Starting to lose faith :-/

butter_pecan I don't understand your fine as heck and your smart and live the fab life..it must be you have so many to choice from you don't know what to do..you could have a flavor of the day..
 
GoddessMaker said:
@butter_pecan I don't understand your fine as heck and your smart and live the fab life..it must be you have so many to choice from you don't know what to do..you could have a flavor of the day..
Click to expand...

Aww GoddessMaker thanks! :grin: You really put a smile on my face!!! Hopefully, you believe what I say about you then LOL

No, I really never meet anyone. I always have to resort going back to an ex just so I can get some because the dating scene is terrible (especially in the Midwest). My problems:

1) Guys usually hint they want some off the bat (ain't happening)
2) They aren't educated enough or make enough $$ for my liking
3) Or they are educated/well off but are jerks
4) They are boring and we have nothing in common

It just sucks. I will likely postpone dating until I relocate again.
 
butter_pecan that's no good at all to me. I swear it's like men are becoming dumber and more idgaf all at the same time. Like I'm not your cheap sex whore. I cost money and attention and other things. Where are you thinking of moving to? It's like this out here in the South or at least for me anyway. I sorta wish I grew up in a different era bc this one is so horrid.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 and Lucie it's cool that others think this way. I mean men seem different from back in the day. They took pride in being men and being a provider. Not to say they didn't have their fill of issues but them men now a day just think I'm suppose to be overjoyed bc you looked at me..

Also ScorpioBeauty09 your going to be a attorney you should be getting some of the pick of the litter soon.
 
GoddessMaker this is me all day. men nowadays make me sick and have no understanding of what courting is. but now i just brush it off and focus on bigger and better things whether a man be there or not. I'm gonna explore be it by myself or whatever but I'm young and want to experience so much in the world.
 
chelleypie810 you hit the nail on the head about exploring with or without a man. Your smart and ambitious. Pretty to boot. Men need to start realizing they can't get with a winner with the same lame ways he can maybe get with the round the way type..I think the more we increase on not settling something will have to change.
 
Hold on ladies! Close your hearts to foolishness and open your hearts to goodness, respect, loving kindness. When you adore and protect yourself, your heart, and your body, things really start to fall in place. Don't give up and don't give up your power either. The more you demand and expect, the more you will get. That is my truth and yours too.
 
butter_pecan said:
Aww GoddessMaker thanks! :grin: You really put a smile on my face!!! Hopefully, you believe what I say about you then LOL

No, I really never meet anyone. I always have to resort going back to an ex just so I can get some because the dating scene is terrible (especially in the Midwest). My problems:

1) Guys usually hint they want some off the bat (ain't happening)
2) They aren't educated enough or make enough $$ for my liking
3) Or they are educated/well off but are jerks
4) They are boring and we have nothing in common

It just sucks. I will likely postpone dating until I relocate again.
Click to expand...

OMG I thought it was just me who felt this way. I live in the midwest too. I agree with 1-5. There is no substance to choose from. I know I need to put myself out there more but I'm so tired and afraid of these men. I'm starting to give up.:sad:

Am I too old fashion? I want a courtship. When I tell them I want to take my time they disappear. I told a guy I went out with that I am old fashioned and that I wanted a courtship and to take my time. He said, "I appreciate what you say but you aren't being realistic." :perplexed
 
hopeful said:
Hold on ladies! Close your hearts to foolishness and open your hearts to goodness, respect, loving kindness. When you adore and protect yourself, your heart, and your body, things really start to fall in place. Don't give up and don't give up your power either. The more you demand and expect, the more you will get. That is my truth and yours too.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry but these are just cliches to me now, I just don't feel it anymore. :nono:
 
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hopeful said:
Hold on ladies! Close your hearts to foolishness and open your hearts to goodness, respect, loving kindness. When you adore and protect yourself, your heart, and your body, things really start to fall in place. Don't give up and don't give up your power either. The more you demand and expect, the more you will get. That is my truth and yours too.
Click to expand...

