Some people just don't understand or can't be supportive

[CutiePie0Five]

Hi everyone,

Well, I've been transitioning for 5 months now, and I've told some people about it (namely my sister, and some friends), but I haven't fully come out to my parents. I mentioned wanting to go natural a few years ago, but everyone basically talked me out of it.

Anyway, so my parents asked me today what I plan on doing with my hair, so instead of dodging the question like I've been doing, I told them I was staying away from the perms for a while. Then, of course my mom chimes in that I need to do something with my hair because its breaking and blah blah blah. However, in fact, my hair is much healthier than it was at the beginning of this year when I decided to start transitioning. My only problem with my hair, that I could see her talking about is that the back is shorter than the front---it used to be the other way around. I think that happened because I got a little scissor happy clipping ends earlier this year.

I'm pretty secure in my decision to transition and my only problem is the lack of support from my parents. My mom ALWAYS has negative things to say about my hair, even though its always been longer and healthier than hers, because she does everything wrong with her hair that she possibly could (blowing drying, combing & brushing really hard, sleeping without a scarf, etc.). Even when I used to come home from the hairdresser looking nice, she'd never have anything good to say. I don't know what it is with her.

Plus, she and my father are so close-minded when it comes to our hair. They're used to me getting my perm, and that's it. They act like my hair looks horrible or something! I love my new growth, and I'm excited about transitioning, but sometimes its comments like those that make me want to take the easy way out and just get a perm. I mean I'm already at brastrap length and with the growth I have now it'd be another 2 inches longer if I got a perm...But, I don't want to be relaxing for the rest of my life, and right now, I honestly have no interest in perming my hair. I'm looking forward to my beautiful curls!

Anyone have any advice for me?

 

[Wildchild453]

Ignore them. You know what's best for your hair and you know what will keep it healthy, only you. You can teach them by example that natural is hair is beautiful and they will just have to get over their issues

 

[Country gal]

My family was hating on my hair at first but now I get compliments from them.

 

[beyondcute]

Ignore them. Do it for you. They will get over it. When your hair is healthy and long they will change thier minds.

I went thru it as well. Peopel tellign me to go 'fix' my hair when I thought nothing was every broken in the first place. Dotn worry. Thsi s your journey and there will be stuff in your way. No good journey comes without road bumps

 

[plove]

Do what you want to do and don't let anybody make you feel anyway about it.
I, for what every reason grow my hair to SL and then cut it all off and then repeat this over and over again.
I stared doing this when i was like 13
so now what ever I do to my hair my family is like that just me being me.

My point is they will get over it.

 

[sweetpuff]

I spent the longest time wearing braids and in april, I decided to try the natural style. I felt good, relieved, but my mom did not support me at all. Everybody liked it but my dad was unsure and my mom would put me down all the time. I'm studying to be a teacher and sometimes I substitute. I would put my hair in an afro puff ( with a headband ) or sport a nice little fro (with the help of miss jessie's butter creme) and she was always like "it does not look good" or " I hope you're not going to teach with this hair style" or "did you fix your hair today?"
It was either that or long talks about how my hair looks like it's not combed or anything and that it looks better with braids or a perm.

All that when it is ME who give my mom products to moisturize her hair and tell her not to put direct heat in her hair every morning (she still does and her hair looks like they want some rest badly)

Go figure.
My story in not totally the same as yours,CutiePie0Five, but I understand how hurtful this is. I mean... your parents out of all people... But I will say like the others. Do this for yourself. Telling her off won't do a thing, complying will not make you happy.
Don't give it up even if the people that mean a lot to you are the least supportive.

 

[JLove74]

First let me say I'm not natural (so I don't know what it's like to be in transition), but I'm an understanding and supportive person - as the other ladies on the board. You know you can always turn to the forum for support, Chica. You are embracing what is God given.

Better yet.....they just jealous

 

[aileenadq]

Dominicans are the same way, let me tell ya.

I think it's a generational thing. And ultimately, it's your head, and you have to walk around with it all day.

I can't tell you how beautiful well kept natural hair looks. Whenever I'm on the train and see girls wiht natural hair I have to keep glancing over at them in awe. It's always so coily and healthy looking.

Hold your head up and be proud of what God gave you! Don't let anyone-even well-meaning people- tear you down.

We're here for you.

 

[balisi]

Cutiepie0five, you're right -- some people don't understand and will not be supportive. Now that you realize that, accept it and just do you. When all is said and done, it is your hair and yours alone. When they all see how well you keep it, they may eat their words.

Going natural, (shoot, hair period!) is such a personal choice. When I decided to transition, I never mentioned it to my mother who is in another state, because I didn't believe she'd be supportive of my natural hair choice. When I visited her some time later, rockin' a wash 'n go, she was actually accepting of it, to my surprise. As time went on and she saw me again, rockin' a longer shingled 'do, she actually complimented me on how nice my hair looked and told me that I certainly don't "need" a relaxer! My mom is old skool and believes that straighter is better, so this was really big. Hang in there girlie!

 

[punchinella]

Ultimately the choice is yours. Some people have been negative for so long they don't even realize that they are negative.

It might help to just tell your mother "You know what Mom my hair has not been this healthy in a long time and this is something I have given a lot of thought. I would like you to give me your support while I go thru this transition." Tell her that you really respect her opinion (it seems like you do) and it would mean a lot to you to have her support.

I know that as a Mom if my daughter told me that I could do nothing but support her.

Best Wishes and do whats best for you and your hair.

 

[Blackbird77]

I went natural seven years ago. My mother always had something negative to say. Anytime my scalp would itch, she would say, "That's because of that natural hair." Whatever. I just kept on doing my thing and now she doesn't say anything. I used to get picked on (at home) a lot for going natural. Mostly I wore phony ponies or wigs to cover it up while it was growing so I could grow my hair without having to resort to peer pressure. After my mother saw how beautiful and shiny (after using hair products) my natural hair was she often begged me to wear it without the wig or the phony pony. I was always afraid to go against my mother in anything. But I decided that I'm the one who has to wear my hair and it wasn't my fault I was born with hair she felt the need to criticize. She was partly responsible for that.