So...Me and my boyfriend just broke up (long)

[monie20032007]

Its been almost 4 years since we had been together and today we broke up. Everything was fine back in the day when we use to do stuff and by stuff i mean everything but sex and that was fine with him because at least he was getting something. The more and more I went to church the more I realized I didn't want to continue to do the things I was doing. So when I let him know that i guess he was fine with it. But after a while he was wanting things back to "normal". But I told him that I didnt want to do those things anymore and he explained to me that he needed something in order to feel the same way about me that he used to when we used to do things. He used to say "I love you sooo much" but when that ended he just couldnt find it with in himself to say he loved me the way he used to say it. I can understand where he is coming from, but I really want to change so today when he gave me an ultimatum, i had to decline. I still want to be with him and vice versa, butI know he'll just go back to complaing and start wanting more and more. So.... now I guess I'll just have to wait to time to heal things. But the sad part is he was my only friend that I had because my other friend just calls me when she needs something. So its gonna be hard but I know I'll get through it.

 

[locabouthair]

im sorry to hear that. i went through the same thing with an ex, i told him i wanted to be abstinent and he wasn't feelin that. it will take time to get over him but you will be ok.

btw, your hair is pretty!

 

[PaperClip]

Be encouraged that you had the courage to stand with your convictions. I believe and agree that new, healthy relationships will come into your life for your good. I know it hurts and it feels lonely, but it won't always feel this way. As you get more grounded spiritually, you will see the benefits in this decision you made.

You have had some good days in the past, but your best days are AHEAD of you! (((HUGS))) Leave all of the hurt and stuff here in 2007 and make it a new beginning for you in 2008.

Peace.

 

[jturner7156]

Well, honestly you shouldn't be pressured into doing anything that you don't feel like doing. So, I feel like you made the right decision and if he loves you, then he will respect your feelings.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Its been almost 4 years since we had been together and today we broke up. Everything was fine back in the day when we use to do stuff and by stuff i mean everything but sex and that was fine with him because at least he was getting something. The more and more I went to church the more I realized I didn't want to continue to do the things I was doing. So when I let him know that i guess he was fine with it. But after a while he was wanting things back to "normal". But I told him that I didnt want to do those things anymore and he explained to me that he needed something in order to feel the same way about me that he used to when we used to do things. He used to say "I love you sooo much" but when that ended he just couldnt find it with in himself to say he loved me the way he used to say it. I can understand where he is coming from, but I really want to change so today when he gave me an ultimatum, i had to decline. I still want to be with him and vice versa, butI know he'll just go back to complaing and start wanting more and more. So.... now I guess I'll just have to wait to time to heal things. But the sad part is he was my only friend that I had because my other friend just calls me when she needs something. So its gonna be hard but I know I'll get through it.

Nonie, it'll be OK..God loves you and He is your best friend and YOU are also your best friend. Doing the right thing can be hard but so worth it..hang in there..good things are coming.

 

[SEMO]

You did the right thing, even though it hurts. This situation just means that you have room in your life for new people who will be better for you .

 

[gone_fishing]

Its been almost 4 years since we had been together and today we broke up. Everything was fine back in the day when we use to do stuff and by stuff i mean everything but sex and that was fine with him because at least he was getting something. The more and more I went to church the more I realized I didn't want to continue to do the things I was doing. So when I let him know that i guess he was fine with it. But after a while he was wanting things back to "normal". But I told him that I didnt want to do those things anymore and he explained to me that he needed something in order to feel the same way about me that he used to when we used to do things. He used to say "I love you sooo much" but when that ended he just couldnt find it with in himself to say he loved me the way he used to say it. I can understand where he is coming from, but I really want to change so today when he gave me an ultimatum, i had to decline. I still want to be with him and vice versa, butI know he'll just go back to complaing and start wanting more and more. So.... now I guess I'll just have to wait to time to heal things. But the sad part is he was my only friend that I had because my other friend just calls me when she needs something. So its gonna be hard but I know I'll get through it.

