Spinoff:Self-Fulfilling Prophecy & Hair Goals (Kinda Long)

[dynamic1]

Do we sabotage ourselves?

Is it easier to believe widely held stereotypes and myths than to attempt to reach our hair goals (hair length, hair health, natural hair, etc.)

Recent threads lead me to believe that people hold on to negative information to validate why they don't have X; or why they don't even try to get X; or to convince themselves they don't really want X even if they really do. Since this is the hair board and LHCF, X=long healthy hair (however you define it). I am primarily speaking of people in our everyday lives, but it may apply to some people here. After all, we are surrounded by this negative feedback in our real lives.

Statements Based on Stereotypes and Myths

• "Your hair is long, thus you must be mixed with something" or
• "You have Indian in your family" or
• "You can't be black, what are you, where are you from?"
• "It's normal to have long hair, she's light"
• "Dark skinned girls don't have long hair"
• "All black women wear weave, and she must have one too" (followed by the scalp grope.)
• "You got that good hair, that's why your hair is long" (meanwhile your hair texture is similar to theirs and they didn't call it good hair when it was shorter and/or damaged.)
• “You got that good hair, you can wear your hair natural” ^^^^
• "You're not white, you can't wash your hair often, it's going to fall out"
• "Your hair will break off/fall out if you go natural"
• "Why do you want long hair, do you think you're white?"
• "You can't grow long hair, your mom doesn't have long hair"
• “natural hair does not grow”

It appears that multitudes of women want long hair. If not, the yaki XL would not be flying off the shelves. I have no issues with those who where weave , excluding minors. However, I am sure many of these women would gladly trade in their long weaves for their own long tresses. I am not speaking of those with medical conditions or the protective stylers. I am also not referring to the frequent style/length/color changers whose hair has actually seen the light of day in the last 3 years (not just during trips to the bss).

Despite numerous examples to the contrary, some have convinced themselves it isn't possible for us to have long/healthy hair. They cling to misinformation. It's easier to give up than to try and still fail. But if one tries, failing may still get them further than they imagined in the past. A goal of waist length may help you reach your potential of healthy, lengthy hair somewhere just shy of the goal. What’s so bad about that?

If you convince yourself long hair is not possible, you may participate in destructive activities that will guarantee you are correct (heat or chemical abuse, tight braids, etc). Now this can apply to other, perhaps more important, aspects of life. But this is the hair board!

"If men define things as real, they are real in their consequences."
Robert Merton

All comments and discussion are welcome.
Grow on LHCF and thanks for your inspiration!

 

[Ebonygurl00]

I used to sabotage myself, but not anymore. My hair has always grown, but my mom used to make me go to the salon every 2 weeks, and they always cut and burned my hair off. My hair is growing faster than it's ever grown now, because I wash daily, which gives my scalp stimulation and my hair mosture. I only use heat on my bangs, and NEVER on my NG/natural hair, only on my permed hair. I also don't believe any of those stereotypes and myths.

 

[InNeedofHairapy]

I'm glad that you posted this.

And I'll leave it at that

 

[caribeandiva]

thank you for this thread! i was surprised at the other threads and the ladies that said some women can't grow hair past their shoulders. WHAT? isn't that why we're all here? to prove people in our daily lives wrong cause they have the same notions about hair. sure people are always going to make excuses when a task seems daunting. I thought us LHCFers were better than that (at least when it comes to hair length and genetics).

 

[natstar]

I think it is at times true. When I first told my mother my goal she told me my hair will never get to BSL because he hair was never that long. She attributed length solely to genes. At first I dismissed her and tried to prove her wrong, but as I have been taking good care of my hair, I have only seen slow progress. At times I think about what she said and think to myself-why bother? But I still come to LHCF for inspiration and because even though it's slow progress, its still progress. If I didn't know about LHCF, I probably would have a self fulfilling prophecy that I could not grow hair at all and length was solely based on genes.

