So I was in line at Filene's overheard someone being called Miss Celie

[luckiestdestiny]

I normally try to mind my business but I just . The girls hair was beautiful, thick. I guess I shouldn't call her a girl but she was about 18 ish and I think of people that age as a little sis or a little cousin (my younger cousins are in their late teens early twenties whereas I'm in my late twenties). I always get protective and I want to spread love, knowledge, and support (to the eye rolls of my cousins when I get in lecture mode though they know I'm just trying to be supportive and help them to remain confident in this world. SO I think they kinda like it too, because even though they roll their eyes they'll smile. Plus they always come to me for advice).

Enough side story, anyways natural lady look like she had a bantu knot out curled style (released and curly) on natural 4a/b hair.

I would say if it was stretched she'd probably be past shoulder (or more you never know with our shrinkage). And it was thick, healthy, and shiny, dark, mass of beauty. That looked to be shorter like chin length cause you know our shrinkage.

They were both working behind the counter. The lady with the bantu knot out visibly shrinked and I'm not talking about her hair, when the other called her Miss Celie. Like I saw her shoulders drop even though she laughed to play it off. The other lady was telling her she needed a perm stat! Or a weave. Though perms can be cool, and weaves can be a good protective style, it seemed that she meant that she was implying her normal hairstyle wasn't sufficient.

I normally don't get into relaxed/natural wars, but this wasn't what that was about. This was about respecting a person's hair and loving it. The other girl obviously had issues with the "celie" reference about natural hair and had about three inches of chewed off really thin relaxed hair. I mention that because I don't think she's relaxed by choice, but by societal pressure. And she doesn't know how to take care of it. Looking at the first lady's obviously healthy thick mane, and her thin chewed off I couldn't help but wonder why the natural lady let her get to her so much. I also thought it odd that the relaxed lady thought she could lecture her in the first place. I would've taken one look at her hair and known it was in good condition, and if I were the chewed up lady I'd be asking for tips instead of ridiculing her.

I walked up, and wanted to be called by the natural lady so I could tell her to hold her head up, but was called by the relaxed lady.

I walked up and purchased my dress and said to her that I thought the other girls hair was beautiful. The relaxed lady said she was just teasing her and they do it all the time. She said that the natural lady didn't know how to control her hair. I then said I was natural as well, and my hair was thriving, I was just pressed at the moment (I had pressed my hair to do my maintenance trim, and promptly braided it up). I told her I also like to wear braids and such, and I like her hair. I then said that she was doing well and the relaxed lady nodded and smiled.

Sad. Just when I think about relaxing or texlaxing something stops me like this. Yes it takes alonger time to detangle longer lengths, but I just want to shut up people like this. I'm not saying I'm going to remain natural forever...or maybe I will (I always flip back and forth) but stuff like this makes me want to kill ignorance. I'm not saying natural is better, but I am saying can't we all love our hair? My mom is relaxed but never asked me to do the same. In fact her mom begged her not to relax. My mom chose relaxed hair as a choice. She had a role model that told her her hair was beautiful. I think choosing relaxed hair as a choice is fine but it's a shame when you think you're hair is wrong or ugly or whatever and that you have to relax, and then you shame others into doing the same.

FIRST I will say this isn't to KNOCK relaxed hair or tell those who are relaxed that they are wrong, or that they don't love themselves. I'm writing over this particular incident and this particular relaxed headed lady's ideas about our hair.

I don't know. It's good to see more relaxed and natural heads of beautiful hair on this forum, and it's good to see that most of the time we don't bash the other here.

Just a vent.

 

[dachsies_rule!]

The other lady was telling her she needed a perm stat! Or a weave. Though perms can be cool, and weaves can be a good protective style, it seemed that she meant that she was implying her normal hairstyle wasn't sufficient.

OMG! What is wrong with people that they are so concerned about others hair. Why does hair have to be relaxed or weaved to be "sufficient". The European look is not the only hairstlye in the world! This is just craziness, that lady needs to mind her business and worry about her own hair.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

This Filenes wasn't in Queens was it? Anyway, stuff like this makes me think there's more pressure on AA women to relax their hair from other AA's than from white people... I have wild 3b hair and I have seen my own mothers disapproval of it if I don't straighten it or make it lie flat,,,it disgusts and frustrates me.. The whole thing is very frustrating and sad to me

 

[luckiestdestiny]

^^^
That's what was so crazy. Her hair was so thin I knew that if I went to her home she'd probably have those tiny little pieces on the sink like my ex roommate, from constant breaking.

