So I decided to tell my children about the divorce...

[Windsy]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Know that you and your kids are in my prayers and I hope things work out for you! Good Luck!!!

 

[Country gal]

God brought it to you for you to get out. Kids are so smart and savvy. They know so much more than we give them credit. I am glad your husband's doggish ways are being brought to light. I wish you and your family the best.

 

[hair_wit_favor]

My heart truly goes out to you...that's some messed up stuff, right there...I'll keep you in my prayers, sweetheart.

 

[KathyMay]

Some men dont have the deceny to do the right thing. God bless you and your children they are your rock.

 

[bluefolli]

I am almost dropping some tears for your family. It's so sad that your soon to be ex-husband wasn't strong enough to be the man and father you expected him to be while you were gone. For your sons to mention it, it must have really been on their minds. And for that skank to be putting her hands in your daughter's hair, YUCK...I would be washing my little girl's hair right now. I'm not even trying to be funny. I get so mad when men ask for a woman's hand in marraige and don't even know what the institution is really all about. I wish you the best in all that you do.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Wow...just wow. Not only has he lost the respect of his wife but of his sons. Who normally would look up to him as a role model. Thank God your kids have more of your DNA than his. Because even at their young age they realize Daddy is a damn fool.

I will be praying for you, stay strong girl and just remember when you do see her because you will, please keep cool and don't resort to that open handed combat training that we all know you will be dying to practice on that ***.

They will get theirs...it's already begun. He will no doubt one day come crawling back because for her to disrespect and allow him to disrespect his home and children on her behalf says a lot about her. Gar-BAUGE.

 

[winterinatl]

I'm saying though.

You know, I almost wish I could find a reason for his behavior, to make some sense out of it. I am going to be painfully honest:

I haven't done anything to him.

I think that he has resented me, PERIOD. I think that whatever ugliness he has in him wants to systematically destroy my spirit. He acts as if he hates me and everything that I represent. I don't know what he is so angry about, but whatever it is, I am not interested in helping him through it. What is so sickening is the freakish quality this has all taken, he is making a mockery of our family, and if I told you everything you would think this was some Jerry Springer mess. You can never really know what is happening in peoples' marriages. Because I refuse to tell all the messy details, I have family members whispering that I am the one breaking up our "happy" home. What a joke...

What? Shake them off. But I know that's tough, not to have people to lean on during THIS time.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

That's messed up, I literally had my mouth wide open while reading that mess. Good thing they have a mother that has some sense. I know they must be relieved to let that out .

I am so sorry about this, SpicedTee! That's horrible. I hate that your babies had to be subjected to something like this! Geez...talk about selfish?! I am amazed that he was leaving them home alone overnight and failing to get them to school all for some ***!

 

[blazingthru]

Thank God you got back home safe, thank God you got back in time to save your children from some serious issues in their life. I am so glad you had an opportunity to talk with them and they felt confortable and safe to tell you whats is really going on. I can't imagine how you must feel knowing they were carrying this burden and trying to spare your feelings - They sound like really great kids. I wish you a lot of luck with this. Its hard on the family going through this - it takes a toll on everyone and I feel your pain. I wish you a lot of luck. God have mercy on his soul. Women come and go but children or precious and their little years or to be treated tenderly and cherish because they are so fleeting. God be with you while you make the decisions for you and your children.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

It has been on my heart to tell my children that Dad and I are divorcing. This morning, I told my oldest sons, who are 14 and 13. My heart was beating and I was nervous, but the obvious couldn't be denied and I know that my boys are not fools. So I told them. I'm not going to go into detail about what I said, it was what they told me a few hours ago that took the cake.

I guess they had all day to think about it, but they wanted to ride to the grocery store with me and that's when they told me about their Dad's "friend". This woman has been in my home, she has combed my daughter's hair, she has gone with my husband and children to the mall, all while I was in Iraq. I don't know this woman from Jack, but I know her voice, because it was her messages that were on his cell phone that started this whole chain of events. I have never met her in my life, and she is certainly not any friend of our family, nor a friend of mine.

