Spinoff: What Do You Bring To Your Man's Life?

Mai Tai said:
See now that I am married, I have no problem making appointments, doing budgets, building credit, etc because all of these things are beneficial to our married household and we are now a team, but as a girlfriend would I do all of that...nah.
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I agree a girlfriend should be doing none of the above especially loaning money.

I have been on that power couple drive for most of my life. It's innate and part of my personality. It's no coincidence my friends and boyfriends strive to achieve and exceed as well.


I bounced up one of the few guys i dated yesterday. He looked goodt. Anyway he took me a step above mentally in the short moment we were together. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Before him I still limited myself and was a but short sighted . When he told me his goals and dreams I allowed myself to dream bigger and go for better.
 
@LiftedUp
A quick thought run across my mind when you said that everyone comes into your life for a reason...when we marry, it doesn't mean we stop growing and learning. How do we continue to allow others in our life who will continue to help us grow and learn without threatening our primary relationship?
 
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Fine 4s said:
@LiftedUp
A quick thought run across my mind when you said that everyone comes into your life for a reason...when we marry, it doesn't mean we stop growing and learning. How do we continue to allow others in our life that will continue to help us grow and learn without threatening our primary relationship?
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I'm not married :lol:

I believe though that it may not always be in a romantic fashion. It occurs in different spheres of life, both in good times and in bad. For example, I had a really tough boss, however, she taught me a lot. I remained opened to that teaching and tried to learn the good from that experience. I learned to be meticulous in my work, to be precise in what I'm saying, to be resilient, how to adapt to different situations, how to contribute in meetings effectively and how to be a string black woman (which she is). When that guy told me his dreams and how he strategically placed his goals to reach there I was blown away. At that time I had realistic goals. I didn't allow myself to actually dream.
 
To those who struggle with the answer....what if the question was what makes you special? Not in the context of a relationship but just in general. What makes you different from the next person PERIOD?

I believe that what makes me special is that there is no one else out there like me. I have traveled the world and have not once come across someone with my package......personality, physique, intellect, experience, background, skills, talent, humor, etc. ALL OF THIS put together makes me....ME!

When an ex who I was once head over heels with started acting out, I let him go. He started dating a woman who had a similar familial background and similar physique. That's where the similarities ended and that kneegro returned years later telling me how all of that was not enough and how I was a lot of work to deal with in a relationship but that I was worth the extra effort. He merely reaffirmed what I already knew so I still KIM with my next beau. Likewise with women I know.......When an associate shared that I do not keep in touch as often, I chuckled because she reached out to get something from me. I reminded her that she obviously benefits from having me in her life so it would be in HER best interest to keep up with me more often.

Like someone else stated, how a person uses my unique self to their advantage is up to that person. I don't sit around pondering what makes me special to that person. That's not for me to do. I know I'm special and that's all *I* need to know.

Maya Angelou understood this concept when she penned her "Phenomenal Woman" poem. I'm a phenomenal woman and that's all I need to know. Let the others try to figure it out.


Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
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I think I'm stuck because I'm thinking about it in relationship to the whole world, like all other women rather than what I bring to the only relationship that I'm in. Basically only answering the question asked lol
 
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Oooh wee yall make me want to revamp my answer. This was a good thread.

My hood answer: A booty like a serving platter :spinning:
My confident answer: I bring me. Wonderfully and fearfully made
My long winded answer: I am your mix of sassy and classy with a combination of intellectually gifted, great sense of humor, conversationalist, GOAL-getter, feminine, creative, and loving. smart, intelligent, well-travelled, great conversationalist, fun, driven, sexy, feminine, a strategist, and ambitious.
 
I was a great hoe before my FH came into my life :lachen: I really hate it when I see women try to compete with each other for no reason, and men almost always try and pit women against each other and I always shut the sh** down. I think my biggest lure is the fact that no man makes me uncomfortable or throws me off my game. I truly have the best poker face so even if he did I could internally go over my decisions :look: I do get a ton of respect from men through my personality. I stick up for myself because I want the best for myself. I don't ever second guess a decision because I make the best decisions. My life has been blissful since this revelation. I didnt care about anyone else's feelings except my own. If I wasn't happy I left :look: this drives men crazy lol. Also keeps them in check. And keeps me living a good life :)
 
Mai Tai said:
Believe me...it does to a man that's worth his weight. My husband tells me all the time if it wasn't for me he'd be dead in a ditch.

I don't do the things I do for accolades but a good dude will give you them anyway.
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My husband and I have candid conversations about when either one of us dies. If he dies, i'll remarry and if I die, he will die soon after. And that's how it should be.


And to answer the OP, what do i bring, me. Das it. :lol:
 
I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE the line....don't get emotionally attached to someone until you have a ring on your finger. How can I practice this?

Ooohhhh her 'sale' topic resonates with me because when I enter a relationship, I tend to highlight the accomplishments in my life from finance to education etc. to be worthy. Wrong, wrong and wrong. Funny because I got a good morning text 'you're enough' and then I'm seeing this. Hmmm.....Universe, what you saying?
 
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Fine 4s said:
I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE the line....don't get emotionally attached to someone until you have a ring on your finger. How can I practice this?

Ooohhhh her 'sale' topic resonates with me because when I enter a relationship, I tend to highlight the accomplishments in my life from finance to education etc. to be worthy. Wrong, wrong and wrong. Funny because I got a good morning text 'you're enough' and then I'm seeing this. Hmmm.....Universe, what you saying?
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Stop investing in men before they invest in you. The only good investment a man can give you is money and marriage. Stop giving him all your time and energy, instead invest that strength back into yourself.
 
Fine 4s said:
I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE the line....don't get emotionally attached to someone until you have a ring on your finger. How can I practice this?

Ooohhhh her 'sale' topic resonates with me because when I enter a relationship, I tend to highlight the accomplishments in my life from finance to education etc. to be worthy. Wrong, wrong and wrong. Funny because I got a good morning text 'you're enough' and then I'm seeing this. Hmmm.....Universe, what you saying?
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So this is funny. I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend. Where I saw my 80-odd yr old great-aunt with her "friend" and my cousin with her "friend" that I think lives with her and her son.

I told my cousin how I think it's funny/cute that everyone calls their boyfriend their friend. She sais, that's right. They don't get claimed until there is a ring on the finger.
 
Fine 4s said:
I don't know.
Or I should say, I'm afraid to say something that is not so.
I bring almost what everyone's already mentioned but I'm sure I'm off somewhere...
Hmm....interesting reaction.

I don't try to improve their lives anymore. Never worked for me.
I just give advice when asked. I'm not setting appointments, doing budgets, building credits, helping you network, find a shrink, lending money...none of that anymore. I learned.
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That could be bad or good. That's management/organization, but you could end up hindering him as well. I don't wanna be someone's mother either. I want to support, not be your lover and your secretary!
 
shortdub78 said:
That could be bad or good. That's management/organization, but you could end up hindering him as well. I don't wanna be someone's mother either. I want to support, not be your lover and your secretary!
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Yes that's what I learned from my privious relationships. I've moved on from that behavior....thankfully.
 
Fine 4s said:
Yes that's what I learned from my privious relationships. I've moved on from that behavior....thankfully.
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I learned my lesson too! I'm just not with the help a brotha out stuff anymore. I have seen that go far left too many times. I see things work out better when a man goes out of his way to establish himself and create a stable environment for his future lady/wife.
 
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