Like how are you going to tell someone what to do? I'd understand if she had amazing hair. And even then...why does it have to look a certain way to be acceptable?

I really thought that especially younger ladies were more tolerant of this. You see the commercials with natural heads, etc. I thought because you see more diversity on television...but I guess what you hear in your neighborhood or home sticks with you more.

I just hope the natural doesn't let it affect her and do something rash, like relaxing when she doesn't want to. I really hope that she continues to do what she wants to. Because it really broke my heart to see her spirit broken like that.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

QUOTE=Shahla;10408608]This Filenes wasn't in Queens was it? Anyway. stuff like this makes me think theres more pressure on AA women to relax their hair from other AA's than from white people... I have wild 3b hair and I can see my own mothers disapproval of it if I don't straighten it or make it lie flat,,,it disgusts and frustrates me.. The whole thing is very frustrating and sad to me [/QUOTE]

No this one was in NYC in Union Square.


Also to your other comment I think you're right. In Germany people told me how beautiful my hair was DAILY. Without me saying a word. They'd come up and compliment me like crazy. Coming back to the u.s in my teens was different. It didn't affect my decisions because I thought it was weird. I was so used to compliments I was wondering what was wrong with them lol!

I relaxed later in my teens to try something different and went back to natural.

But it is perplexing, and it does seem to come from our community more. The white lady standing in line was just confused as to the big deal over it because relaxed lady was LOUD. To the point I think the whole line heard their conversation, and the joking. And even the manager chuckled (an older AA relaxed lady) who was standing behind them organizing stuff.

 

[Chameleonchick]

I'm glad you stood up for her, maybe that is what she needed and I hope she saw or heard what you said(the natural).

 

[andromeda]

@ taking a stand. I immediately thought of the Union Square Filene's as soon as I saw the thread title. I've encountered such ignorance there to the point of having to talk to managers and contact corporate.

 

[Janet']

That is so sad! One, because the one talking seemed ignorant herself and I hate when people spread their ignorance...

Two, it can be very hard to be natural- especially when you do not have "those kinds of curls", so i hope that the young lady wasn't discouraged...because that definitely happens!

OP, Kudos to you because you handled the situation very well!

 

[beans4reezy]

So sad. But you know what? As soon as I read your post I was thinking, "I know it's some raggedy haired chick talking mess..."

See, it's most often the chewed up ended, raggedy haired, over-processed chick that most often feels as if they are entitled to comment about someone elses hair. It's funny, because the need to conform got these ignorant chicks thinking that it's better to have nasty, damaged hair that they cannot properly care for in it's relaxed state, than unprocessed, healthy hair.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

SMDH... yes it's always the ones who look a HAM :creatures that want to talk smack about natural hair. I got a bunch of and from this rugged looking chick at the BSS one time when I was looking for Carefree Curl. She looked at my TWA like it was poison, but I bet you if I go find her today her hair will still be a hot mess, while mine....
lol

Haters are going to hate. It's what they do. They don't realize how ridiculous they are and how much damage they do... that's the sad part.

 

[brucebettye]

I noticed that people always have something negative to say when black women choose to keep their hair in a natural state. I am texlaxed not natural, but I can still make an afro with my hair when I want to. I do get lots of stares when I wear my hair like my signature pic, but I don't care my hair is healthy and beautiful to me.

 

[babyleaf]

Off topic.....The Filene's basement in queens is one of my favorite places to shop in nyc...I thought it is sort of a secret...guess not...I have found some serious bargains in this location. I don't live in queens anymore and whenever I go I also stop by the arby's sown the street...it is the only one I know in nyc. Love, love, love arby's....lol

back to topic....that is a shame how as young women of we fall in social norms..even when they are bad for us...don't worry...mis chewed up ends will be chewed up for the rest of her life...it was very nice of you to give positive reinforment to the natural girl. I am sure it made her feel good.

