Soulmates or Compatability: Which one do you believe in?

[cocoberry10]

Okay, I know that most people believe in "soulmates," their "one and only true love." Me personally, I don't necessarily believe in "one true love," but I believe in compatability.

Here's the best example I can give of what I mean. Let's say I gave you $1000 to go into a great shoe store and buy ONE pair of shoes. You get to choose the shoes. As soon as you walk into the store, right away you will be "turned off" by some pairs. They won't be "your style," (maybe too gaudy, too flashy, too ugly, or just not to "your" liking). You'll peruse, and then find a few pairs you do like. You may even try one or two on. Ultimately, it may even come down to making deciding between two or three pairs you really like. Ultimately, you will make a decision, purchase them, and leave the store. Does that mean those were the only shoes out there for you? Probably not, but you can still enjoy the shoes you have. Someday, you may be walking and see one of the pairs you decided not to buy, and for a moment, you may actually feel a little pang, like "wow, those were really beautiful." However, that doesn't mean that you will go out and "buy those shoes."

I'm totally speaking in symbols above, but that's how I see it. A lot of people that believe in soulmate/one and only will marry someone and later feel like "oh no, he's not my soulmate after all." But truly, he is. Because the truth is, once you do end up with that person, I think in most cases, you can really make it work.

I know the above may not make sense to everyone, but something made me feel the need to write this. I'm not sure if someone is struggling, but take it for what you want.

 

[SEMO]

I believe in compatibility.

 

[Ms Red]

Wonderful post, especially the bolded sentence.

You've found 'The One' when that 'pair' is beautiful (attraction), comfortable (security), goes with lots of outfits (flexible/communicative) and will stand the test of time (self explanatory)

Okay, I know that most people believe in "soulmates," their "one and only true love." Me personally, I don't necessarily believe in "one true love," but I believe in compatability.

Here's the best example I can give of what I mean. Let's say I gave you $1000 to go into a great shoe store and buy ONE pair of shoes. You get to choose the shoes. As soon as you walk into the store, right away you will be "turned off" by some pairs. They won't be "your style," (maybe too gaudy, too flashy, too ugly, or just not to "your" liking). You'll peruse, and then find a few pairs you do like. You may even try one or two on. Ultimately, it may even come down to making deciding between two or three pairs you really like. Ultimately, you will make a decision, purchase them, and leave the store. Does that mean those were the only shoes out there for you? Probably not, but you can still enjoy the shoes you have. Someday, you may be walking and see one of the pairs you decided not to buy, and for a moment, you may actually feel a little pang, like "wow, those were really beautiful." However, that doesn't mean that you will go out and "buy those shoes."

I'm totally speaking in symbols above, but that's how I see it. A lot of people that believe in soulmate/one and only will marry someone and later feel like "oh no, he's not my soulmate after all." But truly, he is. Because the truth is, once you do end up with that person, I think in most cases, you can really make it work.

I know the above may not make sense to everyone, but something made me feel the need to write this. I'm not sure if someone is struggling, but take it for what you want.

 

[MichelleMyBelle]

Thank you for this post!

Okay, I know that most people believe in "soulmates," their "one and only true love." Me personally, I don't necessarily believe in "one true love," but I believe in compatability.

Here's the best example I can give of what I mean. Let's say I gave you $1000 to go into a great shoe store and buy ONE pair of shoes. You get to choose the shoes. As soon as you walk into the store, right away you will be "turned off" by some pairs. They won't be "your style," (maybe too gaudy, too flashy, too ugly, or just not to "your" liking). You'll peruse, and then find a few pairs you do like. You may even try one or two on. Ultimately, it may even come down to making deciding between two or three pairs you really like. Ultimately, you will make a decision, purchase them, and leave the store. Does that mean those were the only shoes out there for you? Probably not, but you can still enjoy the shoes you have. Someday, you may be walking and see one of the pairs you decided not to buy, and for a moment, you may actually feel a little pang, like "wow, those were really beautiful." However, that doesn't mean that you will go out and "buy those shoes."

I'm totally speaking in symbols above, but that's how I see it. A lot of people that believe in soulmate/one and only will marry someone and later feel like "oh no, he's not my soulmate after all." But truly, he is. Because the truth is, once you do end up with that person, I think in most cases, you can really make it work.

