Single Christian Men and Sex - So Where Does the Truth Stand?

[chicacanella]

Hey everyone,

it's me again with another question.

But I was just wondering how men are made to desire sex more than women or they have more testosterone (or whatever those hormones are called). So, I was thinking, "What does this mean for the single Christian man?"

I was reading some silly forum and it was talking about how often a man needs sex to survive or something like that. I don't believe this to be true and think that yes, it is important within a marriage. But what do real, single Christian men do and how does this work biologically. What really determines a man's sex drive?

Thanks

 

[PinkPebbles]

It would really be nice to hear this answer from a male's point of view!

IMO I believe single Christian men can control their sex drive. Two of my friends married men that did not engage in premarital sex. Both were in their late twenties when they got married.

Society perpetuates the stereotype that men can not control their sex drive. Therefore, a lot of men are driven by that misconception.

 

[chicacanella]

It would really be nice to hear this answer from a male's point of view!

IMO I believe single Christian men can control their sex drive. Two of my friends married men that did not engage in premarital sex. Both were in their late twenties when they got married.

Society perpetuates the stereotype that men can not control their sex drive. Therefore, a lot of men are driven by that misconception.

Yeah, I believe they can to with an active relationship with God, submitting themselves to His spirit aka trying to do what's right but not in their own strength or power.

I see things slowly coming together regarding my future husband and me and he already knows that I don't play that. God has brought me too far and I know Him too well now to sit up here and mess up. That's my foremost desire is to please God and I know my dad wouldn't want me to do that. Just the thought of it hurts me to know I would hurt Him like that.

I have my boundaries set and I know that when we finally are married, it's on and poppin'!

I really don't think that Christian courting can be compared to the same level as secular dating because most often, Christian couples are led to each other by God and He's been working on each person before they enter the relationship. So, to some it may seem like the "dating" was rather quick but when God's involved, He does things in His timing. Most people say that devout Christians get married quickly but I believe the huge factor that God is involved and makes a big difference in the "getting to know each other" period.

*I kind of went OT a bit so excuse me*

 

[PinkPebbles]

Yeah, I believe they can to with an active relationship with God, submitting themselves to His spirit aka trying to do what's right but not in their own strength or power.



I really don't think that Christian courting can be compared to the same level as secular dating because most often, Christian couples are led to each other by God and He's been working on each person before they enter the relationship. So, to some it may seem like the "dating" was rather quick but when God's involved, He does things in His timing. Most people say that devout Christians get married quickly but I believe the huge factor that God is involved and makes a big difference in the "getting to know each other" period.

I agree!

What helped both my friends' fiance at the time was their relationship with God. Since the male was submitted to God both of my friends were not pressured into premarital sex.

 

[aribell]

Society perpetuates the stereotype that men can not control their sex drive. Therefore, a lot of men are driven by that misconception.

This is it. If you really think about it, society tells men constantly that their sex drive is uncontrollable and that women are to be lusted after. Just like we as godly women have to continually resist being made into sex objects and presenting ourselves as such, I think godly men have to really work on their worldview so that they know that it's simply a lie that they "need" sex, etc.

 

[PinkPebbles]

I think godly men have to really work on their worldview so that they know that it's simply a lie that they "need" sex, etc.

Yes Indeed!

That's why I appreciated the "Marriage and Men" thread. Pastor Mark spoke to the men - man to man. Until more godly men speak out to other men unfortunately this propaganda will continue.

 

[inthepink]

It is so refreshing to hear (at this age) that men CAN control their sex drives. I grew up with the idea that if you even considered a man to be a virgin/celibate after the age of 18, you were expecting way too much. It is just so nice to hear that there are some men out there who are not caught up in sex as the end all be all.

 

[chicacanella]

And ladies, don't get me wrong. I have no problem with sex within marriage but what I do and have had a problem with is men in the past thinking that they are suppose to receive sex in a "relationship" even if they aren't married to you. That's a big problem of mine because they have this idea in their wordly minds that sex is such a big important part of a relationship and as a man, they can not wait six months nor 1 year and as you put it; it's just a big lie!

But truthfully ladies, I do think that for wordly men and Christian men who haven't fully submitted themselves to God it is like literally impossible. Being a true Christian a.k.a. truly striving to live right is not easy and literally impossible without submitting yourselves so in that aspect, these men are right.

Now, I think there is nothing wrong with a married Christian man that loves to make love to his wife physically. There's a big difference between being the creature God created you to be and completely acting as if you have no self control and going against God's will to get what you want.

