Spinoff: What Do You Bring To Your Man's Life?

[sarumoki]

I used to struggle with this a lot, thinking that I needed a whole checklist of things to bring into a relationship. But then the other day my new bf told me he loved me and I asked him why. He said "Because you're you." And I was sitting there waiting for him to go on and elaborate, but he just went on watching tv. And I was thinking 'Really? That's it?' But yeah, that's apparently all I need to bring to the relationship. Just being me.

 

[PrissiSippi]

@PeaceLover this is similar to what we talked about. But new question is how do I know I'm making more deposits in his life rather than withdrawals.

 

[PeaceLover]

@PeaceLover this is similar to what we talked about. But new question is how do I know I'm making more deposits in his life rather than withdrawals.

I need answers lol!

 

[Holla]

Flip the script....how do you know he is depositing more than he is withdrawing from your life?

@PeaceLover this is similar to what we talked about. But new question is how do I know I'm making more deposits in his life rather than withdrawals.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Flip the script....how do you know he is depositing more than he is withdrawing from your life?

This is a typical lhcf answer. I loooove these answers for my own self confidence but I want a REAL answer. Answers like this sounds goods just like the whole....don't ask me what I bring to the table when I am the whole table. If you are...whatcha need boo thang for then?


But to answer I know he deposits more than withdraws because he is very family oriented he plans and executes weekly family outings/meetings, he pays all house bills, gives me the freedom to have peace which transcends into our home and etc.

Pulling weight used to mean bills to me. I'm still evolving. How do I make sure I'm "pulling my weight" even if I make the shift from paying some bills to paying none.

 

[IslandMummy]

This is a typical lhcf answer. I loooove these answers for my own self confidence but I want a REAL answer. Answers like this sounds goods just like the whole....don't ask me what I bring to the table when I am the whole table. If you are...whatcha need boo thang for then?


But to answer I know he deposits more than withdraws because he is very family oriented he plans and executes weekly family outings/meetings, he pays all house bills, gives me the freedom to have peace which transcends into our home and etc.

Pulling weight used to mean bills to me. I'm still evolving. How do I make sure I'm "pulling my weight" even if I make the shift from paying some bills to paying none.

I pay no bills, at this moment I'm still in bed wrapped up in my comforter.

I do very little, very. I do less and less the longer we're married. DH doesn't see the need for me to do much, i certainly don't see the need for me to do much.

I make sure someone cleans our house, there is food here when they get home, bills are paid and appointments set up. I'm also a part time secretary for all the random things DH wants to do. I play google sometimes when he's too lazy to look things up, and that's pretty much it.

No one answer is going to be right all of the time, each stage of your relationship requires flexibility and taking stock of where you are and where you're headed.

 

[LiftedUp]

I am awesome. I am the total package! I have it all, brains and beauty and can back both up. I'm that woman who takes her man to the next level. All my exes have left out relationship better off that when they entered hence the reason they all come back. My current got his big promotion a couple of months after being with me thanks to me telling him to apply, me telling not to care who wouldn't like it when he got it and me coaching him.

I do believe that any woman dating a relative of mine should add value to his life. If we aren't related then I don't care, carry on

This dude's boss got promoted. Isn't it automatic that you now put yourself in line for a promotion too? Heck he should've left the company a long time ago but since you're still there.... I'm not going to push him this time. He's gotta figure it out on his own.

 

[Holla]

LOL @ REAL answer

EXCUSE ME for not following along with some make believe LHCF script.

I'll give you another typical LHCF answer then:

No one on the internet is in your home to know how you contribute to your household and marriage. Every relationship is different. There are women on here who don't work, don't cook, don't take care of kids and their husbands find value in them. There are also women on here who work, cook, AND take care of kids to which their husbands find value in them as well. For every thing one wife does, another wife elsewhere does the complete opposite and yet both are valuable to their respective husbands. That said, ASK YOUR HUSBAND what he likes about your relationship and how his wife adds value to his life. No one on here can answer that for HIM.

This is a typical lhcf answer. I loooove these answers for my own self confidence but I want a REAL answer. Answers like this sounds goods just like the whole....don't ask me what I bring to the table when I am the whole table. If you are...whatcha need boo thang for then?


But to answer I know he deposits more than withdraws because he is very family oriented he plans and executes weekly family outings/meetings, he pays all house bills, gives me the freedom to have peace which transcends into our home and etc.

Pulling weight used to mean bills to me. I'm still evolving. How do I make sure I'm "pulling my weight" even if I make the shift from paying some bills to paying none.

 

[PrissiSippi]

LOL @ REAL answer

EXCUSE ME for not following along with some make believe LHCF script.

I'll give you another typical LHCF answer then:

No one on the internet is in your home to know how you contribute to your household and marriage. Every relationship is different. There are women on here who don't work, don't cook, don't take care of kids and their husbands find value in them. There are also women on here who work, cook, AND take care of kids to which their husbands find value in them as well. For every thing one wife does, another wife elsewhere does the complete opposite and yet both are valuable to their respective husbands. That said, ASK YOUR HUSBAND what he likes about your relationship and how his wife adds value to his life. No one on here can answer that for HIM.