My son's told me how sometimes they would get up in the morning to go to school and their Dad wouldn't EVEN BE HOME. He'd leave when they were sleeping. This explains the 20 or more absences that they had from school. He'd show up well in the afternoon with his "friend". The thing that alerted them that something was very wrong with this "friendship" is when she came over, and after being here for a few minutes, my husband sent all of the children to the park...while he and "friend" stayed back at my house. When they came back home, the doors were locked. UNBELIEVABLE!! There is more to it, but this is the most important part--my children have been holding this in for months. While I was gone, their grades dropped significantly and they just seemed like they wanted to tell me something whenever I would call. They told me this evening that they didn't want to say anything until they knew what was going on with me and Dad, because they didn't want to "influence" my decision.

Can you believe this? Children--poor babies, walking around with this burden, and having to suck it up and deal with it. And my soon-to-be-ex deserves a special place in Hades. I really don't care anymore all that much about what he has done to me. Well, I care, but it has only been meditation and constant prayer that has kept me from seriously going the **** off. But see, now, he has ****ed with my children. And that has me madder than anything. Here I was the whole time thinking of how I was going to tell them, and it turns out that they were right in the thick of things as they were happening. This really saddens me tonight. Things like this are unforgivable. There are some marriages that just HAVE TO END. And mine is a prime example of what happens when a man loses his GOT DAMN mind and any sense of decency. I knew that he was sleeping with her, but I had no idea that she was in my home on in my childrens' lives. What kind of man is this?

Hmmmmmphhhhh......

He is STRAIGHT TRIPPIN. I can't believe he even thought it was an OPTION to do this to the children. LOCKING THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE?!!! I hope he :gotroasted:, for real.

It makes me mad because I used to get locked out of my house and it would make me MAD! So embarrassing. My neighbors thought that my parents were neglectful but the real reason was because I had forgotten my keys at home that day.

The oldest is FOURTEEN!!! He knows what's goin on in there!! He was prob tryna hide it from your baby girl- Like for real I'm mad... I dont wanna add to the fire but.. I had to vent. Muthaeffin bleep has no regard WHATSoEVER for children should not be a friend of yours--

How are you gonna handle it after the divorce? Like.. I mean with the kids, he's already proven to be a neglectful father..

 

[jrae]

Prayers going up for you SpicedTee. He's disgusting. ANYWAY, be strong for your babies and hold your head up. You're a brave woman. I do hope that you have some emotional support somewhere.

 

[meaganita]

I can't do nothing but SMDH. Just remember, no weapon formed against you shall prosper. He brought you through Iraq and He will bring you through this. That goes for your kids too. God has never left your side and He will see you through all of this. Keep your head held high sis. Don't let that situation rob you of your dignity. You are destined for greater things.

 

[MissJ]

Your husband is a ________! Good riddance!

 

[Nefertiti0906]

I'm so sorry that you and your children have to go through this... But I echo what everyone else said, there will be a rainbow after this storm.

 

[sky_blu]

That is so low down what he did. My dad did the same thing when I was younger (like 3 or 4 yrs old) and didnt know any better I busted him in front of my mom. I love my dad to death but I dont condone cheating from anybody and this sounds like cheating.

 

[Impresaria]

I am still here. I just needed to take a break from this thread so I could regroup. I know one thing for sure, everyone around here has breathed a sigh of relief. It's torture knowing that something is wrong with your children, but they don't want to tell you what it is. My boys have it off of there heart and they know that whatever they told me is not the cause for the breakup. I am extremely happy that he already left before I got back--that was one less headache I had to deal with (figuring out how I was going to get him out of the house, arguing, drama, etc).

BRB, I have to get the kids off to school. I will be back with more.

 

[Vanity1]

God bless you and your babies...

It is amazing how much adults underestimate the knowledge and intuition that children possess. They are much smarter than we give them credit for.

