Thinking about this a little more, I realized that
while we were dating, I kind of expected the man to put in a majority of the work/effort in the relationship.
I was always grateful and appreciative, as Bunny mentioned, but I wasn't worried about his ego being safe, I wasn't worried about him pitching in around the house, I wasn't worried about proving that I could be a good wife by cooking for him and cleaning for him and swinging from the chandelier and all that other stuff.
I kept my house clean. I cooked dinner for us -
occasionally. We had good sex. Those things demonstrated to him that I had the
potential to be able to do all of these things as a wife.
Though, he still talks bad about the first meal I made for him.
I was a heck of a lot more 'difficult/stubborn/selfish' as a girlfriend/fiancee than I was as a wife. His opinion mattered maybe 10%. I didn't run anything dealing with my personal life (what kind of cars to buy, what apartment to rent, where to go on vacation, etc) by him. He didn't have enough 'weight' in my life.
Really, I think that for DH, he saw the
worst aspects of me early in our relationship.
And yet, he was still crazy enough to marry me.
As I mentioned in the husband thread, it's the difference between the effort you put into a temp summer job at the amusement park, and the corporate job that you are trying to maintain for 20 years. I'll do right, but I'm not going to go above and beyond to 'prove' that I'm the right woman.
Honestly, I don't think that women can
make a man to realize that she is the one he should marry. That's a realization that he has to come to own his own.