 

[inthepink]

And ladies, don't get me wrong. I have no problem with sex within marriage but what I do and have had a problem with is men in the past thinking that they are suppose to receive sex in a "relationship" even if they aren't married to you. That's a big problem of mine because they have this idea in their wordly minds that sex is such a big important part of a relationship and as a man, they can not wait six months nor 1 year and as you put it; it's just a big lie!

But truthfully ladies, I do think that for wordly men and Christian men who haven't fully submitted themselves to God it is like literally impossible. Being a true Christian a.k.a. truly striving to live right is not easy and literally impossible without submitting yourselves so in that aspect, these men are right.

Now, I think there is nothing wrong with a married Christian man that loves to make love to his wife physically. There's a big difference between being the creature God created you to be and completely acting as if you have no self control and going against God's will to get what you want.

See, this is another reason why I wish I had been a Christian during teenage and young adult-hood. I think I wouldn't have been so afraid of relationships and I could have stood up for myself a lot better as well as knowing what type of man to seek out.

I definitely grew up thinking it was something a man expected and then when other people (women) talk about it as being a normal part of a relationship, you lose confidence that you can have a relationship without it.

I really wish the world would change on that end. It's so destructing for that belief to be out there.

 

[chicacanella]

See, this is another reason why I wish I had been a Christian during teenage and young adult-hood. I think I wouldn't have been so afraid of relationships and I could have stood up for myself a lot better as well as knowing what type of man to seek out.

I definitely grew up thinking it was something a man expected and then when other people (women) talk about it as being a normal part of a relationship, you lose confidence that you can have a relationship without it.

I really wish the world would change on that end. It's so destructing for that belief to be out there.

Don't worry girl, I didn't know it either until last year when I almost made a huge mistake. I got really disgusted with how men have tried to use me, how they have and was like, "Is this it?"

But I think it is our duty as future parents and parents to teach our children that it is possible to save yourself from marriage. Don't wait to teach them the things of God when they are 10. Before my children are out of the womb - wait, I've been praying for them for the last year- but while they are in the womb I plan on blessing them everyday, reading scripture to them, playing scripture over my womb. I want them to be emersed in the things of God so much that it would be unthinkable to do so much of what the world has tried to make seem okay. We have to teach them how to worship, how to pray, how to study the Word of God...it's up to us.

 

[inthepink]

Don't worry girl, I didn't know it either until last year when I almost made a huge mistake. I got really disgusted with how men have tried to use me, how they have and was like, "Is this it?"

But I think it is our duty as future parents and parents to teach our children that it is possible to save yourself from marriage. Don't wait to teach them the things of God when they are 10. Before my children are out of the womb - wait, I've been praying for them for the last year- but while they are in the womb I plan on blessing them everyday, reading scripture to them, playing scripture over my womb. I want them to be emersed in the things of God so much that it would be unthinkable to do so much of what the world has tried to make seem okay. We have to teach them how to worship, how to pray, how to study the Word of God...it's up to us.

I agree. Sex wasn't even mentioned in my home.

I went to Catholic school and church on Sundays weekly but I still didn't know what a Christian was until 5 years ago. Still, I did grow up as a teenager and young adult wanting to abstain till marriage. I think somewhere I got this notion from Catholic school but I had no real foundation. So when it was questioned, I didn't have a good response. I just knew I felt it was the right thing to do (or not to do). But I felt naive as I began to realize that it probably wasn't possible and if I really wanted a boyfriend, I'd have to be like other girls.

Luckily, for my sake, I made it through (praise God!) and now I have a foundation that no one can shake!

I do think it's something that needs to be discussed in homes. Because while I wasn't dating in high school, college, or even after (not till late 20s!), it wasn't hard for me b/c I didn't have the temptation. But there are and will be girls who do have temptation. And they need a foundation to walk on.

I do hope when we all become parents we can surely hold up to talking to our children honestly about things of the world.

 

[chicacanella]

I agree. Sex wasn't even mentioned in my home.

I went to Catholic school and church on Sundays weekly but I still didn't know what a Christian was until 5 years ago. Still, I did grow up as a teenager and young adult wanting to abstain till marriage. I think somewhere I got this notion from Catholic school but I had no real foundation. So when it was questioned, I didn't have a good response. I just knew I felt it was the right thing to do (or not to do). But I felt naive as I began to realize that it probably wasn't possible and if I really wanted a boyfriend, I'd have to be like other girls.

Luckily, for my sake, I made it through (praise God!) and now I have a foundation that no one can shake!

