Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistresses?

[MissJ]

I posted this in the mistress thread:

I've never been a mistress, but I was contemplating going on a date with a guy. He turned out to be married, but I didn't know. I wouldn't expect a person to be married and flirting with me the way that he did. He also did not wear a ring. I only found out when I googled his name hoping to find a facebook page or something. The first thing that popped up was a record of his marriage. He had been married for almost a year when he started pursuing me. In my opinion, he never intended to be faithful to his wife if he was cheating that early in the marriage. He was also very stupid, because we had mutual friends. The mutual friends also invited me to stay at their house any time I was in town, and he was their neighbor! His business was located near the place where I worked. There's no way that either his wife or I wouldn't have found out what he was doing if I did decide to start dating him.

After that experience, I googled the question of what men look for in a mistress, because I was pretty sure I didn't fit what they were looking for. Anyway, I came across this website called The Experience Project. There were so many women there talking about being the mistress. It's usually the same old story: wife horrible, husband waiting for "right time" to leave. The mistresses were delusional. The only thing that woke them up was when they pitted themselves against the wife.

This either happened when the mistress got pregnant, and the husband totally left her to fend for herself or when the mistress confronted the wife. I read one story where the husband told the mistress that he was moving out. One day the mistress drove by the married couple's house, saw the husband parked there and went to the door. She told the family that she was having an affair with the husband and that the husband loved her. Well, the wife started arguing with her. The teenage son started cussing her out, and the husband pushed her right out the front door! I guess she finally had a rude awakening.

From what I've been reading, the husband always has the wife's back. He seems to really love and care for her, but then again, he's cheating, so he can't care that much, right? What I take from this is in a man's mind, there's a lot to be said for being his wife. Other than that, I'm confused. What do you ladies think about this?

 

[FelaShrine]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

um so she would "forgive him"?

 

[LivingInPeace]

Okay. Where do I begin? A man will defend his wife against his mistress because he loves her, not the mistress. You have to let go of the idea that a man or woman cheats because he or she does not love or care for the spouse. People cheat for a variety of reasons; loneliness, boredom, midlife crisis, the excitement of someone new, wanting to feel special again etc. Cheating is about the person committing the act, not about the spouse. We are naturally selfish and want what we want. Ideally, as you mature, you think before you act on selfish desires. However, none of us are perfect and sometimes we act in ways that are hurtful to others.

 

[ThickHair]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Sounds about right though. I gave up trying to figure men out a long time ago. It some how makes perfectly good sense to the man. Like I have previously stated, that is how folks end up an episode of "SNAPPED".

 

[UrbainChic]

They defend their wives because they loved them, they married them, and these women mean the world to them.

Cheating does not equal no love-- disrespect sure, dishonesty sure, selfishness sure, but lack of love.. Not really.

I read somewhere something about how women cannot love men they have no respect for, while men can love women they don't respect.

I found it very interesting. Still haven't bought it 100% but I think its mostly true. And I think thats part of whats so hard to wrap your mind about consiously disrespecting your promise to someone you love, while genuinely loving and admiring them.

Sent from my iPhone

 

[Bnster]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

The cheating spouse has a lot to loose. The wife will take him to the cleaners. Plus if he is outted he needs to save face, cuz when the door closes and the ex-mistress leaves the premise, he is in dog dodo. Hahaha.

I really think it is because it is not the wife fault or mess, it is his and he needs to protect her from his sh*t, which he should.

 

[Love Always]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

You know the husband is trife but I just couldn't help myself when I read this !

One day the mistress drove by the married couple's house, saw the husband parked there and went to the door. She told the family that she was having an affair with the husband and that the husband loved her. Well, the wife started arguing with her. The teenage son started cussing her out, and the husband pushed her right out the front door! I guess she finally had a rude awakening.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Okay. Where do I begin? A man will defend his wife against his mistress because he loves her, not the mistress. You have to let go of the idea that a man or woman cheats because he or she does not love or care for the spouse. People cheat for a variety of reasons; loneliness, boredom, midlife crisis, the excitement of someone new, wanting to feel special again etc. Cheating is about the person committing the act, not about the spouse. We are naturally selfish and want what we want. Ideally, as you mature, you think before you act on selfish desires. However, none of us are perfect and sometimes we act in ways that are hurtful to others.

^^^Exactly.

Not to say that women don't cheat, but men do not think the same as we do anyway. This is partly why the question "why do men cheat" is actually quite tired. Of course he's going to defend his wife she is his stability .

 

[JFemme]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

The cheating spouse has a lot to loose. The wife will take him to the cleaners. Plus if he is outted he needs to save face, cuz when the door closes and the ex-mistress leaves the premise, he is in dog dodo. Hahaha.
.

This.

And what else is he to do. He's a showman afterall...

 

[SelahOco]

My question is who is a mistress to think she can step to a wife? Being a mistress is about sex and mystery. What makes a woman think that she has a right to step to a wife who has put in time, effort, and Kids with a man?

If that man is going to leave that woman, he will do it on his own terms, not cause his side piece is growing impatient.

