Single women must stay hidden?

I saw this video.

There is nothing in the Bible that supports his viewpoint. There is no scripture that instructs a woman to stay "hidden," and the video makes me believe that this man has no seminary training.

Just because a "pastor" says something, doesn't make it true.
 
Growinpainz said:
wow! stay hidden tho?
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Yeah, I know, that does slightly perplex me. Especially since I've been told the opposite by others; that you can't just sit around waiting for a man to pick you up, you've got to get up and be proactive yourself, otherwise it's not as likely that anything will happen. Hmmm, this is mind boggling :spinning:
 
CherryCherryBoomBoom said:
Yeah, I know, that does slightly perplex me. Especially since I've been told the opposite by others; that you can't just sit around waiting for a man to pick you up, you've got to get up and be proactive yourself, otherwise it's not as likely that anything will happen. Hmmm, this is mind boggling :spinning:
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I will say this.

I do believe that the man should pursue the woman. Not for any Biblical reasons, but simply because I find that my more successful relationships took place when the man went after me. So, I'm not in favor of women doing the pursuit.

HOWEVER... that doesn't equate to being "hidden" either. I think that women should be out and about in places where she can meet the type of men that she wants. Be friendly, be polite, be conversational and then let things go from there.

And same if you're dating online.

All I did was put myself out there so that I could meet more men than I would have otherwise, and then I let them pursue me. :D
 
Bunny77 said:
I will say this.

I do believe that the man should pursue the woman. Not for any Biblical reasons, but simply because I find that my more successful relationships took place when the man went after me. So, I'm not in favor of women doing the pursuit.

HOWEVER... that doesn't equate to being "hidden" either. I think that women should be out and about in places where she can meet the type of men that she wants. Be friendly, be polite, be conversational and then let things go from there.

And same if you're dating online.

All I did was put myself out there so that I could meet more men than I would have otherwise, and then I let them pursue me. :D
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Just out of curiosity, did you meet your fiance online? Congrats on the engagement by the way :D
 
CherryCherryBoomBoom said:
Just out of curiosity, did you meet your fiance online? Congrats on the engagement by the way :D
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Thank you! :)

No, we didn't meet online (although we both did online dating). We met though through a matchmaking/events service for singles that wanted to meet. I had to be proactive by signing up and attending events and telling the organizers that I wanted to meet a man for the purpose of marriage.


So, according to the video, both of us would have been "wrong," because we were "matched." I was not hidden and he did not have to search for me. :rolleyes:


This man obviously does not understand the Jewish tradition of matchmaking... which is how many people in the Bible ended up together, to some degree. The way that my fiance and I met is actually much closer to the ancient model than what this dude in the video is saying.
 
What I found more disturbing than the message was the number of women (mainly SINGLE black women) who are agreeing with him. I often find that when I've lost something it's not because it was hidden but I overlooked what was in plain sight. There's nothing about hiding in the "He who finds a wife passage" that he's basing this video on. His advice is hardly Biblical and goes against what's in Scripture. Esther definitely wasn't "hidden."
 
cheetarah1980 said:
What I found more disturbing than the message was the number of women (mainly SINGLE black women) who are agreeing with him. I often find that when I've lost something it's not because it was hidden but I overlooked what was in plain sight. There's nothing about hiding in the "He who finds a wife passage" that he's basing this video on. His advice is hardly Biblical and goes against what's in Scripture. Esther definitely wasn't "hidden."
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That's what concerned me as well, more than anything this guy actually said.

I'm no seminarian, but I read something from someone who said that in Hebrew, the definition of "find" has nothing to do with the action of "seeking." Like you said, "find" can simply mean, "to discover."

Eve was created when Adam was asleep. When God woke Adam up, there was Eve... Adam "found" her, as in, she was in plain sight. God didn't send Eve away and then tell Adam to go and hunt for this woman that had been created.

Also like you said, Esther wasn't hidden, and neither was Ruth. Every single woman's faaaavorite Biblical man, Boaz, saw Ruth IN PLAIN SIGHT.