 

[dynamic1]

thank you for this thread! i was surprised at the other threads and the ladies that said some women can't grow hair past their shoulders. WHAT? isn't that why we're all here? to prove people in our daily lives wrong cause they have the same notions about hair. sure people are always going to make excuses when a task seems daunting. I thought us LHCFers were better than that (at least when it comes to hair length and genetics).

Everyone gets discouraged and may need positive reinforcent from time to time. That's why I enjoy LHCF, because there is always someone, willing to show you the possibilities.

 

[Ebonygurl00]

thank you for this thread! i was surprised at the other threads and the ladies that said some women can't grow hair past their shoulders. WHAT? isn't that why we're all here? to prove people in our daily lives wrong cause they have the same notions about hair. sure people are always going to make excuses when a task seems daunting. I thought us LHCFers were better than that (at least when it comes to hair length and genetics).

People here said women can't grow hair past their shoulders?!

 

[caribeandiva]

People here said women can't grow hair past their shoulders?!

I was as surprised as you. maybe i'm overreacting a little... it's only someone's opinion not a fact.

 

[Tee]

Everyone gets discouraged and may need positive reinforcent from time to time. That's why I enjoy LHCF, because there is always someone, willing to show you the possibilities.

and the possibilites are endless. Dont think your hair wont grow. Dont let no one discourage you to think you might be one of the people whose hair will not grow. Don't let a thread here think you can't do it. You can do it if you put in the work and use good practices on your hair. Don't believe the BS. Like someone mentioned, if your hair didn't grow you would't need to relax the new growth. You Grow Ladies Grow!

 

[Enchantmt]

Folx have to renew their minds. How old are most of the folx here? Even if they are young...say 25 years old...before they join this board...thats 25 years of misinformation they have to over come (while still dealing with the negative attitudes and reactions from people close to them while they are learning)... and as I mentioned in the other thread, we are fighting GENERATIONS of misinformation. We see the results of poor hair care and think the results=the truth about our hair. THIS IS NOT THE CASE!

Some folx HIDE what they learn here because of fear of backlash from their family/friends/SO'S. They dont share their goals, how often they wash their hair, products they use etc because the folx around them are not receptive to the info. Some dont WANT to change their minds and learn new ways. When the student is ready the teacher will appear. They aren't ready yet! Once they see your results they will want to know what you are doing. And if they really want to acheive the goal, they will bypass quick fixes and put in the hard work it takes to get the job done.

 

[rickysrose]

I hope I didn't offend anyone by asking in another thread if there were examples of ladies with very tightly coiled hair reaching bsl.

Other than on lhcf, I haven't seen anyone with my type of hair with bsl. My own hair is very tightly coiled and hasn't ever been much longer than shoulder length. I genuinely didn't know if anyone with my type of hair actually achieved bsl.

This is a great place to dispel myths ... with the suggestions and support from this forum, my hair is looking better already.

 

[mango387]

I hope I didn't offend anyone by asking in another thread if there were examples of ladies with very tightly coiled hair reaching bsl.

Other than on lhcf, I haven't seen anyone with my type of hair with bsl. My own hair is very tightly coiled and hasn't ever been much longer than shoulder length. I genuinely didn't know if anyone with my type of hair actually achieved bsl.

This is a great place to dispel myths ... with the suggestions and support from this forum, my hair is looking better already.

Rickysrose, you did not offend me. With the exception of the very back of my head, I am a 4b (Read Z). I have been on this site for a second (lurker since 2004, member since 2005, and subscriber since 2006). Until your point blank, matter-of-fact thread, I had only seen a few (three or four in all of those years) people with BSL 4b/z hair. Looking at some of the foktis posted in your thread gave me confidence that my work would not be in vain. While I love seeing the 1a's-4a's on the board reach their goals, it is also wonderful to see people whose hair looks like mine reach lengths unknown.
To all the LHCF ladies, 1a-4z, thank you!!!

 

[Isis]

Great thread Dynamic1!