((((HUGS))))

 

[JewelleNY]

{{{{{{{{SpicedTee}}}}}}}}}

 

[gone_fishing]

It has been on my heart to tell my children that Dad and I are divorcing. This morning, I told my oldest sons, who are 14 and 13. My heart was beating and I was nervous, but the obvious couldn't be denied and I know that my boys are not fools. So I told them. I'm not going to go into detail about what I said, it was what they told me a few hours ago that took the cake.

I guess they had all day to think about it, but they wanted to ride to the grocery store with me and that's when they told me about their Dad's "friend". This woman has been in my home, she has combed my daughter's hair, she has gone with my husband and children to the mall, all while I was in Iraq. I don't know this woman from Jack, but I know her voice, because it was her messages that were on his cell phone that started this whole chain of events. I have never met her in my life, and she is certainly not any friend of our family, nor a friend of mine.

My son's told me how sometimes they would get up in the morning to go to school and their Dad wouldn't EVEN BE HOME. He'd leave when they were sleeping. This explains the 20 or more absences that they had from school. He'd show up well in the afternoon with his "friend". The thing that alerted them that something was very wrong with this "friendship" is when she came over, and after being here for a few minutes, my husband sent all of the children to the park...while he and "friend" stayed back at my house. When they came back home, the doors were locked. UNBELIEVABLE!! There is more to it, but this is the most important part--my children have been holding this in for months. While I was gone, their grades dropped significantly and they just seemed like they wanted to tell me something whenever I would call. They told me this evening that they didn't want to say anything until they knew what was going on with me and Dad, because they didn't want to "influence" my decision.

Can you believe this? Children--poor babies, walking around with this burden, and having to suck it up and deal with it. And my soon-to-be-ex deserves a special place in Hades. I really don't care anymore all that much about what he has done to me. Well, I care, but it has only been meditation and constant prayer that has kept me from seriously going the **** off. But see, now, he has ****ed with my children. And that has me madder than anything. Here I was the whole time thinking of how I was going to tell them, and it turns out that they were right in the thick of things as they were happening. This really saddens me tonight. Things like this are unforgivable. There are some marriages that just HAVE TO END. And mine is a prime example of what happens when a man loses his GOT DAMN mind and any sense of decency. I knew that he was sleeping with her, but I had no idea that she was in my home on in my childrens' lives. What kind of man is this?

Hmmmmmphhhhh......

MAAAAAAAAAAN! That is some crazy mess.

Well, as a family law guru...I say take those babies to a child psychologist so they can have someone to talk to. This is for them but it's also for you and any pending custody case (if that is an issue). The psychologist will be able to glean this information from the children and you can use what they tell you as evidence in court to show he is unfit as a parent - leaving your children alone and what not. That is horrible. They are not old enough to be left alone over night. What an idiot!

The thing is mostly in Courts the judges do not like to put the children on the stand - but psychologists are always considered as expert witnesses - so if child custody is an issue...please consider doing this soon to protect you and your babies' rights to some normalcy and proper parenting!

 

[lexi08]

MAAAAAAAAAAN! That is some crazy mess.

Well, as a family law guru...I say take those babies to a child psychologist so they can have someone to talk to. This is for them but it's also for you and any pending custody case (if that is an issue). The psychologist will be able to glean this information from the children and you can use what they tell you as evidence in court to show he is unfit as a parent - leaving your children alone and what not. That is horrible. They are not old enough to be left alone over night. What an idiot!

The thing is mostly in Courts the judges do not like to put the children on the stand - but psychologists are always considered as expert witnesses - so if child custody is an issue...please consider doing this soon to protect you and your babies' rights to some normalcy and proper parenting!

I believe this is good advice. Have everything documented in case you need the information in a court custody case. Men can be hella nasty during divorces especially when they are mad, in the wrong and you are the one that initiates the divorce after getting sick of their crap. I learned the hard way when I was separated/divorcing my husband.

 

[sharee]

I haven't been on the forum in a while and this post just hurt my soul!!! You are in my prayers.

 

[calm_delight]

SpicedTee it made me very sad to read your post, but just know that God has something better for you, and he never deserved you in the first place.