Every cheating man claims his wife is a horrible person. And she hardly ever is. If she was, his arse would be gone...not cheating and then rushing home before his wife gets suspicious.

Men really know how to pit women against each other. What I look like telling a woman ' your husband loves me,' while he's pushing me out the door... lawd no!!!

 

[Theo]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

I don't believe that they really love any of these women (the wife or the mistress). I think they do have feelings for the mistress and I think they do have feelings for their wife, but ultimately the only person they really care about is themselves.

 

[sherrimberri]

I don't believe that they really love any of these women (the wife or the mistress). I think they do have feelings for the mistress and I think they do have feelings for their wife, but ultimately the only person they really care about is themselves.

Totally agree

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Men defend their wives because they have no plans to ever give up their home life. Very few men, in the grand scheme of things, leave their wives for the mistress.

Mistresses need to play their position. When they get out of control and confront the wife or pressure the man for marriage, they usually find themselves alone.

 

[tinkat]

I don't believe that they really love any of these women (the wife or the mistress). I think they do have feelings for the mistress and I think they do have feelings for their wife, but ultimately the only person they really care about is themselves.

This in a nutshell. When it comes to these topics I tend to look at the root of the problem. The person that cheats early or all the time had no business getting married. Stop using marriage to solve problems from within. I think some marry thinking they or their spouse will change. It takes time and the person has to want to change.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[awhyley]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

If that man is going to leave that woman, he will do it on his own terms, not cause his side piece is growing impatient.

Every cheating man claims his wife is a horrible person. And she hardly ever is. If she was, his arse would be gone...not cheating and then rushing home before his wife gets suspicious.

Men really know how to pit women against each other. What I look like telling a woman ' your husband loves me,' while he's pushing me out the door... lawd no!!!

PREACH!!!

Men defend their wives because they have no plans to ever give up their home life. Very few men, in the grand scheme of things, leave their wives for the mistress.

Mistresses need to play their position. When they get out of control and confront the wife or pressure the man for marriage, they usually find themselves alone.

THIS!

 

[LoveisYou]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Most times when a man cheat it has nothing to do with the wife and everything to do with his poor character. Men don't cheat because the wife is somehow at fault, they cheat due to their own moral shortcomings. A lot of women need to understand this, they are defending their wives because the wife isn't at fault. I don't understand whey ppl are so quick to blame the woman when a man cheat mistresses always fall for this, hello? it's the oldest trick in the book. Blame the wife to get into the mistress' pants, then leave the mistress and defend the wife.

 

[gabulldawg]

I don't believe that they really love any of these women (the wife or the mistress). I think they do have feelings for the mistress and I think they do have feelings for their wife, but ultimately the only person they really care about is themselves.

Exactly! It's really crazy for people to think that a cheating spouse even knows what love means. erplexed You cannot convince me that you love a person that you choose to betray And deceive in one of the worst possible ways.

 

[Theo]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Most times when a man cheat it has nothing to do with the wife and everything to do with his poor character. Men don't cheat because the wife is somehow at fault, they cheat due to their own moral shortcomings. A lot of women need to understand this, they are defending their wives because the wife isn't at fault. I don't understand whey ppl are so quick to blame the woman when a man cheat mistresses always fall for this, hello? it's the oldest trick in the book. Blame the wife to get into the mistress' pants, then leave the mistress and defend the wife.

I see what you're saying, but many times these cheating husbands try to explain their behavior by talking about how awful the wife is, what an evil person she is. One second you're complaining about what an awful wife/gf you have, the next second you're defending her? These men are just selfish, and you can't trust anything that comes out of their mouth.

 

[PinkPeony]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Double post

 

[PinkPeony]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

I've seen this a few times with male relatives of friends.
Often it was a case of saint /whore.
The wife no matter how much he would talk about her was *his* and mother of his children, the side piece not worthy of marriage and just for *fun*.
Even if it was not clear to the guys themselves, even when they are cheating the wife demanded a different sort of respect they would never ever give the mistress.
Now those cases all involved traditional mostly southern european families so the moral compass might be different.

 

[UrbainChic]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Most times when a man cheat it has nothing to do with the wife and everything to do with his poor character. Men don't cheat because the wife is somehow at fault, they cheat due to their own moral shortcomings. A lot of women need to understand this, they are defending their wives because the wife isn't at fault. I don't understand whey ppl are so quick to blame the woman when a man cheat mistresses always fall for this, hello? it's the oldest trick in the book. Blame the wife to get into the mistress' pants, then leave the mistress and defend the wife.

THIS

 

[LoveisYou]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

I see what you're saying, but many times these cheating husbands try to explain their behavior by talking about how awful the wife is, what an evil person she is. One second you're complaining about what an awful wife/gf you have, the next second you're defending her? These men are just selfish, and you can't trust anything that comes out of their mouth.

That's why a woman shouldn't put herself in that position, most married cheaters know the oldest trick in the book - complain about the wife to get the woman to feel sorry for you, once she's sorry for you, you have easy access to her panties. She will simply justify her role as a mistress based on the negative things you say about the wife, even if those negative tales are false. This has been going on for a long time, it's an old trick that works to the benefit of these men.

