Spin off : after break up let's be friends

Kindheart

Kindheart

Well-Known Member
How do you expect a "friendship" after a breakup to to play out ? Do you think it's just a nice way to end things ? Should the person that asks for the friendship actively keep it going or is that something both people should work on ?
 
IME, the whole "let's be friends" right after a break-up doesn't work. I look at it like this, my friends and I talk about who we're interested in, who we're dating, etc. Can you really have that type of convo with someone you were just in a relationship/in love with, and not feel some way? Probably not.

I do believe after some time, once the feelings aren't there anymore, it's possible. But I know from previous threads, a lot of folks are gonna be like when they're done, they're done, there's no need to be ever be friends with an ex. I still maintain it depends on why we split. One of my closest, most trusted friends is my ex from 15 years ago.
 
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If you were meant to be "friends", when you first met you'd have been friends. You cannot go backward. Once you've been all in each others bodies, it's really hard to pretend like you're just cool beans with each other. IMO, when it is over, it's over. Unless there are children in common, we have nothing else to talk about.
 
I'm friends with guys whom I previously dated. For the most part, it was not immediate but something that happened about a year after things ended. I think that friendship could be an immediate thing if the couple was on the same page about ending the romantic aspect of their relationship.
 
I'm "friends" with all my ex's to the extent that there are no hard feelings and if I wasn't married I would keep in touch with them more. I don't live in the same city as any of them and up until I got engaged I talked to them every once in a while.

That was easy for me because of the way we broke up. If they were bad break ups I'm sure I'd shun them. I'd shun my Dh if we got divorced (as much as I could sharIng a child).
 
GoldenRule said:
If you were meant to be "friends", when you first met you'd have been friends. You cannot go backward. Once you've been all in each others bodies, it's really hard to pretend like you're just cool beans with each other. IMO, when it is over, it's over. Unless there are children in common, we have nothing else to talk about.
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I have tried the friend route but it just doesnt work. Now there is no friendship after and I warn at the beginning, if you want to be friends with me dont get into a relationship with me. Once you pursue that relationship, thats it. Marriage or nothing.
 
GoldenRule said:
If you were meant to be "friends", when you first met you'd have been friends. You cannot go backward. Once you've been all in each others bodies, it's really hard to pretend like you're just cool beans with each other. IMO, when it is over, it's over. Unless there are children in common, we have nothing else to talk about.
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I agree with this completely.
I can't just be friends with an ex and I have no desire to. Even if I have no residual feelings for them, I don't even like them enough to be a 'friend'. I just don't have the interest at all. Cordial and friendly.. sure! Call just to chat it up like I would with a friend... nah.
 
A guy once told me that let's be friends is a way to keep you close so that he can try and hit it from time to time when he is in between relationships. It is very easy to hook up with someone you've slept with before.
 
A friend of mine tried to be friends with her ex and so he's talking to her about women he's dating.. cool.

Lol until she tried to talk to him about guys she was dating. He shut it down saying he doesn't want to hear about her with other men :perplexed:.

So safe to say they are not friends anymore.
 
MzLady78 said:
IME, the whole "let's be friends" right after a break-up doesn't work. I look at it like this, my friends and I talk about who we're interested in, who we're dating, etc. Can you really have that type of convo with someone you were just in a relationship/in love with, and not feel some way? Probably not.

I do believe after some time, once the feelings aren't there anymore, it's possible. But I know from previous threads, a lot of folks are gonna be like when they're done, they're done, there's no need to be ever be friends with an ex. I still maintain it depends on why we split. One of my closest, most trusted friends is my ex from 15 years ago.
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I agree with this. One of my closest friends is my ex from 10 years ago. In the years following our breakup, it was really difficult for us to still be friends because feelings were still there. Once we got past that, we were able to build a really great friendship. He and I talk about everything in a way that simply wasn't possible when we first broke up.

So given a certain amount of time, friendship with an ex is possible.
 
shasha8685 said:
I agree with this. One of my closest friends is my ex from 10 years ago. In the years following our breakup, it was really difficult for us to still be friends because feelings were still there. Once we got past that, we were able to build a really great friendship. He and I talk about everything in a way that simply wasn't possible when we first broke up.