I know the above may not make sense to everyone, but something made me feel the need to write this. I'm not sure if someone is struggling, but take it for what you want.

 

[january noir]

I believe in compatibility.

Me too. I never had a soulmate, but my SO and I are compatible and that is where it's at! We chose each other because of our compatibility; we were not the "dream" or "fantasy" of the perfect match for each other but as we grow in the relationship, we both feel we are with the person we want to be with for a long time to come.

I know there are some who have a soulmate and they believe in soulmatism too!

Great comparison Cocoberry! I like it!

 

[cocoberry10]

Wonderful post, especially the bolded sentence.

You've found 'The One' when that 'pair' is beautiful (attraction), comfortable (security), goes with lots of outfits (flexible/communicative) and will stand the test of time (self explanatory)

The bolded sums up the post really well

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I believe in compatibility.

Me too. Out of the billions of people on this planet, I find it hard to believe that there is ONLY 1 true match for every person. I think it has more to do with making choices that are practical such as lifestyle and personality traits than soul mates. The romanticism of having a soul mate fails to calculate the challenges of life and the ebb and flow of a relationship. Like the Op mentioned, you can make it work with a lot of different people if you want to so at the end of the day, it's a question of what a person needs and wants in a relationship and whether the "soul mate" in question is willing and able to provide those things.

 

[Sunshine0801]

I believe in both.

I definitely think you can be compatible with a lot of people, but I also believe that some people are meant to be together, although those people don't always find each other in life.

I dated guys before my FH, but I didn't come close to having the type of connection with them that I have with my FH. What we share goes way beyond compatibility. It's a connection that I know I could not have with any other person on this planet. He is my soulmate.

 

[drasgrl]

That was a nice analogy. Someone told me something when I was a little upset over breaking up with a guy (later realized I was upset over nothing, didn't even love the guy). He said about soul mates that there are hundreds, thousands of people just right for you but the trick is just finding one. So no I don't think there is only one person just for you, there could be many.

 

[Armyqt]

I believe in both.

I definitely think you can be compatible with a lot of people, but I also believe that some people are meant to be together, although those people don't always find each other in life.

I dated guys before my FH, but I didn't come close to having the type of connection with them that I have with my FH. What we share goes way beyond compatibility. It's a connection that I know I could not have with any other person on this planet. He is my soulmate.

I agree with the bolded. You can be compatible with literally thousands of ppl, but there are just some that you 'connect' with on a deeper level. I believe that we can experience many soul connections in our lifetime. This includes same sex platonic rlps.

 

[Sequoia]

Me too. Out of the billions of people on this planet, I find it hard to believe that there is ONLY 1 true match for every person. I think it has more to do with making choices that are practical such as lifestyle and personality traits than soul mates. The romanticism of having a soul mate fails to calculate the challenges of life and the ebb and flow of a relationship. Like the Op mentioned, you can make it work with a lot of different people if you want to so at the end of the day, it's a question of what a person needs and wants in a relationship and whether the "soul mate" in question is willing and able to provide those things.

Well said , that's how i see it too.

And to the OP, i really like your illustration. Makes a lot of sense.

 

[Minx]

I'm in the same boat with Sunshine0801 and ArmyQT, I like both of their points of view.

Also, I believe that God designed Eve for Adam, so why wouldn't he design me for someone in particular and vice versa?


dk

 

[Leslie_C]

I believe in both.

I definitely think you can be compatible with a lot of people, but I also believe that some people are meant to be together, although those people don't always find each other in life.

I dated guys before my FH, but I didn't come close to having the type of connection with them that I have with my FH. What we share goes way beyond compatibility. It's a connection that I know I could not have with any other person on this planet. He is my soulmate.

BINGO! This sums it all up as far as how I feel about it.

I think women and men get to a point in life where they feel like if they find someone with x, y, and z qualities...that will be the person they will marry. Keep in mind that the person who you truly connect and end up with may not even have those qualities you thought were necessary in your future mate.

Why did one of my friends find something wrong with every guy who pursued her for the past couple of years, many who seemed like great "catches"....then bam out of the blue she randomly meets one and they just click?

