So I weave checked my little cousin last night...

OP thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully, this thread will continue to stay focused on giving you advice about your hair, everything else is irrelevant.
 
softblackcotton said:
I tried combing in the shower with a Jilbere shower comb while my hair was soaking wet with condition. TONS of BREAKAGE. I know I don't shed that much.

Protective styles - I haven't found one that looks good enough on my hair for me to wear consistently. My hair is EXTREMELY uneven. You'll be frightened to know how uneven it is. I will have to shave my head to get my hair all even, so protective styles (twists, bantu knots, etc) look horrible and show my true unevenness. I also kind of hate wigs. The only thing I could think of is braids, but I am ashamed to have anyone in my hair due to the unevenness. People can't tell when I wear shrunken styles.
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It sounds like you should trim your hair. because honestly clinging on to them to save length is not working for you...you don't have to cut it all off at once but slow gradual self-trims until your hair evens up and stops breaking. I know it will hurt to cut but that is what's stopping your progress.

Your reggie sounds good the daily moisturizing with S-curl thing is great...maybe you should wash/co-wash your hair more often. like twice a week instead of twice a month. That's sure to up your moisture and retention.

So yeah off the top of my head:
1) self trim get rid of the unevenness. your ends are holding you back
2) get your hair braided
3) Braid regimen: Shampoo with diluted shampoo once every 2 weeks, deep condition afterward (yes you can do this while in braids), and condition your hair daily with a braid spray (I used CHI Keratin mist).

My braid regimen is just a suggestion...but OP you should really evaluate and change your regimen if you're not happy with your progress. Also don't get discouraged, everyone's progress is different...now whether you're going to make progress depends on if you are willing to be open minded and try something new (especially if what you've been doing for 2 years has not worked)
 
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I think you've received great advice from a few people already. Is your hair too uneven to put into a ponytail? I know you are against wigs but how about phony ponies/puffs/buns?
 
FoxxyLocs said:
It was her cousin though, not some random stranger. It really isn't that serious.
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My cousins and I are VERY close and every time I straighten my hair, I get weave checked....and usually, each time is more 'thorough' (or they try to be sneakier about it) than the previous. I usually have to resort to jerking away or forcefully slapping their fingers from my scalp. Just because they're family doesn't mean it's not offensive.
softblackcotton said:
I tried combing in the shower with a Jilbere shower comb while my hair was soaking wet with condition. TONS of BREAKAGE. I know I don't shed that much.

Protective styles - I haven't found one that looks good enough on my hair for me to wear consistently. My hair is EXTREMELY uneven. You'll be frightened to know how uneven it is. I will have to shave my head to get my hair all even, so protective styles (twists, bantu knots, etc) look horrible and show my true unevenness. I also kind of hate wigs. The only thing I could think of is braids, but I am ashamed to have anyone in my hair due to the unevenness. People can't tell when I wear shrunken styles.
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If you think the braids can work for you this time around (more washing and moisturizing, less detangling with a tiny comb), I would hope that you wouldn't let the varying lengths of your hair deter you from getting them installed. Hell, if you really think it's that serious, trim your hair all to one length before getting them, or learn to do them yourself. From the sad tone of your threads, I can't believe you would miss out on a potential growth-retaining opportunity because of shame. If this is a wake-up call, heed the call and do what you gotta do.
 
glamazon386 said:
People post threads all the time about how they're offended because somebody weave checked them. OP has been here long enough to know that's a nono. I find it interesting that she did it anyway and then posts that she's envious about the person's hair she weave checked. And you're gonna tell me I'm rude. I just said what other people were already thinking.

What advice could she possibly want? Somebody to hold her hand? She clearly has access to the wealth of information on this board. Why not just create a thread asking for help with your regimen? OP didn't ask for advice in her post. Why post a story about weave checking your relative. I would suggest you hit up the search feature, OP and start building a consistent regimen for your hair texture and type.
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:yep: :yep: :yep:
 
I'm pretty sure if it wasn't her cousin OP wouldn't have done that. Family is different, period. I let my family touch my hair all the time, but that doesn't mean I will let some random do it.
 
