So I don't think he's over his ex

[**SaSSy**]

There's this guy I have been tight lip about I'm kind of interested in, but I am trying not to allow myself to because I notice every time I drum a guy up, he disappoints so this one I'm taking really slow. I show interest, but I think it's still kind of mixed so he can't tell too much. So for the last few days, we have been walking to the train station together and I notice he has an interest in me, but a few times I would mention something about me he would "Yea so my ex did xyz". It seems like when I would say something that reminded him of his ex he would state it. erplexed

Yesterday I mentioned I cut my hair about 11 mos ago from really long to short and how some people I know was shock and so forth, then he said "Yes, I remember my ex cut her hair"

So today, he had to show me pictures of him partying and what not, but then he came up to a picture of the ex and him. I was thinking she might look like me, but she's the complete opposite in terms of looks to me which might have been why he always mentioned her. So I finally said "Is she really your ex, or is she your sometimes ex when times are bad, etc. cause I know how that is when people get mad at each and they become temporary exes" He said "Oh no no, she's my ex, I just have a lot of respect for her"

So I feel like he's not over his ex at all, or what ever the case might be. It's strange, but I think he likes me and always looks at me all deeply and wants to show me things and be respectable, but I don't think anything will go past us just talking and conversing. Because he's not over his ex.

So this is why I didn't want to allow myself to get too close to him too soon and jinx it by talking about him, but he killed it himself by always talking about the ex.

Am I over reacting? Opinions?

 

[Almaz]

No you are not over reacting all I can say it dont' let him get on top until he gets over it meaning not in a sexual way (well that too) but I would keep him in Just a friend status until he sorts his feelings out. YOU dont' need unwarranted heartache thats all I am saying see other people until he gets his mind right about YOU.

 

[hopeful]

It's hard to tell but I would be weary too. I would take it really slow and see if he slows up on the ex talk. Maybe they broke up recently and it's still fresh?

 

[nicole625]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you just remaining friends with him until you see where things are with him and his ex. This way, you can keep your feelings at bay while still getting to know him. I wouldn't try to pursue anything until he is truly over her. Otherwise, you will find yourself being his rebound chick

 

[carcajada]

He's not over his ex. His "respect" for her is a competition between the 2 of you in his mind. This is not something I would stick around waiting for him to get over her for.

 

[AHeadOfCoils]

Yeah, it doesn't seem like he's over her. You don't have to completely cut things off with him, yet. I would just tell him that you would greatly appreciate it if he didn't mention his ex. I mean she is an ex, right. If he wants to talk about her so much, he might as well be with her.

 

[jennboo]

Don't do it...don't get emotionally involved with him...detach yourelf while you are still experiencing somewhat shallow feelings for him...he is not over his ex.

My last bf would bring up his ex in conversation and declare that she was 'really hot'. He would also say that she was a '*****' and that the entire relationship he was worried sick that she'd cheat on him. He even noticed that he was talking about her a lot and promised he'd stop. He did stop and things were cool for a few weeks...

...Until he broke up with me to get back wih her. He took me out one evening, bought me dinner (i guess one last shot at seeing if he had feelings for me that trumped the feelings he had for his ex) then explained that the ex called him one night saying she wanted to get back with him (she'd broken up with him initially) and that the call was ****** with the feelings he had for me. So yea, he dumped me for his ex and honestly there were signs (him talking about her) all up and through our relationship.

 

[starfish]

You talk as if there is a courting, a relationship, a something already. I think in his eyes you're a cool woman he walks to the train station with and talks to. That's it. That's his interest. There's nothing in your post that leads me to believe he actually wants to to date you. If he was interested, he would have asked you out already.

Watch a man's efforts, and match it. It's called mirroring, I think. His efforts to date you are zero, you should match that.

Move on.

 

[**SaSSy**]

You talk as if there is a courting, a relationship, a something already. I think in his eyes you're a cool woman he walks to the train station with and talks to. That's it. That's his interest. There's nothing in your post that leads me to believe he actually wants to to date you. If he was interested, he would have asked you out already.

Watch a man's efforts, and match it. It's called mirroring, I think. His efforts to date you are zero, you should match that.

Move on.

There is nothing in my post that gave even a slight inclination we were dating, courting, or whatever you interpret. This was more of an inner though thread where I wanted to know if people were in the same situation or can give advice. The reason why I said "tight lip" was because every time I get pretentious with a crush it never lives up to my expectation, so I didn't talk about him to anyone IRL, because I wanted to see if he was worth talking about so I wouldn't "jinx it" per sa. Since I didn't have strong feelings for him, I saw all the "red flags" before anything may or may not happen.

Thanks for your opinion anyway.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

If your gut instinct is telling you that he's not over his ex, then chances are...he's NOT over his ex.

I know you probably don't want to do this, but I think you need to casually ask him 3 questions in an easy-going conversational/non-confrontational way:
1) How long did he and the ex date and when did they break up? (This may give you insight into how far along he is in his "healing" process from the breakup)

2) WHY did they break up?

3) WHO broke things up?? (this is VERY important)

This will give you more insight and will give you the information you need to know.

Honestly, since it's just a crush right now, I'd say try to just keep him on a friendly basis at the moment, because he seems like he has some baggage right now. He MAY have some interest in you, but in reality, if he's also feeling some hurt/residual feelings for his ex gf, then chances are, you'd just be miserable w/him right now. So, I'd try to keep him as an acquaintance for right now. Things may change in the future, but I would definitely not hang on and try to "wait things out" in the hopes that he sees you as future gf-material.