SPIN-OFF: at what age does a single woman get the side eye?

[weaveadiva]

[highlight]ladies with husbands or SO's, i'd be interested in hearing what they have to say[/highlight]

this is a spin-off to the "at what age does a single man with no kids get the side eye" thread

i was surprised at the answers. the majority were along the lines of "he's a player," "socially/emotionally stunted" and "doesn't know what he wants to do with his life"

these things would never cross my mind, i guess 'cause i'm in the same situation

i don't *plan* (life throws you a curve-ball sometimes!) on getting married or having children. i wonder if people will see me and think these same things?

i may, indeed, be the 35, 40, 50 yr old single woman with no offspring

[highlight]do single, childless women of a certain age get a side-eye/certain assumptions from you? if so, at what age?

does it matter more/less because it's a woman?[/highlight]

 

[Bene]

Same response as in the other thread:


Really depends on the situation. If he just got out of a relationship and is single at whatever age, then I don't really think too much of it. I mean, hey sh*t happens. But if he's like 40+, isn't married, isn't recently divorced/broken up, doesn't have a life partner , doesn't have a friend w/ benefits of some sort, then I'm thinking retard, serial killer, hardcore gamer, living in his mama's basement talking about "I PUT MY NAME ON THE ORANGE JUICE!!!" or "I SAID KNOCK WHEN THE DOOR IS CLOSED, YOU HEAR ME? I SAID YOU KNOCK!!!", or smells really bad and no one ever bothered to tell him.


Just change the pronouns to she/her blah blah blah

 

[JustKiya]

And again....

Hrm. It really depends on the gal. I can see a woman being a serial monogamist, and never wanting to get married. I respect the fact that she - as she should have - avoided having children if she knew she didn't want to get married.

As long as I didn't want to get married or have children, either - we would work out nicely.

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

I started to get the side eye at around24. I think in other normal situations, I think women get the side eye from all of society at around 29-31.

 

[cocomadmoiselle]

My parents are already giving me the side and I'm only 23

 

[Filmatic]

I'm 25 and they're asking questions. I give the side eye right back. It's not 1865 and I'm not some old maid.

 

[DaPPeR]

Bumping as I've never been in a "real" relationship and childless at 25 (in June)

 

[wofford16]

I think the ole double standard comes into play with women. According to some our main purpose on earth is to populate so if you choose not to marry or have children then you get the side eye the minute those words cross your lips as opposed to a man saying these words and he is considered focused and determined.

I would never give any woman the side eye about this decision because only she knows her true feelings and purpose in life and if those don't include the husband with the 2.5 children with the dog and white picket fence then I salute you for having a purpose and a plan.

 

[jaiku]

It's different for women. They don't get the side-eye. They get the "poor dear she can't find a man" eye. It doesn't matter if she is single and childless by choice.

This lady told me I was unusual because me and SO don't have kids. I told her I don't have kids because we aren't married. She gave me the screw face. I'm 32 by the way.

 

[Bachelorette]

I

This lady told me I was unusual because me and SO don't have kids. I told her I don't have kids because we aren't married. She gave me the screw face. I'm 32 by the way.

Good response. I say to people all the time.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I started to get the side eye at around24. I think in other normal situations, I think women get the side eye from all of society at around 29-31.

Oh well...guess I'll be getting the side-eye soon... How disheartening!!

I'm 25 and they're asking questions. I give the side eye right back. It's not 1865 and I'm not some old maid.

Thank you!!

Personally, I don't give women the side-eye unless she's had LOADS of serious relationships w/guys beating down her door and yet she is STILL single. I think it's different for women simply because we can't just UP and choose when we'll get married. The man has to CHOOSE us, has to ask US to marry, etc. Now a man can go out here and pick any woman he wants pretty much and since some women are desperate enough, they'll go and marry any Tom, Dick, or Harry. Did I also mention that there are more "eligible" women than men?

So I really don't give women the side-eye...especially if she's been focusing on her schooling, her career, etc. I know for me personally now that I look back, I wish I had not spent so many years in school. Because when I was in school, the LAST thing I was looking for was getting into a relationship. It's not that I didn't have an interest in men, it was just that my focus was elsewhere. *shrugs*

I guess if a woman is 40 years old, never been married, and doesn't seem happy being single, then maybe I would wonder what was up I guess. Idk...there are so many variables though. You really don't know people and what they've been through until you actually speak and talk with them. A lot of things could have prevented them from getting married when they wanted to. Idk...



To me....being married or being in a serious relationship is not a "competition" or an age-dependent event in life. To me, people simply happen to find "the one" they are supposed to be with at different time periods in their lives. It's not like you hit age 16 and boom you can go get a driver's license or something. OR boom...you're 21, so now you can drink legally. It's not really dependent on age IMO. Marriage and who you will spend the rest of your life with is a serious decision (or, at least it is to me) that takes a lot of thought, time, and knowing of yourself. Sometimes timing is also everything!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Given that I have some childless, educated, funny, friendly, attractive single female friends that are 30 - 45, I don't think there is an age to get the side eye. They are actively dating but not finding anyone that they would consider marrying at this time.

My BFF told me about her most recent date (second date) and he was a twice divorced father of 2 & on his 8th home. Why on his 8th home, because his former wives and former live-in girlfriends had all refused to live a house where another woman had lived. This guy made a comment about making her his wife as if she was to swoon.

By the way, it was a set up by a "friend" who clearly does not know my BFF well enough to help her find a life partner.

 

[Murjani]

I don't think I could ever give a woman the side-eye. The stories I read on here..I can understand why some are still single.

 

[Raspberry]

It's different for women. They don't get the side-eye. They get the "poor dear she can't find a man" eye. It doesn't matter if she is single and childless by choice.

I agree, and at the same time it seems like there's a general sentiment of pity (accompanied by a "men these days" head shake) assuming that it's hard out here to find a good man. Like a few of my white female co-workers told me they felt sorry for me being single because men these days are a-holes. Thing is, I don't feel sorry for myself but I can see their perspective.

 

[phynestone]

I also agree that it's different for women, but marriage is a cherished union between two people in my eyes. I'm not going to rush into it to prove a point to society that I can get married, because if I had wanted to, I would have gotten married at 18.

I take a look at the women who are left to pick up the pieces from broken marriages, divorces and the children that sometimes accompany it and I say no thank you. In time, marriage and kids would be nice, but I have my own dreams and goals I'd like to follow and accomplish. I can and will still enjoy my life without it. God's plan for everyone is different.

 

[PaleoChick]

I don't get the side eye nor do I give the side eye (I'm 32), I get the, "It will happen soon", or "You're running out of time there..."; I have been told any single woman over 35 by default gets the side/stink eye.

As for me, I am not sure what to believe. I gave up a LOT for my chosen career, and I get that "Why am I not married?" crap a lot. S.ometimes I wish folks would just leave me alone. It stinks where relatives I know getting out of jail get MORE respect than my unmarried arse. "What's wrong with Nikki? Why no man? You got a disease, baby?" UGH!!

At this point, anyone with the "I-must-be-defective-to-be-unmarried" tirade in my direction can___(fill in the blanks)__.

 

[Kalani]

I started getting it in my late twenties and now that I'm 32 I really get it, lol! I think if I at least had a boyfriend it wouldn't be so bad but being completely single makes people give the "what's her deal?" look.