The best "revenge" is for you and your children to be happy.

Thru this union, it appears that you have given birth to some great, mature, loving children.

I would take the high road in the situation, you know every dog has its day, and one day you will be there to see his day..

I agree with this entire post. You and your family are in my prayers. I really hate that your children were unfairly put in an adult position and were forced to face those mature decisions (about whether or not to tell you). That kills me.

I can tell by your posts that you are a wonderful woman and an even better mother. Please know: It will all be greater later.

He doesn't deserve you. Tell him to kick rocks! Just stay cool, calm and collected at all times. He probably wants you to "nut up" - Don't give him the satisfaction.

e-Love ya, Girl!

 

[Cayenne0622]

It has been on my heart to tell my children that Dad and I are divorcing. This morning, I told my oldest sons, who are 14 and 13. My heart was beating and I was nervous, but the obvious couldn't be denied and I know that my boys are not fools. So I told them. I'm not going to go into detail about what I said, it was what they told me a few hours ago that took the cake.

I guess they had all day to think about it, but they wanted to ride to the grocery store with me and that's when they told me about their Dad's "friend". This woman has been in my home, she has combed my daughter's hair, she has gone with my husband and children to the mall, all while I was in Iraq. I don't know this woman from Jack, but I know her voice, because it was her messages that were on his cell phone that started this whole chain of events. I have never met her in my life, and she is certainly not any friend of our family, nor a friend of mine.

My son's told me how sometimes they would get up in the morning to go to school and their Dad wouldn't EVEN BE HOME. He'd leave when they were sleeping. This explains the 20 or more absences that they had from school. He'd show up well in the afternoon with his "friend". The thing that alerted them that something was very wrong with this "friendship" is when she came over, and after being here for a few minutes, my husband sent all of the children to the park...while he and "friend" stayed back at my house. When they came back home, the doors were locked. UNBELIEVABLE!! There is more to it, but this is the most important part--my children have been holding this in for months. While I was gone, their grades dropped significantly and they just seemed like they wanted to tell me something whenever I would call. They told me this evening that they didn't want to say anything until they knew what was going on with me and Dad, because they didn't want to "influence" my decision.

Can you believe this? Children--poor babies, walking around with this burden, and having to suck it up and deal with it. And my soon-to-be-ex deserves a special place in Hades. I really don't care anymore all that much about what he has done to me. Well, I care, but it has only been meditation and constant prayer that has kept me from seriously going the **** off. But see, now, he has ****ed with my children. And that has me madder than anything. Here I was the whole time thinking of how I was going to tell them, and it turns out that they were right in the thick of things as they were happening. This really saddens me tonight. Things like this are unforgivable. There are some marriages that just HAVE TO END. And mine is a prime example of what happens when a man loses his GOT DAMN mind and any sense of decency. I knew that he was sleeping with her, but I had no idea that she was in my home on in my childrens' lives. What kind of man is this?

Hmmmmmphhhhh......

You are such a beautiful lady. His dayum loss!! Girl, I pray for nothing but blessings and a wonderful life for you. To know that you were all the way in Iraq away from your family and this jerk is back here making a mockery of your marriage. It will be hard but I know eventually you will forgive him in your heart so that his ignorant ways don't block your blessings. He is not even worth your emotion...it gives him wayyy too much importance. I feel so badly for you and the kids. He's a horrible person to put those kids in the middle of that drama...selfish!!!
Blessings to you my sister. Hang in there.

 

[fuchsiastar]

Queeny, thanks for articulating in words what I am feeling about this matter. Tee, you are definitely a strong, beautiful, and smart woman....hold your head!

Wow I had tears in my eyes reading your posts just imagining what your kids were going through. I know this is a big relief for them too because they were keeping it all inside. As for your ex, let that chick have him. Any man that would put some woman over his kids don't deserve you or the kids anyway!!! ((((HUGS)))) to you and thanks for sharing because I know it was hard. I am looking forward to you updating us on the future fabness your life is about to become for you and your kids. Q