Well, would you? (and this applies to every possible man you might marry.)
I've been in a relationship where he talked of marriage, and I knew he would eventually be a cheater. I walked away from that relationship. There are some people who will cheat and others who won't.
I see what you mean. We walk away because we believe we'll find something better and don't have to settle for this.
I guess I still wonder if I didn't believe any man would be different if I would still seek to get married. I mean, I can see why women might stay once they're already married, have kids, etc. But to go into marriage expecting it...I don't know.
I would still get married. But we'd have to have a "Big Love" situation kind of thing going. She'd have to marry me too.
Marriage is so much more than the human frailties that can plague it...
People get married everyday despite compelling evidence that perhaps its not all is cracked up to be...
And nothing is promised to anyone in this life...
Just do your best to choose the best person for you.
And it would not hurt to read on up on the history of marriage, monogamy as such...
My perspective grew/eased once I understood the forces underneath the reasoning.
(I'm not saying I condone nor expect cheating to occur, but that I understand the 'how' and that has opened my eyes, shifted my focus to living fully rather than worrying...)
* catching aids or another STD from a man supposed to honour/love/protect you
* having to deal with "outside kids" that are the product of your man's infidelity
* constantly wondering about your own self-worth
* having to fight for time between one or more other women
* have a man who is not really there
Because I trust God and believe that He sent His son Jesus to die for my sins on Calvery. God is able to do ALL things. He can send me a man that won't cheat. He can make me a woman that don't cheat. I do not doubt. I believe. To me it makes the question pointless and it question my faith as a christian. It give the devil annumition. But this is just how I see it.Well, would you? (and this applies to every possible man you might marry.)
No I would not. I would remain single and celibate. I don't see the point.
Women cheat just as often as men do...
(just saying)
They sure do. And I believe that many of them are actually better at getting away with it than the men (sadly)
I feel you.
Nicola, I'm glad you started this thread.
I will say that ALL marriages have their ISSUES, I just don't personally believe that CHEATING is going to be an issue in EVERY marriage. But I think I more than explained that on the last thread
For example, I'm sure if you spoke to a couple that's been married for 50+ years, they would tell you things that you wouldn't believe.
My grandparents were married almost 60 years. When my grandfather was dying, he shared some very private things about he and my grandmother's marriage that only they knew...but cheating was not a part of it. Do I know 100%? No, but I truly do believe it. He shared some things that went on that I never would have expected. Every marriage has secrets that only the spouses know. IN some cases, that will involve cheating, but in other cases, I think it will be something else.
That's why I say, don't go into marriage thinking that you are marrying Mr. Perfect. Mr. Right is Mr. Perfectly Imperfect, and so are you.
Marriage is so much more than the human frailties that can plague it...
People get married everyday despite compelling evidence that perhaps its not all is cracked up to be...
And nothing is promised to anyone in this life...
Just do your best to choose the best person for you.
And it would not hurt to read on up on the history of marriage, monogamy as such...
My perspective grew/eased once I understood the forces underneath the reasoning.
(I'm not saying I condone nor expect cheating to occur, but that I understand the 'how' and that has opened my eyes, shifted my focus to living fully rather than worrying...)
If it was inevitable, I should be able to get my rocks off as well.
[/b]
Yikes! I think I agree w/ Coco...HELP!
(Just giving you love, Girl)
Imo, this question really means, if you knew the following would be inevitable:
* catching aids or another STD from a man supposed to honour/love/protect you
* having to deal with "outside kids" that are the product of your man's infidelity
* constantly wondering about your own self-worth
* having to fight for time between one or more other women
* have a man who is not really there
...would you still get married?
Imo, it's madness to say yes. Even if you set "ground-rules" for this cheating and told him to be discreet, the chances of him even giving a damn about the arrangement you have is slim to none since cheating is a non-issue. Furthermore, I feel if I'm going to put up with this just for the sake of saying I am married and having the crumbs of a crappy man, then something is wrong on multiple levels with my life and myself as a human being. Imo, this is not something I could deal with. So my answer is no.
eta: In my mind, cheating is a selfish and sneaky act. Sure they can be multiple reasons why one cheats but I still don't approve and feel it's best for someone to sooner leave a marriage if they feel they're going to have an issue being faithful and can work through such feelings with counselling etc. However, many people are too selfish and comfortable to do this. Open relationships and the like are not the same - that's a different situation where there tends to be a level of honesty.
I agree with your whole post.
I have varied views of cheating (when it DOES happen in a marriage). Although I don't think it happens in every long term marriage, I do realize that some people are in lifeless marriages, and that cheating can be a very complex thing....but I still don't think everyone does it
I do think humans are complicated and life doesn't make much sense.
Ultimately, the more I learn, the less I realize I know!
Marriage is so much more than the human frailties that can plague it...
People get married everyday despite compelling evidence that perhaps its not all is cracked up to be...
And nothing is promised to anyone in this life...
Just do your best to choose the best person for you.
And it would not hurt to read on up on the history of marriage, monogamy as such...
My perspective grew/eased once I understood the forces underneath the reasoning.
(I'm not saying I condone nor expect cheating to occur, but that I understand the 'how' and that has opened my eyes, shifted my focus to living fully rather than worrying...)
Imo, this question really means, if you knew the following would be inevitable:
* catching aids or another STD from a man supposed to honour/love/protect you
* having to deal with "outside kids" that are the product of your man's infidelity
* constantly wondering about your own self-worth
* having to fight for time between one or more other women
* have a man who is not really there
...would you still get married?
Imo, it's madness to say yes. Even if you set "ground-rules" for this cheating and told him to be discreet, the chances of him even giving a damn about the arrangement you have is slim to none since cheating is a non-issue. Furthermore, I feel if I'm going to put up with this just for the sake of saying I am married and having the crumbs of a crappy man, then something is wrong on multiple levels with my life and myself as a human being. Imo, this is not something I could deal with. So my answer is no.
eta: In my mind, cheating is a selfish and sneaky act. Sure they can be multiple reasons why one cheats but I still don't approve and feel it's best for someone to sooner leave a marriage if they feel they're going to have an issue being faithful and can work through such feelings with counselling etc. However, many people are too selfish and comfortable to do this. Open relationships and the like are not the same - that's a different situation where there tends to be a level of honesty.
Marriage is so much more than the human frailties that can plague it...
People get married everyday despite compelling evidence that perhaps its not all is cracked up to be...
And nothing is promised to anyone in this life...
Just do your best to choose the best person for you.
And it would not hurt to read on up on the history of marriage, monogamy as such...
My perspective grew/eased once I understood the forces underneath the reasoning.
(I'm not saying I condone nor expect cheating to occur, but that I understand the 'how' and that has opened my eyes, shifted my focus to living fully rather than worrying...)