I admire your spiritual strength and your wanting to please God. He will bless you many times over with someone more suitable for you (in ways you cannot begin to imagine) for your decision.

It's not my business but 4 years is a long time to date. Perhaps this is God's way of making room for a man who will support you and your spiritual beliefs. You've really saved yourself a lot of hassle because it is EXTREMELY difficult to not be swayed by significant other who does not share the same spiritual values you have.

 

[aqualung]

so today when he gave me an ultimatum, i had to decline. I still want to be with him and vice versa, but I know he'll just go back to complaing and start wanting more and more.

Extend a counter offer. Advocate for yourself.
You two can stay together and have a sexual relationship if you get married. Heck, y'all could elope and tie the knot next week.

Like Les Brown used to say, "Those who A.S.K., G.E.T."

The worse that could happen is that he declines your counter offer and you stay broken up. That worst case scenario is really no different than your current condition -- split up.

*shrug*
Negotiate for what you want.

 

[monie20032007]

Extend a counter offer. Advocate for yourself.
You two can stay together and have a sexual relationship if you get married. Heck, y'all could elope and tie the knot next week.

Like Les Brown used to say, "Those who A.S.K., G.E.T."

The worse that could happen is that he declines your counter offer and you stay broken up. That worst case scenario is really no different than your current condition -- split up.

*shrug*
Negotiate for what you want.

I've been telling him that. I told him if he marries me he can get whatever he wants. All he says is that he wants to be happy before he can ask me to marry him and right now he's not happy until he gets what he wants. Im not mad at him for not wanting to marry me so young, but dang he wants to wait till he's like upper 20's to get married and he just now getting ready to be 20 and im 18 so....I dont want him to feel pressured but if he wants that he's gonna have to make a commitment to me and thats that.

 

[aqualung]

Oh. I thought you were grown.
He's being young and selfish, but 20 is the appropriate age to be young and selfish.
Go to college. Get yours.

 

[poetist]

I admire your spiritual strength and your wanting to please God. He will bless you many times over with someone more suitable for you (in ways you cannot begin to imagine) for your decision.

It's not my business but 4 years is a long time to date. Perhaps this is God's way of making room for a man who will support you and your spiritual beliefs. You've really saved yourself a lot of hassle because it is EXTREMELY difficult to not be swayed by significant other who does not share the same spiritual values you have.

THis is the truth. You are being tested right now. As you grew in your faith, you learned more about God and what He wants from you. Now He is testing you to see who you will choose....God or your guy. Since you are choosing the latter, TRUST that you will be abundantly rewarded. Girl, I cant even begin to imagine how you will be blessed. God wants you to see Him as your best friend. Once you do this, He will surround you with likeminded male and female friends who also love the Lord. Your prince is coming!!!! Just stay faithful!!!!!

 

[Gisselle]

THis is the truth. You are being tested right now. As you grew in your faith, you learned more about God and what He wants from you. Now He is testing you to see who you will choose....God or your guy. Since you are choosing the latter, TRUST that you will be abundantly rewarded. Girl, I cant even begin to imagine how you will be blessed. God wants you to see Him as your best friend. Once you do this, He will surround you with likeminded male and female friends who also love the Lord. Your prince is coming!!!! Just stay faithful!!!!!

Well said.

 

[monie20032007]

THis is the truth. You are being tested right now. As you grew in your faith, you learned more about God and what He wants from you. Now He is testing you to see who you will choose....God or your guy. Since you are choosing the latter, TRUST that you will be abundantly rewarded. Girl, I cant even begin to imagine how you will be blessed. God wants you to see Him as your best friend. Once you do this, He will surround you with likeminded male and female friends who also love the Lord. Your prince is coming!!!! Just stay faithful!!!!!

Thank you so much for that

 

[lonei]

Like most of the other ladies have said, congrats on your moral standing! A true, loving relationship does not entail such pressure, in time you should try and find someone who really cares about your soul.....

God bless...