There are many people who are compatible, but something is missing from the relationship. Its just "ok". It works. This could be a reason why divorce rates are so high...is people settle for someone who is "ok" for them...instead of waiting for THE ONE. Now I will say that THE ONE to me is THE RIGHT ONE, and the right one may very well just be the first right one, or the second right one....and there could be other right ones out there that you would connect with on every level....but I think having a meaningful relationship takes more than simply being compatible. Marrying based on compatibility alone could be why so many people are on marriages 2,3, and 4. They will marry anyone nice who comes along and then it doesnt work out in the end.

compatible: capable of existing or living together in harmony.

That isnt difficult to achieve with almost anyone. There has to be more to it than that.

 

[cocoberry10]

I believe in both.

I definitely think you can be compatible with a lot of people, but I also believe that some people are meant to be together, although those people don't always find each other in life.

I dated guys before my FH, but I didn't come close to having the type of connection with them that I have with my FH. What we share goes way beyond compatibility. It's a connection that I know I could not have with any other person on this planet. He is my soulmate.

I can understand/agree with your bolded too. Sometimes I wonder if a person doesn't find that are they missing something, but don't realize it with the person they settle down with? I think of that movie "The Notebook," where the girl ended things with Noah, and both went on with their lives. She even found a more "practical" guy who she had more in common with (socially, educationally, financially, etc. and who her family approved of). And even though this guy loved her, and she loved him, something was missing in that relationship that she had with Noah (even though socially, financially, educationally they were on waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay different levels)!

 

[cocoberry10]

BINGO! This sums it all up as far as how I feel about it.

I think women and men get to a point in life where they feel like if they find someone with x, y, and z qualities...that will be the person they will marry. Keep in mind that the person who you truly connect and end up with may not even have those qualities you thought were necessary in your future mate.

Why did one of my friends find something wrong with every guy who pursued her for the past couple of years, many who seemed like great "catches"....then bam out of the blue she randomly meets one and they just click?

There are many people who are compatible, but something is missing from the relationship. Its just "ok". It works. This could be a reason why divorce rates are so high...is people settle for someone who is "ok" for them...instead of waiting for THE ONE. Now I will say that THE ONE to me is THE RIGHT ONE, and the right one may very well just be the first right one, or the second right one....and there could be other right ones out there that you would connect with on every level....but I think having a meaningful relationship takes more than simply being compatible. Marrying based on compatibility alone could be why so many people are on marriages 2,3, and 4. They will marry anyone nice who comes along and then it doesnt work out in the end.

compatible: capable of existing or living together in harmony.

That isnt difficult to achieve with almost anyone. There has to be more to it than that.

I agree with the bolded, especially the red bolded.

I think what I was saying is that I don't necessarily believe there's only ONE person out there with whom you can have that chemistry. I think A LOT of people believe that, and I don't. Imagine if your spouse dies and you end up marrying again? Does that mean you are less compatible with your 2nd spouse than your first? Not necessarily. The relationship may function differently, b/c it's a different person, but it's not "less." I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Also, I think that a lot of people get to a point where they think they made a "mistake" with someone, when in actuality, it's just the ups and downs of life

 

[Divine Inspiration]

There are many people who are compatible, but something is missing from the relationship. Its just "ok". It works. This could be a reason why divorce rates are so high...is people settle for someone who is "ok" for them...instead of waiting for THE ONE. Now I will say that THE ONE to me is THE RIGHT ONE, and the right one may very well just be the first right one, or the second right one....and there could be other right ones out there that you would connect with on every level....but I think having a meaningful relationship takes more than simply being compatible. Marrying based on compatibility alone could be why so many people are on marriages 2,3, and 4. They will marry anyone nice who comes along and then it doesnt work out in the end.

compatible: capable of existing or living together in harmony.

That isnt difficult to achieve with almost anyone. There has to be more to it than that.

I completely agree with you. You have spoken some serious truth in the bolded. I had to let a guy down last weekend, and I was trying to explain this to him. He thought we were perfect for each other, but I was like towards him. I told him that just because 2 people appear compatible does not mean they should be together. There has to be more - more on a practical level in the sense of providing, problem solving, etc and more on a spiritual/emotional level in the sense of connecting on a deeper level and truly loving that person. I just don't feel that for him, and I don't think the whole, "Give it a shot and he'll grow on you" thing is always wise.

Anyway, great post!

 

[Alisha08]

I'm in the same boat with Sunshine0801 and ArmyQT, I like both of their points of view.