 

[Fine 4s]

I need to find a picture of a bantu knot out I did in 1999 when I was between ear and shoulder length (bob) to post for you ladies. It was the cutest afro ever! I'm on a mission....

 

[amwcah]

Thank you for that story. My 13 yo DD is being teased about her hair. She is natural and is currently wearing twist. Usually, she has braids, but I stop braiding it so I can take care of it better.

She goes to an afterschool program and hasn't been removing her winter hat because she fears the other kids will tease her. In addition, my mother told me that my great aunt said her hair was ugly at church on Sunday. I'm not sure if my daughter heard her or not. Overall, the family is not supportive of natural hair.

Any advice would be helpful to encourage her.

 

[MrJohnsonsRib]

Thank you for that story. My 13 yo DD is being teased about her hair. She is natural and is currently wearing twist. Usually, she has braids, but I stop braiding it so I can take care of it better.

She goes to an afterschool program and hasn't been removing her winter hat because she fears the other kids will tease her. In addition, my mother told me that my great aunt said her hair was ugly at church on Sunday. I'm not sure if my daughter heard her or not. Overall, the family is not supportive of natural hair.

Any advice would be helpful to encourage her.

As a mom I think you can make the best impact on her when it comes to encouragement. I would suggest that one day out of like fun or just something to do show her some of the girlies on LHCF and their Fotki pages so she can know there are so many cute hairstyles and that natural hair is a big deal and that she can be fierce regardless. I came from a place where folks would truly dog you out. I mean pull off your fake ponytail on the bus if you looked a mess to them and they would just talk about you and tease you from elementary to high school I saw this behavior. I mean sometimes things seem innocently funny but when I look back it was like dang these kids were "mini terrorizers" I am glad that I have this site to look at for encouragement and knowledge and support because like I said where I'm from you see the swan/duck style, "27 pieces" , skittles and starburst colored weaves with finger waves, peacock tails and frozen glued down tracks covering some fried and died broken off mess like all day...I am just glad I got away from it long enough to establish an image for myself. I wasn't that bad but I was definitely not trying to be behind the curb in my town so I had to "keep up" and it destroyed my hair! Now I am naturale and I am so much more in tune with myself. It's such a rewarding experience.

 

[firecracker]

Folks are some kinda stupid. I just had a silly folk episode at work myself. Just last week a male coworker walked up to my desk where his friend my unit coworker was talking to me. He called me Pippylongstockings while I was trying to plait my freshly washed hair right before starting my shift. I told him I need long pigtails to be pippy I was more like Suge Avery. LOL He said you can't even comb that stuff! LOL We are not cool like that. Three years ago I made him cry after he said some dumb mess. I stopped speaking to him for years and he begged me to forgive him and talk to him again. Some folks just don't know how to act and like getting told. I found out later he is on Prozac. He can no longer come in my unit to visit his friend my actual coworker. I'm known for being real quick to check a fool but he got lucky that morning. He is way to sensitive to be saying anything but since he is on crazy meds I will give him a pass. My boss and coworkers were very surprised I didn't cut him quick. LOL I'm still laughing at the nerve of that sexually conflicted alcoholic fool. I love my naps! LOL

 

[LaidBak]

I'm glad you said something!

 

[CurliDiva]

My family used to tease me about what I was going to do with long "thick" hair! (thick is their code for nappy) My older sister claimed we just don't have the genes for long hair when I first joined LHCF, NOW says that I have "good" hair.

Now they are in awe that I have the longest hair in the family and will defend me to other with a quick "its down her back" comment!

 

[LaToya28]

It truly saddens me that we are so quick to put others down because they wear their natural hair. I mean, this is the hair that God gave them! Do they not realize how ridiculous that is??? I'm really glad you spoke up for the young lady though.

 

[dicapr]

It's sad but that mess starts young. My niece was told in preschool that she needed to do something with her hair and that she should straighten it. She was in the 3 yr old class! Meanwhile the girl who told her this had a head full of weave already. She is now in kindergarden and is fortunate enough to have a classmate who is natural. The classmate explained to my niece (who was still unsure about her hair) that they had curly hair and other people had to pay to get their hair curly! Between her knowing that her auntie (me) has curly hair and her new friend she is expressing more confidence in being natural. My sister wanted to flat iron her hair to show length ( she is hip length)but she told her no. She wants to leave her hair curly.