Even worse, I found a Facebook group called "Single Women Waiting on the Lord," which uses this man's video as a foundation for their group... :nono:
 
I sincerely wish that a pastor or church would come out with a book or YouTube video outlining the proactive steps women (and men) should take in order to get married. It seems as though the secular market is WAY ahead in this regard. And if many Christians would bother to read these books (i.e. The Rules, any book by Rachel Greenwald, Why Men Love *****es, etc.) they would see that these women don't advocate dating indiscriminately or sexing a man into submission. Instead they give common sense, practical advice such as casting a wide net, not wasting time dating men who aren't marriage minded, presenting your best self, letting him pursue you. If the Christian community, especially the Black church, adopted this approach and then took an active role in executing it you'd see far fewer single ladies in the pews.
 
Umm i have to watch this later.
But you couldn't hide me if you tried seriously im 6 feet tall ,you can see me coming :lachen:.
Seriously though I want to know how one remains hidden. Do i not talk to a man ever. Never look at them? ask them a question? Really is dude serious.
 
cheetarah1980 said:
I sincerely wish that a pastor or church would come out with a book or YouTube video outlining the proactive steps women (and men) should take in order to get married. It seems as though the secular market is WAY ahead in this regard. And if many Christians would bother to read these books (i.e. The Rules, any book by Rachel Greenwald, Why Men Love *****es, etc.) they would see that these women don't advocate dating indiscriminately or sexing a man into submission. Instead they give common sense, practical advice such as casting a wide net, not wasting time dating men who aren't marriage minded, presenting your best self, letting him pursue you. If the Christian community, especially the Black church, adopted this approach and then took an active role in executing it you'd see far fewer single ladies in the pews.
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This is SO true!!!

The funny thing is, I am pretty conservative when it comes to my dating life, and many of the books that you mention actually take on a very conservative mindset that probably fits with most Christian teachings/values.

They tell women to let the man pursue (for the most part), they tell women to have a life of their own, to not mope around waiting for a man to call, to not let men drag their feet, to not chase after men who don't want you, etc.

I also think that the more men you encounter (by that, I mean, just talking to them), the easier it is to know which ones are worth your time. If you are a woman who can recognize signs of true interest, you won't start planning your wedding just because that cute new guy in church smiles at you.

But all of this, "the Lord will send you your husband" mess has too many single Christian women desperate and acting out of character the minute that one man speaks to them because they've been led to believe that they should "do nothing," and have no say or role to play in the development of a relationship.

I found it a million times easier to not get pressed about a man after one date when I abandoned this notion!
 
I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because I think he gets his message tangled. Ultimately I think he's trying to tell women to guard their hearts until a man shows himself worthy. Now that, I can agree with. But equating guarding your heart to never putting oneself out there is a leap and underestimates a woman's ability to discern who she should let into her life after an initial meeting and who she should leave where she found them. But telling a woman to not go out and meet men is basically telling her to stay single forever.
 
Wasn't there another thread saying that the black church is trying to keep black females single!?!? HMMM welll there yah go. I don't believe in not being pro-active about my life. If I want something to change in my life, then darnit I'ma work to change it... to better it.
 
cheetarah1980 said:
I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because I think he gets his message tangled. Ultimately I think he's trying to tell women to guard their hearts until a man shows himself worthy. Now that, I can agree with. But equating guarding your heart to never putting oneself out there is a leap and underestimates a woman's ability to discern who she should let into her life after an initial meeting and who she should leave where she found them. But telling a woman to not go out and meet men is basically telling her to stay single forever.
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That's a good point. Without knowing this man, I can't say anything about his motives. He might have seen one too many single BW come through his church dealing with a broken heart, a child with an absentee father, a history of abuse, etc.

The problem I find with certain messages (not just his) is that they can be taken TOO literally. There's a minister who wrote a book called, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." Apparently, this is the dating (or not-dating) handbook for the teen and early 20s set. It talks about pursuing Christian courtship versus dating the world's way.

Fine... but even the author noted a decade later that a few too many people took it so literally, that they don't even want to talk to a woman/man in their congregation for too long because it might be seen as improper. I read about a study group that read this book in their 20s, and all of them are STILL single.

Sometimes, these messages can retard people's natural instincts to get together... when you get to the point where men have to pray about whether to ask a woman on a date, or when women tell men they want to "pray on it" before accepting a phone number OR a woman saying that a man should come to church with her before she accepts a lunch date... now see...

The church can overcomplicate this whole dating/mating/courtship thing. Yes, we don't want folks to be trying to sex each other before the first date or get sexually involved with every person they date, but we don't have to go to the other extreme where we aren't even available for the possibility of an interaction with someone of the opposite sex!!
 
