"So what if your hair doesn't get as long as you want?" Wait what? Lol

[WhippedButterCreme]

Hey all I was just wondering if the lot of you get discouragement during your hair journey? And not just from the people who don't matter--because they can and will be ignored like THAT -- but from dear friends and family?

Just today I got a mini surprise from a person who's been one of my biggest hair believers say something kind of...well debbie downerish.

I find it surprising that people who have seen my hair grow from cbl to bsb in 2 years still say 'what if your hair doesn't get to mbl?'

Any stories like these to share? Am I taking this too personally? Maye this just a genuine question to make me realize I'm caring too much about my hair?? I had to hear from you ladies to see if I'm taking this too hard or not.

Before my offical hhj my hair was stuck at shoulder length and never grew, but everyone counted that as 'long' so is my naysayer thinking that I've hit my maximum length? The floor is yours!

 

[AmyRose92]

Some people will always have this measure of doubt, even with amazing progress. I know a woman who went from shoulder length to about BSB thanks to her stylist. But she's remained BSB since then. It's such a rarity to see a black woman with waist-length or beyond hair so many just assume that if you're lucky, you can get to APL or BSL but that it'll end there. In the end, it's all about patience and confidence that your regimen will lead your hair to lengths that people doubted that black hair could ever reach.

 

[esi.adokowa]

my mum is my biggest naysayer.
it's depressing.
i think part of why we join the boards is for support and encouragement.
not getting it from those around you is hard, so no i don't think you're overreacting!

 

[chebaby]

naw people see how fast my hair grew in under 3 years and they shut the hell up.

when i first cut all my hair off and went natural and said i wanted wl hair everyone was like "your hair will never get that long". they aint saying that no more lmao.

im not wl yet but i bet i can get there in 6 months.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I'm looking forward to wearing my hair out next week so I can show one naysayer how wrong she was about my natural hair. When I last saw her she presumed I had on a wig, but it was my hair.

The funny thing is my relaxed hair was BSL with not a lot of effort, but she did not know me back then.

 

[Poohbear]

I think only one person (my sister) said something to me about not reaching my ultimate hair goal of waist length. I didn't let her comment affect me, but I also wonder from time to time if my current length (APL/BSB) is my terminal length. I usually think this when I compare my hair growth retention to other ladies who have been natural for the same amount of time as me or a shorter amount of time than me. I just try to enjoy my hair as much as possible to avoid thinking about length. I'm also going to try my best to stay away from scissors too until I reach my goal.

 

[Evolving78]

i used to get that along time ago, now i when i mention what length i'm trying to get to, i hear, "so what are you going to do then?". i just can't win.

 

[RegaLady]

Meh, doesn't matter to me. Its my hair and whether people believe in my ability to be able to grow out my hair is not my concern.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I feel like the naysaying comes from the idea that black women aren't 'supposed' to have long hair. Right?? Ugh. Mbl is ideal for me, 'cause I've had apl length hair for the majority of my life, so it's not surprising to see me with bsb.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

naw people see how fast my hair grew in under 3 years and they shut the hell up.

when i first cut all my hair off and went natural and said i wanted wl hair everyone was like "your hair will never get that long". they aint saying that no more lmao.

im not wl yet but i bet i can get there in 6 months.

LOL!!! See, I gotta get to mbl to get there! That's what I want!

 

[kupenda]

I totally understand OP. My mom is my biggest non believer. I am style challenged so when I don't look sleek and swangy, she's fussing and saying that I'm ruining my hair. Although its never gotten past SL before now. She complains over the products in the bathroom and the time I spend DCing, over the bonnet dryer in my room (that she uses to dry her locs), and the time I spend in the bathroom. She says all the water is gonna make my hair dry (I wash weekly at most). And when I told her I got breakage from the Dominican salon she said it was my fault cuz I'm always messing with my hair but if I wasn't, nothing would have happened. She complains a lot. But when I'm swinging my waist length ponytail in her face, she won't have anything to say. I can't wait for her comments after that

Everyone else can sit all the way down unless they are investing some money in this hair journey

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[lovegymnasts]