I do think it's something that needs to be discussed in homes. Because while I wasn't dating in high school, college, or even after (not till late 20s!), it wasn't hard for me b/c I didn't have the temptation. But there are and will be girls who do have temptation. And they need a foundation to walk on.

I do hope when we all become parents we can surely hold up to talking to our children honestly about things of the world.

Yes, as I've said before we need to be as mothers (and also fathers) teaching our daughters how to be women and wives. I think that the American culture is far too lax on children and focuses so much on school or academics that it forgets that one day these children will be wives, mothers, husbands and fathers. A virtuous woman doesn't just wake up and become a virtuous woman. These things are taught and the U.S. nation doesn't teach our children or rather Christians don't teach their children how to be wives and husbands.

I also believe that (yes again) people get married much older than what is intended and end up fornicating because they were in the world for so long. So during the time where for instance, I could have been in lifelong training of being a virtuous woman and really having a close relationship with God I was out playing in the world at 16. I believe if most people would stay on course, the marriage age would totally drop.

 

[inthepink]

I agree with you. And what's remarkable is that there ARE stories out there of people who married young and you see them grow and grow - in education, in work, and marriage and parenthood. Maybe there's a misconception that you can't have it all when you really could....if we are given the tools. (Obviously not that simple but hopefully I got my point across.)

 

[Jenibo]

I'm a Christian young lady and I am saving myself for marriage and when I pray for my husband I am specific. I must admit that I did find it hard to believe that a young man my age could be a virgin so I was afraid to ask God for a virgin man and I even went as far as asking "can he at least be abstinate?" <That is not bad but I truly want a virgin man so that I will not be compared to former girls or he will end up having to "teach me"...I want us to learn together. (exits thread and prays for virgin man)

 

[momi]

I'm a Christian young lady and I am saving myself for marriage and when I pray for my husband I am specific. I must admit that I did find it hard to believe that a young man my age could be a virgin so I was afraid to ask God for a virgin man and I even went as far as asking "can he at least be abstinate?" <That is not bad but I truly want a virgin man so that I will not be compared to former girls or he will end up having to "teach me"...I want us to learn together. (exits thread and prays for virgin man)

Good for you! I want to encourage you to continue to hold out honey - and yes there are young men out there that are saving themselves for marriage. Unfortunately they are often overlooked - I pray that The Lord will give you His eyes to see when the young man that he sends comes!

I am no authority on the subject, but I believe that generally men have higher sex drives. If society and the church began to teach that sex is reserved for marriage MANY more men would marry earlier and marry already prepared for marriage. Their God-given need for sex can serve to be a motivator for marriage. Right now many of them dont appear to be interested because they can have ALL their needs met outside of marriage.

 

[momi]

Yes, as I've said before we need to be as mothers (and also fathers) teaching our daughters how to be women and wives. I think that the American culture is far too lax on children and focuses so much on school or academics that it forgets that one day these children will be wives, mothers, husbands and fathers. A virtuous woman doesn't just wake up and become a virtuous woman. These things are taught and the U.S. nation doesn't teach our children or rather Christians don't teach their children how to be wives and husbands.

I also believe that (yes again) people get married much older than what is intended and end up fornicating because they were in the world for so long. So during the time where for instance, I could have been in lifelong training of being a virtuous woman and really having a close relationship with God I was out playing in the world at 16. I believe if most people would stay on course, the marriage age would totally drop.

I completely agree! That is why I am a strong supporter of integrated family style worship instead of "childrens church" and "youth ministry" - as if there is a seperate salvation track for youth. When we all learn together we are able to see biblical role models - from the youngest to the oldest... I guess that is another thread though!

 

[inthepink]

Good for you! I want to encourage you to continue to hold out honey - and yes there are young men out there that are saving themselves for marriage. Unfortunately they are often overlooked - I pray that The Lord will give you His eyes to see when the young man that he sends comes!

I am no authority on the subject, but I believe that generally men have higher sex drives. If society and the church began to teach that sex is reserved for marriage MANY more men would marry earlier and marry already prepared for marriage. Their God-given need for sex can serve to be a motivator for marriage. Right now many of them dont appear to be interested because they can have ALL their needs met outside of marriage.

Great points that you've written here!

At what point should you find out a man's sexual history?

 

[momi]

Great points that you've written here!

At what point should you find out a man's sexual history?

I would think that such intimate things should not come up for either party until things are pretty far along in the courtship process - (unless STD's will be a consideration in the marriage)