ITA! Sometimes it is so discouraging reading responses in the hair forum. It seems some people find pleasure in starting "ish or respond in such a negative manner - why respond at all?

havilland; your post below is awesome. Thanks for taking the time to uplift.

OP, I been there numerous times so I can relate. You are probably in the slow growers group but just hang in there. Baby those ends and soon you will be at BSL too. Your reaction is normal to me.

havilland said:
i feel your pain. i for one appreciate you sharing this story with us becuase it takes courage to admit negative emotions like envy. it's good that you felt you could share this story with your "hair sisters". the fact that you were so honest about how you were affected, your disappointment and your weave check, is refreshing to me.

when we hold things inside they fester and come out in other ways, so it's not healthy to hide your emotions.

what i got from this story is that your family is extremely supportive of natural hair which is a RARITY. i also took from this story that you are happy for your cousin, but honest with your own disappointment in your personal hair growth.

take heart....my best friend doesn't take care of her hair at all and her hair never breaks and has grown to the same length as mine in about the same amount of time. i work hard for every inch. she sleeps on cotton pillow cases with no scarf. relaxes every 3 weeks and never even thought to deep condition. :ohwell:

my sister start her hair journey 2 years AFTER i did with neck length hair and her hair is longer than mine. :lol:

i have learned that each person is different. we have to try appreciate our own journey and not compare ourselves to others. even though, on some days, that can be difficult.

happy hair growing and thanks for sharing this! :yep:
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nappystorm said:
Personally, I'm flattered when I'm weave checked. I'm offended that it doesn't happen more often:look:.
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This is what I have been saying. I think most women are flattered by being weave checked especially when they get a chance to prove to people that black women can have long and beautiful hair without wearing fake hair or dredlocks.

AlliCat said:
It sounds like you should trim your hair. because honestly clinging on to them to save length is not working for you...you don't have to cut it all off at once but slow gradual self-trims until your hair evens up and stops breaking. I know it will hurt to cut but that is what's stopping your progress.

Your reggie sounds good the daily moisturizing with S-curl thing is great...maybe you should wash/co-wash your hair more often. like twice a week instead of twice a month. That's sure to up your moisture and retention.

So yeah off the top of my head:
1) self trim get rid of the unevenness. your ends are holding you back
2) get your hair braided
3) Braid regimen: Shampoo with diluted shampoo once every 2 weeks, deep condition afterward (yes you can do this while in braids), and condition your hair daily with a braid spray (I used CHI Keratin mist).

My braid regimen is just a suggestion...but OP you should really evaluate and change your regimen if you're not happy with your progress. Also don't get discouraged, everyone's progress is different...now whether you're going to make progress depends on if you are willing to be open minded and try something new (especially if what you've been doing for 2 years has not worked)
Click to expand...

You are definitely not the first person to tell me that I should not just trim, but I should CUT my hair. Even last night, during the same coversation which brought up the weave checking incident; two people told me I should cut my hair to get rid of the splits if my hair growth is stagnant. I really scared of being at TWA again, but I guess I have to do it. Nothing is working. THe definiton of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results says Einstein.

LaFemmeNaturelle said:
I think you've received great advice from a few people already. Is your hair too uneven to put into a ponytail? I know you are against wigs but how about phony ponies/puffs/buns?
Click to expand...

Yes, it is too uneven to put in a ponytail with out flag outs.

lilsparkle825 said:
My cousins and I are VERY close and every time I straighten my hair, I get weave checked....and usually, each time is more 'thorough' (or they try to be sneakier about it) than the previous. I usually have to resort to jerking away or forcefully slapping their fingers from my scalp. Just because they're family doesn't mean it's not offensive.

If you think the braids can work for you this time around (more washing and moisturizing, less detangling with a tiny comb), I would hope that you wouldn't let the varying lengths of your hair deter you from getting them installed. Hell, if you really think it's that serious, trim your hair all to one length before getting them, or learn to do them yourself. From the sad tone of your threads, I can't believe you would miss out on a potential growth-retaining opportunity because of shame. If this is a wake-up call, heed the call and do what you gotta do.
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:yep: I think I'm going to cut it off. Starting from TWA again. :look:

JaszG said:
I'm pretty sure if it wasn't her cousin OP wouldn't have done that. Family is different, period. I let my family touch my hair all the time, but that doesn't mean I will let some random do it.
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Definitely, I never would have weave checked her if she wasn't my cousin. If you have good relationship with your fam, I think it's ok to cross certain boundaries like that.
 
