Message to single ladies from Pastor Ken: Become a Proverbs 31 woman

[joy2day]

Grandma and great grandma generally got married at 19 and younger in a lot of instances, out of necessity, they didn't have many options. Not to mention the fact that people were generally a lot more mature back in the day, young men and women running whole farms at like 13. We are a spoiled, impatient generation currently. Back in the day, women generally weren't encouraged to get an education, remember, so they relied on their husbands to provide in most instances and they had to do hard manual labor right along side him. Today, I am sure you know that thanks to education, we as women can take care of ourselves (we don't need men to pay our bills), so this puts a whole new light on what we're even supposed to be about in marriage. Which is why we need preparationfor marriage in TODAY'S world. We are marrying later in life because we chose to do college and career! Nothing wrong with that. However, people are struggling in relationships because you have two alpha, career driven people who don't see the real necessity in staying together or making a commitment to marriage in the first place 'cause they are more about career than relationship...good or bad, that is our society today.


Yes hairlove, we are kinda saying the same thing. I got nothing but love for ya, but I'm really done.

 

[MizzBrown]

Preparation? I'm still trying to figure out what the men need to do to prepare?

They don't have to prepare to do jack.

 

[inthepink]

I think we as women started doing the college and career thing because we HAD to. We had no choice. Women even went to college for the sole purpose of meeting their husband. Many had no intention of getting a job afterward which I why I think many majored in Home Economics.

Those who didn't make it out of college with a husband felt forced to then get a job but usually they'd meet someone and quit work right away.


Now, it seems, we have to do WAY more than major in Home Economics. We'd better major in something that's going to get us a decent job b/c who knows how long we might have to work.

I just think the WHY's have changed a lot over the years.

I enjoy reading lots of books from the 50s time era where women went to Hardvard Radcliffe to find their husbands.

For example, women at 22 back then would fret about being single in the same way that we do at 35+ today. Timing and some details have changed but a lot is the same. So, we have MORE time to prepare (as opposed to 2-3 years of majoring in Home Economics) but do we really need to spend our whole single lives "preparing."

I think now we are told about this preparation thing b/c there is nothing else to tell us. I mean, just HOW much preparation can we do?

I don't even know what I am trying to say anymore.

 

[inthepink]

Preparation? I'm still trying to figure out what the men need to do to prepare?

They don't have to prepare to do jack.

Not in that sense of the word as women are told. They'd just better have some goals and a career going so they can support a family.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I just think Bunny77 and others with the same sentiment are just sick to damn death of being told the fifty-eleven million ways they need to improve if they want to be married. (At ALL. The quality of the man often goes unmentioned)

--Join and gym and take fatburners and sweat with Jillian and do Pilates and lose weight and firm up your but
--buy this and that hairpotion and go to the salon and deep condition and trim your ends and have perfect hair
--take vitamins and eat berries and salad and slather on shea butter and apply fade cream and have perfect skin
--have a makeup consult, pick the perfect colors for you and then never go out without makeup
--stay glued to food network and practice so you can cook like Emeril and Giada
--bust suds and keep your house perfect everyday, no man wants a messy woman
--work hard and have a good job, contribute financially, you have to pull your own weight
--be demure and submissive, a man wants to feel like the man
--be cultured and mannerly, a man needs to know he can take you anywhere and not be embarassed
--don't be so uptight, a man needs a woman he can relax with
--know how to perform certain acts well, it's important to be able to satisfy a man sexually
--oh but don't be a hoe, no man wants a woman who's been with every Tom, Dante and Hakim

But what are the men told? ..... that they have it oh so hard and it's hard to find a good woman. I haven't heard a whole hell of alot about what they need to do to get married.

I'm not against the woman in Proverbs, I more than agree that a woman can bring so much value to the marriage and family in terms of her practical skills.
But she couldn't do all of that without an equally valuable husband, which was Bunny's point I think.

 

[taz007]

--oh but don't be a hoe, no man wants a woman who's been with every Tom, Dante and Hakim

 

[taz007]

^^^ See that is why many men do not go to church! If they knew what they were, according to the bible, "supposed" to do ...

I can break it down if you like ...

 

[Sunshine_One]

^^^ See that is why many men do not go to church! If they knew what they were, according to the bible, "supposed" to do ...

I can break it down if you like ...

Please do! This is a good thread. I'd like to read your point of view.

TIA

 

[inthepink]

I just think Bunny77 and others with the same sentiment are just sick to damn death of being told the fifty-eleven million ways they need to improve if they want to be married. (At ALL. The quality of the man often goes unmentioned)

--Join and gym and take fatburners and sweat with Jillian and do Pilates and lose weight and firm up your but
--buy this and that hairpotion and go to the salon and deep condition and trim your ends and have perfect hair
--take vitamins and eat berries and salad and slather on shea butter and apply fade cream and have perfect skin
--have a makeup consult, pick the perfect colors for you and then never go out without makeup
--stay glued to food network and practice so you can cook like Emeril and Giada
--bust suds and keep your house perfect everyday, no man wants a messy woman
--work hard and have a good job, contribute financially, you have to pull your own weight
--be demure and submissive, a man wants to feel like the man
--be cultured and mannerly, a man needs to know he can take you anywhere and not be embarassed
--don't be so uptight, a man needs a woman he can relax with
--know how to perform certain acts well, it's important to be able to satisfy a man sexually
--oh but don't be a hoe, no man wants a woman who's been with every Tom, Dante and Hakim

But what are the men told? ..... that they have it oh so hard and it's hard to find a good woman. I haven't heard a whole hell of alot about what they need to do to get married.