Bunny77 said:
That's a good point. Without knowing this man, I can't say anything about his motives. He might have seen one too many single BW come through his church dealing with a broken heart, a child with an absentee father, a history of abuse, etc.

The problem I find with certain messages (not just his) is that they can be taken TOO literally. There's a minister who wrote a book called, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." Apparently, this is the dating (or not-dating) handbook for the teen and early 20s set. It talks about pursuing Christian courtship versus dating the world's way.

Fine... but even the author noted a decade later that a few too many people took it so literally, that they don't even want to talk to a woman/man in their congregation for too long because it might be seen as improper. I read about a study group that read this book in their 20s, and all of them are STILL single.

Sometimes, these messages can retard people's natural instincts to get together... when you get to the point where men have to pray about whether to ask a woman on a date, or when women tell men they want to "pray on it" before accepting a phone number OR a woman saying that a man should come to church with her before she accepts a lunch date... now see...

The church can overcomplicate this whole dating/mating/courtship thing. Yes, we don't want folks to be trying to sex each other before the first date or get sexually involved with every person they date, but we don't have to go to the other extreme where we aren't even available for the possibility of an interaction with someone of the opposite sex!!
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I agree with this completely. Christians are taking these messages WAY too literally and winding up in a state of perpetual singledom. I wonder what would happen if a pastor got up in front of the congregation and told all of the singles that they were sponsoring a year long Marriage Drive. What would happen if instead of telling women to hide themselves, keep their legs closed, and not color with themselves either that all of the marrieds and confirmed singles were going to help people who desired marriage reach that goal. If Christians are always saying, "Let God be your matchmaker" wouldn't the LORD use Godly people to do His work?
Being nearly 30 and single you can tell that this is an issue that sits closely to my heart. I've even told my pastors back in MI that telling a woman to pray about whether or not God wants her married is NOT helping. I've encouraged them to be a relationship -->marriage conduit. I'm thinking because they are all married with families they really don't know the urgency that many women rightfully feel when the years go by and they're always a bridesmaid and never a bride. Honestly, I wish there was something more I could do to help women like myself find husbands.
 
OMG..this "pastor" sounds soooooo redundant and he's CLEARLY making no sense at all....

He has to find you but he cant find you like find you somewhere..you have to hide so you can't be found but so he can find you....

LOL...WHAT?!?!?!
 
And the opposite of find is NOT hide. This is one of my issues with people just giving themselves the title of pastor. Why in the world are they diving into the ENGLISH word's meaning when the original text was written in HEBREW. If he delved into the meaning of the Hebrew word that was translated to find that would be far more accurate than basing his whole theory off of the translated word. But that's neither here nor there. The point is that far too many women are falling for this okey doke. And if you read the comments he even said that his assertions about online dating were probably wrong when he made the video because so many marriages are coming from relationships that began online. That just shows you that everything a pastor says doesn't necessarily come from God. Cause if God gave him the message the first time there would be no need to come back over a year later to say that part of the initial message may have been faulty.
 
I laughed a good hearty laugh when I read this. Yeah well I would never have met my fiance if I was hiding. I met him through friends, and I met THEM through a(gasp!) social event (sorry pastor!). If I had stayed home, I would've never met them, and thus I'd be single right now instead of planning my wedding!
 
luckiestdestiny said:
I laughed a good hearty laugh when I read this. Yeah well I would never have met my fiance if I was hiding. I met him through friends, and I met THEM through a(gasp!) social event (sorry pastor!). If I had stayed home, I would've never met them, and thus I'd be single right now instead of planning my wedding!
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Best wishes on your wedding.

A thought: if you stay "hidden" in your house you will definitely be marrying 1) the cable guy; 2) the landlord; 3) the UPS guy; or 4) the garbage man. I'm just sayin....
 
soulie said:
Best wishes on your wedding.

A thought: if you stay "hidden" in your house you will definitely be marrying 1) the cable guy; 2) the landlord; 3) the UPS guy; or 4) the garbage man. I'm just sayin....
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:lachen:

Or not...they may be married, or commitement shy. With only 4 men to choose from you may be in trouble!:spinning::grin:

Er what am I saying? Don't you know you should stay hidden from them too! Send the landlord your check by mail. Put your items out for the ups man to get them (he shouldn't see you!) Put the garbage out at night, hide in the room when the cable guy comes (have a relative come over to open the door). IF they want you...they'll ask about you and then like magic you'll be married!:rolleyes:
 
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