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Thats sad! and it is always our people, just like they swear I have Jherri Curl and I am not natural, my hair is an inch long what roller is my hair gonna roll onto. and then when I texlaxed they thought it was natural, now, ain't that backwards!

 

[Duchesse]

I'm so happy you spoke up for that girl. You probably made her day. Words of kindness go a loooong way .

 

[lovenharmony]

QUOTE=Shahla;10408608]This Filenes wasn't in Queens was it? Anyway. stuff like this makes me think theres more pressure on AA women to relax their hair from other AA's than from white people... I have wild 3b hair and I can see my own mothers disapproval of it if I don't straighten it or make it lie flat,,,it disgusts and frustrates me.. The whole thing is very frustrating and sad to me

No this one was in NYC in Union Square.


Also to your other comment I think you're right. In Germany people told me how beautiful my hair was DAILY. Without me saying a word. They'd come up and compliment me like crazy. Coming back to the u.s in my teens was different. It didn't affect my decisions because I thought it was weird. I was so used to compliments I was wondering what was wrong with them lol!

I relaxed later in my teens to try something different and went back to natural.

But it is perplexing, and it does seem to come from our community more. The white lady standing in line was just confused as to the big deal over it because relaxed lady was LOUD. To the point I think the whole line heard their conversation, and the joking. And even the manager chuckled (an older AA relaxed lady) who was standing behind them organizing stuff.[/QUOTE]

Union Square huh? i haven't gone back in that store since the time some other teller had a stank attitude with me Nasty employees with ghetto mentalities. I will never step into that store again!

 

[nomoweavesfome]

I hate this kind of ignorance too and I am also glad you said something. This is why I always comment ladies on their beautiful natural hair.

 

[exoticmommie]

This reminds of bible study this past Wednesday. A boy (about 12) came up to me (he always says hi to me and DH) and was like, you need to do her hair (talking about Jade) I was like her hair is did, it was did this morning. I said in such a tone he was looking like. OK...

I was offended, but then later I remembered DH did her hair, and it wasn't on point like it usually is. And that is probably why he didn't say anything about my other DD, her natural hair was on point

My DD's will be proud of their hair, they already are, they being saying pretty! When I do it.

ETA: in my siggy jade hair looking like that cause she had just woke up, so it's flat on one side(think I'm gonna change it).

 

[luckiestdestiny]

This reminds of bible study this past Wednesday. A boy (about 12) came up to me (he always says hi to me and DH) and was like, you need to do her hair (talking about Jade) I was like her hair is did, it was did this morning. I said in such a tone he was looking like. OK...

I was offended, but then later I remembered DH did her hair, and it wasn't on point like it usually is. And that is probably why he didn't say anything about my other DD, her natural hair was on point

My DD's will be proud of their hair, they already are, they being saying pretty! When I do it.

ETA: in my siggy jade hair looking like that cause she had just woke up, so it's flat on one side(think I'm gonna change it).

Your babies are cuties. Regardless of if she did her hair or not I'm glad you stuck up for her. Later, she won't let comments like this bother her because you're setting an example.

 

[firecracker]

Our people have been bamboozled and hoodwinked imo. Curly kinky hair is what grows outta my scalp I had to learn to love it myself in my 40's. I hadn't seen it in so long I was kinda shell shocked but I would never say something about someone elses choice to embrace the nap or whatever is coming outta their scalp. This board is what gave me the guts to go natural and is still a inspiration. Even when I texturized it was still kinky and coily very natural looking. This time around I love my shrink. I look forward to wearing buns, my funky afro and more. I only wish my grays would keep showing up and out! I want a funky afro with salt mixed all up in it!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Wow. I've darn near quoted the whole thread lol! But I had to respond to some of these posts for sure because I was thinking about this all yesterday and today. Just the way her shoulders dropped, and then she tried to laugh it off but you saw her joy just quickly fade away stayed with me. Because I know how impressionable anyone can be at that age, and even older! So it's good to hear comments from lhcf both natural and relaxed. Because it's really about us loving ourselves and being okay with how everyone choses to wear their hair without shaming them.