I'm not against the woman in Proverbs, I more than agree that a woman can bring so much value to the marriage and family in terms of her practical skills.
But she couldn't do all of that without an equally valuable husband, which was Bunny's point I think.

This is all so true. I find myself grasping at straws trying to figure out that flaw I must have that's keeping me from finding someone. Do I not dress well enough? Did I not save enough? Is it b/c I don't polish my nails? What can it be? Then you go and do those things and it's still the same. Nothing changes.

 

[inthepink]

I purchased a book about 6 months ago called "Beautiful in God's Eyes - The Treasures of the Proverbs 31 Woman." I was just looking for a book to grow closer to God.

However, I had to stop reading the book. I just couldn't get through it because the author only talked about the point of view of a married person. Then sometimes occasionally say "oh, if you're single" as a side note.

I didn't see how I could follow through on the things she was talking about when you had to be married to do them.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

So, if the husband is on point, one can't help but be a Proverbs 31 woman

Just my .02

I agree. Obviously the husband was a very big part of the equation. There's this push for women to be perfect in every way but the reality is, there is some emotional and personal growth that can only come from being married. So, it's pointless to keep telling single women that they need to fix something. Are there some single women who need to work on themselves? Of course! But there are many single women who in the present time have great careers, are financially and emotionally stable, in a position to be a wonderful wives and mothers. Since many black women are holding things down quite well, I think the church needs to start focusing on how to encourage men to be the Prov 31 HUSBAND.

 

[taz007]

Ok, here we go ladies. WE WANT A 1 TIMOTHY MAN!!

• He is a LEADER (if he is not currently, that should be his aspiration)
• He is good with his money
• He is faithful to one woman
• He is not a drunkard or drug abuser
• He loves his wife and is not abusive
• He is hospitable
• He manages his household and is a spiritual leader
• He is responsible for the spiritual well being of the children (this is usually put on the wife)

1Timothy 3:1-7
[FONT=&quot]1[/FONT][FONT=&quot] This is a trustworthy saying: “If someone aspires to be an elder,[a] he desires an honorable position.” 2 So an elder must be a man whose life is above reproach. He must be faithful to his wife.[b] He must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home, and he must be able to teach. 3 He must not be a heavy drinker[c] or be violent. He must be gentle, not quarrelsome, and not love money. 4 He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. 5 For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] 6 An elder must not be a new believer, because he might become proud, and the devil would cause him to fall.[d] 7 Also, people outside the church must speak well of him so that he will not be disgraced and fall into the devil’s trap.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] 8 In the same way, deacons must be well respected and have integrity. They must not be heavy drinkers or dishonest with money. 9 They must be committed to the mystery of the faith now revealed and must live with a clear conscience. 10 Before they are appointed as deacons, let them be closely examined. If they pass the test, then let them serve as deacons.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] 11 In the same way, their wives[e] must be respected and must not slander others. They must exercise self-control and be faithful in everything they do.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] 12 A deacon must be faithful to his wife, and he must manage his children and household well. 13 Those who do well as deacons will be rewarded with respect from others and will have increased confidence in their faith in Christ Jesus.[/FONT]

• The man has to be on point financially

1Timothy 1:5
But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.

• Men must be pure

1 Timothy 4:11 (Not just us ladies!)
Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity


There is more, but I gotta spend some time with my (future 1 Timothy) sons.

 

[discobiscuits]

joy2day, what is your point?

(virtuous = of noble character)

i am too through with people throwing the Prov 31 woman up all the time and particularly to unmarried women. it is a standard that unmarried women try to meet and has caused many women emotional pain trying to achieve it and wondering why they don't have a Prov 31 husband and family as they strive to be a Prov 31 woman. the reason for this is primarily the perspective.

if we unmarried women flip the perspective from that of wife to that of a single (whole, complete, able to stand alone) unmarried woman then yes, we all (un/married women) can be a Prov 31 woman of noble character and actualize all of her attributes that apply no matter what marital state we are in.

v.10 She is rare/very difficult to find
v.11 Worthy of trust
v.12 Constant in her love, her love does not waver because of her foundation
v.13 Industrious
v.14 Thrifty/Frugal-finds ways to save her household time and money
v.15 A self-starter
v.16 Enterprising
v.17 Willing to do hard work
v.18 Willing to work long hours
v.19 Willing to do monotonous work (Tediously repetitious or lacking in variety -- boring work)
v.20 Compassionate
v.21 Always prepared for the future
v.22 A seamstress - she has gifts and talents
*v.23 Married to a leader - husband is a firm example as head of his home and Christ is the head of him
v.24 An entrepreneur
v.25 Not swayed by circumstances/grounded faith
v.26 Kind and Wise
v.27 Duty-conscious (focused on her work who she working unto [the Lord])
v.28 Blessed by her family
v.29 Not satisfied with mediocre
v.30 A true Woman of God
v.31 Praiseworthy

 

[discobiscuits]

Taz, i'm posting that to my FB right now!

eta unfortunately this passage is about church leadership not necessarily husbands

Ok, here we go ladies. WE WANT A 1 TIMOTHY MAN!!

 

[taz007]

Taz, i'm posting that to my FB right now!

eta unfortunately this passage is about church leadership not necessarily husbands

Au contraire. Notice what the bible says about the Proverbs 31 woman:

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

Notice that her husband takes his seat among the ELDERS of the land. If he is not an elder or aspiring to be an elder, he is not a 1 Timothy man and therefore is not fulfilling his duties.