Yes, I totally agree. I really think some people just over analyze things, and make posts way too deep. If your cousin didn't freak out, and say it was rude, I'm pretty sure its cool. She probably just laughed, thats just family for you. I agree with AlliCat about cutting. Cutting always makes a world of difference. When my hair was damaged, I got it cut from nearly MBL to SL my junior year of high school and it really changed my hair for the best.
 
shortdub78 said:
would u consider hiding your hair for awhile or getting a cut? you could get braid extensions or Senegalese twists to help. i think the shrunken styles are the cause of the retention issues. can you wear head wraps and scarfs daily? i would get a trim, get it cornrowed, and rock some wraps for six months, so you could give your hair a break. i am rocking my wrap today!

oh but don't keep the cornrows in for a month at least 4-6 weeks, getting it deep conditioned and rebraided.
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I wholeheartedly agree with the bolded. I have 4a/4b hair too & I cannot primarily wear shrunken styles if I expect to retain any length. In fact, I don't wear shrunken styles at all. Twists and twistouts are my primary go-to styles.

I've found that stretching my hair, along with a moisture/protein balance, keeps breakage at bay.
 
softblackcotton said:
I weave checked her because she usually wears weaves and half-wigs. Also, because I didn't want to believe her hair could already be at BSL. She doesn't even know what a hair forum is.
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Dont be upset. Having access to a hair forum such as this will not make you have WL hair in 1 year. There are MANY women who never even HEARD of hair boards and they grow long hair.

I think its terribly rude to put your hands in anyones hair for any reason unless they give you permission. You know this already per the OP but I dont quite know why you did it.
 
Don't get discouraged. The forums have taught me that there are so many different textures and hair types that not all Naturals will have the same retention.

I'm sure your hair can achieve longer lengths. Maybe you need to tweak your regimen.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
softblackcotton I know what you mean about seeing other women grow past you. I've been stuck in MBL limbo while other ladies have BC'd and gone on to reach hip and tailbone length! It's really disheartening. You've had lots of good advice on finding a regimen though. So if you're committed to achieving great lengths, stay the course and resist the urge to compare your hair to anyone else's.

As for weave checking your cousin, you know her better than we do. If your family dynamics allow for that, then go with the flow. A few years ago I was weave-checked by an aunt who raked her nails across my scalp looking for tracks. She's known me all my life, combed my hair when I was little, and has never seen me with short hair. But I know her to be obsessed with "good" hair so I don't think she had good intentions. I even dreamt a couple of nights later that she clipped a chunk of my hair from behind. All that to say that people's reactions to weave-checks are not systematically positive.

Good luck and HHG!
 
OP, I'm 4b and I've been on the hair boards since around 2005 (under wishin4bsl), and I'm just getting my regimen together as of this time last year. I think everyone just has to get to a point where they say, "Hey! I'm going to stop trying everything under the sun and do something consistent." The hair boards make it tough to do that because you see 5 million things working for 5 million people, and you want to try ALL 5 million.

I don't cowash or any of the other stuff anymore. I just wash and DC on a fairly regular basis, moisturize when I feel my hair needs it, texlax every 5-6 months, and stay away from the scissors (other than occasional dusting). Sometimes taking a break from the boards and focusing on something else important in your life helps. I did that for about 5 or 6 months and suddenly after never getting past the same length for 5 years, my siggy pic happened.

Anywho, enough of my rambling. Sometimes we get discouraged and that's human. You just have to keep working at it. Good luck with your HHJ! You'll get it soon!
 
If you look at my statement and question it then there's nothing for you to understand but I'd have no problem continuing this conversation privately.
 
Moustacy said:
If you look at my statement and question it then there's nothing for you to understand but I'd have no problem continuing this conversation privately.
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Im not that vested. The 1st time you said 3 type hair grows with no effort then you said you have 3 type hair and your hair is hard to retain.
I was just confrused.
 