I have wild 3b hair and I have seen my own mothers disapproval of it if I don't straighten it or make it lie flat,,,it disgusts and frustrates me.. The whole thing is very frustrating and sad to me

I wanted to say something about this earlier but I wanted to get my thoughts together because I found it interesting. I assumed in our community that if your hair wasn't as kinky that your curls were celebrated. I wonder if we (or our community that is conflicted by our hair) have a problem with "unkempt" hair and see naturals (all) as unkempt , in addition to texture? :scratchch Meaning we want to reign it in! It's too wild! Lock it down lol!

I'm glad you stood up for her, maybe that is what she needed and I hope she saw or heard what you said(the natural).

I tried to talk louder than usual so she could overhear me. I really hope she did. I know the manager did, because she stopped organizing and kinda leaned in.

I need to find a picture of a bantu knot out I did in 1999 when I was between ear and shoulder length (bob) to post for you ladies. It was the cutest afro ever! I'm on a mission....

Show it show it!!!!

Thank you for that story. My 13 yo DD is being teased about her hair. She is natural and is currently wearing twist. Usually, she has braids, but I stop braiding it so I can take care of it better.

She goes to an afterschool program and hasn't been removing her winter hat because she fears the other kids will tease her.
Any advice would be helpful to encourage her.

I'm not an expert on this subject, as I can only go by my experience and what I tell my little cousin's (and nieces)..But I will say this, I think that you can help by telling her how beautiful her hair is and looks, and oohing and awing over it. Like when she styles it, just make some comments like "(Name) your hair is so beautiful and thick. wow!" Tell her that others can pick at her but eventually they'll shut up because the proof is in the pudding. As she takes care of her natural hair it's only going to get more and more beautiful.

I think other good suggestions are already in this thread like showing her the website and oohing and ahhing over the natural hair here. Asking her what styles she likes to try. Make it fun when you go to look for hair products or order them online, make her apart of the process. Tell her that you'll try a new style together. Both of you can get together the products necessary, even if it's just ordering online. And then following a fokti or suggestion from lhcf, you can both start twisting her hair or go to curlynikki.com and gets some tips and follow them there. Anything to get her excited. And just like shopping for a new dress is fun, make hair so fun that she learns to love hers. How can she wear it?What kinda silk headband will she order this time? (depending on your budget of course). How about twists this week or braids? Or even occasional flat iron. And tell her she's lucky because her hair is so versatile. But just make her feel that this is something special and that she's having a special time with mom. So that others can't take it away from her.

Also explain to her that when others say these things it's because they don't know any better. And keep saying it because eventually she'll believe it and just brush off their comments better.

Sometimes kids can be vicious. Hopefully you can offset that.

It's sad but that mess starts young. My niece was told in preschool that she needed to do something with her hair and that she should straighten it. She was in the 3 yr old class! Meanwhile the girl who told her this had a head full of weave already. She is now in kindergarden and is fortunate enough to have a classmate who is natural. The classmate explained to my niece (who was still unsure about her hair) that they had curly hair and other people had to pay to get their hair curly! Between her knowing that her auntie (me) has curly hair and her new friend she is expressing more confidence in being natural. My sister wanted to flat iron her hair to show length ( she is hip length)but she told her no. She wants to leave her hair curly.

That's heart breaking . A 3 year old! Wha?!!! And also a side eye to the mom of the fully weaved three year old.

As for your niece, I'm glad she has a little natural partner that's confident!

 

[LongCurlz]

It's always the people with the jacked up hair that talk the most stuff, I really dont care becuase I love my hair regardless it doesnt bother me

 

[Ms Lala]

OP I am so glad you said something. And I agree that incidents like this motivate me to stay natural just to be an example and encouragement to others. We as AA women are so hard on each other sometimes. I had to stand up for one of my students the other day because a teacher was calling her Ms. Celie because of her natural hair. She has been growing it out in braids and she has beautiful curls. I told him he was just ignorant .