Can y'all PLEASE help my 11 year old cousin??

[greenbees]

Up until my little cousin was about 6, she has the most beautiful thick, jet-black hair, which was probably between apl and bsl when straightened. This was my aunt's second child and first girl. She always said that when my cousin got a certain age, she was going to relax her hair because it was too much for her to deal with, especially since her job required a lot from her (she has a very high, corporate position).

My aunt eventually did relax her hair. So slowly but surely, my cousin's beautiful hair went from past shoulder length to shoulder length and it has now broken off to neck length, her jet black hair is now brown and the front has broken off considerably.

When I saw my cousin, I was shocked. Her hair is still thick, but it feels like straw. My aunt flat irons it everyday, only using Chi Silk Infusion. She gets her hair relaxed about 4 times a year but keeps up no maintenance in between. No moisturizing, no protective styling, nothing. My cousin doesn't sleep with anything on her head. I felt pretty bad when I saw them because I straightened my hair and my cousin came up, touched it and in a soft voice said "I wish my hair looked like yours." She's told her mom that she doesn't like getting relaxers and she doesn't like getting her hair flat ironed everyday but my aunt kind of brushes it off and says that she only gets relaxers a few times a year so its not that bad.

I mentioned to my aunt that maybe she should try some methods to help make my cousin's hair healthy again and she just said "Well, she never really had long hair like you..." Which is not the case! I've been thinking about sending my cousin a care package (with moisturizers, deep conditioners, a hair bonnet, etc) but I don't know if my aunt will actually use it. And part of me feels like is it really my place to send it since she's not my child. I just don't want to see her again and see that her hair's shorter and damaged even more.. I wish I could do her hair myself but they live in a different state. I'm worried about her self esteem, especially at her young age..

Any advice?? Tips??

 

[FoxxyLocs]

11 is old enough to learn to do her own hair. Go ahead and send her the care package with instructions and tell her to call you with questions.

Sent from my HTC Evo

 

[Lilmama1011]

Honestly if your aunt does her hair it's what she says. A lot of kids have to reap what their parents' sow. Because no matter how much products and advice you give your cousin and aunt, with the busy life your aunt says she has she is still going to do what she is accustomed to doing because it's faster for her to do. She honestly better off telling her daughter to do her own hair. I would just offer advice to the aunt and if she doesn't budge then it's really nothing you can do because that's her child unless you agree to do her hair. It's mess up when your Ina situation and you can't help because the parent

 

[greenbees]

Honestly if your aunt does her hair it's what she says. A lot of kids have to reap what their parents' sow. Because no matter how much products and advice you give your cousin and aunt, with the busy life your aunt says she has she is still going to do what she is accustomed to doing because it's faster for her to do. She honestly better off telling her daughter to do her own hair. I would just offer advice to the aunt and if she doesn't budge then it's really nothing you can do because that's her child unless you agree to do her hair. It's mess up when your Ina situation and you can't help because the parent

This is what I'm what I'm afraid will happen. When my cousin was younger (and before she was relaxed), my aunt did some cute little girl hairstyles on her and she used some moisturizer but that's all out the window now. My aunt also works a lot and she gets tired pretty easily and she has had some health issues in the past so she doesn't give my cousin's hair much attention. Like FoxxyLocs mentioned, I think it might be time for for her to do her own hair. Maybe even just the basics, like moisturizing.

 

[beanie44]

Good Luck with your cousin OP.

 

[Ogoma]

Wouldn't it be less time-consuming for your aunt to send her to get her hair braided or twisted or cornrowed biweekly? Perhaps you can suggest this to your aunt, emphasizing the time she will be saving if she pays someone else to do her hair. Flat ironing every day seems like a lot of work.

 

[Lilmama1011]

Wouldn't it be less time-consuming for your aunt to send her to get her hair braided or twisted or cornrowed biweekly? Perhaps you can suggest this to your aunt, emphasizing the time she will be saving if she pays someone else to do her hair. Flat ironing every day seems like a lot of work.

That's if money isn't an issue

 

[Ogoma]

That's if money isn't an issue

There is something at a few price points and with the Aunt's long hours, high powered position, and health issues it might be just what she needs to do for herself.

My sister is not one to be bothered with hair - hers or my nieces, but she sends her off biweekly to get it washed, conditioned, and braided/twisted/cornrowed/all three up. My niece has very fine hair, but it is still quite healthy and long.

 

[greenbees]

Wouldn't it be less time-consuming for your aunt to send her to get her hair braided or twisted or cornrowed biweekly? Perhaps you can suggest this to your aunt, emphasizing the time she will be saving if she pays someone else to do her hair. Flat ironing every day seems like a lot of work.

I think this is a good idea, especially since it would give my cousin's hair a rest. My aunt would definitely be able to afford it. The hard part might be her finding the time to take her (although my uncle could take her) but at least cornrows/twists last longer, especially compared to daily flat ironing. Flat ironing doesn't take my aunt that long especially since my cousin's hair is short now and I think they have it down to a tee.

 

[southerncitygirl]

i think braids, cornrows and/or twists would be ideal for a girl her age. the important thing is when they get taken out that she doesn't suffer more breakage cause your auntie rips through her tangled hair with a fine toothed comb. in an ideal situation the stylist could remove them and detangle her hair and deep condition it. she could moisturize and seal with braid sheen spray and a natural oil 2-4 times a week.

 

[caribeandiva]

Direct your cousin to youtube.