I'm lucky, I guess. No one has ever questioned my hair goals. They (family, co-workers, and friends) pretty much assumed I would do it. The main reason for them seems to be because of how well I take care of my hair.
They say that I will do it, get to waist length, because of how well I take care of my hair.
It could also be because I am a hardheaded, goal oriented type of person and stated it, as if, I had no doubt that I could do it.
----------------------------------
I too have been asked the question of what I am going to do with my hair once I am done growing it. I'm thinking in my head....mmmmmm...wear it?????
I got the impression that some people assume I will get a relaxer.
Ahhhhhhh....nope

 

[faithVA]

I've never had a discussion with anyone IRL about growing my hair. It just doesn't come up. My mom is also on her own hair journey so she we are on the same page.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

I've never had a discussion with anyone IRL about growing my hair. It just doesn't come up. My mom is also on her own hair journey so she we are on the same page.

Really?! Ever since I started PS in braids (I guess a drastic change from relaxed ) I've lost count on how many times I've been asked to 'go back to your normal hair'

It's interesting though, because I wore my hair out last week, and since the boys of the fam have seen my growth, they understand that my style helps with growth. It's the women who, even after seeing the growth, still sth

 

[faithVA]

Really?! Ever since I started PS in braids (I guess a drastic change from relaxed ) I've lost count on how many times I've been asked to 'go back to your normal hair'

It's interesting though, because I wore my hair out last week, and since the boys of the fam have seen my growth, they understand that my style helps with growth. It's the women who, even after seeing the growth, still sth

hmm not that you say that, you know the reason that I probably don't get asked is because I've never had anything like "normal hair" even when I was relaxed - lol.

Everyone that knows me, knows that there is no telling how my hair will be from one week to the next. When I was relaxed it was one length 1 day, then I cut it, then I went natural all of a sudden and had a twa and then i colored a different color every month, then I had a wig, comb coils erplexed - yeah they are probably afraid to ask

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I've never told anyone my length goal cause I don't want their opinion. Even with my best friend who shares my love for healthy, natural hair. I'll just allude to the fact that I want it 'as long as it can grow' but I never say "See me at classic length! "

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Hey all I was just wondering if the lot of you get discouragement during your hair journey? And not just from the people who don't matter--because they can and will be ignored like THAT -- but from dear friends and family?

Just today I got a mini surprise from a person who's been one of my biggest hair believers say something kind of...well debbie downerish.

I find it surprising that people who have seen my hair grow from cbl to bsb in 2 years still say 'what if your hair doesn't get to mbl?'

Any stories like these to share? Am I taking this too personally? Maye this just a genuine question to make me realize I'm caring too much about my hair?? I had to hear from you ladies to see if I'm taking this too hard or not.

Before my offical hhj my hair was stuck at shoulder length and never grew, but everyone counted that as 'long' so is my naysayer thinking that I've hit my maximum length? The floor is yours!

Don't take it personally. Just laugh it off. My dad is a good example. So he told me I'd never get to MBL (bawhawhaw). I'm a little past waist now and I was telling my mom that I'm going for tailbone....my dad walked by the convo (this was this summer when I visited) and he said "You know you ain't gonna get there don't you?" and I looked at him and laughed. He can take those words and eat them, and I know he will because I know where I'm going to go...towards my goals like always. Let someone tell me what I'm not going to do once I have my mind set, and that's a person who will eat crowe in a short time period. I'm never motivated by others negativity, but I am someone who will not let it crush me or my goals for sure. And whether they're catty, or just negative, or whatever they can keep on being it...while they watch me do everything they just said was impossible...because no one asked them anyways so how dare they try to kill my dreams with words.

Just my take on it.

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

Some doubt coz they don't want you to be disappointed, some doubt coz they really don't believe it can happen and some doubt coz they hope you won't get there.

 

[hothair]

I think my DH and family are just happy I haven't done a major cut in almost two years

 

[PJaye]

Since I don’t discuss hair beyond the confines of this forum, this issue has never presented itself.

And, although I don’t view that comment as being negative or disparaging (more like asking “do you have a contingency plan if things don’t work out”), I would advise that you take all unsolicited hair comments and opinions with a grain of salt.