Uh- Oh :perplexed Moustacy been here too long to say something like that up in here. (angry mob is coming I can smell them)
 
JaszG said:
Yes, I totally agree. I really think some people just over analyze things, and make posts way too deep. If your cousin didn't freak out, and say it was rude, I'm pretty sure its cool. She probably just laughed, thats just family for you. I agree with AlliCat about cutting. Cutting always makes a world of difference. When my hair was damaged, I got it cut from nearly MBL to SL my junior year of high school and it really changed my hair for the best.
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Agreed.
One person may find it flattering, another may find it unflattering.. doesnt mean you have to jump down each others throat about it:arguing:!!

OP did not say that the cousin was offended, so whats the big deal??! OP can weave check as many ppl as she wants to, as long as the person isnt offended.

I guess i just do not take this hair stuff as seriously as others:meditate:
 
I just say what I feel lol regardless of the controversy behind it sometimes you just look at stuff and are like "be serious". I never said I had type 3 hair but isn't it a known fact that the least tight of a curl you have the easier it is for natural oils to moisturize your stands etc etc. type 3s are usually bsl by year 3 someone show me a 4 like that.
 
softblackcotton said:
So I weave checked my 17 year old cousin last night when she came to my house for a get-together. She walked in shiny, beautiful, stick straight BSL hair and I thought she has tracks in. She usually wears alot of weaves and half-wigs. She has been completely natural for the past 2 years. She has 3 b/c hair and now due to her fast, healthy growth I also believe she is thick-stranded (with medium density).

All the women were in the living room when all of the sudden the conversation came to natural hair. My aunt says "look at your cousin's hair, look how long it is, and she's only been natural for 2 years. you should press yours out I bet it is to your waist." I was so shocked to find out that it was all my cousin's hair, I acutally started to flip through it with my hands when I know I hate when people even look like they are going to touch my hair :look:. I would have understood if she slapped my hands off!

I find out that everyone believes my hair must waist-length now since I have been natural the longest in my family. :grin::nono: Mind you I am famous for wearing shrunken styles mostly to hid my severe unevenness . My 4a/b hair was in a roller set that looked to be about 3 inches long. My hair is only a few inches past CBL when stretched so I am always :blush: when people think my hair is longer because I've been natural for so long -11 years to be exact. And BOY was I :blush: when they asked me to stretch it and they saw how FAAAAARRRR from waist-length my hair really was.

:blush: I got to almost apl one time, but that didn't last but 4 months. :nono: I've been on LHCF for almost 2 years and my hair has failed to make much progress. I started at exactly SL and now I am only a little past CBL. That is sad because my cousin knows nothing about DCing, Co-washing, vitamins, hair forums and yet her hair is already at BSL after only 2 years.
I not going to lie, I am a tad bit envious. :ohwell:
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I completely understand OP. I've been natural for over 6 years and i'm only just passed collarbone length and this is the longest my hair has ever been:look:. When i joined LHCF i was between neck and shoulder length and i has been nearly 2 years (including lurk time). I know how frustrating it is to see people that aren't even trying achieve amazing lengths knowing i am doing THE MOST to just retain what i have!!!! But i'm staying positive and i'm going to keep taking care of my very fine, porous, 4b/c strands:yep:
 
How ironic forreal. I was at work today, and this older white customer said to me out of nowhere:

Him:Is that your real hair?

Me in an uneasy laugh it off and still be polite so I don't get fired sort of way, wondering why this man is asking me this question in the first place: Yes

Him: It didn't hurt getting it done did it?

Me getting really annoyed at this point but was still trying to stay on the payroll: No, no not at all

How ironic for this to happen today I swear. And let me reiterate: I do not feel flattered when someone asks me if my hair real. It is rude as hell! Why do you need to know? Jeez.
 
I'm sorry but for me personally, weave checking does not fly, regardless of whether they're family or not. Respect my personal space and keep your hands out of my hair. Would you (not OP, but general "you") go around feeling other parts of my body to see if they're real :look:? But since your cousin was cool about it, I digress...

I think you shouldn't compare your hair to others and just focus on your hair. Some people's hair just grows effortlessly while others work hard for every inch, yet still barely retain anything. Just trim your ends, baby your hair and you will see results at your hair's pace. The length may not come immediately, but health will come and that's what's most important.
 
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