Also, I believe that God designed Eve for Adam, so why wouldn't he design me for someone in particular and vice versa?


dk

Thats interesting. I never thought of it that way.

 

[cocoberry10]

I completely agree with you. You have spoken some serious truth in the bolded. I had to let a guy down last weekend, and I was trying to explain this to him. He thought we were perfect for each other, but I was like towards him. I told him that just because 2 people appear compatible does not mean they should be together. There has to be more - more on a practical level in the sense of providing, problem solving, etc and more on a spiritual/emotional level in the sense of connecting on a deeper level and truly loving that person. I just don't feel that for him, and I don't think the whole, "Give it a shot and he'll grow on you" thing is always wise.

Anyway, great post!

I am in a similar situation! This is good for me to read!

 

[envybeauty]

I completely agree with you. You have spoken some serious truth in the bolded. I had to let a guy down last weekend, and I was trying to explain this to him. He thought we were perfect for each other, but I was like towards him. I told him that just because 2 people appear compatible does not mean they should be together. There has to be more - more on a practical level in the sense of providing, problem solving, etc and more on a spiritual/emotional level in the sense of connecting on a deeper level and truly loving that person. I just don't feel that for him, and I don't think the whole, "Give it a shot and he'll grow on you" thing is always wise.

Anyway, great post!

Unfortunately, I learned that in life later than I would have liked.

 

[Butterfly08]

Me too. Out of the billions of people on this planet, I find it hard to believe that there is ONLY 1 true match for every person. I think it has more to do with making choices that are practical such as lifestyle and personality traits than soul mates. The romanticism of having a soul mate fails to calculate the challenges of life and the ebb and flow of a relationship. Like the Op mentioned, you can make it work with a lot of different people if you want to so at the end of the day, it's a question of what a person needs and wants in a relationship and whether the "soul mate" in question is willing and able to provide those things.

THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE!!!

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I believe in compatibility.

There's no such thing as soulmates. You can have a very happy, successful marriage with someone you are compatible with, plain and simple.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Wonderful post, especially the bolded sentence.

You've found 'The One' when that 'pair' is beautiful (attraction), comfortable (security), goes with lots of outfits (flexible/communicative) and will stand the test of time (self explanatory)

I love this analogy, Cupcake.

 

[MzOptimistic]

I believe in both.

I definitely think you can be compatible with a lot of people, but I also believe that some people are meant to be together, although those people don't always find each other in life.

I dated guys before my FH, but I didn't come close to having the type of connection with them that I have with my FH. What we share goes way beyond compatibility. It's a connection that I know I could not have with any other person on this planet. He is my soulmate.

Awwww, that is so sweet. I believe in both also. I think I have found my soulmate also because the connection between us is amazing...

God made Eve for Adam so I'm sure he made someone for you and I. I love when Tyrese said "Girl, you're my rib" (from Baby Boy Movie)

 

[cocoberry10]

I believe in compatibility.

There's no such thing as soulmates. You can have a very happy, successful marriage with someone you are compatible with, plain and simple.

I agree with this!

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I'm speaking from my own experience.

I believe you can be compatible with many people, but having a monogamous, fulfilling, happy relationship, under God, is definitely the exclusive role of a soulmate. Two relationships from my past, in each situation, my boyfriends and I were compatible. We had a lot in common, got along surprisingly well, "loved" eachother, and all that other good stuff etc In my current relationship, however, my boyfriend is my opposite, in fact - two TOTALLY different people. It's one of those things very hard to articulate, though.

 

[cocoberry10]

I'm speaking from my own experience.

I believe you can be compatible with many people, but having a monogamous, fulfilling, happy relationship, under God, is definitely the exclusive role of a soulmate. Two relationships from my past, in each situation, my boyfriends and I were compatible. We had a lot in common, got along surprisingly well, "loved" eachother, and all that other good stuff etc In my current relationship, however, my boyfriend is my opposite, in fact - two TOTALLY different people. It's one of those things very hard to articulate, though.

This is very well said

 

[MidBackCrisis]

I definitely believe in compatibility. I believe all of our soulmates are in heaven

 

[cocoberry10]

I definitely believe in compatibility. I believe all of our soulmates are in heaven

That's a great way of looking at it!

 

[Tinky]

I believe in compatibility.

 

[vestaluv1]

Compatability