SOs Family Update (LONG)

[Nola Darling]

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=209215

I had something bad happen to me yesterday...if I hadn't invested SO MUCH into this almost 6 year relationship I would have been off with the wind after this.

Basically we both moved back in with our parents for a while after moving out of state together. When we moved back to ATL we stored all our furniture in his parent's garage. I had one box with random things and some personal papers taped up in there and it was wedged behind TONS of huge dressers, tables, and chairs.

So while visiting his house the other day I found one of my purses out of that box!!! His mother was using it and ruined it! I'm like WTF!?? How did that get here? I should have dumped all her **** out on the floor but I thought maybe I left it there in the past.

Yesterday, we were in his mother's truck moving our furniture to a more secure area and I found some of my graduation address stickers on the floor!!! So I looked in the glove box...MY PERSONAL PAPERS!!! WTF!!!! WTF!!!!

I have no clue WTF she was doing with my papers (Or how she managed to get her fat ass around all that heavy furniture, literally)...I combed their house and didn't find anything else. Luckily, those papers weren't super important. I'm ALWAYS checking my credit so I should be ok. But this makes me burn up!!!

My SO was pretty embarrassed... he's looking for places to live now but dang...I don't even want to move back in with him anymore.

How the hell does one just end a long relationship like that...and not because of cheating, compatibility, or abuse but because of the SOs family??? I really don't have a problem with them until he's around them....maybe I'm making excuses....I feel stupid for letting myself slip by letting that ONE box stay there

 

[cocoaluv]

I understand you are upset but are you upset with your boyfriend or his family? If he had nothing to do with it idk why you would break up with him. Maybe one day you two can get married and move away from his crazy family.....IDK thats just my opinion.

 

[Nola Darling]

I understand you are upset but are you upset with your boyfriend or his family? If he had nothing to do with it idk why you would break up with him. Maybe one day you two can get married and move away from his crazy family.....IDK thats just my opinion.

I'm not upset with my boyfriend at all...I'm just afraid of marrying into a crazy family like that as I see marriage in our future.

 

[cocoaluv]

I understand what you mean. One of my ex's had a family like that. His mother is a crack head and his father is an alcoholic/addicted to weed/criminal. Both of them have records and look like people who you see on the street and would beg you for money/steal your purse. The entire time I was with him I told him that we could never get married because my family would NEVER approve of yours....hell I never introduced my family to any of his for that reason alone and we dated for a long time. He thought I was joking.....we broke up later ( for other reasons) and he is now married to a girl with a similar family background. Sometimes you just know. If you know in your gut whats right for you....you should follow what you know in your heart.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Wow. You're not wrong for feeling the way that you feel.

Did she give an explanation to why she had your ish? Did he say anything to her?

 

[Nola Darling]

Wow. You're not wrong for feeling the way that you feel.

Did she give an explanation to why she had your ish? Did he say anything to her?

No, I was too mad to confront her, besides I think she may have some mental problems so I doubt talking to her would matter. My SO tells her about herself ever second of the day...he just shakes off off and keeps on moving it seems.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

No, I was too mad to confront her, besides I think she may have some mental problems so I doubt talking to her would matter. My SO tells her about herself ever second of the day...he just shakes off off and keeps on moving it seems.

I see your point.

Have you and your SO had that "talk" yet about his relationship with his family and how it will affect the future of your relationship?

 

[Ms Red]

Think long and hard before you marry into his family. You marry the man, you marry his family. Period.

 

[Nola Darling]

I see your point.

Have you and your SO had that "talk" yet about his relationship with his family and how it will affect the future of your relationship?

Yeah, he says he doesn't want to bring his drama into my life and But he's still close to them....only thing that is different is that he doesn't give them money anymore.

 

[dlewis]

I have nothing to add but I understand. Families can be hell.

 

[drasgrl]

Oooo I was angry reading this. I would have gone off if someone had dug through my personal things I would be on fire :heated:.

Make it clear that these are your things but you said she has mental problems so she probably won't pay attention. It wasn't your SO it was his mother so don't end it with him because of that if you really love him. Your SO needs to make it perfectly clear to his family that you and your things are not to be messed with.

 

[Maynard]

I'm sorry MsFadu...

I go absolutely ape-ish when people touch my stuff without asking.

I dont blame you one bit for feeling the way you do.

If I were in that situation, I couldnt see myself continuing, b/c once you marry, his family is YOUR family.

This once incident can manifest itself sooo many different ways down the road.

:hugs:

 

[curlcomplexity]

Think long and hard before you marry into his family. You marry the man, you marry his family. Period.

My thoughts exactly! MissFadu, I feel where you're coming from (yet once again). I'm going through a situation somewhat similar to yours, but a whole lot worse. I agree with the ladies here, talk it out w/ your SO. Also, I would try to politely bring up the subject w/ his mother...maybe it was a misunderstanding (although I highly doubt it). I hope things work out for you.

 

[14got]

You can't blame him cus his mom's a witch

I understand your anger totally

 

[Nola Darling]

My thoughts exactly! MissFadu, I feel where you're coming from (yet once again). I'm going through a situation somewhat similar to yours, but a whole lot worse. I agree with the ladies here, talk it out w/ your SO. Also, I would try to politely bring up the subject w/ his mother...maybe it was a misunderstanding (although I highly doubt it). I hope things work out for you.

Unfortunately, that's not an option and not just because she's insane. He told me he fussed at his mother about it and she said that it was an accident You don't accidentally stumble across someone's belongings that were taped up and placed behind tons of furniture.

I saw her the other day...she looked embarrassed and quickly left. Good. I hope she keeps that up. Thanks for the positive words though

 

[Honey6928215]

Lord, I would think long and hard about marrying him. I know it's not his fault but let's be honest, if she can't respect your things in her house she may never respect your things at all once you and your husband decides to tie the knot.

 

[Tallone]

I hope you got your remaining things out of there. Renting storage would be worth the money. The only way I see you keeping your sanity if you want to stay with your SO is to MOVE FAR AWAY FROM HIS FAMILY.

 

[trini_rican]

His mami was just wrong! I understand that you feel violated. It's sad that your relationship can't survive the family but if I haven't heard it a million times go with your gut. That internal voice is pre-warning that you need to heed. It sounds like you're listening. Always remember that EVERYthing happens for a reason.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Ive said it many times in many threads, when you marry someone you marry their family and I do believe that an effed up family IS A DEALBREAKER. All the drama that can come with it, and then add kids into that scenario at some point. No ma'am. Also monitor how he stands up for you against his family........another important sign. If he is letting you and moms duke it out, or not trying to mediate the situation........no maam.