ITA. I wish I could thank you 1000x for this. I had to walk away from someone I really liked because he wasn't giving me what I need (and didn't seem too pressed to change his ways). I think the only reason I wasn't crushed is because I made a choice to NOT entertain foolishness from him or anyone else. Once you make the decision, things don't necessarily just fall into place, but I wouldn't trade the clarity I now have for anything. It just makes life so simple when you set your own standards for behavior and stick to them even when it's not what you want to do. I decided not to settle and I know for certain that I deserve better. Still, I do miss him and probably will for a while, but I had to do what's best for me.
 
BK Bombshell
Thank you! Way to go for walking away. I applaud your courage. You are saying clearly to the universe, no more foolishness! And I said things "start" to fall in place, not that they instantly do, but as you can see you've gained clarity and I imagine feel better about yourself, that is a start. You are planting seeds for something wonderful.
 
(my mentioning isn't working so bare with me) Curlymoo: I know it might sound cliche what hopeful said but it's so true. About us being born in the wrong era, I sometimes feel that way too. The other day I was reading a blog or a magazine (can't remember) and a lady said that this generation got the bad batch of men, that cut me deep for some reason. I beg to differ, there are still plenty of good men out there. My sister had a relationship with such a man about three years ago but broke it off because she didn't love him. My other sister was with a man for ten years, they were very happy at first but he became abusive towards the end. Not too long after she found another man and has been with him for ten years too, they have three children together, this man worships the ground she walks on! Me personally, it's like chelleypie810 said: there's so much to explore! I've decided I'm going to be happy with or without a man. But I'm really trying to get rid of the idea that there are no good men left and that's the reason that's keeping me single, it's too depressing.
 
Maracujá said:
(my mentioning isn't working so bare with me) Curlymoo: I know it might sound cliche what hopeful said but it's so true. About us being born in the wrong era, I sometimes feel that way too. The other day I was reading a blog or a magazine (can't remember) and a lady said that this generation got the bad batch of men, that cut me deep for some reason. I beg to differ, there are still plenty of good men out there. My sister had a relationship with such a man about three years ago but broke it off because she didn't love him. My other sister was with a man for ten years, they were very happy at first but he became abusive towards the end. Not too long after she found another man and has been with him for ten years too, they have three children together, this man worships the ground she walks on! Me personally, it's like chelleypie810 said: there's so much to explore! I've decided I'm going to be happy with or without a man. But I'm really trying to get rid of the idea that there are no good men left and that's the reason that's keeping me single, it's too depressing.
Click to expand...

This! There are plenty of good men out there, but you'll always find what you're looking for so if you think all men are bad, you'll keep running into the bad ones. It's like when you want a particular thing (e.g., a car) and all of a sudden you see it everywhere. It may seem like EVERYBODY ran out and bought your dream car, but those cars existed before you noticed them. The only difference is now you see them. Same thing with good men. They're all around us, but we have to want to see them. The idea that there are no good men left is toxic and absolutely untrue.
 
What about good single attractive childless educated straight men in the right age group and location?
 
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lushcoils said:
What about good single attractive childless educated straight men in the right age group and location?
Click to expand...

lushcoils
Life works on many levels. Statistically speaking, pure numbers, you may feel overwhelmed and like wow, things aren't and can't work out for me. And yet I'm sure you meet black women every day who have a decent man. What do you tell yourself then? That she is lucky? Or that she is a unicorn? Or that her man is not that great? You can focus on what is impossible or focus on what is possible. Do all you can then let it go. Really let it go. Like you never let anything go before. You just have to trust that no matter what things will work out one way or the other and as hard as it is you have to understand that this here is your challenge on earth. Really grow, expand, open up to whatever the lessons are for you. We often think the lesson is something bad like we are inferior or not meant to be happy or loved. But the answer is usually that you are more beautiful than you know and that you deserve to be loved.

I have had immense challenges in my life and nothing ever changes unless something deeply changes in me first, like on a cellular level. Look inward at your heart and your thoughts. Really, that's all you have power over. And I'm not talking about self-improvement like taking a class or traveling or losing weight. It's scary to surrender and trust. It's sometimes easier to focus on statistics and the no good men, there's security there, safety. But thinking that way is unproductive. If it wasn't you'd settle on those thoughts and go on about your life.