When people tell us, even those who love us, that we can't grow our hair long (or lose the weight, for example), it is like a curse. If we choose to believe in that curse, then we began to self-sabotage in a variety of ways.

I believe the best way to turn that around, besides visiting LHCF, is to regularly affirm to ourselves exactly what we want regarding our hair, as often as necessary. Soon it will become a new belief and that curse will dissolve, ending all self-sabotaging.

 

[loonatick]

i have made my self fulfilling prophecy into my hair goal, i really only want APL all the way around, but i still strive for more.
We all know hair grows so i will see how healthy and how far i can grow it.
It just takes a bit of patience, which some people overlook in this whole hair growing thing

 

[FlyyGyrl]

This thread is so on point! Progress first starts in your mind. And that is with anything. Weight, hair, skin, grades, money, men, whatever. If you believe you can do it then you can. If you believe you only attract bums then you do. If you believe you can grow bsl hair then you can. Its just a matter of believing it then working towards it. Once you truly believe half the battle is over. Some people just don't realize how powerful words and the mind are.

 

[dynamic1]

I hope I didn't offend anyone by asking in another thread if there were examples of ladies with very tightly coiled hair reaching bsl. quote]

I was not offended either. When I was a little girl, my hair was not long. I did not know about shrinkage back then. Even now the shrinkgage is still something very serious, especially in the crown. One thing some of the most recent post have done is to inspire me to start taking photos. I am going to get a digital camera soon to chart my progress and share with others.

Great discussion and thanks to everyone for contributing.

 

[plove]

I like this thread, I'm doing what I need to do to get my hair to grow to BSL.

 

[bablou00]

This thread is so true. A few weeks back on Top Model when they cut the girls hair off who is mixed I gasped and my girlfriend was like "Oh her hair will grow back so fast because she is mixed." I looked at her and had to break it down about how everyones hair grows such and such inches each month and no matter what race you are your hair doesnt grow faster or slow than the next one. I finally stopped tryin to explain myself because she was definitely not tryin to hear it. Its hard to school people when they are not ready to learn. I just keep tellin myself that they will come around when they see my hair is down to my knees!!!

 

[Cichelle]

Great thread Dynamic1!

When people tell us, even those who love us, that we can't grow our hair long (or lose the weight, for example), it is like a curse. If we choose to believe in that curse, then we began to self-sabotage in a variety of ways.

I believe the best way to turn that around, besides visiting LHCF, is to regularly affirm to ourselves exactly what we want regarding our hair, as often as necessary. Soon it will become a new belief and that curse will dissolve, ending all self-sabotaging.

These are my thoughts on the subject, as well.

Believe it. And LOVE your journey to long hair. Find joy in your hair and allow yourself to be thrilled at the possibilities.

I often imagine my hair at my goal length or even longer. I don't just imagine it casually. I feel it! I love the happy feeling it gives me. It also inspires and motivates me.

Sometimes we have to learn to choose better thoughts about our hair and its potential (and everything else for that matter!). With practice, the thoughts that empower us become our dominant thoughts and then it's amazing what we can achieve!

 

[erin558]

thank you for this thread! i was surprised at the other threads and the ladies that said some women can't grow hair past their shoulders. WHAT? isn't that why we're all here? to prove people in our daily lives wrong cause they have the same notions about hair. sure people are always going to make excuses when a task seems daunting. I thought us LHCFers were better than that (at least when it comes to hair length and genetics).

girl me too. i thought i was on the wrong board.

 

[Isis]

These are my thoughts on the subject, as well.

Believe it. And LOVE your journey to long hair. Find joy in your hair and allow yourself to be thrilled at the possibilities.

I often imagine my hair at my goal length or even longer. I don't just imagine it casually. I feel it! I love the happy feeling it gives me. It also inspires and motivates me.

Sometimes we have to learn to choose better thoughts about our hair and its potential (and everything else for that matter!). With practice, the thoughts that empower us become our dominant thoughts and then it's amazing what we can achieve!

ITA with everything you said!