in love with her. They live in DC together but are from another state. Him & the BM have been keeping in touch via Email & she kinda read some conversations that they were having and they obviously still love each other...she still has a hold on him.

I have been told to stay out of it & let her make her own decision but I want to give her some advice...HELP!

ETA: The BM is not a good person, she is very manipulative. They broke up a year ago, they were together for About 4-5 yrs and have been through alot. My friend has not even been with her man for a year yet. My friend just moved to DC about a week ago but her BF has been there for about six months. He had been begging my friend to move with him. I think the BM knows he is lonely and is just in his ear. The emails were from a month to a month & a half ago...not once did he ask the BM to move with him so idk what to say. She did say that he is not over her & she could tell that he possibly misses her..but he has also said that he doesn't think of anything else when my friend is around (this was b4 she moved with him)

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

I voted no. I just think it would be too messy. He would need to time to work on himself. If he sees a place for me in his life after six months a year (and I am still single), then we could try again.

 

[Almaz]

Let it go and let his feeling and issues with the ex resolve because the more she tries to be with him in the back of his mind he is having doubts and regrets about being with her. It is too messy. And the worst thing in the world I could imagine relationship wise is being with a man that you are with and he is thinking about someone else.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

Hell no. The moment he and your friend have problems he's going to be thinking about his BM and how great it would b if he were with her. She's a masochist if she stays.

 

[Pretty Star]

I would distance myself from the situation if I was her. Since they have a child together and he's still in love with her, there's a strong posibility they'll get back together if that's what baby mama wants. Then your friend will be left out in the cold. She should get out while she's ahead.

 

[MusicandWine]

No, I wouldn't.

It's just a bad idea all around to put your energy into a relationship where the man is thinking of someone else.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*pours me a cup of coffee and lights a newport*



so lemme make sure i got da facts straight first. *takes a sip n a puff*

she ain't been wif him a year yet, he begged her to move down to DC from where eva da hell to be wif him, so she up jumped da boogie, stopped dropped n rolled outta town to be wif dis dude, and at da same time he still e-mailin his baby momma, and she readin dem.

da hell kinda phuckery is dis hea....

she fightin a losin battle. he don't love her. see, ur friend, dat girl is whatchu call dat "meanwhile back at da ranch girl". summa yall call it da rebound chick. da purpose of her bein there wif him is to fill da void. das it n das all. if she felt dat he was still "in love" wif his baby momma, da hell she move down here for....

she can neva replace his feelings, nor compete wif baby momma. das a bond dat can neva be broken as long as they have a child togetha and he is active in da childs life. can't make no man love you and u damn sho can't make him do things he don't wanna do. i see dis gettin ugly, cuz he needs to man up and sort out his own shyt before draggin someone else into his bullshyt.

tell ur girl to pull up her big girl pannies, pack her things n be on da first thing smokin back to where eva da hell she came from, cuz she can't fight sumfin dat wasn't hers to begin wif. HE, not her needs to time to sort out what he really wants and it's not fair to her, or to him. the longer she stays there, the worse it will get for her. and her readin dem e-mails ain't helpin.

see das why i be sayin to yall all da time, stop compromisin urself for these men, cuz half of them don't know what da hell they want...they'll tell u some shyt u wanna hear, and next thing u know, they'll be parkin yo azzz right in da Promise Land ova on Promise Street, sittin idle tryna figa out which way to turn next.

 

[ThickHair]

^^^^ Nothing else needs to be said, Thatjersygirl said it all.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

That was sooo enlightening ThatJerseyGirl I had my imaginary popcorn while reading... I heart this board... Lol...

 

[deltadreamland]

Just from reading the title of the poll...this is another no-brainer.

 

[Still Sexy Stewardess]

ThatJerseyGirl +1 (minus the Newports)

 

[Bunny77]

Just from reading the title of the poll...this is another no-brainer.

You know!

Without even reading the story, I knew the answer would be LEAVE!

 

[RockCreak]

ThatJerseyGirl wrapped it up for me.....straight to the point.

 

[abbygirl]

she should leave!!!.....speaking from experience

 

[IMFOCSD]

You ladies are right. I told her to tell him that if he wanna be with his BM then be with her. They are both from Cleveland (BM is still in Cleveland). My friend & her BF were close when he was here, they did everything together...they were best friends...always together having a good time and enjoying each others company. They always talked about moving out of town together. I have not met his BM but my friend has and she is a hot ghetto mess from what I hear...loud, thinks she tough, think she looks better than every other female...you know the type

They would go together to pick up his child from BM many times and he would get his child and keep it movin. His child adores my friend. I will say that he is a good dude & is good to my friend.

She and I had a nice debate over the situation and she made some valid points. She and her man got a chance to talk about the situation and he said that they communicate because of his child and he never wants to be with her..she is the devil lol. He said that he was just lonely and she was trying to manipulate him. He said that he knows what he has and he wants them to start a new life together in DC. He said he loves her and wants them to get married. I don't doubt him because he is that type of man. I guess the emails were old because he told BM to stop calling him and they needed to stop communicating so much and that she is his pass and he has moved on....IDK what else to tell her except that I wish her the best of luck in her decision and I pray that they work everything out and that their relationship works out for the best.

Thanks ladies for the advice

 

[Mis007]

I voted No , what good would come out of such a relationship.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

You ladies are right. I told her to tell him that if he wanna be with his BM then be with her. They are both from Cleveland (BM is still in Cleveland). My friend & her BF were close when he was here, they did everything together...they were best friends...always together having a good time and enjoying each others company. They always talked about moving out of town together. I have not met his BM but my friend has and she is a hot ghetto mess from what I hear...loud, thinks she tough, think she looks better than every other female...you know the type

They would go together to pick up his child from BM many times and he would get his child and keep it movin. His child adores my friend. I will say that he is a good dude & is good to my friend.

She and I had a nice debate over the situation and she made some valid points. She and her man got a chance to talk about the situation and he said that they communicate because of his child and he never wants to be with her..she is the devil lol. He said that he was just lonely and she was trying to manipulate him. He said that he knows what he has and he wants them to start a new life together in DC. He said he loves her and wants them to get married. I don't doubt him because he is that type of man. I guess the emails were old because he told BM to stop calling him and they needed to stop communicating so much and that she is his pass and he has moved on....IDK what else to tell her except that I wish her the best of luck in her decision and I pray that they work everything out and that their relationship works out for the best.

Thanks ladies for the advice

Good going. Now, you are out of it..the rest is all on them. You tell her politely that you have nothing more to add should she bring the subject up again....she has made her decision.

 

[mscocoface]

I have been told to stay out of it & let her make her own decision but I want to give her some advice...HELP!



Follow her lead. Keep her in prayer and just stay out of it. Doesn't sound like anything you suggest would be listened to.

Sometimes you have to watch people create the train wreck even when they know they are doing it.

You can be there for her, with boundaries, when whatever happens transpires for her and the BF.

 

[Ladyinred]

Maybe I missed somethinig here...but I'm reading that he has some lingering emotional ties, but does want your friend to be the number one lady (should be only lady) in his life. Your friend needs to be upfront abotu what she is willing to put up with and then see if he is willing to work on their relationship with those boundaries...Everyone has baggage going to a new relationship, whether you be broken up and singe a month or ten years. If your friend deems him worthy of her heart, then this would be the way to go...

 

[IMFOCSD]

They are cool now, They talked, gave each other their POVs and they are working things out.