 

[JeterCrazed]

OMG I'm so glad you posted this. I was just in the mirror an hour ago thinking, "What if CBL is my terminal length?"
It doesn't sound like they were being a Debbie Downer, I think they were pointing out your obsession. Like, "Are you gonna jump out the window?" LOL

 

[g.lo]

my mum is my biggest naysayer.
it's depressing.
i think part of why we join the boards is for support and encouragement.
not getting it from those around you is hard, so no i don't think you're overreacting!

my family members are the worst!!! some of my in laws!!!! allthough they have known me for over 15 years and never seen my hair pass shoulder (just touching), they still coming with excuse that " because you have mixed blood", for real! sad.

 

[lana]

One of the worst things women tend to do is compare themselves to others. I'm guilty of it, we all are. Try not to compare your hair length and type to anyone else's. Just find joy in where you are at currently.

I made it to BSL and that wasn't even my goal. I hoped for APL! I made it further and then some. Now all of a sudden my hair looks like it's gonna hit mid back length, say what? I'm a 4b/c texlaxed head...say what?!

I don't share my goals with anyone except DH. Recently I don't even tell him that I'm wondering how much work waist length can really be. (lol) If I get to MBL it'll be extra. This is my dream hair and LHCF got me there!

I also do not wear my hair down around hair haters for months at a time, then whalla! I flat iron it and their mouths fall open, but that's for my own personal enjoyment. No need to follow me. (lol)

 

[nikolite]

Not one person has said anything discouraging about my hair on my hair journey. That's because no one knows that I'm on my journey (except DH--whose always supportive). I knew not to tell anyone or else they'd mention my non-progress or judge me constantly the entire time.

Instead, I get "Wow, your hair is getting long! Are you gonna grow it out?"

To which I respond, "Probably not, I don't really have the time for all that." And their even more amazed 6 months later and think my hair must grow fast because I'm seemingly not even trying. I'm always in protective up-styles too so imagine the shock when they finally see it out.

Sure, I'm perpetrating, but it gets me way more encouraging responses and no negative ones.

 

[LongLeggedLife]

Whats the point of making pre-annoucements of something that will take such a looooooong time? Thats like saying, "hey I'm gonna get those really nice shoes...three years from now!!"...
I can kinda understand why people would take a 'believe it when I see it' stance.

 

[Aicer]

Yes my sister who has the long hair in the family ( always longer than APL while I'm never past SL) doesn't believe my hair will grow long.

When I had locs that were about BSL she said, "I bet you never thought your hair could get this long could you." And that was me with locs not loose hair, so she definitely doesn't think I can get to waist length.

 

[lilyofthenile]

At first my mom doubted me. But then when I started doing her hair, conditioning, sealing, scalp massages with JBCO, she saw results in her own hair. She doesn't doubt what I do with mine any longer.

 

[EagleEyes85]

Oh I got nothing but doubt from my family at the beginning of my hair journey. My cousin, who is a beautician even had major debates with me about the tactics I've learned on the forum. We were even in a Sallys once where she was asking the ladies working there if they agreed with me. She dismissed not using shampoo and not trimming the ends for growth. She even laughed at me using indian powders. My mother constantly got on me for not flat ironing or relaxing my hair often saying my hair looks "rough".

I even remember being with my cousin as she was doing her clients hair, and I was at the beginning of my hair journey so my hair did look like a nightmare. He client asked if she did my hair. And my cousin quickly responded with a very snappy no way I do her hair.

Now that I am actually almost past BSL, my family is stunned with my hair growth. I even had another cousing who swore I had tracks in my hair and put her hands in my hair desperately tring to find one. LOL! Now they all want to know my secrets and want links to this forum.

My whole thing is even your family can put doubt into your dream. For some of us on our HHJ, were doing things that havent ever been done in our families, so it's natural they will doubt. Everytime I heard negativity I would say in my mind,"Dont' worry I'll show them it works. Because if those fabulous ladies on LHCF can do it, I can too."

 

[silenttullip]

My mom, sister, and guy know my goal but not anyone else.
My mom I doubt she thinks I can do it because anytime I tell her my goal she's dead silent lol idc.
I can show them all better than I can tell them.

 

[softblackcotton]

Yes everybody doubts even myself. My hair has been stuck at the same length for 2.5 years give or take. I trimmed about 4 inches of mid-strand splits. Ive tried everything with no tangible progress.

I have visited the doctor to see if I am internally lacking something. She was an naturopathic doctor so she put me on supplements and gave me a nutritional guide book. It's not about hair it's about overall health.

Sent from my HTC Sensation 4G using HTC Sensation 4G