I'd suggest you find some women who were in your situation and things changed. Women who look like you and thought like you and experienced life like you. Ask them what changed. Examples may be things like: I decided to hire a matchmaker; I changed what I was looking for; I went on a spiritual retreat; I moved to another city, changed jobs, etc.; I decided to act like I was the prettiest woman in the room no matter who else was there. My point is something almost always changes from within. From now until the end of the year try to only focus on what is possible. Seek out women who have what you want. Ask them pointedly what they did differently.

Here are a couple articles I thought might be interesting.
http://www.wikihow.com/Come-to-Terms-with-Feeling-Ugly
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-women-love-and-where-they-wont-find-it-part-2/

For awhile refuse to read one single post or article that agrees with your current beliefs.

That's all I got for now.
 
BK Bombshell said:
This! There are plenty of good men out there, but you'll always find what you're looking for so if you think all men are bad, you'll keep running into the bad ones. It's like when you want a particular thing (e.g., a car) and all of a sudden you see it everywhere. It may seem like EVERYBODY ran out and bought your dream car, but those cars existed before you noticed them. The only difference is now you see them. Same thing with good men. They're all around us, but we have to want to see them. The idea that there are no good men left is toxic and absolutely untrue.
Click to expand...

I read an article that made the same statement and since then, it really clicked for me and I've been noticing so many good men that I used to bypass. I always had this rule of not dating someone from work, so I didn't even bother with the men there. Nowadays though I'm so infatuated with this handsome gentleman who I believe is slightly younger than me, I love how people act around him, he's just between extro- and introvert AND his work ethic is stellar! We'll see how it goes from here:).

hopeful said:
lushcoils
Life works on many levels. Statistically speaking, pure numbers, you may feel overwhelmed and like wow, things aren't and can't work out for me. And yet I'm sure you meet black women every day who have a decent man. What do you tell yourself then? That she is lucky? Or that she is a unicorn? Or that her man is not that great? You can focus on what is impossible or focus on what is possible. Do all you can then let it go. Really let it go. Like you never let anything go before. You just have to trust that no matter what things will work out one way or the other and as hard as it is you have to understand that this here is your challenge on earth. Really grow, expand, open up to whatever the lessons are for you. We often think the lesson is something bad like we are inferior or not meant to be happy or loved. But the answer is usually that you are more beautiful than you know and that you deserve to be loved.

I have had immense challenges in my life and nothing ever changes unless something deeply changes in me first, like on a cellular level. Look inward at your heart and your thoughts. Really, that's all you have power over. And I'm not talking about self-improvement like taking a class or traveling or losing weight. It's scary to surrender and trust. It's sometimes easier to focus on statistics and the no good men, there's security there, safety. But thinking that way is unproductive. If it wasn't you'd settle on those thoughts and go on about your life.

I'd suggest you find some women who were in your situation and things changed. Women who look like you and thought like you and experienced life like you. Ask them what changed. Examples may be things like: I decided to hire a matchmaker; I changed what I was looking for; I went on a spiritual retreat; I moved to another city, changed jobs, etc.; I decided to act like I was the prettiest woman in the room no matter who else was there. My point is something almost always changes from within. From now until the end of the year try to only focus on what is possible. Seek out women who have what you want. Ask them pointedly what they did differently.

Here are a couple articles I thought might be interesting.
http://www.wikihow.com/Come-to-Terms-with-Feeling-Ugly
http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/black-women-love-and-where-they-wont-find-it-part-2/

For awhile refuse to read one single post or article that agrees with your current beliefs.

That's all I got for now.
Click to expand...

I'm blown away by the bolded, thank you for that.
 
I know good men exist BUT I just haven' met one. That's ok I guess. Life goes on and so will my heart....................
 
hopeful

I read this from a book and this is what holds true for me:

I am rewiring my thinking and actions and choices so that my antenna stops picking up the wrong station such as Kabs (abuse), Kngl (neglect), or Klis(lies). Instead, I want it to give out the right wave frequency and picks up the right station such as faithfulness, loyal, and loving. Speaking for myself, the past few guys I dated had static or unclear reception ( red flags), but I refused to pay attention. As a woman, we tend to want to commit ourselves completely, or try to look at the positive in someone who isn't healthy for us.

This is hard but not impossible and very very necessary! We are talking about our future, our children's future and many generations to come.
 
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