Spinoff: The "good and the bad" in a Marriage?

[Radianthealth]

My experience of a "bad" in my marraige was similar to Lauren450's except mine had to do with horrible hormonal changes after I switched to the Nuvaring for birth control.

I was depressed, anxious, sensitive, cranky, and irritable. I drove my poor DH crazy. We argued all the time and he thought I wanted a divorce . He would come home and I would be crying, it was like I was possessed

It was weird because a couple of hours after I took that thing out of my body I felt better. Since then it has been pretty smooth sailing.

Right now our biggest issue is we have different ideas about when we should start a family. I don't argue with him about it because I know that he is right

The pregnancy hormone deal is something I have heard a couple of my friends talk about, I am going to research and try to find out a way to minimize this for me, or the fact that I know what could potentially happen should be helpful as well.

 

[MissScarlett]

Thanks for answering. I wonder if a lot of couples have this problem?

I think this is unspoken but I think it hapens alot.

It happened to us each time and like lauren said I really thought we'd divorce the first time.

Also there is this time period after the baby, were you and your dh need to reconnect as a couple b/c you've been so disconnected during those months. My hormones run rampant and i become soooo emotional, the crying...its just terrible.

I'm glad I read this. ds#2 just turned 1 and I'd LOVE to have another baby but dh reminds me of this. For us, being pregnant is rough.

 

[dlewis]

sorryerplexed

That's ok, I love you anyway.

 

[bluwatersoul]

for me, the bad in marriage has been post pregnancy, I went through some major ups and downs after each kid and couldnt communicate how I was feeling, it was horrid. Thankfully by the time they were about six months old it worked itself out.

early on, like the first three years, working out the finance thing was rough.

But the worst worst WORST part of our marriage is definitely his family. They are a bunch of psychos and I do not allow my children to be around them, and I don't allow his parents to call the house. We have truly been through the wringer on so many occasions, and life has been beautiful without these drama addicted fakes around me.

Its really sad however, as I have a very small family and I thought when I got married I would be increasing the size of my family, I looked forward to it. But from day I they have actively done nothing to welcome me into the family, have barely been civil. There have been several attemps DH has taken to improve communication and make things better, but each effort has been fruitless because THEY DONT CARE.

What is really bothering me now is that he wants me to let bygones be bygones - like I am suppossed to forget about the past 17 years of bull. How many times can he expect me to get burned? DH feels that "Oh its my MOTHER" and I say "Yes, exactly, its your MOTHER, why does she act like such an ass?" the same behavior from anyone else would get the serious smackdown.

Dlewis, you are lucky in at least your DH backs you in your emotions. For me, from day to day I don't know that I have a leg to stand on and that is sad. At least they live in Florida and never come to NYC.

 

[dlewis]

for me, the bad in marriage has been post pregnancy, I went through some major ups and downs after each kid and couldnt communicate how I was feeling, it was horrid. Thankfully by the time they were about six months old it worked itself out.

early on, like the first three years, working out the finance thing was rough.

But the worst worst WORST part of our marriage is definitely his family. They are a bunch of psychos and I do not allow my children to be around them, and I don't allow his parents to call the house. We have truly been through the wringer on so many occasions, and life has been beautiful without these drama addicted fakes around me.

Its really sad however, as I have a very small family and I thought when I got married I would be increasing the size of my family, I looked forward to it. But from day I they have actively done nothing to welcome me into the family, have barely been civil. There have been several attemps DH has taken to improve communication and make things better, but each effort has been fruitless because THEY DONT CARE.

What is really bothering me now is that he wants me to let bygones be bygones - like I am suppossed to forget about the past 17 years of bull. How many times can he expect me to get burned? DH feels that "Oh its my MOTHER" and I say "Yes, exactly, its your MOTHER, why does she act like such an ass?" the same behavior from anyone else would get the serious smackdown.

Dlewis, you are lucky in at least your DH backs you in your emotions. For me, from day to day I don't know that I have a leg to stand on and that is sad. At least they live in Florida and never come to NYC.

I feel ya girl. Inlaws should be outlawed if they're bad.

 

[jshor09]

I bumped this to read dlewis's inlaw drama

dlewis maybe we have the same MIL Let's see....

MIl gets mad at any new material purchase we make, she also thnks that anything that is dh's is 'her's, I guess she thinks I"m the maid. Dh is the first person in his family to 'make it' and have a good job, good home, etc, so they look at him like the gravy train.

She would call our house and say "can I speak to_" not hello to me, nada.

Always, always needing money...

She tried to pit dh's babymama against me and 'side' with her anytime a situation came up with dd.

Also, she has a bf, who happens to be the deacon at their church. They started dating WHILE his wife was dying of cancer.

this is a small town her boys and his boys grew up together, played together. but he doesn't marry her, I heard b/c his boys won't allow it, out of loyalty for their mom.

Yet she insists on my boys calling him PAPA, what he calls MY dad. I told her, listen if you want him to be PAPA, MARRY him but don't sleep with him on saturday night, get up and go to church with him on Sunday, that's not what my boys need to see in a grandma. An example of why I say her family values are completey different from mine.

Mostly dh visits her house with the boys. I only come on very special ocassions. we're civil to each other now b/c I let her know I"m the queen of the house, she doesn't run dh, I do

maybe my mil is related to your mil as well. she feels that my hubby is her personal servant that she created him to drive her around and do as she says. she refuses to get her license or catch public transportation because she is to good for it. i really think she tells people i'm the antichrist because i refuse to let her run my hubby ragged. she gets mad at dh and i in spurts and refuses to talk to us for months or talk to my kids. she then starts talking to us when she needs something. this time around i refuse to deal with childish behavior and have not spoken to her . dh and her are communicating and that is what counts because that is his mother not mine. dh and my mom get along great. i just don't get why i got the mil from hell.

 

[bluwatersoul]

maybe my mil is related to your mil as well. she feels that my hubby is her personal servant that she created him to drive her around and do as she says. she refuses to get her license or catch public transportation because she is to good for it. i really think she tells people i'm the antichrist because i refuse to let her run my hubby ragged. she gets mad at dh and i in spurts and refuses to talk to us for months or talk to my kids. she then starts talking to us when she needs something. this time around i refuse to deal with childish behavior and have not spoken to her . dh and her are communicating and that is what counts because that is his mother not mine. dh and my mom get along great. i just don't get why i got the mil from hell.

This is what I deal with - they dont even know my kids, they would walk by them on the street as strangers, have never TRIED to establish a relationship. They don't call, not even birthdays Christmas, etc. Once DH's father asked to be reminded when our son's birthday is- I was so angry I was pissing nails - because my son is born on the SAME DAY HE IS!

don't you think you might remember that?

 

[sensiblesista]

interesting thread.
bumpity bump bump bump