So given a certain amount of time, friendship with an ex is possible.
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:yep:

I gave the example I gave because I lived it. :lol: I remember him trying to talk to me about other women and me being like "I don't wanna hear that ish"! Eventually, there stopped being anything we couldn't talk about. He's been one of my biggest cheerleaders over the years, but also has no problem telling me when I'm on the wrong path. Every one else, we're cool if we see each other but we don't keep in touch.
 
okange76 said:
A guy once told me that let's be friends is a way to keep you close so that he can try and hit it from time to time when he is in between relationships. It is very easy to hook up with someone you've slept with before.
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It is.

10 characters
 
Funk that! That's a booty call waiting to happen. I've found that when it's over, the best thing to do is STOP all communication. Otherwise, someone is still gonna be in their feelings and wanting a relationship.
 
I use to argue that I am. But I view things differently now. I wouldn't do it again.
When I think of it it's not a pure friendship...
 
Mai Tai said:
I'm not friends with ANY of my exes. For what?
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I'm friends with 2 of my exes. Coridal with another In fact, one is my longest relationship to date and has become one of my best friends. The other was my first bf, currently married, our friendship has always been sporadic over the years. However, if my exes had said some bs like "let's be friends" we definitely wouldn't be friends now.

Honestly I don't think most women should be friends with an ex. I think I might be different than most. I emotionally detach easily. When it's over I check out and shut it down. WAYYY down. I've done it with blood family and past close friends too. Give me a few weeks to a few months, I'm good at forgetting almost everything but your name. Memories and nostalgic thoughts are usually few and far between--if at all. This probably makes it easy to become friends because I don't know you anymore. I's pretty much starting from scratch and I can be friends with anyone. Romantically speaking, I've never been the type to pine for an ex. Regardless who intiiated it, if we break up it's a guarantee that I'll never love you again. Not even an option.

Truth be told, I think subconsciously my comfort level in being friends with exes/ex-friends/hated people may be due to my vindictiveness. I don't take kindly to perceived abandonment. We can be friends but a few years down the road I might stab you in the back, betray you or *** your ish up tho :look:. But that's not my fault tho, you wanted to be friends.........

An ex-husband should NEVER want to be friends with me. I'd smile in his face for years while secretly planning to ruin his life.:look:
 
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I'm not friends with any of my exes. There are a couple who have qualities I like enough that I think we could be friends, but I'd probably get horny and use them as rainy day penises and mess the whole thing up :look:
 
InsertCleverNameHere said:
I'm not friends with any of my exes. There are a couple who have qualities I like enough that I think we could be friends, but I'd probably get horny and use them as rainy day penises and mess the whole thing up :look:
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See I've never fallen into that trap. I've never had sex with an ex.

I don't think my exes would try to have sex with me. They'd be too scared I'd turn into Lorena Bobbitt. :look:
 
barbiesocialite said:
See I've never fallen into that trap. I've never had sex with an ex.

I don't think my exes would try to have sex with me. They'd be too scared I'd turn into Lorena Bobbitt. :look:
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If I'm having a sex drought, I'd rather take the guaranteed good dick to take the edge off. I did this intentionally once (although we were not friends) and it was just what the doctor ordered.

Maybe I could be great friends with an ex with a small, malfunctioning penis.
 
Mortons said:
Cause you crazy as hell lol
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LMAO!

you know me too well.:lachen:

safe to say that any ex that insists on being friends with me sincerely wants to be legit friends

or

genuinely wants to get back together.

Either way, they'd naturally be on good behavior trying not to piss me off.

I win. :look::lachen:
 
InsertCleverNameHere said:
If I'm having a sex drought, I'd rather take the guaranteed good dick to take the edge off. I did this intentionally once (although we were not friends) and it was just what the doctor ordered.

Maybe I could be great friends with an ex with a small, malfunctioning penis.
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Then he probably wouldn't be an ex to begin with. :lol:
 
While I do think it can be difficult to achieve, being friends with an ex is possible after some time has passed.

I think a good thing to do is to cut off all contact after a breakup and then after some time has passed, go back and build your friendship back up. That, "we just broke up 3 weeks ago but let's be friends now" strategy usually doesn't work.

And keep in mind, any man that has ever had sex with you is going to try to have sex with you again. They can't help it, that's just they way they are wired.
 
My ex asked me this same bull this weekend.

Dude. Are we gonna sit and talk about who we are dating? I am way to sensitive to deal with any of that.
 
No thanks. I'm cordial with one ex who I rarely see. But I don't speak to any others. Life is just so much easier that way.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
My ex of four years ago sent this when I asked why he was messaging me..... Yeah. No. You and your surprise ex wife and surprise 2 kids can miss me. Moving on swiftly and not trying to be friends.
 

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