True Dat! Oooh good answer.

 

[IslandMummy]

This dude's boss got promoted. Isn't it automatic that you now put yourself in line for a promotion too? Heck he should've left the company a long time ago but since you're still there.... I'm not going to push him this time. He's gotta figure it out on his own.

DH was promoted earlier this year after telling the company's owner he needed it. He still got his raise this summer and told them it wasn't enough, "oh no, my wife would have to work with this amount."

They came back with different numbers.

LOL @ REAL answer

EXCUSE ME for not following along with some make believe LHCF script.

I'll give you another typical LHCF answer then:

No one on the internet is in your home to know how you contribute to your household and marriage. Every relationship is different. There are women on here who don't work, don't cook, don't take care of kids and their husbands find value in them. There are also women on here who work, cook, AND take care of kids to which their husbands find value in them as well. For every thing one wife does, another wife elsewhere does the complete opposite and yet both are valuable to their respective husbands. That said, ASK YOUR HUSBAND what he likes about your relationship and how his wife adds value to his life. No one on here can answer that for HIM.

Amen. There are men that would be appalled that I'm not out here grinding and hustling along with them. I'm not the right wife for them. They aren't the right husband for me.

Find a husband that is good to and for you.

 

[prettyinpurple]

This is a typical lhcf answer. I loooove these answers for my own self confidence but I want a REAL answer. Answers like this sounds goods just like the whole....don't ask me what I bring to the table when I am the whole table. If you are...whatcha need boo thang for then?


But to answer I know he deposits more than withdraws because he is very family oriented he plans and executes weekly family outings/meetings, he pays all house bills, gives me the freedom to have peace which transcends into our home and etc.

Pulling weight used to mean bills to me. I'm still evolving. How do I make sure I'm "pulling my weight" even if I make the shift from paying some bills to paying none.

Why are you so concerned about what you bring to the relationship and pulling your own weight? Especially if everything is going well and he's happy as-is?

It would never cross my mind to worry about either of these things with any man.

Can you sit back and be content or is that not your style?

ETA: Maybe some of the family dynamics from your parents/siblings are at play here (what you saw growing up, whatever is currently going on)...

 

[sarumoki]

Pulling weight used to mean bills to me. I'm still evolving. How do I make sure I'm "pulling my weight" even if I make the shift from paying some bills to paying none.

From what I've seen, the way that you cook and plate your food to make it look nice shows that you do more than enough to pull your weight.

I used to have the same mentality as you, that pulling weight = paying bills and sometimes I still get stuck in that way of thinking but now I think it has more to do with playing to each other's strengths. Example: He knows off the top of his head the exact date that each of his bills are due, and has records on records of everything he's paid for the past few years. Meanwhile once I discovered that autopay was a thing, I entered "set it and forget it" mode and never gave it another thought. I just posted in the relationship thread that he cooked for me the other day, and it was passable at best. Nothing wrong with it, but it screamed "I'm a single guy who knows how to make the basics and nothing else." On the other hand, I love to cook and bake and unless everyone I know has been lying to me for years I'm pretty good at it. So if we ever lived together, bills would be his thing and food would be mine.

I think it just comes down to one partner being good at/liking/at least not minding doing the things that the other partner doesn't like/can't do so that there is a balance in the relationship.

 

[PrissiSippi]

Why are you so concerned about what you bring to the relationship and pulling your own weight? Especially if everything is going well and he's happy as-is?

It would never cross my mind to worry about either of these things with any man.

Can you sit back and be content or is that not your style?

ETA: Maybe some of the family dynamics from your parents/siblings are at play here (what you saw growing up, whatever is currently going on)...

Probably not. I'm used to never being good enough. I have two narcissistic parents. To be honest I might be addicted to self improvement because of this.

I guess it's a fear of mine. It's my fear that once I relax and get really confortsble and lovey dicey he hits me with the I want more and throws the deuces *shrugs*

 

[prettyinpurple]

Probably not. I'm used to never being good enough. I have two narcissistic parents. To be honest I might be addicted to self improvement because of this.

I guess it's a fear of mine. It's my fear that once I relax and get really confortsble and lovey dicey he hits me with the I want more and throws the deuces *shrugs*

Maybe check in with him occasionally if it makes you feel better.

But don't live your live in fear of him leaving you. That's not a good life.

 

[prettyinpurple]

Forgot to add: Make it the start of being the care-free woman that you want to be!

 

[PrissiSippi]

Maybe check in with him occasionally if it makes you feel better.

But don't live your live in fear of him leaving you. That's not a good life.

I'm not in fear. But I overthink a lot.

 

[quirkydimples]

Flip the script....how do you know he is depositing more than he is withdrawing from your life?

This is what I'm on the lookout for...

It crept up on me slowly with my ex-husband, so it's something I'm sensitive to now.