 

[UrbainChic]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Monogamy is a conscious choice which does not require love, only commitment to the act of monogamy.

Our society says love= monogamy.

Sex does not = love either. Love is deeper than that. Someone can be emotionally unfaithful, to you and NEVER touch the other woman.

One of my personal requirements for me to remain married to someone is that they remain monogamous to me. I will be asking that they demonstrate their love via monogamy. BUT I understand monogamy does not = love.

 

[MissJ]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

I've seen this a few times with male relatives of friends.
Often it was a case of saint /whore.
The wife no matter how much he would talk about her was *his* and mother of his children, the side piece not worthy of marriage and just for *fun*.
Even if it was not clear to the guys themselves, even when they are cheating the wife demanded a different sort of respect they would never ever give the mistress.
Now those cases all involved traditional mostly southern european families so the moral compass might be different.

That makes sense. The wife probably demanded respect, while the mistress clearly didn't. Even if the mistress didn't know the man was married, it says a lot about a person who allows herself to be with a man who may not want to be seen with her in public, will only meet with her at odd hours and is never around to celebrate holidays with her.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

That's why a woman shouldn't put herself in that position, most married cheaters know the oldest trick in the book - complain about the wife to get the woman to feel sorry for you, once she's sorry for you, you have easy access to her panties. She will simply justify her role as a mistress based on the negative things you say about the wife, even if those negative tales are false. This has been going on for a long time, it's an old trick that works to the benefit of these men.

That makes sense. The wife probably demanded respect, while the mistress clearly didn't. Even if the mistress didn't know the man was married, it says a lot about a person who allows herself to be with a man who may not want to be seen with her in public, will only meet with her at odd hours and is never around to celebrate holidays with her.

This is not always the case. There are women out there who have mutual agreements with these men. They get money, time, and attention. The role of the mistress has evolved, somewhat. Someone made a great point upthread about "emotional" cheating. This does not require a woman/mistress to relinquish her self respect or meet a man at odd hours of the night.

 

[ambergirl]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Because he "bought" the wife. The mistress is on lease and can go back to the lot anytime she becomes to expensive or burdensom to keep around.

At the end of the day, the wife is "his" and the mistress really isn't.

 

[LoveisYou]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

This is not always the case. There are women out there who have mutual agreements with these men. They get money, time, and attention. The role of the mistress has evolved, somewhat. Someone made a great point upthread about "emotional" cheating. This does not require a woman/mistress to relinquish her self respect or meet a man at odd hours of the night.

I was referring to mistress in the traditional definition of the word, meaning woman sleeping with married man. I don't care if they have a mutual agreement and they are getting material things, they are still disrespecting themselves imo. I don't think self-respect and dignity can be bought. Sex yes, dignity, no.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

I was referring to mistress in the traditional definition of the word, meaning woman sleeping with married man. I don't care if they have a mutual agreement and they are getting material things, they are still disrespecting themselves imo. I don't think self-respect and dignity can be bought. Sex yes, dignity, no.

Nowadays it looks like h@es be winning. Because they get what the wife gets + the "honesty". It's crazy, because she knows about the wife.

I'm simply saying that what actually goes on with these relationships are completely different than what the general public picture them to be at times. Websites like Ashley Madison wouldn't exist! What do we make of married women sleeping with married men?

What is a traditional mistress anyway? Are we only talking about the ones who hang on in the hopes that he'll leave his wife? Cus that's only the lifetime version of what they look like.


And for the record I've never dealt with a married man (lhcf disclaimer!). I'm simply curious about human nature.

 

[LoveisYou]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Nowadays it looks like h@es be winning. Because they get what the wife gets + the "honesty". It's crazy, because she knows about the wife.

I'm simply saying that what actually goes on with these relationships are completely different than what the general public picture them to be at times. Websites like Ashley Madison wouldn't exist! What do we make of married women sleeping with married men?

What is a traditional mistress anyway? Are we only talking about the ones who hang on in the hopes that he'll leave his wife? Cus that's only the lifetime version of what they look like.


And for the record I've never dealt with a married man (lhcf disclaimer!). I'm simply curious about human nature.

Traditionally, a mistress has been defined as a woman who sleeps with married men. We can go back and forth about the semantics (but I think that's pointless). We all know the general definition of a mistress.

Now how do you define winning? That's not how I define winning. I can't win when I go against my values and morals, I can't admire or view immoral behavior as winning. To some they might be winning, to me they aren't. It depends on what you mean by winning and what's important to you in your life.

 

[ambergirl]

Re: Spinoff: Why do men cheat but then fiercly defender the wives against the mistres

Nowadays it looks like h@es be winning. .

I don't know why but this made me bust out laughing. It's so true. Everywhere you look some sidepiece is pimping her affair with a married man and getting fame, fortune...

If you have no moral compass, and don't have a problem with being seen as a h@, there seems to be a world of opportunity out there...which is just a shame.